Tuesday

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To see and use all the Funhouse features, you need Netscape 6.+ or MSIE 5.+.

• Netscape 7.0 is available free for download or on CD.
• MSIE 6.0 is available free.

Crypt of Dark Secrets (1976) is notable chiefly for great full frontal exposure in good light for several minutes by Maureen Ridley. Although it is billed as a swamp/voodoo/horror exploitation film, it really doesn't have that much magic, very little blood, and is mostly an excuse to get Ridley naked, not that that is a bad thing.

A disabled veteran has retired on "Voodoo Island." The sheriff becomes worried that someone will steal his money, which he keeps in a bread box in his house. He is unconcerned, as the only other person he has seen on the island is the woman who swims naked, then turns into a snake. Three miscreants overhear the bank president talking to the vet about his money, and decide to rip him off and kill him. When the snake/naked woman revives him, and explains that he is now undead, and must fulfill his special destiny. he is neither surprised nor concerned.

This is not a film to watch for plot or acting, but Ridley has a great body, and her slow dancing show sit off from every possible angle. The IMDB entry for this film has so many errors it is not worth the visit. This is from Something Weird Video, and they have turned in yet another excellent transfer of a nearly 30 year old film. Based on the nudity, which is really the point of this film, I will give it a C-.

• updated Encyclopedia volumes for: Isabelle Adjani, Victoria Abril, Pamela Anderson, Ursula Andress, Rosanna Arquette, Laura Antonelli, Maria Alonso
• new volumes for Anna Falchi, Claire Forlani, Veronica Forque, Eva Grimaldi, and Maria Ford. Maria has played a stripper more times than Zamfir has played "Somewhere My Love: Theme from Dr Zhivago". Possibly more times than TBS has shown "Roadhouse", or more than the number of lire in the Italian GNP, but our current human state of development doesn't have any level of mathematics adequate to approach a comparison of such vast numbers, so we can only make an informed speculation.

Other crap

• God bless The Sun. Their coverage of fashion week in Milan
• this is my kind of stuff - very funny, and not intended to be. Meet Dewie the Turtle, your official internet safety mascot (U.S. Govt approved). The best part of the story is that the commissioner of the Federal Trade Commission is named Orson Swindle. Would you trade with a guy named Swindle? I don't know if you are aware of it, but the adult internet also has a mascot - Maxie the Mink.
• OJ Simpson in trouble for endangering manatees. I accept the blame. He was just getting the catch o' the day for Uncle Scoopy's Politically Incorrect Restaurant, where a thick slab of manatee steak, washed down by a frosted mug of absinthe, is always on the menu. We recommend the Spotted Owl appetizer. A lot of people enjoy the baby seal meat because you get to pick your own from the tank, like a lobster, so you know it's not only fresh  - but cute as well, not like those ugly lobsters. They are so cute that a lot of diners like to have their picture taken with the seal before our trained Canadian chef slaughters it mercilessly.
• don't know what to get your kids for Xmas - how about a Janet Reno action figure
• what guy has the sexiest voice in the world? Hints: he's a Scot, over 70, and everyone in the world can impersonate the way he pronounces "Pussy"
• Scientists use facial reconstruction to reveal the face of King Tut - turns out he looks exactly like Cher. Oh, sorry, that WAS Cher. Scientists get those ancient objects confused.
• here's the new LOTR preview (It looks great, even in this tiny format)
• Scientists compete to create the perfect paper airplane, soon to have the perfect spitball.
• Those scientists really had time for some important shit this week. Shoe size and penis size found to be uncorrelated.
• Cool! In the Miss Universe competition - turns out Miss Pakistan was a phony. She was just some chick who claimed she was Miss Pakistan, with no official credential of any kind. It is not known if she really was a Pakistani woman, and she has disappeared since being exposed.
• Here's the woman John Major was fuckin'
• ACTOR David Schwimmer, most famous as the whiny, ultrawimpy Ross on friends, above, is dating an Internet porn star.
• Movie Juice takes some potshots at Sweet Home Alabama, calling Reese Witherspoon the Doris of our Day
• Hasselhoff's battle with booze and life. We love to make fun of the big fella, but this isn't funny at all. He's trying to right his life after some bad episodes. Nobody is rooting for his complete recovery harder than we are, because we hope to make fun of him for decades to come.

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Scoops...

The Last few collages from Wolfhound. The darkness of the nekkid scenes in this movie have me looking for another project to do. Something with the title of "Naked Fun in the Sun" or "The Art of the Well-Lighted Nude Scene." Something like that.

Three babes today. Julie Cialini in two quasi-copulatory scenes. The frames in the bottom of collage 2 pissed me off. For the whole rest of the movie I had this line about what I learned from "Wolfhound", mainly that this breed doesn't do it doggee style. Then they went and threw in some of dat and ruined a perfectly good joke. There is, however, something odd about the adoption of that particular position in that particular scene.

If'n you look closely at the first collage you can see Julie is chained to the bed, with each arm locked tight to the bed frame. So how then did she, uh, get herself, well, turned around? Huh? That and the Bermuda Triangle are the two greatest mysteries of our age.

Collages 3 and 4 of Julie C's are the best of her el primo hootie exposure.

