"Blood Sisters of Lesbian Sin"
Blood Sisters of Lesbian Sin (1997) -- I can trash this film with three "T" words, "Terrible Troma Tittyflick." The production values are non-existent. Same is pretty much true of the acting. Justin Gorence is The Monk, a Vampire and witch hunter. He is coapted by a witch, one of three sisters that each have a third of a magic blood stone. She zaps him with a laser blast from her third of the stone and kidnaps his secretary, and force shim to go after the other two thirds of the stone. From there, time is about equally divided between gratuitous nudity and poorly choreographed fight sequences.
We have breasts from Lara Daans, Erin Ashley, Lynn Seger, and two unknowns. A very few IMDb readers have this at 1.4. I am certain that, if more people vote, the score will drop considerably. Avoid this like the plague. F.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Vanishing Point (1971):
The quality of films went through a very serious
valley in the period in the 60s and early 70s, with 1970 arguably
being the worst year in the history of cinema. It was so bad that
the industry simply could not produce five credible nominees for
best picture. In fact, it was a struggle to come up with three. The
two strong war movies, Patton and M*A*S*H, were about the only
respectable offerings that year. The third nominee was the mediocre
Five Easy Pieces, and the other two were execrable mainstream films,
Love Story and Airport.
To be honest, Five Easy Pieces, genuinely the third
best film of that year, would not have cracked the top 25 in the
banner year of 1999. As for Love Story and Airport - well - what can
you say? I suppose there may be other years with two such abominable
Oscar nominees, but I don't want to think about the existence of
such a shameful situation.
There were two stages to the decline of film in the
In the first stage, the Hollywood dream factory
was falling apart. The studio system was decaying and out of
touch, a dinosaur clinging to a life that probably should gave
ended in the thirties. Movies were safe, formulaic, and
In the second stage, the "auteur era" was trying
to emerge from the primordial ooze. The films in this last stage,
in the late 60s and the beginning of the 70s, were no longer
standard Hollywood copycat offerings, but they had no idea where
they were going.
You see, the cultural revolution of 1967-74 had no
philosophic underpinning like the French and American revolutions.
The whole movement was based on anomie, and a vague understanding
that "the man" was out to get us. If the U.S. had not had a
selective service system, and/or had stayed out of Vietnam, there
probably wouldn't have been much of a revolution to begin with. The
people of the counter culture simply had nothing in common except an
opposition to authority, most of which stemmed from the fact that
they didn't want to be told that they had to die in the jungle.
Counter-culturalism, really anti-authortarianism,
was reflected in the mood of the times and the battle lines that
were drawn between the opposing cultural camps. The counter-culture
did not really establish a powerful non-conformist trend, but rather
created a new, alternate conformism with a new symbolism. I suppose
that's how we humans work. We seem to be belongers. The new
conformity said: (1) oppose authority in all its avatars, including
materialism, the police, the military, your local water
commissioner, even your school principal (2) oppose all the symbols
of the authoritarian class, including but not limited to short hair,
white shirts, neat suits, and polished speech patterns.
But there was a great dilemma. If the whole point of
a movie is to make money for its investors, how can those
money-grubbing investors create a product that will appeal to those
who profess to disdain materialism? That is the trap in which the
movie industry was caught in the hippie years. The old-style films
like Funny Girl were losing their economic clout because they had no
appeal to the counter-culture. The new films like Easy Rider managed
to tap into the youth market, but they were all attitude and no
quality. They were so inept and amateurish that they had no
Hollywood had no idea how to respond to the changes
in society. A film like Catch 22, which was both anti-war and
anti-authority, was not acceptable to the counter culture, because
it was obviously made by a bunch of guys who had nice haircuts, wore
good suits, and got A's in school. A film like Vanishing Point, on
the other hand, was the very polar opposite of Catch-22. It looked
and felt like it was made by drop-outs and serious dope smokers, but
(perhaps because of that) it was just completely inept at all the
things that people require from a film: pacing ... character
development ... excitement. Basically, it just rambles and rambles.
Some scene transitions don't follow logically. Certain
pseudo-symbolic occurrences consist of things which don't make any
sense on the literal level.
On the surface, it is a simple story of Kowalski, a
guy who promises to deliver a car from Denver to San Francisco in an
unrealistically short period of time. The strength of his promise is
buttressed by his having made a bet that he could pull it off, and
his resolve is fortified by vast quantities of speed. He's going to
do it, or die trying. Since the film was made in the early 70s, you
can probably guess which of the two will be his fate.
