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"La Casa del tempo"

La Casa del tempo (1989 TV movie), or The House of Clocks, is a Lucio Fulci gorefest. Three punks, a girl and two guys, are out to rip off an elderly couple in a remote villa. They don't know, of course, that the sweet couple has killed their niece and nephew, there maid, and probably others we don't know about. The old man has a huge clock collection, which occupies most of his time. The punks end up killing the old couple and their gardener, then the clocks begin to run backwards, and the dead come back looking for revenge.

Karina Huff, as one of the three punks, briefly shows her breasts in a sex scene. The film does have some effective gore effects, but I never found the plot engaging. Probably my favorite scene was the death of the maid, where the old woman shoves a big stick into her stomach. When she pulls it back out, animal intestines start oozing out of the hole. IMDB readers say 7.4 of 10, with only 26 votes. I suspect all of those are Fulci fans. With the weak plot, I can give thsi no more than a C-.

  • Thumbnails

  • Karina Huff (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    "La Tarea"

    La Tarea (1990), which translates Homework, was billed as Mexico's answer to Sex, Lies and Videotape. It is a very simple film. As it opens, we see Maria Rojo setting up a video camera to peep on her study. Then, a knock on the door, and in comes an old lover. She is clearly out to seduce him on camera. I don't want to give away more of the plot, as you might want to see this film.

    Rojo shows all three Bs during this film, which is clearly shot in a house with one camera which never moves, and two characters, yet, for such a simple production, is worth the watch. IMDB readers say 7.0 of 10, which is not bad at all for a sub-titled, low budget comedy. The sub-titles are not that big a problem, as the dialogue is rather simple. Maria Rojo is very easy on the eyes, and has 71 film credits, and many Mexican award nominations. This is a strong C+. A simple film, based on a good idea, and rather well acted.

  • Thumbnails

  • Maria Rojo (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    The last of this week's new DVDs:

    Swimming Pool . Imagine if Scream were re-made by a bunch of Germans and Czechs in an international high school in Prague, with high school students in their thirties who speak English like Bela Lugosi reading from cue cards. If that has been your dream film, your dream has come true, bubba.

    Murder by Numbers is a surprisingly intelligent murder mystery in certain ways. It really only has three important characters, and develops them in great depth. The murder is innovative, because from the first moments of the film we know who the murderers are and why they did it. Since Sandra Bullock is the detective, we assume that she'll get them. But getting to that point is a complex game of psychology!

    I enjoyed the film, but it sure lacks energy. These are some of the most laid-back actors ever. I think Ben Chaplin actually fell asleep a few times - and he was speaking at the time.

    They kind of changed the entire tone of the film with an over-the-top ending involving people hanging over cliffs! Talk about a cliffhanger!

    No nudity. I guess that isn't ever going to happen again with Sandra, our #1 local celebrity here in Austin. Well, that assumes dead celebrities are excluded, which would eliminate local legend Stevie Ray Vaughn, and it also assumes Willie Nelson is a generic Texas celebrity belonging to no specific town. We actually have a statue of Stevie Ray in town, by the way, but none of Bullock yet!)



    • Charlie's French Cinema Nudity Site is updated
    • There are new encyclopedia volumes for the following: Nicole Ari Parker, Mia Kirshner, Mia Sara, Sarah Wynter, Rya Kihlstedt, Margot Kidder, Salma Hayek, Linda Hamilton, Sylvia Abascal, Elizabeth Berkley, and Laura Gemser


    Virus/Worm warning

    Ah, the genius of Microsoft. Talk about a company becoming too big to work effectively.

    THE STORY BEGINS: I received this e-mail:

    Microsoft Customer,

         this is the latest version of security update, the
     "21 Sep 2002 Cumulative Patch" update which eliminates all
    known security vulnerabilities affecting Internet Explorer and
    MS Outlook/Express as well as six new vulnerabilities, and is
    discussed in Microsoft Security Bulletin MS02-005. Install now to
    protect your computer from these vulnerabilities, the most serious of which
    could allow an attacker to run code on your computer.

