Nightmare Boulevard (2004) was originally named Quiet Kill. It is supposed to be a crime thriller. Despite an IMDb rating of 5.9 of 10, this film was irritatingly bad. To start with, we have a slasher killing young hookers, and then a slasher killing society women, always in a motel bed, and the only nudity is breast exposure from Tracy Evans Garcia. Add to that a woman dreaming that she dreamt that she woke up from a dream to see something awful.

MAJOR SPOILER

She finally wakes up, and we learn that the entire film was a nightmare.

END SPOILER

Cops are baffled by an L.A. serial killer who seems to be trying to save hookers souls by purifying them by torture then killing them before they can sin again. He never leaves clues or witnesses. Then a society woman's new boyfriend does her in with a similar M. O, except that she isn't a hooker. This is, of course, misdirection for both the police and the audience. One of her friends is not getting any from her workaholic husband, and has time on her hands since her daughter has driven off to college, so naturally fucks the dead friend's boyfriend without knowing her friend is dead. She then tries to dump him, and amazingly, the sicko doesn't like that and becomes a stalker.

Have you had enough yet? I know I have. Nothing terrible about the acting or the production values, so I can't score this as low as I would like. It is an E.

I agree with Tuna's appraisal that this movie is much too good to have been so easily and completely forgotten. It has a pretty nifty little spy/counterspy plot. Martin Sheen is hired by the CIA to steal a secret encoder from the East Germans, an act which will supposedly save the lives of many dissidents living overseas.

There are a few things the CIA didn't tell Sheen: the job can't be done, and they need him to fail anyway, so they will undermine his efforts in every way possible!

You see, it's a cat and mouse game. The Germans have stopped using the encoder because they think the Americans already have it. They are right. The Americans do already have it. Therefore, the Americans have to convince the Germans that they don't have it so that the Germans will start using it again, thus making all of their moves known to the CIA. Is there any way to convince the Germans that the CIA doesn't have the encoder? Sure. Hire Martin Sheen to try to steal it. After all, why would the CIA try to steal something they already have?

To make absolutely sure that Sheen does not actually succeed, the CIA also makes it seem that their own intelligence is compromised, allowing the Russians and Germans to think they have uncovered Sheen's mission through their own spy networks. Of course, the CIA planted the information in such a way that the spies would think they were uncovering the mission on their own rather than being spoon-fed a story.

Poor old Sheen comes very close to screwing up the entire plan, because he organizes the dissident underground so effectively and devises such an ingenious scheme that he comes within a hair's breadth of the impossible - actually stealing the encoder. He is foiled only by a last minute brainstorm by a young genius from Russia (Sam Neill) who is helping the Germans on the case.

The spy plot is excellent to begin with, but the story is richly layered by a love triangle between Sheen, an East German woman, and the Russian mastermind. Sheen plots to outmaneuver the mastermind by having his girlfriend sleep with the Russian. Unfortunately, the Russian finds out about the scheme, but proceeds as if he does not know about it, thus managing to get laid and plant false information at the same time! But the best thing about the story is that the cold-hearted Russian actually falls in love with the woman, even while using her and being used by her. The love triangle sets up an excellent ending to the movie, which I won't reveal, since I've already revealed much too much. In addition to the excellent ending, you will also enjoy how the cruel Stasi officer (Derek Jacobi) meets his ultimate personal fate.

The cast is very solid. In addition to some nuanced performances from Sheen and Neill, there are more traditional and one-dimensional baddie performances offered by Jacobi, Frank Finlay, and Michael Lonsdale, three classical actors slumming as a scheming German, Russian, and American, respectively. Brigitte Fossey is also excellent as the scholarly and modest professor's daughter who has to toughen up to prostitute herself for the cause, then ends up in love with two men - one on each side.

It is a slow movie without a lot of dramatic tension except for a pretty cool opening scene in Sheen's Paris apartment, but if you love the old Robert Ludlam style of cold war thriller, where the adversaries battle with their brains rather than with fists and guns, this one is recommended.

