"The Secret Cellar"
The Secret Cellar (2003) is a direct to video that IMDB has very sketchy information on. The think it is called Blood & Roses. They list only two cast members and no reviews, but have two user comments. This is a very low budget soft core horror film. It is too dark. Those are the last negative comments you will hear from me on this film. The first user comment is from the film's director, John Quin, who says, "I only had nine days to direct this film but I'm very please by the way it turned out. I had a terrific cast that played off of each other extremely well, plus a great crew and a really tight script. It's hard to balance eroticism and horror but I feel I was able to do a pretty good job with this one. Thanks to all who were involved and a special thanks to Kelley Cauthen and Michael Goi."
I would agree that he did a good job. We have four women in this film, and they all have several things in common. They all show everything, including gyno-cam shots, none of them have any credits at IMDB, none of them appear to be surgically enhanced, ad all of them deliver lines convincingly. As if this isn't enough, they spend so much time naked that I have had to break this into two nights. Tonight, we have Christina Baby and Ananda Saint James. James is in one sex scene, but it is outdoors in daylight, and long. Baby has two sex scenes, also both very long. Tomorrow night we will have Kennedy Johnston and Cecelia Simon, along with a plot summary (yes, there is actually enough plot to summarize).
This is one hell of an effort, especially given the time and budget constraints. The physical locations were good, the plot was better than many soft-core efforts, all of the players could deliver lines, The special effects were not terrible and the sex scenes sizzled. For God sake, somebody give this man a real budget and realistic schedule, and let's see what he can do with it. C+
Ananda Saint James
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
- Updated volumes: Theresa Russell, Kim Cattrall, Michelle von
Flotow, Gabriella Hall
a fantastic opportunity - have you thought about
selling your soul?
Geri Halliwell hauls out her re-born chest. Her
date is Jerry O'Connell.
So this is a link about two boobs.
How To Draw The Nipples Back On Victoria's Secret
Catalogue Models Using Adobe Photoshop
Stupid Weekly Poll.
Which washed-up aging rocker has the most ridiculous hair/wig?
Ya gotta love California. The next celeb in
politics? Republican Strategists Eyeing Dennis Miller for The
BEN Affleck's hair shampoo adverts will never be
seen in the United States to save embarrassing the Hollywood
actor. The ads show the 31
year-old actor passionately kissing a model before advising men
that they should use the shampoo ``because we're worth it''. But
the adverts which have been derided as ``deeply embarrassing`` in
Britain have been banned from American television to protect
Affleck's image there."
Vote: Best TD celebrations
Poll reveals most hated sports include dogfighting,
golf! What surprised me is
that people hate regular golf even more than they hate the women
and seniors! Personally, I would have voted for synchronized
A group of French chefs and intellectuals have sent
a petition to the Pope, asking him to reclassify the deadly sin of
Cheerleading now a "sport" at U of Md. - university
will give 12 cheerleading scholarships
I believe this means the best sports movie of all time is no
longer Bull Durham, but The Swinging Cheerleaders, or maybe Debbie
Colin Powell plays the comic as David Letterman
Cubs Win! Cubs Win!
In style - they won a double header! Somewhere in the afterworld,
Harry Carey pops open a Bud or two.
The office phone number of a federal judge who
ruled last week that a national do-not-call registry is
unconstitutional was among the thousands already on the list.
Weird Al and Weird Alice
The Top 10 things you need to know for college
Tigers were down 8-1, and came back to win, thus
avoiding loss #120.
Entertainer Donald O'Connor, Star of 'Singin' in
the Rain,' Other Musicals, Dead at 78
high school kid kicks 64-yard FG
Can you guess which country has the world's tallest
building intended solely for hotel use.
I never would have guessed - North Korea. As you can imagine, the
pyramidal structure has all kinds of problems.
The Complete Bushisms - Updated frequently. By
Jacob Weisberg, The latest
entry: "I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who
are probably read the news " PROBABLY?
North Korea calls Rumsfeld an illiterate psychopath.
It's good to know that even among the bitterest of enemies, we can
all agree on certain things. Everybody sing along with me: "It's a
small world after all ..."
Vey cool concept for a font utility!:
"Ever wanted to have a font just like the one used by certain
publications, corporations, or ad campaigns? Well now you can,
using the WhatTheFont font recognition system. Upload a scanned
image of the font and we'll show you the closest matches in our
Genius documentarian Michael Moore once directed an
Elvis movie when he was six years old!
The biggest box set ever?
Paramount announced plans to issue a 48 disk set - every episode -
of Star Trek: TNG. Suggested retail price should come in between
$600 and $700, but amazon.co.uk is offering a pre-order price of
£338 on the Region 2 version.
archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap
Citizen Kane is important because of the way the story is
structured, the use of depth-of-field techniques unseen before in
film, the use of lighting, the mise en scènes. It really is not the
greatest film ever made, but one of the most influential in its
The Graduate made more sense to the generation that first saw it,
but it was a first in terms of showing a young person in modern
society not wanting what society tells him he is supposed to want,
and that our tunnel vision will not bring us happiness. Life is more
having a job lined up and meeting a nice girl.
Nothing can forgive a person for saying that 2001: A Space Odyssey
is a disappointment. It is only the greatest science fiction film
created, and in my mind one of the top five greatest films period.
It is THE film about the evolution of mankind, where we have been,
where we are, and where we are going. It abstracts our ridiculous
lives from the “noise” of pointless pop culture, and presents
human life in simple terms. We do because we want to learn more, to
be more, to grow. Thinking machines, our Creation, will become like
us to the point where they will be as capable of our mistakes as we
are, becoming indistinguishable from us, and just as much
“people” as we are. We, in turn, will evolve into something we
cannot fathom, something beyond what we currently understand.
