Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Body Language (1995) is a "beautiful scheming woman dupes vulnerable lawyer into murdering her husband" film. Does that sound a lot like an earlier film? Well, I suppose that Body Heat may have provided some  ... um ... inspiration. This time Tom Berenger plays the lawyer, and Heidi Schanz is the conniving wench. It was a quickie made by HBO films, and it's barely watchable, even for genre buffs.  It has some positives: the director maintained tension throughout several key scenes, and there some decent performances from Nancy Travis and Robert Patrick in secondary roles, but there are too many countervailing weaknesses. There's not much atmosphere, nothing really unexpected happens, the characters are generic, and there's no humor. The greatest problem is that there's no sexual electricity between the leads. Tom Berenger looked old, out of shape, and passionless, while Heidi Schanz seemed completely miscast.

Schanz is tall and fairly pretty, but not exquisitely beautiful, and she didn't have either the stunning body or the vulnerable sexiness required for the role. Of course, a good actress like Gwyneth Paltrow might have been able to overcome a thin body, small breasts, and a less-than-beautiful face to play this role, but Heidi just didn't have enough acting ability to create a convincing femme fatale from her unimposing physical appearance, and she didn't have enough dancing ability to be a convincing stripper. She had a decent B-list career going in the late 90s, with small parts in some big films, and a lead in this small film. Then in 2001 she could do no better than two unnamed characters (Stewardess, Model), and after that her IMDb credits simply dried up altogether. A Google search doesn't turn up much info. Whatever happened to her?

Heidi Schanz

Mim Parker


'Clips and comments by ICMS

 Today we cross the Channel into the 51st state, you know, the one where they drive on the left, have their own currency and a monarch instead of a governor as head of state.

  • Anyway, in 1971's "Twins of Evil" a topless Madeleine Collinson tries to sink her teeth into some poor guy, but you'll learn never to underestimate the power of the cross.
  •  Barbara Windsor concludes this short contribution in a shy topless appearance from "Carry On Girls" (1973).

Here is part 2 of Brainscan's homage to one of, if not the single most productive vidcapper ever...our very own Tuna. As he mentioned yesterday, these are a few edits covering the very wide range of Tuna's subject matter. Every thing from A-listers to Unknowns from obscure Troma movies.

Juliette Alexander doing a little brass pole work in a scene from "My Best Friend's Wife" (2001).

Italian mega-babe Monica Bellucci showing off her wonderful chest in scenes from "Malèna" (2000).

70's porn legend Rene Bond bares all 3 B's in scenes from "Country Cuzzins". (1970).

Rebekah Carlton, the Kiwi born/Aussie raised model-turned-actress topless in yet another lame installment to the never-ending Leprechaun series. Here she is in "Leprechaun 4: In Space" (1997).

Valentina Forte showing off her bum (plus a little bit of breast exposure) in scenes from the Italian movie "Inferno in diretta" aka "Cut and Run" (1985).

Zoe Gregory playing a topless dancer in scenes from the direct-to-vid movie "The Prophet's Game" (1999), starring Dennis Hopper.

Former Heffer-o-the-year (1998) Karen McDougal. Here she is baring breasts and bum in scenes from the very lame 2001 'remake' of the 1974 Pam Grier movie "The Arena".

Kristin Minter topless in the decent direct-to-vid flick "Tick Tock" (2000).

The multi-Oscar nominated Julianne Moore topless in "The End of the Affair" (1999).

Lisa Rae Moore showing off a very nice chest in scenes from her one and only film, "Teenage Catgirls in Heat" (1997).

From the 1999 Spanish movie "Cuarteto de La Habana", here is Laura Ramos going topless.

Here is busty B-favorite Peggy Trentini topless in a shower scene from "Thy Neighbor's Wife" aka "Poison" (2001).

Another long-time B-favorite, Kari Wuhrer showing a brief bit of breast in more scenes from "Poison".

