Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Bad Timing (1980):
Although this film was directed by a major British director (Nic Roeg) and
starred Theresa Russell, Harvey Keitel and Art Garfunkel, I wasn't really aware
of it until today. Oh, I has seen the name here and there, but I never
associated it with Roeg or with any sort of film achievement. It turns out that
my ignorance, and probably yours as well, was calculated by the film's
producers, The Rank Organization, who buried the film in the deepest hole they
could find because they considered it to be a work of degeneracy.
They began by failing to distribute the film to their own Odeon theater chain in
the UK. It was the only Rank film which was never shown in a single Odeon
theater. The second largest theater chain in the U.K. was owned by Rank's rival,
EMI, which had no intention of helping their competitor financially, so the film
ended up in Sir Lew Grade's tiny chain of Classic theaters. The Rank executives
were so embarrassed by the film that they even went so far as to remove their
trademark opening gong from the film's intro, and kept it from being released on
video tape. As recently as the summer of 2004 (a year ago as I write this), Roeg
felt that the film would never again be seen in its proper condition, as per
this comment at IMDB:
The real tragedy is that Bad Timing has never been released on any home video
format, and I fear it may never happen. It was made at a time when music
licenses weren't automatically cleared for home viewing. Considering the
eclectic soundtrack incorporates Jarrett, Tom Waits, The Who, Billie Holiday,
Harry Partch and others, the idea of renegotiating deals at this point would be
any lawyer's nightmare. Even worse, Roeg himself believes the few prints that
Rank struck are probably lost or damaged beyond repair, and one fears for the
state of the negative.
Fortunately, The Criterion Collection came along like a white knight and rescued
this distressed damsel in 2005. Not only have they managed a digital restoration
of the entire film in a gorgeous, anamorphically enhanced 2.35:1 aspect ratio,
but they have assembled 15 minutes of deleted scenes, about a hundred rare
photos and original posters, an interview with Roeg, and an interview with star
(later Roeg's wife) Theresa Russell.
So what made the film so damned degenerate?
The basic outline is as follows.
Art Garfunkel and Theresa Russell are American expatriates living in Vienna, Art
playing a visiting university lecturer and Theresa portraying a free spirit
blowing with the wind. Although totally mismatched, they strike up a
relationship which begins in passion and high hopes but is ultimately doomed by
the incompatible personalities. The 40ish professor wants an orderly world
filled with sensible thoughts, one in which schedules are honored, promises
kept, mates won and held. The 20ish woman is essentially a hedonist who is in a
stage of life where she wants to experience as much as possible, and do what she
wants to do when the mood strikes her, often without regard to earlier
commitments. She also has a flexible attitude toward the truth, which further
irritates the older man, and impels him to imagine even greater infidelities
than the ones she is really committing. As their relationship inevitably
degenerates, they continue to hang on to one another in certain ways, as lovers
so often do. Long after it is obvious that they have no future, the professor is
still obsessed with her, still jealous of her potential suitors, and still
longing for the way things once were between them. Simultaneously, the woman
still needs to stay in contact with the professor for the stability and common
sense which he brings to her, especially as she descends into a world of
depression and alcohol abuse.
A dramatic event drives the film. One day the woman calls the professor to
report that she has overdosed on booze and pills. He eventually gets her to the
hospital, but a local police inspector feels that there was a great deal of time
elapsed between the professor's having received the call and his having summoned
assistance. What happened in that period?
The mystery is revealed in flashback, as the woman lies on her hospital bed,
struggling for breath, hovering between life and death. Scenes from that night
are intercut with the flashbacks as the police inspector interrogates the
professor, and the audience sees the disparity between the professor's
non-committal answers and reality.
At this point you may wonder why anyone thought this film was disgusting. In
order to reveal that, I need to spoil the plot. If you would rather find out for
yourself, read no further in this section.
