Chemical Wedding


Chemical Wedding is a hipper, newer, higher tech update of the old Hammer horror films, which combined interesting ideas about history and theology with traditional grade B genre entertainment, and almost always featured at least one villain who was larger than life. More often than not it was Christopher Lee at his resonant, pompous best.

In this case, the Christopher Lee role has gone to Simon Callow, who goes far over the top as the reincarnation of the notorious black magician Alistair Crowley. The ideas presented are an amalgam of science and ritualistic mumbo-jumbo which essentially boils down to this: we can transfer programs and information from computer to computer. Is it not theoretically possible that in the future we could transfer the essence of a man's brain to a computer, and from there to another man? That general premise, which seems plausible to me, at least for some time in the unspecified future, forms the basic for the reincarnation of Alistair Crowley at Cambridge by the actions of an unholy cabal of theologians, magicians, theoretical physicists and computer programmers who specialize in virtual reality.

Once ol' Ali is back in the saddle, he really rides roughshod on anyone unlucky or foolish enough to cross his path, with his victims ranging from gullible participants in his rituals, to the roommate of a woman he needs for a ritual, to the local homeless and hookers. He basically kills or has sex with everyone he sees, all while reciting Shakespeare and the bible, or just reciting transgressive thoughts in florid language and stentorious tones.

A real party guy!

This would be quite an excellent horror movie if it had not tried to cram too many ideas into its running time. It has the appropriately infernal musical score, some powerful atmosphere, lurid genre thrills, an ambitiously complicated plot, and an outlandishly hammy but amazingly effective performance from Callow in the lead. Those elements alone should have made it a classic modern horror film, ala Angel Heart, but it falls short of that level because it just gets too damned gimmicky in the final act by stirring in time travel, parallel universes, time/space warps, and mysterious coincidences meant to leave us wondering if we have drawn the right conclusions about the real nature of the threat and whether it has been contained. There are many elements which seem to make no sense as they happen. Some are later explained within reasonable limits of plausibility, but others are not explained at all. I found it even more confusing when I watched some scenes a second time, because I spotted other things which didn't seem to make sense, like characters being where they could not be. It is, of course, always possible to explain everything contradictory by the stopping and restarting of time, or the curvature of space, or parallel universes, or the assumption that black magic really works, but stirring those hypothetical elements into a script's mix should not constitute a license to depart completely from common sense.

I'll say this for the film: for all its failings, it stands head and shoulders above the modern horror films which involve city kids, tourists, or hitchhikers falling into the clutches of and being tortured by hillbillies, evil truckers, and amoral Eastern European entrepreneurs. This script was written by people who are genuinely interested in satanic worship, cutting edge scientific speculation, Shakespeare, history, and other arcane topics, and that alone makes it consistently fun to watch, and allows us to forgive it when the plot twists get too contrived and the scientific equipment starts to looks too much like the leftover sets from Lost in Space.

In fact, I'll be honest and say that I liked it on balance. I was a fan of the old Hammer films and this film recreates a lot of the same campy feel, but with a more modern zest. But I should have liked it far more. Its many strengths were dragged down by some sheer silliness and confusion. It's a fairly good film with a great one trapped inside, unable to emerge.

Can't complain about the nudity level (not 100% sure of these ID's, but I think they are right)

Esme Bianco is totally naked in a crazy seduction scene that takes place when Crowley uses her to gain control over his version of "Igor"

Helen Millar gives it all up, front and rear, as the unlucky roommate of Crowley's intended victim.

Nicola Rockhill shows off some awesome breasts as the musician at a Bacchanalia. (Other orgiasts can be seen in the clip as well.)

Gemma Hiles shows very little, one breast, but does manage to get her pubes shaved on camera. (The shaving cream hides everything.)

Natasha Ford walks around the Satanic orgy ritual in a diaphanous gown which hides nothing.





  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.







Daughters of Satan


Another "Babes in Bondage" day as we take the Time Machine back to the seventies again. This one starred a young Tom Selleck before he was a star. Barra Grant played his wife and got strung up and whipped topless. Barra is the daughter of Miss America 1945 Bess Myerson who us old-timers will remember.


And a film clip of Barra Grant.

One more unknown "Babe in Bondage" who is also topless.

Wash it all down with the always sexy Charlize Theron in a recent appearance on "The View."

This one is a leg show.







Mother of Tears


The Italian master of blood and boobs, Dario Argento, is back again with this 2007 effort that is the third of the "Mother" trilogy. Aiding the effort was daughter Asia Argento, although she got less naked than usual.

Workers find the coffin of a noble buried in 1815 in the countryside outside of Rome. Chained to the coffin is a small urn. It is sent to the Museum of Ancient Art in Rome, where it is opened by the curator's assistant. During the opening, she cuts her finger and accidentally drips blood on a tunic contained in the urn. Soon after, she is murdered by mysterious figures while restoration student Sarah Mandy (Asia Argento) watches in horror. It turns out that in dropping blood on the tunic, the woman had turned loose the evil witch Mother Lachrymarum (Mother of Tears), and what follows is a wave of violence in Rome as people in the street start killing one another.

As Sarah tries to figure out what is going on, she finds a woman who tells her that her dead Mother was a powerful white witch that fought the evil before, and will try to help her now to use the powers that she herself has inherited.

A decent enough occult flick, plenty gory, this may not be Argento's best effort, but it isn't bad.

Moran Atias Asia Argento Valeria Cavilli and Silvia Rubino








Angel Heart


Very good horror film: fascinating characters, excellent plot, great actors, great nudity

Lisa Bonet film clips, collages below.







Notes and collages



Lisa Kudrow this time








This section will present film clips to accompany Charlie's collages (which are found in his own site).

Today's feature: Mylene Jampanoi in Valley of Flowers







(2008 - episodes 1-5)

Madeleine West film clips (collages right)
Lauren Clair film clips (collages right)
Kat Stewart film clips (collages right)
Kaela Hilton film clip (collages right)
Charlotte Gregg film clips (collages right)






enter the DragonScan

Penelope Cruz in Open Your Eyes
Penelope Cruz in Open Your Eyes
Zita Gorog in Den of Lions
Kelly McGillis in The Monkey's Mask
Giovanna Mezzogiorno in Love in the time of Cholera
Valery Valmond in The Wax Mask
somebody with large breasts in Superchick