"What's Past is Past"
What's Past is Past (15 Oct 1999) is the 7th episode of the Cinemax series Pleasure Zone. This one radically deviates from the usual format in that there is only one naked woman, Tess Broussard, and only three sex scenes. Tess and her friend are at a club lamenting their lack of boyfriends. A guy asks Tess to dance, and she has a fantasy about having sex with him, then finds he is a total creep on the dance floor. Next, a married guy hits on her. She finally takes a guy home the next Friday night, but he turns out to be a mama's boy. It is then that her friend gives her a guest subscription to Pleasure Zone, where she finds the guy she had a crush o in High School.
When they finally meet, he is the same self-obsessed jerk he was in High School, and she ends up with the waiter in the restaurant, which accounts for the third and final sex scene. No tricky lighting this time. and Tess shows breasts, buns, and the area where a bush would be. The sex is a little tepid, but she does a pretty good strip near the end. This is a low C, almost to the C- range, and would probably offer more to women viewers than men, as it shows the difficulties of dating from the women's perspective.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Boat Trip (2003)
It is easy to say that a movie sucks, but that
doesn't accurately convey the proper depth of suckiosity. One may
say, for example, that Britney Spears sucks as a singer, and that
Bill Shatner sucks as a singer, but those statements fail to convey
the fact that Shatner sucks a whole lot deeper. Britney merely sucks
compared to Aretha Franklin. Shatner's singing sucks compared to the
whale who starred in Free Willy. Shatner even goes beyond our meager
human ability to imagine degrees of suckitiude. If an author created
him, we would not believe or understand the creation. It is only his
very existence which enables us to envision the specific degree of
cosmic suckiosity he achieves. Indeed, even the cosmos must stand
back in awe, since he comes close to the sucking power of a black
... or even of Yoko Ono.
This brings us to Boat Trip. It is simply not enough
to say how bad it sucks, since you will not be able to imagine it.
It is beyond the very conceptualizing power of even the greatest
human minds, or our greatest super computers. In a world in which
everything sucked, they would still notice how bad this film sucks.
In a world populated by the stars of Boat Trip, they would consider
Jason Lee a comedy genius on a par with Chaplin, and Road House
would be one of Shakespeare's greatest works. In a world in which
Carol Channing could star in Madame Butterfly without attracting any
notice, people would still comment about how bad Boat Trip sucked.
In an entire world colonized by the descendants of Carrot Top, the
residents would still find the comic acting in Boat Trip to be
exaggerated and amateurish. In a world where Richard Nixon was the
most respected ethics professor, they would still find Boat Trip to
The concept: Two straight guys piss off a travel
agent and end up on an all-gay cruise. What more is there to say?
I remember reading that gay groups found this film
offensive and demeaning. They were certainly right, although to the
film's credit, it is offensive and demeaning to everyone. It's just
that gay characters, and characters pretending to be gay, have the
most screen time.
Box Office mojo says the production budget was $20
million, and I suppose the studio must have thrown several million
at the marketing as well. This was probably the worst use of money
since Time Warner bought AOL. Greenlighting this movie was possibly
the worst single decision since Napoleon's invasion of Russia.
One sad note: some seven to ten years ago, it seemed
that Cuba Gooding was the most promising new star in Hollywood. He
had an Oscar. He was hosting SNL. The guy seemed to be able to act,
do comedy, dance, you name it. He seemed like a good guy as
His last two movies: Boat Trip and Snow Dogs.
What went wrong for the Cubatollah?
There is a lot of nudity on the DVD. The two female
stars and Victoria Silvstedt don't get naked, but they do get
babealicious. Former soap opera star Roselyn Sanchez is drop dead
gorgeous - like a really earthy, sexy Latin version of Sandra
Bullock - and she wears some see-through blouses without bras, and
gives a very impressive BJ to a banana! Vivica A Fox exposes yards
of cleavage. The honest-to-goodness nudity comes from the various
members of the "Swedish Suntanning Team" (who did some "Yumping
Yacks") and three former Hefmates (Jami Farrell, Deanna Brooks,
Natalia Sokolova) hired specifically to do the menu and some special
features. Some girls did more than one thing. Jami Farrell, for
example, is in a special feature, is in the DVD menu, and is also in
the movie. I think the easiest way to find out what you want to see
is to use the thumbnails, and look at the file names.
