Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


Scoopy, this is for your information in case anyone else asks. I switched from Windows to Linux and none of your .avis would play. I finally figured it out.

  • I had an ATI Radeon 9800 PRO graphics card. I didn't have and can't find a driver for it to run Linspire 5.0. I have sent an inquiry to ATI regarding this. 
  • I put my old nVidia card back in and it works just find now! 


Austin is being plagued with a strained power grid resulting from the extraordinary temperatures we have experienced in the last two days (108 degrees on Sunday, shattering the old record by 11 degrees, then 107 degrees on Monday, shattering the old record by nine degrees!) I lost power tonight, and I'm afraid it will happen again (things are flickering as I type), so I'm going to save my own stuff for tomorrow and just get the page done fast, before the power fails again. We have two more 100 degree days facing us, and it's almost October.


Comments and zipped .avis from ICMS.

Today we'll have a bit of a French day.

First I'd like to introduce you to the delightful Emma de Caunes in "Princesses" (2000). And we have a triple B performance getting out of the bath tub from this good-looking actress with the very cute butt. Or don't you agree?

Now we move on to 1980's "La dame aux camélias" starring Isabelle Huppert. (1, 2) Izzy is the new mistress of some important 19th century dude and he is introducing her to his friends in a way that they can see what it is all about, if you catch my drift.  

I'll translate the French subtitles in clip 2 into English:

Dude: "I want to present you to my friends."

Izzy: "Given the fact that I'll end up in the beds of all these gentleman, this seems appropriate."

Ain't she cool about showing herself off or what?

Emma and Isabelle also share a film in common, the 2004 flick "Ma Mère" which I found disgusting. Or what else should I think about a movie that ends with a son getting off/jerking off next to his mother's dead body in a hospital morgue. Mind you there's some good nudity in this thing by Emma and another actress. Maybe I'll do some clips from this one later on.


Caps and comments by Dann


OK, my turn for a shot at The Brown Bunny. The 2003 film received so much publicity (mostly negative) about the oral sex scene with Chloe Sevigny that it may get overlooked for what it is: a searing character study of a guy who isn't very nice but may not be all bad, either. Of course, saying "forget the BJ scene and concentrate on the movie" is a lot easier said than done.

Bud is a professional motorcycle racer who travels the country to race. During his travels, he easily attracts young women who are willing to do anything he asks, and he just as easily discards them like dirty shorts. The reason for this behavior is that Bud has not gotten over his true love, Daisy, the only women he really wants. When he finally sees Daisy again, the real reason for her leaving him becomes shockingly clear.

Since sex and drug use are a central part of this movie, the explicitness is not only understandable but also necessary. Sadly, all that titillation obscures what is actually a decent movie underneath. Slow-moving and highly detailed, the whole point of the movie only becomes really clear in the last 2-3 minutes.

Chloe Sevigny

Crimson Ghost

Captures and comments from the Ghost

Catherine Bell in "Hotline"

Amanda Decadenet in Mascara

Erika Eleniak in Under Siege

Maggie Fitzgerald in Dracula and His Vampire Brides.

Judy Greer in Adaptation

Judy Greer in What Planet are You From?

Gail Harris in The Haunting of Morella

Ashley Judd in Eye of the Beholder

Jordan Ladd in Club Dread

Kathrin Lautner in Night of the Running Man

Sheryl Lee in John Carpenter's Vampires

Lisa Pescia in Body Chemistry 2

Ely Pouget in "Red Shoe Diaries"

Brandy Sanders in Indecent Behavior

Jane Seymour in Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger

Helen Shaver in Poltergeist: The Legacy

Iona Skye in Mascara.

Christy Thom in Meatballs 4

Amy Weber in Forbidden Games

Catherine Weber in To the Limit

Kate Winslet in Titanic.


'Caps and comments by Hankster:  


First today we return to yesterday's feature "Crawlspace" and 5 more caps of Tane McClure and her nipple-exposing bra, which the "Scoop Man" didn't run yesterday (Oh, wait that would be because I didn't send them).
We move on to another B-movie veteran Monique Parent in "Lust Connection". Monique is getting it on stark naked with her man in the great outdoors. This gal has been around awhile, bit still looks pretty darned good. I wouldn't kick her out of my woods. 


