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"No Alibi"

No Alibi is a recent release. It had a theatrical release in March of this year, but has gotten to video pretty quickly, so it must not have done much. There are no reviews on line that I could find. 25 votes at IMDB give it a 5.6 (roughly 2.5 stars), and that is about right. IT is watchable, but not memorable.

Dean Cain is a successful investment banker in New York. His little brother borrows his car, and hi-jacks a warehouse for a trunk-full of VCRs. Imagine his surprise when they end up being full of money. As you might suspect, someone misses their $1.5 million, and send Lexa Doig to seduce and trap the owner of the car that was used. Lexa eventually figures out that it was Cain's brother, and lures him into a trap. She also falls for Cain in the process. Cain swears revenge on whoever killed his brother.

Acting is good, Lexa, who has a respectable 21 credits at IMDB is a lovely Eurasian, and the sex scenes between the two have some heat. All in all, it should keep you awake while eating a bag of microwave pop corn.

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  • Lexa Doig (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    "Heart of Light" (1997)

    The art house standout for this week's new releases is Heart of Light (1997). It is the first film ever shot entirely in Greenland and in the Inuit language. The original title is Lysets hjerte. It is a kind of parable of the struggle by native Greenlanders to maintain respect, pride, and some culture after coming under the rule of a modern "advanced" nation, in this case, Denmark. The story centers around Rasmus, who is a worthless drunk. He is always talking about hunting, but never manages to do it. When one of his sons kills some friends and then himself, Rasmus sets off on a journey of self-discovers by dog sled. A hermit finds him and helps guide him.

    The first part of the film is simple narrative, and could be about nearly any native population after colonization. The second part of the film deals more with Rasmus learning about his culture, Inuit mythology, the part he played in the decline of his civilization and his coming to grips with himself.

    This is for the art house folks. The imagery is very effective. The dialogue, unless you are fluent in Inuit, is very choppy with the subtitles. Some of the themes are over-explained, and some are just barely hinted at. Overall, it is a good art house experience.

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  • Laila Rasmussen (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Johnny Web
    "A Further Gesture", aka "The Break" (1996)

    I never heard of it before, but it's a pretty decent movie

    It's a thriller about an IRA operative who escapes from a Belfast prison and makes his way to the USA with false documents.

    He fully intends to stay out of terrorism, but he finds that life without a real ID is difficult. He works as a dishwasher and lives in a seedy hotel, and he's learning how to live with it when he interferes in a domestic dispute among druggies. He winds the fight, but the woman he helps stabs him.

    Now what. If he goes to a hospital, they find out who he is and send him back to jail. If he stays, he dies.

    He is accidentally found by one of his fellow dishwashers who has to cover his shift. That man and his Guatemalan friends and family nurse the Irishman back to life, and he ends up involved in their lives which, by the most unbelievable of coincidences, involves terrorism.

    Setting that unlikely plot twist aside, it has a good atmospheric presentation, a really unexpected surprise ending, and an excellent performance from that infinitely world-weary Irish actor, Stephen Rea (The Crying Game).

    If you like light-hearted entertainment, this is not for you, but if you enjoy a look at the grittier side of life, it's worth a rental. As of this moment, it is a Blockbuster exclusive. There is no DVD. The VHS is not available for rent elsewhere, and not available for sale anywhere.

    There is some brief nudity from an actress named Rosana Pastor, who normally appears only in Spanish-language movies, but who did fine in her role here.

    IMDB summary: 6.0 out of 10.

  • Pastor

    "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" (1975)

    No comment. Could there be anyone who doesn't know what this is?

    When I lived in Europe, I once played Rocky in a community theater production of the stage version. In English, of course. It was probably the highlight of my acting career, which is pretty strong evidence of just how bad I sucked. When you consider that I was in my early 40's at the time, it is also pretty good evidence of how desperate the theater company was.

    Anyway, did you know there was a sequel to the movie?

    Director Jim Sharman, despite the landmark visual styling of Rocky Horror and the cult/camp status it achieved, never again directed any movie of any significance. One of his obscure efforts, in fact the last one, was the obscure 1981 Rocky Horror Sequel, called Shock Treatment.