Scenes of the Crime (2001)
Somewhere along the line, there must have been a time when people
thought this would be a major movie. It stars Jeff Bridges - that's
pretty big-time. Madchen Amick wanted to be in it enough that she
took a few lines as a convenience store clerk. The film screened at
Tribeca (2002) and Deauville (2001), but never got a nibble on a
theatrical release in the USA, and it took two years before it even
came to DVD. There were some minor theatrical releases overseas.
Here's Josh Ralske's description from the All Movie Guide
A small-time crook who worships Steve McQueen gets in over his
head in French music video director Dominique Forma's debut
feature, Scenes of the Crime. Lenny (Jon Abrahams of Scary Movie)
is about to be married, but he skips his own bachelor party to
drive for thug Rick (Peter Greene), who, unbeknownst to Lenny, is
planning a kidnapping. The kidnapping plot goes awry, and Lenny
ends up alone in the van, holding the soft-spoken victim, Jimmy
(Jeff Bridges), at gunpoint. Jimmy turns out to be a powerful
criminal himself and warns Lenny that there will be dire
consequences if he isn't released unharmed. While Jimmy's partner
(Bob Gunton) negotiates his release with Rick's boss (Loyd
Catlett), Jimmy's slimy bodyguard, Seth (Noah Wyle of E.R.), tries
to figure out a way to resolve the situation himself. As the van
sits parked on a city street, the couple that runs the nearby deli
(Morris Chestnut and Madchen Amick) and a senile old man who lives
nearby (R. Lee Ermey) become involved in the tense standoff. Based
on an anecdote Forma heard in a seedy bar.
Most of the film takes place in the back of a van, and the
dramatic tension results from wondering how the driver can possibly
extricate himself from a situation in which he will piss off a major
crime figure no matter what he does. There are a couple of
interesting plot twists and turnabouts in the last ten minutes, when
it turns out that many things are not as they seem.
There is a pretty good sex scene at the beginning of the film
between Jon Abrahams (buns) and Mizuo Peck (breasts).
The complete archive of naked protest pictures.
Huron County Sheriff: - Ohio tax dollars at work.
Talk about protecting and serving!
The Pimp N Ho Costume Ball 2003
Video clips from Fear Factor.
The link submitter wrote, "Why aren't there more clips and caps of
these babes out there!?! Every week fresh new babes doing anything
to win 50 Grand! I love American TV."
2003 Rock Paper Scissors International
The pope may be near death.
Rumor has it that the secret cardinal he named last week was
Arnold Schwarzenegger. No man has even been Pope and Governor of
California at the same time.
Hobos elect a new king.
Arnold Schwarzenegger lost in a close election. This will continue
the trend of nobody ever having been King of the Hoboes, Pope, and
California Governor at the same time, although I think Jerry Brown
held them separately.
"Hollywood's major film studios announced on
Tuesday they are ending their long-held practice of sending
videotapes and DVDs of Oscar contending movies to Academy Award
The Farrelly Brothers, the men behind There's
Something About Mary and Dumb and Dumber, are set to develop a new
film based on The Three Stooges.
Didn't Ingmar Bergman already do that?
The Colossal Colon Tour
- and you thought your boss was a big asshole!
Ozzy Osbourne Writing Broadway Musical about
Save Balki! Perfect Strangers Renewal Headquarters.
This is some weird shit. Front page looks normal (except that they
actually seem to like Balki), but some of the internal pages are
Colin Farrell in 1997 - working as a line dancer
for $50 a night
Richard & Kitty's World of Euphemisms for the sex
Halloween countdown - the sourest candies of them
Sports Illustrated Fresh Faces Swimsuit Model
A gallery of thongs
World's dumbest lawyer accused of having cocaine in
GPS will pinpoint Coke prize winners:
"Next summer, Coca-Cola plans to use satellites to find U.S.
buyers who happen to purchase special cans of Coke products"
STRESS may help you live longer, a scientific
conference will be told tomorrow.
In other news, John McEnroe prepares to live forever.
No wonder they called him Moby DICK
Baltimore Ravens Cheerleaders.
Hey, there's guys in there!
our favorite mouseketeer looks mighty good in a
The essence of live daytime TV
White House: Clinton's penis leaked CIA operative's
identity - Republicans call for independent probe
Celebrate Halloween with the rich and famous,
including Ice and Coco T.
You might want to avoid Coco's plastic surgeon. Be sure to click
on the pic of Molly Sims as well.