It turns out that the professor arrived at her apartment, cut off her clothes,
and raped her before calling an ambulance. He was enjoying a masturbatory
reverie of the way things used to be between them, while simultaneously feeling
despair from the loss of their love and overwhelming shame at his act.
This movie is not without flaws, but is a great work of art in many ways. It is
passionate, close to the bone, and complex. It is, above all, a masterpiece of
psychological drama because it makes us feel disgust at the professor's actions
at the same time that it makes us realize that we could easily have done
something similar in his position. At the very least, it makes us realize that
all of is, even those with no great secret like this, have been in doomed,
obsessive relationships which ended in some form of regrettable, shameful
ugliness. In digging so close to the truth, the film provokes us by making us
feel the way we do we have unearthed a repressed memory which we would have
preferred to stay buried.
Is the whole film disgusting? Is it a great film? Could it be both? Opinions
will vary, but Criterion deserves a standing ovation for having given us all a
chance to judge the film ourselves, for having restored it so magnificently, and
for having found and created so many additional features. An A+ for the DVD.
... and for having uncovered a Theresa Russell beaver shot in the deleted
scenes! (First collage in the deleted section)
|Theresa Russell in the deleted scenes
Comments and zipped .avis from ICMS.
Today we cross the Rhine into Germany where we will take a closer look
at three actresses.
First we have Ursula Karven in "Holiday Affair" (2001) who gives us a
triple B performance in these 4 clips. Sadly she has a tragic
link with America, since it was in Tommy Lee's pool that her little boy
Secondly we'll kill two birds with one stone. In 2003's "Liebe und
Verlangen" (Love and Desire) Natalia Wörner and Katja Flint, two
respected German actresses, were in for some girl-girl action in
prime-time network TV. I'm not sure what exactly is visible in these two
clips as the camera was fairly close to the girls but nevertheless I
think it's still worth your while. (1,
That's all for today.
Captures and comments from the Ghost
Kelli Brown in Sex Games Vegas
'Caps and comments by Hankster:
Today we return to "Lust Connection" and yet another porn legend Julie
K. Smith. The venerable Julie bares all in love making scenes and then hits
the tub to soap up those Robo-Hooters.
|You older guys will smile with warm
recognition at the sight of Olivia Hussey's big chest in Zefferelli's
version of Romeo and Juliet (zipped .avi's)
|No nudity, but Anne Hathaway looks great
bending over )from the set of a new movie).
|Kari Wuhrer post-reduction in King of the Ants
|Justine Bateman in Out of Order
|Tara Reid out in public in a see-through. The
second picture has been photoshopped. While it represents the truth, it is
not the truth itself.
|This time it is Teri Hatcher in a public
appearance with some sexy kinda see-through action
|Finally, another sweet little film clip - Lysette
Anthony's full frontal nudity in Looking for Eileen. The thumbnail leads
to a larger preview picture. The text link leads to a zipped .avi.
Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
The trailer for Separate Lies, an Oscar hopeful starring Tom
Wilkinson and Emily Watson
Another Ted Nugent reality show.
The solution to the hurricane naming problem:
"METEOROLOGISTS TO GIVE STORMS FIRST AND LAST NAMES"
Letterman's Top Ten George W. Bush Tax-Saving Tips
Here is the entire first episode of Everybody Hates Chris
PAT ROBERTSON CORRECTS DATELINE HOLLYWOOD ARTICLE. Televangelist
says DeGeneres's homosexuality will cause earthquake, not hurricane
Kudrow says cancellation of The Comeback is actually a part of
show's plot (Note: Dateline Hollywood is a satire site)
TELETHON TO RAISE MONEY FOR CELEBRITIES WHO NEED MORE CASH TO DONATE
TO HURRICANE VICTIMS
The Daily Show's Rita Digest - "As it turns out, Hurricane Rita was
the Ghostbusters II of hurricanes."
"Dr. Irwin Redlener and Jon Stewart talk about the state of our
country's disaster preparedness."
The Daily Show looks at some of the reporters working hard to make
hurricane stories completely about themselves.