    Richard O'Brien, who wrote the original script and played Riff Raff In "Rocky Horror", also wrote and starred in the sequel. I haven't seen it, and didn't know of its existence until about ten minutes before I wrote these words.

    Here's an interesting article about the sequel.

    Anyway, Rocky Horror has just been released in a new two-disk set. It is a good special edition.

    Disk one has two versions of the movie (USA theatrical release and UK release). If you play it on a DVD-ROM drive, it also includes some trivia games, screensavers, and other surprises.

    Disk two has about a dozen outtakes, two deleted musical numbers, a VH1 video, trailers, a karaoke sing-a-long, a documentary on the making of the picture, and a misprinted ending.

    But there is no nudity anywhere on any portion of the disk.

    IMDB summary: 6.5 out of 10.

    DVD info from Amazon.

    CD soundtrack info from Amazon

    VHS info from Amazon about the sequel.

    CD soundtrack info from Amazon about the sequel.

  • Sarandon (1, 2)
  • Quinn

    "Vivid" aka "Luscious" (1999)

    OK, it was a bad day for new releases. The two biggest video releases, Skulls and U-571, didn't even come out on DVD, and the small new titles had virtually nothing we are interested in.

    So I decided to return to the classics. Unfortunately, the Blockbuster clerk had a hearing problem, and when I said Kurosawa, he thought I said Kari Wuhrer. So here we have Vivid instead of Kagemusha.

    This movie is so dull that I can't remember how it ended. I know that an artist has a mental block and can't create paintings or even get it up for his live-in. Until one day when he throws a tantrum and dumps a can of paint on his girlfriend/model. This turns them both on, they start rubbing paint all over each other, they start making it like minxes, and they solve the artistic block at the same time, because they enjoy playing the beast with two backs while they are on his canvases.

    This goes on for -well, for pretty much the entire Kama Sutra, and maybe a few of the sequels, like the Kama Longwithme and the Kama N'down.

    His agent is thrilled at the new passion in his work, and his woman is thrilled by the new passion in his heart. Then some bad stuff happens, and then they work it out. Or something.

    As erotic thrillers go, it gets no stars for thrilling. Except for a very few lines, Shellen and Wuhrer have all the dialogue. The whole movie is basically just two people locked in one room (keeps the budget down), and frankly I couldn't keep my hands off the remote. In addition their acting was inconsistent. Some scenes are quite natural and convincing, while others are blocked and acted with limited forethought.

    On the other hand, the sensual stuff is good. Kari wanders around stark naked, both with and without paint jobs, and the scenes where they make love and mix the paint colors is really erotic, and it's done in good light with clear photography.

    Well, at least I thought it was great the first few times they did it. I did get tired of it after a while, though, since they just kept repeating the same device with the same two people, albeit in different positions and with different colors. If they had added some more people or some different gimmicks, it could have been hotter. Anyway, it is still pretty good erotica, and if you like to watch sexy movies with your wife or girlfriend, this one may turn you both on.

    IMDB summary: 4.1 out of 10. Yup, that's about where it belongs.

    DVD info from Amazon.

  • Wuhrer (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    Talkin' baseball)

    You know that Tuna and I like to be out there first with the new movie releases.

    Well, I also like to get out there first with my other passion, baseball analysis. The regular season ended Sunday, and the year-end stats are now available. I took my first pass at the analytical questions. Which team really had the best offense? Who should the MVP's be? Were there any memorable records set? What were the park adjustments for the year?

    One National Leaguer joined an annual achievement club rarer than hitting .400. Who is he, and what did he become only the fourth National League in history to do, and only the ninth man ever? ..... Is it a good thing? Well, let me put it this way. The inactive players who have done it are Foxx, Ruth, Greenberg, Gehrig, Musial, Hornsby and Chuck Klein. So, yeah, you might say it's a pretty damned good achievement.

    Read it all by clicking here.

  • Brainscan
    Comments by Brainscan:


    Carla Hidalgo
    (1, 2)

    Katie Orgil
    (1, 2)

    Kristen Imrie
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Ah yes, the art of the unrevealing nude picture, this time as practiced by Chilli of TLC.