"I heard that Don Knotts was the most feared drill
instructor on Parris Island during World War II"
. Yeah, and I heard thay Ben Affleck
gave up his research grant in particle physics at Cambridge to
The Squished Penny Museum
Weekly World News: Space aliens are here for our
toothpaste. I, for one,
welcome our new minty-breathed overlords.
Zoo gorilla escapes into the streets
Classic Bud Light Radio Commercials
Did you REALLY like Lite-Brite when you were a kid?
Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey.
"I bet it was pretty hard to pick up girls if you had the Black
a site dedicated solely to Star Wars fan films.
I can't decide if this is kinda cool or kinda sad.
For some reason, this site is never picked to win
any web design awards
These people are REALLY into G.I. Joe - G.I. Joe
The British pick Sgt. Bilko the best ever TV sitcom,
edging out Seinfeld and Fawlty Towers. The Simpsons was eligible,
but finished only 20th.
Ain't It Cool News : "The theatrical cut of
LOTR:ROTK will run for three and a half hours (give or take a
The Hebrew Hammer - the Sweet Sweetback for a new
archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick
Locke, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
Got some stuff from movies that I capped for other reasons. Lots of B movie babes, a couple of first timers and one A-list actress.
Three women from Bare Wench: The Path of the Wicked.
- Jill Thompkins in a couple of collages from her only performance to date. First collage has her in a group that includes the other bare wenches. In the second you see her alone in the bottom half, and her with chocolate syrup spread all over in the upper half. That's Seana Ryan standing near her.
- Julie Dey, a second first-timer.
- Nikki Fritz, veteran B-movie babe, in a triple-B performance. In the second collage, that's her with Julie Strain and Julie K. Smith cavorting about.
By the way, Jill Thompkins played a character named Jill in the movie and Julie Dey played a character named something other than Julie because Julie K. Smith got first dibs. Sorta like wearing Jeter's number if you are the coach's kid. Julie Strain didn't play Julie either... she played the Bare Wench, which is kinda like having Lara Flynn Boyle play the part of Scrawny Bitch.
From Sex Court: The Movie, we have Nikki Fairchild in a triple-B performance shot on gynocam. Nikki is quite fair of face and has a right nice rumpus, but she went and spoiled it all with a pair of perfectly hemispheric, gravity-defying robohooters. Nothing natural 'bout them, no siree.
Nikki has been in a lot of movies. Dozens. With titles that suggest her day job involves on-screen copulatory activity with boys and girls. Shoulda figured. When DTV producers need someone to give up serious goodies they go and hire one of the newer adult actresses, or so it seems.
It might look as though I got lazy on you guys in collages 3 and 6, and stuck a couple of frames together, but each image in them was composed of 3 raw frames in a slow pan. Lots o' work, worth every second... to me, at least.
- Nikki Fairchild
Athena Massey is well enough known to be an almost-A-list babe. Most of her clothing removal activity is in movies that were actually released to theatres. Here are five collages in the kick-ass topless scene from Poison Ivy 3.
- Athena Massey
Last few things are from The Hot Spot.
First couple of collages are a cheesy answer to the question I posed the other day. Who is the most capped babe in the history of the Funhouse?
Well, that would be "Uncredited Stripper." Done strut her stuff in some 300 movies.
- Uncredited Stripper
And last up is Virginia Madsen. This woman is damn near perfect. Seems to be real smart, can honestly act and has a shape most women pay good money to simulate.
Part 2 of today's goodies....
If memory serves... and there is a first time for everything... Ludivine Sagnier's performance in Gouttes d'eau sur pierres brulantes (Water Drops on Burning Rocks) was nominated for best nude performance of 2002, but was beat out by Heather Graham in Killing Me Softly. I voted for Heather.
Having capped both movies I gotta say I made a mistake. A big mistake. It may be true that Heather Graham in Killing Me gave the second best A-list nekkid performance in the history of mankind, but Ludivine's performance is better. Way better. And coming from a guy who thinks Ms. Graham is more than just fine, thank you, that's saying something.
Thing is, when I finished watching Killing Me and when I got done capping it, I was satisfied that a lot of folks had nailed that performance perfectly. What you saw in the caps is what you got on the screen.
That is not the case with Water Drops. Several of the best cappers in the business... and now one of the more mediocre ones... have given this movie their best, but what I saw on the screen can't be captured in still images. So, sure, I got all obsessive and stuff. Capped the living bejeebers out of Ms. Sagnier, but I gotta tell you: if'n you want to see what Ludivine really looks like, how she moves, and how she lights up the screen, you gotta get the DVD.