• Julie Cialini (1, 2, 3, 4)

Then we got Julie K. Smith getting groped and osculated by Regina Russell. Three collages worth. Boobs only. Acres of boobs. Hectares even.

Julie returns the favor and fondles and smooches Regina. Again the camera stays north of the border. Have seen Ms. Russell in all them caps from Skinemax shows and thought he looked just okay, but in this movie she looks perfectly edible.

• Julie K. Smith (1, 2, 3)
• Regina Russell (1, 2)

Today, a trip back in time to 1971 and a "Babe in Bondage"...

Orita De Chadwick in a sexploitation thriller "The Godson". We see Orita tied topless by the bad guy as bait waiting to be rescued.

• Orita De Chadwick (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

"She's Gotta Have It"
Some good nudity by Tracy Camilla Johns in She's Gotta Have It. It's a Spike Lee movie so you have a fair idea what it's like.

• Tracy Camilla Johns (1, 2, 3)

"Ripper : Letter from Hell"
Some of the caps from Ripper : Letter from Hell have appeared before. A J Cook shows some pokies through a wet night dress and a lot more is visible from somebody (or something?) impaled on a tree.

• A J Cook
• Unknown

"The Further Adventures of Tennessee Buck"
I think the main premise of The Further Adventures of Tennessee Buck was to get former Heffer Kathy Shower naked and oiled up - and they succeeded. Some native girls are also topless and Tiziana Stella also looks very nice in an two-piece animal skin.

• Kathy Shower (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Tiziana Stella
• Unknown

"House of Cards"
The only nudity in House of Cards is brief toplessness by Perette Pradier. The late Inger Stevens looks very nice in her underwear and Rosemary Dexter takes her bikini top off, but faces away from the camera.

• Perette Pradier (1, 2)
• Inger Stevens (1, 2, 3)
• Rosemary Dexter (1, 2)

"Where the Money Is"
Linda Fiorentino has had a bit of exposure in the Fun House recently. She keeps her clothes on in Where the Money Is but there is a nice upskirt when she does a lap dance for Paul Newman.

• Linda Fiorentino (1, 2, 3)

"Dude, Where's My Car?"
There was no nudity in Dude, Where's My Car? but it was still enjoyable to watch. A close-up upskirt of Jodi Ann Paterson, which is mild exposure on her part. Are they bunnies on her knickers? Kristy Swanson and Mitzi Martin are there for the glamour.

• Jodi Ann Paterson (1, 2)
• Kristy Swanson
• Mitzi Martin

"The Drowning Pool"
In The Drowning Pool we have some see-through exposure by Gail Strickland when she is thoroughly soaked. A young Melanie Griffith looks lovely in a bikini and one of the best sets of nipples, Linda Haynes, unfortunately, only shows us some leg.

• Gail Strickland (1, 2)
• Melanie Griffith (1, 2)
• Linda Haynes

"Sunshine"
The full frontal exposure by Deborah Kara Unger in Sunshine has appeared before (shaved pussy in the 1930s??). However, there is also brief topless exposure by Jennifer Ehle.

• Deborah Kara Unger
• Jennifer Ehle (1, 2)

"Code Name Phoenix"
No visible nudity in Code Name Phoenix, just a lot of glamour by Christina Cox, Kristi Angus, Robyn Palmer, and some unnamed models.

• Christina Cox (1, 2)
• Kristi Angus
• Robyn Palmer
• Unknown (1, 2)

"Fever"
Some good frontal nudity by Marisol Padilla Sanchez in Fever and Patricia Dunnock shows has some lovely pokies.

• Marisol Padilla Sanchez (1, 2)
• Patricia Dunnock

"Fatal Past"
Kasia Figura is topless in Fatal Past and even more is revealed by some unnamed models.

• Kasia Figura (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Unknowns (1, 2)

"Taste of Love"
No nudity in Taste of Love, but we have Anneliza Scott looking good in a thong and pokies by Traylor Howard.

• Anneliza Scott (1, 2)
• Traylor Howard

"Crash Dive 2"
Lada Boder is topless in Crash Dive 2 and there are pokies by Alexander Keith (aka Wendy Schumacher).

• Lada Boder (1, 2)
• Alexander Keith

"Attention Shoppers"
Some of these caps of Cara Buono in her underwear in Attention Shoppers, but in the second collage there appears to be a bit of labia majora.

• Cara Buono (1, 2)

AFFAIR MAY COST EX-P.M.
Major Faux Pas - Notoriously dull former British Prime Minister John Major has admitted to having a long affair with former cabinet official Edwina Currie before he took office. He may be sued by the satirical magazine Scallywag, which went bankrupt after he sued them for libel for suggesting he committed adultery.

-from SkyNews

Britney Spears has been hanging out at lap-dancing clubs - for the sake of her new movie.

The superstar's next role sees her play a stripper - and Britney wanted to research the part in person.

Her debut movie Crossroads bombed at the box office, and Spears wants to make sure her next flick does better.

A source close to the 20-year-old said: "If that involves a bit of method acting then so be it.

"I'm sure she could have watched the girls stripping on video.

"But she wanted to get a taste of the atmosphere and see the real thing in the flesh."

Britney has even been taking private lessons to learn how to gyrate around a pole.

The Daily Star quoted her as saying: "I have the body but now I need to learn some of the moves.

"Being a stripper is hard work."