The Daily Show's Senior Hurricane Analyst Ed Helms takes to the
streets to help the needy.
The Daily Show's Steven Colbert does This Week in God
Late Night with Conan O'Brien - last week's quotables
- "In a recent interview, Martha Stewart says she didn't get
into any fist fights in prison. Martha says she preferred to kick
people to death"
- "Yesterday, President Bush made his fifth visit to the area
that received the most damage form Hurricane Katrina - the White
- "In France, a man is in trouble because he lived with his dead
mother for 5 years so he could keep collecting her pension. In a
related story, this morning police arrested Melissa Rivers for the
Conan the Late Night Barbarian gives some back-to-school tips.
This week's movies - 800 screens:
Oliver Twist - 53% positive reviews. The reviews can be summed
up in one word - (Cue JoAnn Worley) - "BORRRRRRRRRRING!"
- "A work of craft that could be flying the Masterpiece Theatre
banner. You know, an earnestly worthy adaptation of a literary
classic, as faithful and polished as it is ponderous and
- "acceptable yet thoroughly uninspiring"
- "A version of Oliver that's so safe, it's pretty much a case
- "probably the most faithful adaptation. But hardly anyone will
take notice; it's just a tale that's been told too many times
This week's movies - 1000 screens:
The Greatest Game Ever Played - 80% positive reviews.
This week's movies - 1200 screens:
A History of Violence - 83% positive reviews. There are really
no reviews which are very negative. The "rotten" reviews say things
like "gripping, intense experience" and "always engaging"
This week's movies - 2300 screens:
Serenity - 67% good reviews (but that's based on only six reviews.)
This week's movies - 2700 screens:
Into the Blue - No good reviews. Hey, I got your good review
right here. (Grabs crotch.) Jessica Alba in a bikini for the entire
movie. Now review dis! (Grabs crotch.)
The Weekend Warrior makes his predictions for the upcoming weekend.
- Warrior thinks that Serenity, the epic space adventure from
Buffy's Joss Whedon, will take over at #1 despite being limited to
- Into the Blue, the eye candy underwater adventure with Paul
Walker and Jessica Alba should slip in to #3, or possibly #4 (it's
a virtual tie), with a presence on 2700 screens.
- David Cronenberg's A History of Violence is expected to finish
a respectable #7 despite being in only 1200 theaters.
- The Greatest Game Ever Played, the Disney golf film, is way
down there at #9, although its revenues come from only 1000
screens. This movie must not have tested that well if it comes
from Disney and is getting such a limited release.
The biggest star in post-Taliban Afghanistan? Mr Bean. Just a
few years ago, the Taliban banned all entertainment, and instituted
systematic repression and public executions. Now they have Mr Bean.
Many Afghanis long for the good old days.
BUSH PRAISES SWIFTNESS OF HURRICANE RITA PHOTO-OPS ... But Says
Government Must Create Impression of Concern Even Faster in Future
iowahawk: Little Pink Footballs
- "University of Iowa law prof Erin Buzuvis posts a stirring cri
de couer to protest the shockingly pink visitors' locker rooms at
Iowa's Kinnick Stadium. My network of Iowa City researchers
located her first draft in a dumpster behind Dirty John's."
DESPERATE FOR AIRTIME, BIN LADEN STARTS COVERING HURRICANES ...
Madman Turns Weatherman to Get on TV
Court forces RIAA to dismiss case against mother & child .
- "While the case was dismissed, the mother had to pay legal
fees as the Judge refused to award her attorneys fees. The reason
is that the plaintiffs' lawyers had taken the appropriate steps in
trying to prosecute the mother and that the mother used tactics to
obstruct the Plaintiff to efficiently prosecute her."
The army's killer dolphins let loose by Katrina. So far, their
only opposition has been frickin' sharks with laser beams. (NOTE:
The Guardian and Observer look sorta like real newspapers, but often
use fact-checkers rejected by Weekly World News. These are the same
guys who printed the Presidential I.Q hoax, and claimed that the
pentagon was predicting and planning for global warming.)