About the movie, itself? Well, there are many things to recommend it, all of them belonging to Ludivine. The first half of the movie is much like the last half of About Last Night, in which two people bore and annoy one another, and the audience, to death. Only in this case, the couple is an older guy and a younger guy. Think of it as Will and Grace meet Rob and Demi, only without Grace and Demi. I hated About Last Night. I despised the first half of Water Drops.
But then enters Ludivine Sagnier and all is right with the world.
A final note to her agent, if you are listening. Get this woman as much work as you can in the next five years. Her talent, youthful glow and breathtaking form are going to take her very far. But she is not Sharon Stone and she is most certainly not Diane Lane, both of whom have looked spectacular for more than two decades. For Ludivine, time will not be a friend.
So far as the caps are concerned, we got twelve collages. Breasts and bum in 1-4, full frontal in 5-8, more breasts in 9-13. Number 14 is my pride and joy, a montage of three frames. Ludivine's not even nekkid, but she sure is yummy. And then 15 is two frames from a long, hot sport-humpin scene that was impossible to cap for many reasons. It is the best reason I can give for watching the movie.
- Ludivine Sagnier
'Caps and comments by Dann:
"The Good Thief"
Who would name their daughter Nutsa? Mr. and Mrs. Kukhianidze, apparently. In any case, this 2002 thriller showcased Nick Nolte's talents and Nutsa Kukhianidze's charms.
An aging and tired gambler/drug addict/retired thief finds he needs one more score. The heist is high-tech, neat, and fun to watch, set in the South of France. Anybody who likes heist flicks will thoroughly enjoy this one, and newcomber Nutsa Kukhianidze should get some attention, even if no one can pronounce her name. :-)
|No nudity in this batch, but these are some excellent production stills of the hot, young French actress in bikini scenes from the indie movie "Swimming Pool".
|Señor Skin 'caps of Sutchy topless in scenes from the Canadian movie "Rub & Tug" (2002).
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
KINDERGARTEN FOR MEN
Helloooo, Nurse! - A shopping center in Hamburg, Germany, has opened a
"Kindergarten for Men," so women can drop their husbands off and shop in
peace. For about $10 (US), you can drop off a man at the center, which
provides books, newspapers, TV and games as well as lunch and two beers.
There are even two specially-trained "nurses," Jenny and Bianca, to look
after them. Women have until 6 p.m. to come pick up their men.
But the men don't want to go.
We already have this in America; it's called "Hooters."
What are Jenny and Bianca "specially-trained" in? Pole-dancing?...and
do the "games" involve them?
Men drink the two beers before they go down for their nap.
Want Fries With That? - Americans are becoming so fat, coffin makers are
now offering "supersized" coffins. The founders of the Goliath Casket
Company of Lynn, Indiana, told the New York Times that you can see the
funeral industry's problem just by looking at people in Wal-Mart. They
said they used to sell just one triple-width casket a month, and now they
ship four or five a month. That casket is 44 inches wide and can hold
someone up to 700 pounds.
But to take it to the cemetery, they need a triple-wide hearse with a
"Wide Load" sign on the back.
If you buy it in advance, they'll ship it to you filled with cheese dip.
Technically, it's not a casket, it's an upholstered freight car.
If Arnold Schwarzenegger isn't elected governor, he may open a chain of
weightlifting gyms for pallbearers.
MR. POTATO HEAD RECOVERED
Hot Potato - A six-foot statue of Mr. Potato Head that was stolen from the
driveway of a private estate in Newport, Rhode Island, has been recovered.
The owner bought it for his son, and it was a popular local photo
attraction. Police said it was found in a field, and "although he was
ripped and mashed a little bit," he's expected to make a full recovery and
soon be back on display.
And all eyes will be on him.
He's being cared for at a MASH unit.
Actually, his injuries were worse than they thought...They fear he's now
Mr. Potato Head was happy in the field...That's his natural habitat.
ONE-THIRD OF OLDER WOMEN DATING YOUNG MEN
And They've All Had Plastic Surgery - Demi Moore is setting a trend: a
survey by AARP The Magazine found that almost one-third of unmarried
American women in their 40s-to-60s are dating younger men. The same survey
found that two-thirds of men in the same age group were dating younger
Older women HAVE to date younger men since no older men will go out with
So if you are dating someone your own age, you are just weird.
Men in their 60s consider Demi Moore to be too old for them.