He's a retired race driver, so it seems that he may
just be able to pull it off, but after a few hours on the road, he
has the entire Colorado Highway Patrol after him. In due time, the
responsibility is shifted to the law enforcement agencies of Utah,
Nevada, and California. In the course of the film, he's being
pursued by virtually every policeman west of the Mississippi.
Eventually he becomes a bit of a cause celebre, the media becomes
interested in his flight from the police, and everyday people start
to talk about him and whether he can pull it off.
All of that might have made for a pretty decent film
if it had not been made, as I suggested earlier, by people who were
smoking too much loco weed. It was going along coherently until his
escape took him into Death Valley, where he was simply barreling
through the sand and sagebrush in his power car. Then he got a flat
tire and met some people in the desert - an old snake hunter, a
congregation of Jesus freaks, a naked chick on a motorcycle, two gay
thieves. The naked chick even had a collage on the wall dedicated to
Kowalski, picturing the days when our hero was a dedicated cop. She
showed him the collage, and he never showed any surprise that a
naked hippie living in the desert had an entire wall of pictures
dedicated to him. He just said, "that was a long time ago."
This collection of characters and situations would
seem a bit unrealistic in a Road Runner cartoon, but in the context
of a film which started out to be a fairly exciting and
reality-grounded chase movie, the hippified detour in the desert is
positively surreal, particularly since Kowalski didn't even know how
to navigate through the desert and was just driving aimlessly in
circles to begin with - albeit at top speed!!!
As Kowalski left the desert, he stopped to pick up a
female hitchhiker, played by cult goddess Charlotte Rampling. The
driver and Rampling had a mysterious and presumably metaphorical
conversation of some kind, in which we are supposed to conclude (I
think) that she was not a mortal women at all, but rather The Grim
Reaper in convenient hardbody form. Her dialogue was filled with
innuendo and faux-symbolism, punctuated by faraway looks. He asked
her how long she had been waiting for a ride, and she replied, "I've
been waiting for you so long, Kowalski - so very long. Perhaps most
of your life. Yes, so very, very long ...."
As Kowalski made his way through the journey, he was
"adopted" by a mysterious blind black DJ called Super Soul, who
lionized Kowalski to his listeners as the last American hero, and
relayed information designed to help Kowalski elude the police. (His
radio station? KOW, as in Kowalski.) The police were not crazy about
this, as you might expect, so a bunch of crazy redneck cops broke
into Super Soul's station and beat the crap out of him. Then they
forced Super Soul to broadcast some false information to Kowalski,
thus leading our hero into a trap. Somehow Super Soul got himself
back in business immediately, resumed his normal broadcasts, and
Kowalski outfoxed the police.
Once again, the symbolic stuff failed because it
just didn't work on the literal level. The DJ was not only able to
transmit his signal to Kowalski's car radio across four states, but
he was also able to hear Kowalski talk back to the radio, and they
engaged in interactive discussions. I kept trying to figure out if
Super Soul was just in Kowalski's imagination, but that could not
have been the case, because he gave Kowalski information that the
driver could not have otherwise known, and other people could also
hear Super Souls's voice on Kowalski's radio. I guess he was just
one of those blind black DJs who can transmit a thousand miles from
a small town radio station and can hear their listeners talk back to
them. There seemed to be a lot of those back in the 60s.
All in all, the film proceeds under the false
blanket of anti-authoritarianism. Kowalski is admired by the common
people because he is fleeing the man. But why the hell is he doing
it? Is it to call attention to an important cause, or to defend his
family's farm, or something? Not at all. He just made a bet that he
could do it, and he wants to win that bet. He's fighting for
freedom, all right - the freedom to drive 160 MPH while stoned out
of his head, thus endangering as many innocent motorists as he cares
And we were supposed to be rooting for him, not the
cops who were trying to keep the highways safe.
Yup, that's what the 60s were all about.
1. Although this flick is supposed to have some kind
of appeal to power car lovers, the script has Kowalski's car
identified wrong. The cops keep saying it is a 1970 Dodge
Challenger. I'm no real car buff, but I can read on the side of the
car where it says "Camaro". The guys who are car buffs say
1969 Camaro, to be exact!
2. The DVD includes both the USA version and the UK
version, which is eight minutes longer. The difference between the
two was not a matter of censorship, but simply economy. The goofy
scene with Charlotte Rampling was cut from the USA release.