Pat's comments in yellow
ATHEIST SUES LAS CRUCES
Don't Cross The Atheists - An atheist in Las Cruces, New Mexico, is suing to
have three crosses removed from the city seal, claiming it's an unconstitutional
use of religious symbols on public property with no purpose "other than to
disenfranchise and discredit non-Christian
citizens." Mayor Bill Mattiace said they will defend the crosses, which have a
perfectly legitimate reason for being on the city emblem,
considering that "Las Cruces" is Spanish for "The Crosses."
* Well, that will have to be changed.
WORDS WE NEED IN ENGLISH
Lost In Translation - The BBC reports that there's a new book, "The Meaning of
Tingo," which collects words from around the world that don't have English
equivalents, but should.
On Easter Island, "tingo"means borrowing items from your neighbor one at a time
until he has nothing left.
* The closest English equivalent would be
* Not coincidentally, Easter Island also has 87 different words for "murder."
...The Dutch word for skimming stones over water is "plimpplampplettere."
* Spelled the way it sounds.
...In Central America, an aviador is a government worker who only shows up on
* We have a term for that: "civil servant."
...In Japan, a bakku-shan is a girl who appears pretty from behind but not from
* We would call that a "half-J-Lo."
It Makes Wives Breathe Fire - Germany has many great compound words. "Kummperspeck"
literally means "grief bacon," but it's the weight gained from emotion-related
overeating. And Drachenfutter are gifts given by guilty husbands to their
wives, but it literally means "dragon fodder."
* That's called a compound word because it only compounds
* As in, "If you mention your wife's kummperspeck, you'll soon be buying
SCOOP's note: All kidding aside, I'm pretty sure we have an equivalent to
Drachenfutter. If I were translating this to English, I would call it a
PORN ON A FERRIS WHEEL (CAREFUL! NOTE SUBJECT!)
This Belongs In The Tunnel Of Love! - Some Italian tourists at Munich, Germany's
Oktoberfest beer festival were shocked when they went for a leisurely ride on
Munich's giant ferris wheel. Two men with cameras and a woman with a vibrator
stepped into their sightseeing car and began shooting a porn movie. Unable to
stop them, the Italians called the police, who arrested them for public
indecency. The two men turned out to be a student and a political scientist who
said they weren't doing it for commercial reasons but to document how people
* And now they know: they react by arresting them.
* "Eyesen-poppin" is the German world for how people react to seeing porn shot
on a ferris wheel.
* The Italians had never been to Oktoberfest before, but they knew that wasn't
what you did with a bratwurst.
* Porn shot on a ferris wheel is okay, but stay away from porn shot on the
"It's A Small World" ride.
HEALTHY USES FOR TEQUILA INGREDIENTS
But The Worm Provides Protein - Scientists in Mexico are launching a study of
the health benefits of the blue agave plant, which is usually distilled into
tequila. Prices have dropped as supply exceeded demand, so they hope to help
farmers by opening up a new market in the diet industry. Animal studies suggest
that agave contains substances that lower cholesterol and alter fat
absorption in the intestines, helping dieters shed pounds faster. The bad news:
it loses these properties when it becomes tequila.
* That's what you might call the worm in the tequila
* But drink enough of it, and you cease to care.
* But think of all the vitamin C you get from the lime juice in the margaritas.
* I'll also do my part to help the agave farmers by increasing the demand for
SCUZZ DOESN'T WANT TO BE CALLED "SCUZ"
And That's What His FRIENDS Call Him! - In West Chester, Pennsylvania, the
lawyer for Demetrius "Scuz" Fiorentino, who's charged with robbery and murder
during a botched drug deal, asked the judge to bar the use of his nickname, "Scuz."
Citing the dictionary definition of "scuzzball" as "an unpleasant, dirty or
dangerous person; a creep," the lawyer said using it in court would prejudice
the jury. Prosecutors say he has to be called "Scuz" because that's the name
all the witnesses know him by.