• Brigitte Fossey. (1, 2, 3, 4)

Other Crap:

• Mel Brooks working on Spaceballs 2
• Major League Baseball will announce Wednesday that Washington will be the new home of the Montreal Expos. Baseball has been away from the capital city for 33 years.
• Jack Nicholson wants to fuck the daylights out of Kate Moss. Join the line, Joker, join the line.
• Remember when I sang "the kid is not my son"? Just kidding. MICHAEL Jackson has a secret FOURTH child who is now 19. (The boy definitely resembles him, so maybe it is true.)
• Here's the trailer from Laura Linney's latest "unfulfilled woman movie", P.S.:
  • "Louise Harrington (Linney), a divorced, thirty-something admission's officer at Columbia University's School of Fine Arts is intelligent, pretty, successful, and ... (Here's a big surprise for a Linney movie. Wait for it ... ) ... unfulfilled. That is, until a graduate school application crosses her desk and she arranges to interview the young painter. When Scott Feinstadt appears, he bears an uncanny resemblance to Louise's high school boyfriend and one true love, an artist who died in a car accident twenty years earlier. Within hours of the interview, Louise and Scott have embarked on a passionately uninhibited older woman/younger man affair. But is Scott just a reminder of Louise's lost love? And is Scott just trying to wheedle his way into the Ivy League? Adding to the romantic complications is competition from Louise's best friend from high school, Missy, who shows up to claim the affections of the boy; Louise's co-dependent ex-husband Peter; her cynical mother, and fresh-out-of-rehab brother."
  • Isn't this basically the same plot as every other Laura Linney movie? In terms of doing the same thing over and over, she's becoming the female Hugh Grant. I'd like to see her packin' some heat in her next role, maybe one of those bad girl roles that Gina Gershon or Lena Olin would normally play.
• Here is the full trailer for House of Flying Daggers: " 'House of Flying Daggers' is set in the year is 859AD as China's once flourishing Tang Dynasty is in decline. Unrest is raging throughout the land, and the corrupt government is locked in battle with rebel armies that are forming in protest. The largest, and most prestigious of these is the 'House of Flying Daggers', which is growing ever more powerful under a mysterious new leader. Two local captains, Leo and Jin are ordered to capture the new leader and the two hatch an elaborate plan. Captain Jin will pretend to be a lone warrior called Wind and rescue the beautiful, blind revolutionary Mei (Zhang Ziyi), from prison, earning her trust and escorting her to the secret headquarters of the House of Flying Daggers. The plan works, but to their surprise, Jin and Mei fall deeply in love on their long journey to the House. Danger lurks in the forest surrounding them, and the wind is still, as if sensing the tension in the air. What lies ahead for Jin and Mei, these star-crossed lovers? If this is true love, then why are there plots in their heads, and secrets in their hearts?"
• "At the Bristol Old Vic, oral sex in the Georgian auditorium used to be thrown in extra with the ticket price."
• Borowitz: A full transcript of Thursday’s presidential debate between President George W. Bush and Democratic nominee John Kerry was released Wednesday, sparking criticism that the debate has been overly choreographed by the committee representing the two major parties.
• The Daily Show weighs in again on Iraq and their "imperfect" election.
• Flirting With Disaster - The vile spectacle of Democrats rooting for bad news in Iraq and Afghanistan.This is written by Christopher Hitchens, the ultimate intellectual iconoclast and provocateur, who dumps on the right and left with equal vigor.
• Fashion designer Geoffrey Beene dies in NY
• Somebody get Aldoux Huxley on the phone. The era of consumer-driven eugenics has begun.
• GALLUP: Bush retains lead, up by eight points among likely voters
• Old woman finds a visitor from space. (I don't know what it really is, but they have pictures)
• Gizmodo - a weblog dedicated entirely to gadgets
• Fat people make the best lovers! (Weekly World News)
• The Comedy Central late-night series 'Tough Crowd With Colin Quinn' has likely reached the end of its run. Intense ratings analysis showed that the show's audience consisted of only two groups: (1) People too stoned to turn the TV off after The Daily Show (2) Colin Quinn's mom
• Wacky Danish director Lars von Trier vows to revolutionize gay porn. And thank God for that! I was really getting tired of those stale old gay porn films. I mean ... um ... in theory! Not that there's anything wrong with that. John Waters must be so jealous that von Trier thought of this first.
• 'Outsiders' author finds sex and vampires and pirates. And don't ask her why Johnny died
• Vaca Meter Limousines has converted an old Boeing 727-100 into a 50-seat luxury limousine. Perfect for attending the corrupt dictators' ball.
• "Keira Knightley will star as the title character, a former Ford model turned bounty hunter "
• A 7th featurette for Team America: World Police
• The political affiliation of cartoon villains.
• "Hollywood actress Angelina Jolie believes she will never tie the knot again - because she's much too busy saving the world."
• Easily duped Americans view Rather's memo story as an 'honest mistake'.
  • Oh, yeah. Sure. And the Easter Bunny is real. I would think it was an honest mistake, too, except that when the documents were revealed to be false, Rather self-servingly pled for the President to deal with the charges and issues involved instead of to question the authenticity of the documents. Well, let's see, Dan. Why did he not deal with the issues raised by fake documents? Gosh, I don't know, call me crazy, Danno, but I'm pretty sure if I fake evidence that you fuck sheep, you'll attack the documents rather than discuss your sheep-fucking habits on the air. "Hey, it was only once, maybe twice. Nobody but Kenneth really knows the frequency. And I was in college. And I was drunk. And it was a ewe."
  • In order to believe it was an honest mistake, one has to be able to answer "no" to the following question: "If the documents had been about the youth of John Kerry, or the youth of Dan Rather, would they have been subjected to more rigorous standards of authenticity?" I believe the answer is obviously "yes", and if you think the answer is "no", I would like to talk to you about buying some swampland in Florida from me. Since only extreme naivete could produce a "no" response, I must conclude that it was therefore a dishonest mistake.
• JoBlo.com asks Selma Blair about mammoth fake boobs, and other less important things.
• CNN.com Fall TV preview
• A gallery owner has created a stir by encouraging visitors to an exhibition of nudes to strip off to help them to feel closer to the art.
• Propeller Island City Lodge Padded Cell - Live in a Work of Art: "From top to bottom and all around the bed, everything is upholstered with green leather. A kingly or queenly room where one can hear his own heart beat when the spirit grows weary. Small but exquisite, and undeniably noble on top of that!"