3. The film includes a pretty cool cast when it is viewed from our perspective several decades later,
including some vintage hippie nostalgia. The Jesus freaks are
singing - for no apparent reason - and their choir includes
some true 60s icons like Rita Coolidge and "Delaney and Bonnie and
Friends". Coolidge is not even credited! Cleavon Little has a major
role as the blind DJ. Other people with small parts include John
Amos and the guy who played Exidor on Mork and Mindy.
Gilda Texter (1,
4) As I pointed out the other day,
Texter is one of the best known costume and wardrobe specialists
in Hollywood. 35 years ago, young and gorgeous and blonde, she
made a brief stab at acting, a career that lasted less than a
year. Her big role was "Nude Motorcycle Rider" in this film. She
spent every second of her screen time stark naked. Hey, it was
1971. Shit got weird.
Governator signs Internet piracy bill / E-mail address required to
share movies, music online. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger
signed legislation Tuesday aimed at discouraging online piracy by
requiring anyone disseminating movies or music on the Internet to
disclose their e-mail address.
- That is sure to work, because even though they disregard the
law against trading the films in the first place, they are sure
to obey the one about providing their e-mail address!
- And, of course, they will be sure to give a legitimate and
traceable address. Hey, I want to trade some films, here's my
- Amazingly enough, this is NOT from a comedy site:
Overthrown Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein, who was arrested by US
forces last December, reportedly plans to run as a candidate in
the Iraqi elections. There is no law that prevents
Saddam from appearing on the ballot, so the former dictator hopes
to regain his presidency and palaces via the democratic process.
McCartney begs The Governator: 'Give geese a chance'
Rather's ratings heading south.
10 new clips from Shark Tale
A trailer from The Dust Factory: "'The Dust Factory' is
an PG rated adventure about the love and friendship between two
teenagers who help each other through a difficult time in their
Here's a pretty handy bookmark for finding movie trailers.
Greg Maddux won 15 games this year - he has now won at least that
many 17 years in a row! (That's a record!)
- Good news.
Butt blow for Newcastle. (Boring article. Only the
headline is amusing.)
Ray Traylor, known to WWE fans as 'The Big Boss Man', passed away
in his home on Wednesday night at the age of 42. No
cause of death has been specified.
ANGRY CAT STEVENS THREATENS TO RESUME SINGING
An excerpt from Jon Stewart's new book
- Tired of conventional forms of worship? Scared of Satanism?
Too many allergies to be a Druid?
Why not attain a better eternal life through the divine wisdom and
teachings of Corey Feldman?
Internet Film Community - Classic Commercials
The ancient Russian art of body painting.
Gay Astronauts Want to Explore Uranus
President Bush at the United Nations: 2nd Annual Remarks
Graciously Inviting the World's Janitor Countries to Plunge the
Glorious FREEDOM Toilet That is US-Occupied Iraq.
Six stars are willing to have a five-star dinner with a fan and
eight of his or her friends for charity. How much would
you pay for dinner with Ricky Martin? Personally, I'm waiting to
bid on dinner with Phillip-Michael Thomas at Whataburger. It's a
helluva deal, because it takes place right after he closes up, so
you're eating food he's prepared for you, and there's no charge,
because they would have to throw it out anyway.
Urban Legend: The Communist Party USA is endorsing John Kerry for
President. Status: Sorta true, but nuanced. Their basic
position is this (1) we don't have a candidate of our own (2) we
hate both of those ruling class bastards (3) but we hate Bush way
more, so we'll vote for Kerry
'The Last Starfighter', the Musical. The Last
Starfighter, a world premiere science fiction musical inspired by
the 1984 screenplay of the motion picture of the same name, will
open the 2004-05 season of Off Broadway's Storm Theatre.
- Post-Tittygate morality department:
U.S. lawmakers are near a compromise on legislation that would
significantly raise the penalties for television and radio
broadcasters that violate "decency standards". Geez, am
I out of touch with America. I think they should be rewarded for
violating decency standards.
Elton John Calls Taiwan Media 'Rude, Vile Pigs'. Well,
the women, anyway.