Bibi Beglau in Kammerflimmern   
Jessica Schwartz in Kammerflimmern


This is Carrie Ng from the film 'Sex Medusa.' Info about the movie here                  

There is also a video clip. Two options:


Page Three Girl Sophie Howard at the beach. The Brit tabloids are creating a whole new category of photo. They aren't posed and they aren't paparazzi. They are, for lack of a better term, "staged paparazzi."
Shelley Bennett in The Hollow
Movie Reviews


Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.


  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Other Crap

Now here's a movie that needs to get made: Brian Dennehy as Skipper, Adam Sandler as Gilligan, Rob Schneider as ????

Could this be the most unnecessary movie every made? The trailer for Yours, Mine and Ours.

  • Cheaper by the Dozen and a Half? Will this come out in competition with Cheaper by the Dozen 2?
  • I can't believe Dennis Quaid let himself get talked into this. He is either behind in his payments, or temporarily forgot he was Dennis and took one of Randy's scripts. (Rene Russo looks gorgeous, however!)

Super Mario Brothers - the Opera. Joining the greats of opera: there's Don Giovanni, Madame Butterfly, Springer, and this.

Even when not throwing each other out windows, the Czechs are some weird dudes.

  • "The idea is disarmingly simple. Two bronze sculptures pee into their oddly-shaped enclosure. While they are peeing, the two figures move realistically. An electric mechanism driven by a couple of microproccesors swivels the upper part of the body, while the penis goes up and down. The stream of water writes quotes from famous Prague residents. Visitors can interupt them by sending SMS message from mobile phone to a number, displayed next to the sculptures. The living statue then writes the text of the message, before carrying on as before."
  • With videos and animation. Must-see. Totally fucked up idea.

The trailer for Ushpizin

  • "A heartwarming and humorous Israeli drama set in the customarily closed world of ultra-Orthodox Jews, "Ushpizin" is the story of Moshe and Malli, a married couple, who are suffering through a financial crisis. Naturally they pray for help, but instead of a miracle, two suspicious strangers with criminal pasts appear on their doorstep. The couple believes their guests were sent to them by God as a test of faith. The film is reportedly the first made by members of the Israeli ultra-Orthodox community."
  • Another certain blockbuster!

The trailer for Sueño

  • "John Leguizamo, Elizabeth Pena and Ana Claudia Talancon star in this inspirational film about Antonio, a young man who gets the once in a lifetime chance to make his dreams of becoming a musician a reality. Antonio moves from Mexico to Los Angeles to pursue his dreams of sharing his music with the world. Just as he is about to give up after toiling at his uncle's fast food joint, his dreams become within reach when the 'Chance of a Lifetime Mystery Musician Contest' comes to town. Along the way to making his dreams a reality, Antonio meets up with two beautiful women who also rediscover their passions."

Two clips fromThe Greatest Game Ever Played

  • You enter from the "course map."
  • "From the studio that brought you "The Rookie" and "Miracle" and director Bill Paxton, comes a story of courage, passion and of the greatest American sports hero you have probably never heard of... An amateur player from a working class family, Francis Ouimet - played by Shia LaBeouf ("Holes") - shocked the golf world when at the 1913 U.S. Open, flanked by his 10-year-old caddie, he defeated his idol, the defending British champion Harry Vardon - played by Stephen Dillane. An unlikely match-up - "the ingenue versus the seasoned champ" - theirs was the greatest match the sport had ever known. Caught between a world of hardship and a beckoning life of privilege, Francis needed to prove his unfailing will and ability to make it to the tournament. Elias Koteas ("Traffic," "Ararat") plays Francis' tough, hardworking father. Newcomer Peyton List is Sarah Wallis, the beautiful young woman, who catches Francis' heart. Joshua Flitter is Eddie Lowery, the pint sized caddie who helps Francis find his way through the troublesome fairways to victory."
  • This is one of the best sports books ever written, about possibly the greatest real-life underdog story of all time, so my hopes are high, but I'm terrified that Disney will turn it into something sappy. (That music scares me!)

The trailer for Glory Road.

  • "Glory Road tells the inspiring true story of the underdog Texas Western basketball team, with history's first all African American starting lineup of players, who took the country by storm, surprisingly winning the 1966 NCAA tournament title. Josh Lucas stars as Hall of Famer Don Haskins, the passionately dedicated college basketball coach that changed the history of basketball with his team's victory in this time of innocence."

A moment of silence under the cone ... Actor Don Adams dead at 113 years old. Would you believe 82? He almost made it as an A-list star. Missed it by THIS much.