Crimson Ghost
Today from the Ghost...Skinemax legend and former Pet Shauna O'Brien (pre-implants). Here she is baring all in a few scenes from an episode of the late night series "Beverly Hills Bordello." Also along for the ride is "Red Shoe Diaries" and "Emmanuell in Space" co-star Angela Cornell.

Shauna O'Brien

Shauna O'Brien and Angela Cornell having some very mild lesbian fun.

'Caps and comments by Hankster:

Today we finally come to the end for "Lust Connection". And it's all Avy Scott and her luscious melons as she gives our super stud a real workout. I think hers was the most convincing performance.

Avy Scott

'Caps and comments by Dann:

"Prozac Nation"
Late to the party again, now that the feeding frenzy over Christina Ricci's nude scene in Prozac Nation is over, here's my version. You may be surprised to learn there were actually about 97 minutes of film besides the nude scene in this 2001 drama, and they were pretty good also.

After attending Harvard in the mid 80's to be a journalist, struggling with personal problem including depression, and getting by mostly with the help of Prozac, Elizabeth Wurtzel wrote a novel based on her experiences. It was widely acclaimed and won awards, and the movie was adapted from the book. It was not released in the U.S. until 2005 when it debuted on the Starz! cable network, and then was released on DVD. This may be at least partly because author Wurtzel called the movie "horrible", and also because she was credited with some comments about 9/11 that some people considered offensive, a real no-no in the ultra-politically correct 21st century.

All this is sad, because I personally found the movie very good. These types of stories are very difficult to turn into an interesting movie, but the filmmakers succeeded admirably, and the outstanding acting by Christina Ricci and the rest of the cast made it even better. My suggestion: see the other 97 minutes.

Christina Ricci

Another look at Anne Hathaway's long awaited first topless scene! Here she is in "Havoc" (2005). Currently the DVD is set to be released on November 29.

Before she became "J-Lo", she was just another actress playing the "love interest" opposite much bigger stars. Here is Jennifer Lopez topless in a love scene with Wesley Snipes from "Money Train" (1995).

Movie Reviews


Here are the latest movie reviews available at


  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Other Crap
Kate Moss - doing lines of coke (video)

"Star Wreck: In the Pirkinning" is now available from its creators as a free download.

  • "The first Finnish full-length scifi parody is made from astounding special effects, action and loads of dark humour. It is the product of a core group of five Finns and many people who've helped us during the seven years it has been in the making."

British tourists warned that Florida locals could shoot them.

  • "Damn, Rufus. I told you it was dumb to tell everyone about those new hunting seasons on gators and Brits. Shoulda done it all quiet-like."

Daily Box Office - Friday, September 30, 2005 - Some New Films Disappoint.

  • Serenity was predicted to win the weekend, but on Friday it could not unseat last week's winner, Flightplan.
  • Into the Blue was expected to compete for the #1 spot, but on Friday it did less than A History of Violence
  • A History of Violence was the winner for the day. It was on 1300 screens, a small number by the standard of wide releases, but finished fourth overall, and first in the "average per screen" category. The reviews for this film were generally outstanding.
  • "The Greatest Game Ever Played" performed about as expected, finishing eighth on 1000 screens

"WILDFIRES FORCE BRITNEY OUT OF HOME " ... and even Federline is considering getting out of bed. But only because he has run out of Marlboros and needs to run to 7-Eleven. Boy where is FEMA when we really need them to protect our most precious natural resource - celebrities.

Muslims win ban on Winnie the Pooh and Piglet!

The Top 11 Fictional Bands. I preferred Eddie and the Cruisers to some of their choices.

Welcome to the killing fields cafe...