First looks at The Fantastic Four in costumes and make-up
Media Credibility Reaches Lowest Point in Three Decades
Here are soem new emoticons to liven up your bulletin board posts.
(Graphic nudity. I know it sounds silly. Go there, and you'll see
how this is possible.)
Penn State is part of $7.9 million project to study restless legs
syndrome. RLS, as we faux-educated professionals like
to call it, is one of America's top ... um ... stirrers ... of ..
Cher keeps male models in a chicken coop.
According to The Daily Show, fruit salad plays a pivotal role in
the question of whether John Kerry saved a man's life in 1988.
The Daily Show: Madonna visits Israel and works in some light
desecration of holy sites.
The Daily Show looks at the President's speech to the U.N.
A new clip from Team America, featuring Kim Jong Il and Hans Blix.
James Garner to receive lifetime honor - the special
award for the guy who has used up the most screen time without
ever doing anything memorable. Just kidding, Jimbo.
- Not a good sign -
woman killed when giant crucifix falls on her head. Oh
that God! You sacrifice a couple of little goats to Satan, and he
gets all uppity and goes all "thou shalt not" on you.
Baseball - retired numbers - and memories
How to break up with your girl using a PowerPoint presentation.
Baseball - retired numbers - and memories
How to break up with your girl through a PowerPoint presentation.
The Mariners have ten more games - Ichiro needs 11 hits to set the
all-time major league record for most hits in a season.
(He averages 16 hits per 10 games, so is on pace to beat the
record by 5).
Weekly World News: "CHINESE DEMAND: MAKE LAUNDRY AN OLYMPIC SPORT"
Who and what will be coming to Broadway this fall?
P. Diddy opens his first clothing store
Tamara Wyndham's "Vulva prints using her menstrual blood".
Normally I just offer the old cliche that I don't know what art is
- but in this case, my doubt is erased. THAT'S definitely art.
A German telecommunications company said on Tuesday it is
developing the first mobile phone that will alert users when they
have bad breath.
The Story Of Film - Excellent film quiz.
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
NOTE: because of a unique combination of
circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial
bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip
format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a
you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in
the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.
I know this is not especially convenient, but it
allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from
hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some
reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not
play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory
work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this
new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want
to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips
Deborah Geffner almost always played a dancer. This
was an exception, but even here she makes love with a dancer's
poise, as if she were doing ballet stretching exercises.
It is not an especially good movie, but I have a
soft spot in my heart for this sentimental youthploitation
comedy/drama from 1979. Glynnis O'Connor did a topless scene,
Seymour Cassel plays an effective bittersweet role, and I've always
thought this Dorothy Tristan scene was incredibly charming. Tristan
retired from acting after this film and became a writer. She wrote
Weeds, that prison movie with Nick Nolte and the black Ghostbuster.
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.
Some assorted video clips from the Ghost today. Zipped .wmvs as usual.
- Amanda Ryan showing all 3 B's in scenes from the Christian Bale movie "Metroland" (1997).
- Angela Aames, the busty blonde co-star of "H.O.T.S.", "Chopping Mall" and one of my favorites "Bachelor Party" (she was the baby picture mom at the beginning of the movie). Here she is topless in a scene from the Peter Falk movie "...All the Marbles" (1981).
- Carole Mackereth, excellent breast exposure (plus brief pubes in #2) in scenes from the short-lived syndicated series "Total Recall 2070".
- Paulina Porizkova, the former model turned actress going topless and baring her bum in scenes from the pretty cool lo-budget movie "Thursday" (1998).
'Caps and comments by Dann:
"Night of the Demons"
No surprises in this 1988 horror flick, just gore and some boobies.
A girl holds a halloween party at an abandoned funeral parlor. Unfortunately, she didn't know it was fully populated with demons who don't appreciate the intrusion. Needless to say, they make their presence known, and the partygoers become clients.
Really bad, really lame, really predictable, really badly acted, but yet, still fun for horror fans. Since you get extactly what you're expecting, my only real complaint is that they let the movie drag badly for the first 20 minutes, but once things get started, you get your full dose of boobs and blood.
||Opening today in theaters! Here is an excellent look at her ultra-huge prosthetic boobs in a scene from the new John Waters movie "A Dirty Shame".
|Both babes looking fantastic while surfing in bikinis. Scenes from Monday night's episode of the FOX series "North Shore".
||Dragonscan 'caps of the Euro-babe topless in scenes from her first movie, 1981's "The Fruits of Passion".