* Because he's such a scuzzball.
* Also because he's the only unpleasant, dirty, dangerous creep in the room.
* Well, they also know him as "Killer"...
WINE SNOB WORDS BAFFLE MOST PEOPLE
A Nation Of Beerdrinkers - A survey commissioned by the Australian wine producer
McWilliams found that 25 percent of restaurant diners always order the house red
or white wine because they can't understand the flowery, pretentious
descriptions on the wine list and are afraid to admit it. Only half understood
the word "oaked" (aged in oak barrels), with some thinking it meant acorns were
an ingredient. Two-thirds didn't know what "full-bodied" meant, although some
thought it meant they used larger grapes. And 70 percent didn't know
"appellation" was a guarantee of quality. Some thought it meant the wine was
made with apples.
* Like their favorite, Boone's Farm Apple Wine.
* This survey is completely wrong: people order the house wine because it's
CHEAPER...and they're afraid to admit it.
* They think house wine is cheaper because they believe the waiter made it at
* I thought "full-bodied" meant it came in a bottle shaped like Anna Nicole
Smith...Or a jug shaped like Kirstie Alley.
BRITNEY MAKES $6 MILLION OFF HER BABY
So THAT'S Her Talent! - The celebrity magazine OK has agreed to pay Britney
Spears $1.5 million for an interview about her childbirth and exclusive photos
of her baby son, Sean Preston. It's one of many deals she and Kevin Federline
have lined up, including $1.5 million to videotape the first few weeks of his
life for TV and $3 million to air footage of the birth on their reality show,
"Chaotic." All told, Britney will pocket about $6 million for having a baby.
* And she can pick up another $5 million by selling him to Angelina Jolie.
* We finally know Kevin Federline's job: "World's most overpaid sperm donor."
LOPEZ FIRED MANAGER WHO TOLD HER TO DIET
What An Ass! - IMDB.com reports that Jennifer Lopez, who's famous for her plump
bottom, said she never wanted to be like anyone else and was always determined
never to diet. But she said she once had a "manager who was very critical of my
shape, he felt that everyone should look like Heather Locklear - thin and
blonde." He told her to go on a diet, so J. Lo said, "I fired him."
* Then he refused to leave, so she sat on him.
* It worked out okay: he's now Heather Locklear's manager.
* Bad advice. Given that J. Lo makes lousy records and worse movies...If she
were thin and blonde, she'd be Madonna.
MADONNA'S HUSBAND FORGETS HER NAME
He Did Better Than Most Husbands - Madonna's director husband Guy Ritchie had an
embarrassing moment on the French TV show, "Everybody's Talking About It," when
he forgot his wife's name. The host surprised him with a trivia quiz about
Madonna. An audience member said he looked irritated but went along. But he
couldn't remember what she wore at their wedding, and when asked her full name,
he stammered until a fellow guest jumped in and told him it's Madonna Louise
* And Guy replied, "Oh crap! I married someone named
* Ever since she starred in his movie "Swept Away," he's been trying to blot
her name from his memory.
"SEX" ADS REMOVED FROM BUSES
Banned In Boston - Boston's transit authority is yanking ads for syndicated
reruns of "Sex & The City" from buses, after getting a complaint from Pastor
Bruce Wall. The ads read, "Sex every night. 11 p.m." Wall said he and his
wife were in front of their church when seven buses rolled by with the ads, and
they thought it was "dirtying the neighborhood." He said the "Sex every night"
ads might be all right for married couples, but not for teens.
* Oh come on, who's more likely to have sex every night,
teens or married couples?!
* Actually, THEIR church frowns on sex every night for married couples.
* Maybe he didn't realize, this was just for people who like to watch.
* Vincent Pastore, who played Big Pussy on "The Sopranos," agreed to a plea
deal for assaulting his girlfriend and will attend anger management classes...
Wow, he IS a Big Pussy!
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