The Danish government is under attack for paying for its disabled citizens to have sex with prostitutes.

What is the all-time best Sitcom Theme Song? There is a tournament to determine this at Boston.com. Well, excuse me, Boston.com, but I'm having a tough time lending any credibility to a tournament in which Green Acres wasn't even nominated.

Crazy site for the fans of the hit ABC show "Lost." Tons of stuff here if you have the time and desire to dig for it.

2005 NFL Cheerleading Tour - Day 13 :Denver Broncos

Tonight we head out West for the Monday Night Football match up in Denver. This is Kansas City's first Monday Night trip to Denver since the classic October 17, 1994 game in which Joe Montana engineered a late 4th quarter drive on John Elway's home field. This should be a great contest. The official web site for the KC Chiefs claims that 25 of the last 30 games between these two teams have been won by the team that scores last.

I figure we should take a good look at the girls now because, according to weather.com, cooler weather my cause the girls to cover up a bit by halftime. Well, it is fall in Colorado. The Denver Broncos cheerleaders have the hearts of fans all over the Rocky Mountains. Their web site has some highlights, but there should be more. There is a nice gallery of the 2005 auditions (although it takes a little while to download), and a great video of the 2004 auditions. The bios are very nice, and the picture accompanying each one is great, but there should be more than one picture accompanying each bio. It looks like the roster picture was taken when the team was announced after final try-outs. That is OK, but it would be nice to see the team in their uniforms, which are some of the best in the NFL). There is a nice preview of the 2006 swimsuit calendar, but you get charged for screen savers! That's crazy! The appearance section is nice (you can see which girls will show at events), but no pictures of the events themselves. The section states that the girls do over 1,000 hours of community service. We should see it! All in all not a bad site, but there is still room to grow in the Mile High city.

Rating 7.0 out of 10.

The REAL Pat Tillman

  • Remember the name? He was the "handsome, muscle-bound NFL star who passed up a multi-million dollar contract to become an Army Ranger battling Al Qaeda in Afghanistan."
  • He was held up as a gung-ho warrior by the right and a mindless dupe by the left. As so often happens, they were both completely in error.
    • Tillman joined the Army specifically to fight Al Qaeda in Afghanistan, but was sent to participate in the invasion of Iraq against his wishes. He called the invasion, "so fucking illegal."
    • He was an avid reader and fan of Noam Chomsky. Tillman's friend arranged a meeting for him with Chomsky that would have taken place if Tillman had ever returned from Afghanistan.
    • Tillman was an independent-minded, outspoken Bush critic who planned to vote for John Kerry.

Say what? "Women who are left-handed may be at a higher risk of developing breast cancer." Well, at least you can't accuse these researchers of wasting millions to reach on obvious conclusion.


  • "Eccentric film-maker DAVID CRONENBERG shocked his cast and crew on the set of new movie A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE, by publicly performing sex scenes with his wife. The director hoped his explicit displays of affection with his wife would help stars VIGGO MORTENSEN and MARIA BELLO, who play man and wife in the film, feel more comfortable during their sex scenes together. But, instead, the Cronenbergs just left everyone on the set stunned."

Some semi-see-thru t-shirts as worn by Xtina.

Sports Dignity is dedicated to nudity at sporting events. Most of it is male, but there are some hot chicks in there if you look around.

Guy Ritchie forgot Madonna's full name live on television Yeah, as if he ever knew it.

The Houston Chronicle asks, "How come fuel trucks couldn't make it to Houston, but Tom DeLay and Sheila Jackson Lee had no problem getting here? The wrong bags of gas got through."

Nicole Kidman will star in and produce a big screen adaptation of Jules Bass' comic novel Headhunters, about four New Jersey women who jet to Monte Carlo and pretend to be rich heiresses in hopes of landing wealthy husbands. There, they are targeted by four down-on-their-luck gigolos trying to pass as wealthy playboys.

The Corpse Bride, as reviewed by the man who truly puts the mise in mise en scene, whatever that means, The Filthy Critic

  • "There should be a warning label on The Corpse Bride. I mean, if they're gonna warn middle-aged men that sucking too much beer can be hazardous to their unborn babies' health, the government should step in and let folks know that this movie has a shitload of show tunes in it."
  • "Another warning maybe should be about the unbearable puns. The goth movie is littered with macabre puns about 'losing heads' and 'cutting someone short' like it's broken glass under the sand at Bolsa Chica State Beach. It seems to me that puns are the sort of thing that nobody enjoys, but a lot of people assume everyone else does. They have the same aura as John Grisham novels: they appear clever without ever being so."