    And by Carla Hidalgo, Spanish actress who appeared in vidcaps in last week's Funhouse. At least she has the indecency to show us a little fanny (or in her case, a rather large fanny).

    More revealing are a couple of scans from one of Brainscan's Favorite Page 3 Girls, Katie Orgil. Cute as a button that one.

    MUCH more revealing are the last several scans of another of page 3 babe, Kristen Imrie, posed with a red Corvette. She is hot.. real hot... the distilled essence of hot. Can you imagine a Wendy's type commercial in which you are asked to choose between Kristen and the Vette? Some of my friends have gotten old enough to choose the Vette. Shoot me before I reach that age.

    Oh yes, and a comment prompted by the latest Phoebe Cates caps. You once opined, Junior, that Showgirls is the most capped movie on the web; and if you mean by that "the movie with the greatest number of capped images" youse is probably right... although Embrace of the Vampire ain't too far behind. But if you mean the movie capped by the greatest number of cappers OR if you adjust for the amount of time in the movie occupied by naked babes... well then I give you Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Every damn frame of Phoebe's 3.2 second fantasy strip scene has been capped by fifty people, easy. The scene is immortal, indestructible. If a nuclear war breaks out tomorrow the three things to survive will be rats, roaches and vidcaps of Phoebe Cates taking off her bikini top. Not that I'm complaining or anything.

    Jr Here: Amen to that! As a little Scoopy growing up on the mean streets of suburbia, several moments in time stand out in my memory as key turning points that would shape the man I would someday become. America's Bicentennial, 1976. Star Wars, 1977. The Scoopy family's first VCR, 1978. Scoop's mom buying a Trans Am, 1979. Cable TV, 1980. And Phoebe showing off her perfect boobs in "Fast Times...", (1982). It wasn't the first time I had seen boobs, but probably the first time that I was old enough to really understand what I was I was looking at! Such a fine example too!

    By the way, the most recent posts were in the October 2nd edition, courtesy of RDO.

    Florence Guérin
    (1, 2, 3)
    All kinds of exposure from 1985's "Le Déclic".
    Kathy Shower
    (1, 2)
    I've mentioned "The Further Adventures of Tennessee Buck" a few times as the winner of my quest for the worst movie ever made. To refresh your memories. My search parameters were movies available on VHS, made between 1980-something and 1993 (when I stopped looking). I also ruled out many obvious stinkers, and tried to focus on titles that tried to be "real movies". "Tennessee Buck" was released in 1988 and was directed by and starred David Keith. Quite simply it is a horrible, horrible rip off of "Indiana Jones" Everything about this movie is just pure garbage. The acting is semi-competent, but that's part of what makes it so bad. Had the actors been delivering lines late night skinemax style, at least I could have at least laughed at this one. But nope, Keith really wanted to be and Indiana Jones action hero.

    The only thing marginally redeeming about this movie is the scene where Kathy Shower gets oiled up by the natives before being raped by the the tribal chief.

    Surprisingly, Maltin gave this one 2 1/2 stars. Once again proving that his taste is questionable at best.

    Comments by Oz:
    There's not a lot of nudity in today's collages, in fact there's almost none. But at least all of these ladies are wearing very little, or showing some very pleasant sights.