    Description of several well-know vulnerabilities:

    - "Incorrect MIME Header Can Cause IE to Execute E-mail Attachment" vulnerability.
    If a malicious user sends an affected HTML e-mail or hosts an affected
    e-mail on a Web site, and a user opens the e-mail or visits the Web site,
    Internet Explorer automatically runs the executable on the user's computer.

    - A vulnerability that could allow an unauthorized user to learn the location
    of cached content on your computer. This could enable the unauthorized
    user to launch compiled HTML Help (.chm) files that contain shortcuts to
    executables, thereby enabling the unauthorized user to run the executables
    on your computer.

    - A new variant of the "Frame Domain Verification" vulnerability could enable a
    malicious Web site operator to open two browser windows, one in the Web site's
    domain and the other on your local file system, and to pass information from
    your computer to the Web site.

    - CLSID extension vulnerability. Attachments which end with a CLSID file extension
    do not show the actual full extension of the file when saved and viewed with
    Windows Explorer. This allows dangerous file types to look as though they are simple,
    harmless files - such as JPG or WAV files - that do not need to be blocked.

    System requirements:
    Versions of Windows no earlier than Windows 95.

    This update applies to:
    Versions of Internet Explorer no earlier than 4.01
    Versions of MS Outlook no earlier than 8.00
    Versions of MS Outlook Express no earlier than 4.01

    How to install
    Run attached file q216309.exe

    How to use
    You don't need to do anything after installing this item.

    For more information about these issues, read Microsoft Security Bulletin MS02-005, or visit link below.
    If you have some questions about this article contact us at

    Thank you for using Microsoft products.

    With friendly greetings,
    MS Internet Security Center.
    Microsoft is registered trademark of Microsoft Corporation.
    Windows and Outlook are trademarks of Microsoft Corporation.

    The letter turns out to be false.

    • I don't trust e-mail attachments, especially if they are in .exe format, so I followed the link, went to the linked page, and found that no such update exists.
    • Bulletin MS02-005 was actually issued in February, and is associated with a completely different executable file.
    • There are misspellings and punctuation errors in the letter that you wouldn't normally see in a corporate bulletin - things like "well-know" instead of "well-known", some of the series items missing a colon, etc.
    • The mail header is as follows:
    Received: from ([]) by with Microsoft SMTPSVC(5.0.2195.4905);
    Wed, 25 Sep 2002 17:00:36 -0700
    Received: from ([]) by with Microsoft SMTPSVC(5.0.2195.4905);
    Wed, 25 Sep 2002 17:00:39 -0700
    Received: from ([] helo=pfuckie)
    by with smtp (Exim 3.33 #1)
    id 17uM4m-0006rI-00; Wed, 25 Sep 2002 17:00:17 -0700
    From: "Microsoft Corporation Security Center" <>
    To: "Microsoft Customer" <''>
    Subject: Internet Security Update
    Reply-To: <>
    MIME-Version: 1.0
    Content-Type: multipart/mixed;
    Message-Id: <>
    Date: Wed, 25 Sep 2002 17:00:17 -0700
    X-OriginalArrivalTime: 26 Sep 2002 00:00:39.0595 (UTC) FILETIME=[BFB337B0:01C264EF]


    My guess is that the attached .exe file is a virus or worm disguised as a Microsoft security update. I ain't about to execute it to find out.

    So I try to be a good citizen and contact Microsoft. Their online form to submit information fails. I call their legal department. The guy who answers tells me that he only deals with piracy, and he has no idea who to contact at Microsoft about security issues. I tell him I have the letter, I have the attachment, and I have the e-mail headers, I'll be happy to forward them to somebody in his company. He gives me their general switchboard phone number, and it is a regular call number in Washington State, not a toll-free! So I am supposed to call them at my expense, get put on hold at the general switchboard, and when somebody finally talks to me, it will be a general operator who won't have any idea to whom I should be sent. Meanwhile, I will be paying for the phone time, and I will be wasting my own time as well.