This was posted inside an earlier thread, but it needs to be up here on the main page. "A few links and a Yahoo search later, we have possibly the ultimate tin-foil hat site. Turns out Katrina was manipulated by the Illuminati to distract the press from the revelation that Bush bribed his way into the presidency." Was Hurricane Katrina Contrived Via Weather Modification? Yeah, that hurricane really helped the Bush cause. Why, after his response, I'm surprised he didn't get added instantly to Mt Rushmore!

Pat Reeder     www.comedy-wire.com

Pat's comments in yellow

God Was Not Pleased That Year - The good news was bad timing for Barbra Streisand, who just gave an interview to Diane Sawyer and declared the world to be "in a global warming emergency state" and predicted storms will "become more frequent, more intense."  It prompted the Drudge Report to list all the devastating hurricanes that have hit since Streisand was born in 1942, including the deadly Hurricane Camille with 190 mph winds the year Barbra won the Best Actress Oscar for "Funny Girl."

*  Say...maybe hurricanes are caused by Barbra Streisand!
*  Sorry, I'm not making any long-range climatological predictions until I hear from Celine Dion.

Good Luck Pursuing That - Scott Stevens of Pocatello, Idaho, has quit his job as a TV weatherman to pursue his theory that Hurricane Katrina was created by the Japanese Yakuza mafia using a Russian-made electromagnetic generator to avenge the attack on Hiroshima.  The station boss said Stevens' outside interests are his own, and he'd never promoted them on the air.  Plus, of all the local TV weathermen, his predictions were the most accurate.

*  And that's pretty amazing, considering he got them from a Ouija board.
*  Of course, even the prediction about the Yakuza creating hurricanes is more accurate than most local TV weather forecasts.

More Like "April-July" - People and Us Weekly magazines report that Ashton Kutcher, 27, and Demi Moore, 42, were married Saturday in a Kabbalah ceremony in Los Angeles.  It was attended by 100 guests, including Moore's ex-husband, Bruce Willis.  Reuters said the Kutcher-Moore romance, with its 15-year age difference, is seen in Hollywood as evidence of a liberating new trend of older women dating younger men, reversing the typical version of "May-December romances."

*  People in Hollywood think it's nice that Demi will have someone to care for her in her old age, five years from now.
*  Why is it news that Ashton Kutcher finds Demi Moore attractive?  Call me when Orlando Bloom starts dating Shelley Winters.

Plan Of A Tack - Secret Service agents visited a school in Currituck County, North Carolina, after a photo developer alerted them to a possible threat to President Bush.  He'd developed a photo that showed a picture of Bush with a thumbtack in his head.  The Secret Service determined that it was just a student's class project: a mosaic on freedoms in the U.S.  The thumbtack was just in Bush's head to hold the photo to the wall.

*  That was actually his clever cover story for his fiendish plot to kill the president with voodoo!
*  I doubt Bush would feel it even if you put a thumb tack into his actual head.

Cupid's Arrow - Alec Webster of Shropshire, England, bought some South American flowers and gave them to his girlfriend Kerry Swinton in his car. But the romantic moment turned sour when she saw something peering at her from the flowers.  She screamed, "There's a frog!" - a scary-looking, exotic frog.  Alec stuffed the flowers in the car trunk and rushed home to try to identify it on the Internet.  Experts think it could be a relative of the Poison Arrow frog, which is venomous enough to kill ten people.  Alec said he'll still buy Kerry flowers, but he'll stick to roses.

*  Thorny, allergy-causing, killer bee-attracting roses...
*  Police are suspicious because the florist was also having a special on funeral lilies.
*  See, ladies, THIS is why we don't buy you flowers!  We're just trying to protect you!

Sooty, a pet guinea pig from Wales, got 206 Valentine cards from as far away as New Zealand, nabbing him the record for most valentines sent to a guinea pig.

*  Just think up your own Richard Gere joke.
*  Jude Law still holds the record for most valentines sent to a pig.


*  Pakistani intelligence told "60 Minutes" that they believe Osama bin Laden is hiding out with about 10 sycophants, and is now cut off from the world and has a reputation but no real influence anymore

... He's sort of the Liz Taylor of terrorist masterminds.

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