Lidia San Josť
|Flautista 'caps featuring gorgeous toplessness (and some rear nudity) from the Spanish babe in scenes from "Cosa de brujas" aka "The Witch Affair" (2003).
|The official Celebrity Heffer and Covergirl for FHM and Stuff wearing some kind of coconut bra and doing a hula dance in scenes from "Baywatch: Hawaiian Wedding". Electra will soon be spending a lot of time with coconuts (possibly even making a coconut radio) on her upcoming reality show "The Real Gilligan's Island".
|Señor Skin 'caps of Derek's first movie after her big breakout role in "10". Here she is briefly topless in a hot tub scene from 1980's "A Change of Seasons".
Regarding Polly Shannon's first nude scene...Her first nudity was playing "the second victim" in the classic "Love & Human Remains" (1993), two years prior to her Outer Limits episode featured in yesterday's Fun House.
It's only on VHS, so the quality stinks, but here is Polly Shannon in "Love & Human Remains".
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
JACKSON SCANDAL UPDATE
Take It Out Of Dan Rather's Paycheck - Wednesday, the FCC fined CBS a
record $550,000 for Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" that exposed her
right breast at the Super Bowl.
If she'd shown the left one, we could've paid off the national debt.
Between her and Dan Rather, uncontrollable boobs are bankrupting CBS.
I say if Janet Jackson is going to be hit with a record fine, it should
be for making lousy records.
BRITNEY REALLY MARRIED OR NOT?
Be My Gest - Britney Spears and Kevin Federline denied a report by Us
Weekly that their wedding was a hoax because they hadn't agreed on the
prenup yet. Britney originally said they were so in love they didn't need
a prenup, but her parents insisted; and Kevin, who's so broke his car was
recently repossessed, reportedly was not happy. Us claims they had a big
fight when he was offered a divorce settlement of only $36,000 per year for
half the duration of the marriage, but they made up after the figure was
raised to $300,000 a year.
But then, that's cheap for a prize like him!
And he's allowed to prorate it to reflect the actual number of days the
That's close to $1,000 a day, so he might be married long enough to
afford a used Trans-Am.
You can't expect him to sleep with Britney Spears for a penny less than
$300,000 a year.
OPRAH CAR RECIPIENTS GET INCOME TAX BILLS
Welcome To Oprah's World - Audience members who got a new Pontiac from
Oprah are discovering it's not exactly free. While GM paid for the car,
license and sales tax, they still have to pay income tax on the value of a
$30,000 car, which can top $7,000. Most still think it's a sweet deal, but
one farmer said his smile on TV was kind of forced because he was already
thinking about how he was going to have to sell the car to pay the taxes.
Or maybe sell the farm...
So THAT'S why they were all screaming!
He drove it for a week, so with depreciation, he can sell it for $7,000.
Couldn't Oprah pay the taxes? It's only $2 million. She's got that in
CYBILL SHEPHERD DOES TV AU NATURAL
Eh, It's Only England... - Cybill Shepherd appeared on a morning TV wake-up
show in London wearing a red velvet hooded cape to hide what she called her
"jetlag hair." She offered to take it off for a laugh, but warned it was
"a little scary." It was. She then brushed out her topknot, and she
looked like a hay stack. She was also wearing glasses, a pink tracksuit
top and no makeup. The stunned host said she couldn't believe her eyes,
and jokingly thanked Shepherd for "making an effort this morning."
Hey, she did put in her teeth, and her glass eye!
She just didn't have time: Cybill's makeup takes seven hours.
She was there to talk about "beauty over 50."
A lot of men have gone to bed with women who looked like Cybill
Shepherd, only to wake up and find they really look like that.
CAMERON DIAZ CREDITS HER BAD NOSE FOR HER SUCCESS
There's Something About Mary's Nose - Cameron Diaz said she believes her
bad natural nose has helped her land roles. Diaz said when she first came
to Hollywood, her friends told her she'd never succeed if she didn't get a
nose job. She said refusing to have her nose corrected gave her a
different look "to all the other surgery-type girls."
That's true: nobody asks their surgeon for Cameron Diaz's NOSE.
And like Barbra Streisand, she was afraid a nose job would ruin her
gorgeous singing voice.
What made her a success was all the parts of her that DIDN'T need