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

Scoop says:

I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

• Kari Wuhrer showing off her no-longer enhanced breasts (plus a little bit of bum) in scenes from "King of the Ants" (2003).

• Virginia Madsen we see her lovely big'uns and just a hint of bush in the recently released DVD of the offbeat, noir detective movie "Gotham" (1988).

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

Today the Ghost takes a look at the 1991 T&A ski comedy, "Ski School". The movie stars Dean Cameron, who is best known as Francis 'Chainsaw' Gremp from the movie "Summer School" (1987). In typical ski movie fashion, there are the slackers who love to ski and party, the rich people who want to take over the mountain, and plenty of sex and hot tubbing.

• Ava Fabian, the former Heffer (August '86) topless in a love scene. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
• Ava Fabian zipped .wmvs (1, 2)

• Charlie Spradling is in her undies and in the hot tub, but doesn't show any naughty bits. (1, 2)
• Charlie Spradling zipped .wmv

• Darlene Vogel, the scene is dark and the exposure is brief, but we do get a couple of frames with clear breast views. (1, 2, 3)
• Darlene Vogel zipped .wmv

• Assorted unknown party babe and ski bunnies going topless. (1, 2)
• Unknowns zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4)

"What Alice Found"
Slow-paced, low-key 2004 drama gets you there, but you have to be patient. Action fans will probably bail 10 minutes into this movie, which would be a shame, because it has some nice twists and a couple of surprises.

A young woman from New Hampshire is heading to Florida to pursue a career in marine biology. Her car is old, her money is tight, but things are fine until she's hit on at a rest stop. She rebukes the guy, then returns to find her tire flat. As she continues her trip, the engine blows, apparently because the oil was drained, and she discovers her money is gone. Along comes a nice older couple in a RV, whom she met at the rest stop. They're going to Florida, and offer her a ride, so she abandons her car and goes with them.

As the trip proceeds painfully slowly, with many stops and detours along the way, she discovers the woman is actually a truck-stop prostitute, and her husband is the business manager/pimp. Eventually, they recruit her into the business.

What makes this a good movie is that just when you think you've figured things out, a plot twist turns things around. However, this movie requires a lot of patience. I enjoyed it, so for me, it was worth it, but many will be put off by the pace and lack of action.

• Emily Grace

"The Hot Spot"
A very well made noir thriller, directed by Dennis Hopper, that is very sultry and sexy. But, I'd say it's more famous here for that scene. Yeah, you know the one...

This was probably the last innocent role Jennifer Connelly ever played (maybe Career Opportunities). She has played some real umcompromising women since then. To think she was only 19 in this film.

• Jennifer Connelly (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
• Virginia Madsen (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

ANOTHER PARIS HILTON SEX TAPE
The Backseat Boy Tape - Brace yourself: London's News of the World tabloid claims to have obtained a new Paris Hilton tape, stolen from her L.A. home by a gang of thieves. They say it shows her "writhing in the back of a car as she is groped intimately" by ex-boyfriend and Backstreet Boy Nick Carter; answering the door naked except for a "pore strip" on her nose to greet ex-boyfriend Jason Shaw; and puffing pot and chirping, "Paris Hilton, part two: How to roll a joint!" Her lawyers say they will vigorously pursue all means to keep it from being publicly released.