    Claire Forlani
    (1, 2)
    Claire stars in Meet Joe Black and gets her clothes off for Brad Pitt, not the first person to do so I gather. The film story was totally unoriginal and only for the fans.
    Alicia Silverstone
    (1, 2)
    Given the comment in the Fun House a couple of days ago, I wasn't going to send this. The film is Excessive Baggage and Alicia shows some pokies. Things must have warmed up during the scene as they 'disappeared' as the scene progressed.
    (1, 2, 3)
    The film is Swinger and was made in 1966, so you can't expect much exposure. However, Ann-Margret does make an interesting canvas.
    Jennifer Tilly Jennifer has a couple of big assets and she shows them in this lovely cleavage cap from another ubiquitous Wild On episode. I think she was modeling for a calendar somewhere in SE Asia.
    Valeria Marini If you have seen the film Bombala then you know what wonderful assets that Valeria has. In these caps taken from the Italian film Incontri proibiti (Forbidden Encounters) then you get some idea of what she has to offer.
    Jenilee Harrison Jenilee shows some pokies in the 1984 film Tank. The film was a quite enjoyable comedy - no thinking required.
    and ...
    Liz Hurley Excuse me while I wipe the drool off my chin. We all know that Liz is gorgeous, shagadelic, smokin', etc. But still...this B&W is one of the sexiest pictures of Liz I've ever seen! A very special thanks to Bad Ax.
    Sindee Cox
    (1, 2, 3, 4)
    New hardcore 'caps by Scanman. Here is Sindee hard at work in scenes from "The Audition".
    Sara St. James
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
    Better known as Jacqueline Lovell. Here she playing with herself in variety of ways in one of her solo hardcore videos. Vidcaps by Scorpion.
    Loryn Locklin
    (1, 2)
    Scenes from the sci-fi movie "Fortress". Not a bad flick actually. A decent watch for fans of the genre, with plenty of action and good effects. The only drawbacks are:
    1.Not enough nudity from the female stars (a problem for most movies)
    2.Christopher Lambert

    I have no idea why they picked the Highlander for a Schwarzenegger-esque role. With very minor script changes and Arnold running around with no sleeves on his shirt, killing everyone with extreme prejudice instead of could have easily called this "Total Recall 2" and made a bundle of cash.

    Ashley Richardson
    (1, 2)
    From Pichound. Here is Ashley from the '93 SI swimsuit video.
    Amanda Ryan Topless, lingerie, and some excellent thong vidcaps by Watty from "The Hunger", Episode "The Swords".
    The Funnies
    You're a child of the 80's IF...

    * You know what "Psyche!" means.
    * You know the profound meaning of "Wax on,Wax off."
    * You know that another name for a keyboard is a "Synthesizer."
    * You can sing the McDonald's Big Mack, Filet-o-fish, quarter pounder, and French fry song.
    * You know who Mr. T is.
    * You know who Fat Albert is. And who was old boy with the pink mask? (Donald, although he is often mistaken for Mush Mouth)
    * You ever wore fluorescent, neon clothing.
    * You could breakdance, or wish you could.
    * You wanted to be The Hulk for Halloween.
    * You Believed that "By the power of Greyskull, you HAD the power!"
    * Partying "like it's 1999" seemed SO far away.
    * You thought that Transformers were more than meets the eye.
    * You knew that knowing is half the battle.
    * You wanted to be on Star Search.
    * You can remember Michael Jackson when he was black.
    * You remember the garbage pail kids, and owned some.
    * You knew what Willis was "talkin' 'bout."
    * You knew what scooby and shaggy meant by "Rut row raggy." and "Zoinks"
    * You HAD to have your MTV.
    * You remember when ATARI was a state of the art video game system.
    * You owned any LP's. * You were led to believe that in the year 2000 we'd all be living on the moon.
    * You remember and/or owned any of the Care Bear Glasses collection from Pizza Hut or the Muppets glasses from McDonalds
    * Poltergeist freaked you out.
    * You knew who Ben Stein was before you could win his money, "Bueller?"
    * You carried your lunch to school in a Gremlins, ET, Dukes of Hazzard, Knight Rider, Strawberry Shortcake or A-Team lunch box.
    * You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the ONLY female smurf.
    * You wore your Izod shirt with the collar up.
    * You had a Swatch Watch with the Swatch Guard.
    * Your Legos collection started with the free sets in a Happy Meal.
    * You remember when Happy Meals came in a box, not a paper bag.
    * You remember when Saturday Night Live was funny.
    * You had Underoos.
    * You know what a "Push Up" ice cream is.
    * You had to come in the house when the street lights came on.
    * You had to change into play clothes after school.
    * You owned, or knew somebody with a Commodore 64.
    * You recorded songs off the radio with your boom box.
    * You wish you had a light saber.
    * You have ever said, "Gag me with a spoon."
    * You have ever wondered what happened to Saturday morning cartoons.
    * You had to get up to change the channel.
    * You can still sing 1 to 12 from the Pinball machine on Sesame Street.

    Click Here!