There is a saying, “There’s no accounting for taste.” That’s not
true. There IS accounting for taste. It is a sign of unintelligence
to not “get” these films.
I'm kinda getting tired of the discussion.
In yesterday's mail, I had about two dozen letters pointing out what
a poor movie The Graduate is if one views it objectively. Today I
had two more letter writers, this time pointing out how much they
love The Graduate.
If you look at how the Graduate has been
perceived over the years, the attitudinal change has all been in the
mass market. It used to be both a box office smash with strong
appeal to the large youth audience, and a cult movie. It is still a
cult movie: film buffs loved it then, film buffs love it now. On the
other hand, the universal youth appeal is gone. The mass audiences
of teenagers and young adults loved it then, honest, they really
did. With today's young audiences, some people would like it, but it
would be a tiny niche film, not a mass market film. I have learned
never to recommend it to mass audience people who are looking for
"something good to watch". I've already tried that three times, and
gotten my ass kicked each time.
1. My wife Elya is Russian. She is immune
to the 50s-60s cultural biases which cause people to identify with
the movie. She found the movie neither intelligent nor entertaining,
but she did think Mrs Robinson was an interesting character, even if
her attraction to Benjamin was inexplicable. Elya asked me about the
film and I told her I thought it was excellent, but I didn't
necessarily agree with AFI's selecting it among the top 10 American
comedies. She said, "it's supposed to be a comedy?"
2. My son and his friend put the movie in.
I checked on them a half hour later, and they were watching a
different movie. They said nothing to me. I didn't ask. He's in
college. I thought he'd like it. Boy, was I wrong.
3. My daughter didn't offer a "good" or
"bad " on the quality, but she thought it was repulsive. She and her
girlfriends identified with Katharine Ross, of course, so Benjamin
reminds them of their creepy ex-boyfriend from hell who was obsessed
with them and just wouldn't go away, an unpleasant experience common
to most young women. It is not possible for any of them to
understand why Elaine gave in to him.
Obviously, our family's appreciation of
this movie will die with me.
Roger Ebert had another viewpoint. If I
remember right, he said that if you look at it with fresh eyes, The
Graduate is a lesser movie about a dorky guy who somehow,
inexplicably, becomes the object of the sexual lust of the hottest
babe in his town, and blows it all to marry her dorky daughter, thus
assuring himself a dorky future. It would be fun to imagine what a
sequel to The Graduate would be like. What happened to Benjamin and
Elaine after that bus ride? Is he now thrice-divorced, alcoholic,
hanging out in strip clubs, and the VP Marketing of a Plastics firm?
It would make a great project for Dustin Hoffman.
"Getting" a film has nothing to do with
liking it, and neither getting it nor liking it have anything to do
with whether it is good. The three are independent variables. I get
Hell Comes to Frogtown, and I like it, but I'm not going to tell you
that it is good. You can "get" 2001 and still think it is soporific
and boring and/or pretentious, although it is quite difficult to
argue that it isn't good.
Nor do profound thoughts make a movie
worthwhile. I like 2001, and I think it is dazzling in many
ways, so that one is not a good example. Let's use another, fairly
similar movie: Solaris. I understand it fine, and I like what it has
to say about learning to forgive oneself and others and to live at
peace with the past. I've seen both versions and read Lem's novel. I
believe that I understand all the subtleties. I just can't stay
awake during it. Simple as that. Not everything which is profound is
also good cinema. Some profundity belongs in essays, not in films.
Similarly, Tuna "gets" American Beauty, he just doesn't much care
for it, and I can relate to that, although I like that movie.
As for Citizen Kane, it was never a mass
audience movie, and pretty much everyone who watches Kane, having
heard so much about it, is shocked by how completely lacking it is
in watchability. (People didn't like it much in 1941 either -
mainstream Hollywood viewed it as an unmarketable art film, and they
proved to be right when the film lost money). It was and is an
influential film but, like Birth of a Nation, it is an important
film that just isn't enjoyed or even watched very much, except for
film school class.
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick
Locke, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
'Caps and comments by Oz:
Patricia Clarkson is topless but unfortunately not much is really visible in Wendigo.
Thuy Ann Luu is a topless dancer in Saigon and Look Nam is a prostitute.
Sigourney Weaver has her top off in Ghostbusters 2 but all we see is a lace bra.
"The Return of the Pink Panther"
Some sexy views of Catherine Schell in The Return of the Pink Panther.
- Catherine Schell
Another set of caps from Fashion TV, this time Carolina Ardohain gets down to her underwear to sell a watch.
"Warlock III : The End of Innocence"
The nudity in Warlock III : The End of Innocence comes from former Heffer (July '96) Angel Boris, and these views have appeared before. Ashley Laurence and Boti Ann Bliss also look good.
Some topless views of Maria Zorba in Rescue Me.
"Just Shoot Me"
Some gold pokies by Wendie Malick in an episode of the TV show Just Shoot Me.
"On the Edge"
Karen Sillas and Joey Lauren Adams are topless in On the Edge and Andie MacDowell gets all wet and semi-see-thru.
"Such is Life"
Some full nudity by Francesca Guillién in Such is Life.
- Francesca Guillién
Brief topless views of Faye Dunaway in Chinatown.
|The Latina mega-babe looking absolutely gorgeous nude in scenes from the multi-Oscar nominated (and two-time winner), "Frida". Fantastic collages by ZonononZor.
|Señor Skin takes another look at the 1989 Grade C movie, "Assault of the Party Nerds". Both ladies are topless.