  • "A new Cambodian cafe is offering diners a slice of life under the Khmer Rouge, with a menu featuring rice-water and leaves, and waitresses dressed in the black fatigues worn by Pol Pot's ultra-Maoist guerrillas. Newly opened across the road from Phnom Penh's notorious Tuol Sleng 'S-21' Khmer Rouge interrogation and torture center, the cafe is meant to remind Cambodians of the 1975-1979 genocide in which an estimated 1.7 million people died."
  • Because if mass extermination won't whet your appetite, what will?
  • Their top menu item: "Duck L'Orange Agent"
  • I think they should convert the whole neighborhood to the whole genocide theme: name the hospital after Dr. Mengele, open a "Japanese Comfort Woman" bordello, and I don't even want to think about the lamp store.

Funny and tasteless -- my kind of entertainment ... The new film "Waiting" offers you a new breakroom poster.

The Smoking Gun: Florida's Felonious Fogeys

Government Study: Poor Blacks Attract Hurricanes

National Geographic has a live webcam on a popular African watering hole, and you can see some pretty lively stuff there. It's addictive.

SATAN'S SUPERMODELS. Cover girls sell their souls to Satan, expert says!

  • "Before they sold their souls to Satan, most of these women had faces that would stop a clock -- you'd be stunned at what plain Janes they were," claims Harold Iggleton, author of the upcoming book, Satan's Supermodels: The Untold Story of Devil-Worship in the Fashion Industry.
  • I would definitely read that if it really existed!

"Hairy crabs seen as posing health risk" ... Ed Asner is especially contagious. (You have to see the picture accompanying this article.)

Conan looks at local TV political ads for the "Too Much Information" party.

Three gazillion clips from In Her Shoes, the latest starring vehicle for Cameron Diaz.

Two clips from Nic Cage's latest, The Weather Man

The trailers and three clips from Three... Extremes , a horror anthology from three different Asian directors.

The trailer for Running Scared

  • "Paul Walker ('The Fast and the Furious') stars in the fast-paced crime drama 'Running Scared' from critically acclaimed director Wayne Kramer ('The Cooler'). Walker plays a low-level mobster who, in order to save his family, must recover a gun used in a mob hit before it's found by his bosses or the cops."

The trailer for Alpha Dog, a new Nick Cassavetes film based on the life of Jesse James Hollywood, a drug dealer who became one of the youngest men ever to be on the FBI's most wanted list. It stars Emile Hirsch and also features Justin Timberlake, Bruce Willis, and Sharon Stone. (NOTE: click on the Cyrillic writing to the right of the Windows symbol and to the left of "22.3")

WTF is wrong with Mindy McCready?

Workaholic Renee Zellweger eyes horror flick after Beatrix Potter biopic

Did you see the revised trailer for The Shining? Great stuff. From the same guy ... Here's another of those crazy trailers - West Side Story.

Steve-O of Jackass is so sloshed he doesn't know he's on Adam Corolla's Show. Adam thought it would be funny to let Steve have a few drinks in the Green Room. Steve may have had a few dozen too many.

2005 NFL Cheerleading Tour Day 16 : Jacksonville Jaguars

We return to my new home state of Florida with a stop in Jacksonville. The franchise came into the league in 1995 with the Carolina Panthers. They, as well as their expansion brethren, shocked the league by making it all the way to the conference title game the following season. The Jags made it back to the title game in 1999, only to lose to the Tennessee Titans. This was only their third loss of the season, and ironically all defeats came at the hands of Tennessee. Jacksonville slipped into a bit of a slump after that, but has come back strong. The are considered as one of the up-and-coming teams in the NFL under-second year coach Jack Del Rio.

The Jacksonville Roar have been roaming the sidelines since 1995, and have upheld Florida's fine reputation for being the home of beautiful women. This squad has no shortage of heart stoppers. The web site for the Roar is short and sweet. The sweet stuff is highlighted by a multimedia section with video bios and clips from the swimsuit calendar. Some photos from the 2005 auditions can be found if you are willing to look for it. But sadly, that is about it. Hopefully we can see more from this crew in years to come. The girls and their uniforms are nice, but the lack of content of the web site brings the ranking down. I hate to tell Taekwondo Instructor Aubrey that the Roar only scores in the middle of the pack.

Rating 7.0 out of 10.

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