    Needless to say, I just dropped it. Let 'em solve their own problems.

    And Microsoft wonders why people hate them.

    Anyway, if you get a letter that is supposed to be from Microsoft, I'd suggest that you go to their site and verify the authenticity of the info in the letter. Needless to say, never click on an .exe file if you don't know exactly what you are doing.


    Other crap


    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response
    • Debra Winger, showing all 3 B's in the very wonderfully filmed, but really dull movie "The Sheltering Sky".

    • Jennifer Tilly, topless in the indie film "Fast Sofa". According to the IMDb, Adult film star Asia Carrera was Tilly's body double. The scene 'capped here is pretty brief and the face is partially obscured, so I'm not sure who we're looking at.

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

    New on DVD....Dann takes a look at "The Scorpion King". A pretty good action flick starring pro-wrestler The Rock.

    Kelly Hu is scantily clad, very lovely, and must have had some kind of industrial strength movie tape keeping her hair from revealing the goods.

    A few extra comments by Dann:

    Lots of action, lots of ass-kicking, lots of barely-dressed beauties; yeah, I'd say its worth a watch.

    Also...from the Showtime version of "The Outer Limits"...Sofia Shinas goes full frontal in the episode "Valerie 23".

    The man who lives at #1 Obscurity Lane stikes again.

    Maggie Gyllenhaal Full frontal nudity in scenes from the indie film "Secretary" (2002).

    Imogen Bailey
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    More breast and bum views from Black and White magazine.

    Elizabeth Berridge New topless scenes from the Director's Cut of the 1985 Oscar winner for Best Picture, "Amadeus", by Mr Z.

    Christy Turlington A Dead Red scan of the supermodel exposing just a bit of nipple.

    Gisele Bundchen The Brazilian mega-model showing off some lovely cleavage. Thanks again to Dead Red.

    Phoebe Cates
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Just before "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" made her famous, she made a movie called "Paradise". Her nude scenes from "Paradise" are no where near as famous as her emerging from the pool scene, but they are still pretty darn good and include all 3 B's. Nice work by Señor Skin.

    Jessica Miller
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    A few new topless scans by C2000, from Another Magazine.

    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    aka Tanja Hewer, a German singer in several bikini poses. Partial bum views in links #3,6, and 7. Scans by Primal.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Oh!...That's Different...Never Mind - Tuesday, Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle made an emotional demand for an apology from President Bush for politicizing war with Iraq, after the Washington Post quoted him saying that Senate Democrats are more concerned with protecting their interests than America's security. Republicans shot back that the article was about Democrats' demand to staff the Homeland Security Department with union civil servants, not the war, and that Democrats were politicizing the war by refusing to vote on their support until after the election. Democrats shot back that they're delaying taking a stand on the war until after the election to keep it from being politicized.

  • We must protect the sacred American electoral process by keeping voters from knowing where their Senators stand until after the election!
  • In a poll by Total Film magazine, moviegoers voted Hannibal Lechter as the most frightening film character of all time. In second place was Norman Bates of "Psycho"...Third place: Debbie Reynolds in "Mother"...Of course, the overall scariest character ever to come out of Hollywood is Joan Rivers.

    From Page 6

    ABERCROMBIE & Fitch has outdone itself. The store chain's new "magalog," a catalog disguised as a magazine, is even more salacious than past efforts, with a naked Heidi Klum on the cover - one hand hiding her nipples, the other holding a Santa hat over a naked man's crotch. The tag line reads: "180 pages of sex and Xmas fun! Heidi Klum adds inches, Spike Lee catches it on tape, Larry Flynt breaks tapes, Heidi Fleiss gets what she wants, street corner Santa brawls and more!" One spy said: "There is a ton of bums and breasts inside. Everyone is naked." The quarterly, targeted at teens and college students, will be featured on "Entertainment Tonight" later this week.

  • Mail Bag Requests
    Hey Scoops,

    The other night on JAG , Catherine Bell was shown on regular tv in her alledged military underwear. Talk about hot! Anyone get any 'caps?