Friday

Tuna
"Blood Sisters of Lesbian Sin"

Blood Sisters of Lesbian Sin (1997) -- I can trash this film with three "T" words, "Terrible Troma Tittyflick." The production values are non-existent. Same is pretty much true of the acting. Justin Gorence is The Monk, a Vampire and witch hunter. He is coapted by a witch, one of three sisters that each have a third of a magic blood stone. She zaps him with a laser blast from her third of the stone and kidnaps his secretary, and force shim to go after the other two thirds of the stone. From there, time is about equally divided between gratuitous nudity and poorly choreographed fight sequences.

We have breasts from Lara Daans, Erin Ashley, Lynn Seger, and two unknowns. A very few IMDb readers have this at 1.4. I am certain that, if more people vote, the score will drop considerably. Avoid this like the plague. F.

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  • Erin Ashley (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Lara Daans (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
  • Lynn Seger (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
  • Unknown #2 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    Updates:

    • Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site is updated. Massive update this week.

     

    Vanishing Point (1971):

    The quality of films went through a very serious valley in the period in the 60s and early 70s, with 1970 arguably being the worst year in the history of cinema. It was so bad that the industry simply could not produce five credible nominees for best picture. In fact, it was a struggle to come up with three. The two strong war movies, Patton and M*A*S*H, were about the only respectable offerings that year. The third nominee was the mediocre Five Easy Pieces, and the other two were execrable mainstream films, Love Story and Airport.

    To be honest, Five Easy Pieces, genuinely the third best film of that year, would not have cracked the top 25 in the banner year of 1999. As for Love Story and Airport - well - what can you say? I suppose there may be other years with two such abominable Oscar nominees, but I don't want to think about the existence of such a shameful situation.

    There were two stages to the decline of film in the 60s:

    • In the first stage, the Hollywood dream factory was falling apart. The studio system was decaying and out of touch, a dinosaur clinging to a life that probably should gave ended in the thirties. Movies were safe, formulaic, and repetitive.

    • In the second stage, the "auteur era" was trying to emerge from the primordial ooze. The films in this last stage, in the late 60s and the beginning of the 70s, were no longer standard Hollywood copycat offerings, but they had no idea where they were going.

    You see, the cultural revolution of 1967-74 had no philosophic underpinning like the French and American revolutions. The whole movement was based on anomie, and a vague understanding that "the man" was out to get us. If the U.S. had not had a selective service system, and/or had stayed out of Vietnam, there probably wouldn't have been much of a revolution to begin with. The people of the counter culture simply had nothing in common except an opposition to authority, most of which stemmed from the fact that they didn't want to be told that they had to die in the jungle.

    Counter-culturalism, really anti-authortarianism, was reflected in the mood of the times and the battle lines that were drawn between the opposing cultural camps. The counter-culture did not really establish a powerful non-conformist trend, but rather created a new, alternate conformism with a new symbolism. I suppose that's how we humans work. We seem to be belongers. The new conformity said: (1) oppose authority in all its avatars, including materialism, the police, the military, your local water commissioner, even your school principal (2) oppose all the symbols of the authoritarian class, including but not limited to short hair, white shirts, neat suits, and polished speech patterns.

    But there was a great dilemma. If the whole point of a movie is to make money for its investors, how can those money-grubbing investors create a product that will appeal to those who profess to disdain materialism? That is the trap in which the movie industry was caught in the hippie years. The old-style films like Funny Girl were losing their economic clout because they had no appeal to the counter-culture. The new films like Easy Rider managed to tap into the youth market, but they were all attitude and no quality. They were so inept and amateurish that they had no cross-cultural appeal.

    Hollywood had no idea how to respond to the changes in society. A film like Catch 22, which was both anti-war and anti-authority, was not acceptable to the counter culture, because it was obviously made by a bunch of guys who had nice haircuts, wore good suits, and got A's in school. A film like Vanishing Point, on the other hand, was the very polar opposite of Catch-22. It looked and felt like it was made by drop-outs and serious dope smokers, but (perhaps because of that) it was just completely inept at all the things that people require from a film: pacing ... character development ... excitement. Basically, it just rambles and rambles. Some scene transitions don't follow logically. Certain pseudo-symbolic occurrences consist of things which don't make any sense on the literal level.

    On the surface, it is a simple story of Kowalski, a guy who promises to deliver a car from Denver to San Francisco in an unrealistically short period of time. The strength of his promise is buttressed by his having made a bet that he could pull it off, and his resolve is fortified by vast quantities of speed. He's going to do it, or die trying. Since the film was made in the early 70s, you can probably guess which of the two will be his fate.

    He's a retired race driver, so it seems that he may just be able to pull it off, but after a few hours on the road, he has the entire Colorado Highway Patrol after him. In due time, the responsibility is shifted to the law enforcement agencies of Utah, Nevada, and California. In the course of the film, he's being pursued by virtually every policeman west of the Mississippi. Eventually he becomes a bit of a cause celebre, the media becomes interested in his flight from the police, and everyday people start to talk about him and whether he can pull it off.

    All of that might have made for a pretty decent film if it had not been made, as I suggested earlier, by people who were smoking too much loco weed. It was going along coherently until his escape took him into Death Valley, where he was simply barreling through the sand and sagebrush in his power car. Then he got a flat tire and met some people in the desert - an old snake hunter, a congregation of Jesus freaks, a naked chick on a motorcycle, two gay thieves. The naked chick even had a collage on the wall dedicated to Kowalski, picturing the days when our hero was a dedicated cop. She showed him the collage, and he never showed any surprise that a naked hippie living in the desert had an entire wall of pictures dedicated to him. He just said, "that was a long time ago."

    Huh??

    This collection of characters and situations would seem a bit unrealistic in a Road Runner cartoon, but in the context of a film which started out to be a fairly exciting and reality-grounded chase movie, the hippified detour in the desert is positively surreal, particularly since Kowalski didn't even know how to navigate through the desert and was just driving aimlessly in circles to begin with - albeit at top speed!!!

    As Kowalski left the desert, he stopped to pick up a female hitchhiker, played by cult goddess Charlotte Rampling. The driver and Rampling had a mysterious and presumably metaphorical conversation of some kind, in which we are supposed to conclude (I think) that she was not a mortal women at all, but rather The Grim Reaper in convenient hardbody form. Her dialogue was filled with innuendo and faux-symbolism, punctuated by faraway looks. He asked her how long she had been waiting for a ride, and she replied, "I've been waiting for you so long, Kowalski - so very long. Perhaps most of your life. Yes, so very, very long ...."

    Yeah, yeah.

    As Kowalski made his way through the journey, he was "adopted" by a mysterious blind black DJ called Super Soul, who lionized Kowalski to his listeners as the last American hero, and relayed information designed to help Kowalski elude the police. (His radio station? KOW, as in Kowalski.) The police were not crazy about this, as you might expect, so a bunch of crazy redneck cops broke into Super Soul's station and beat the crap out of him. Then they forced Super Soul to broadcast some false information to Kowalski, thus leading our hero into a trap. Somehow Super Soul got himself back in business immediately, resumed his normal broadcasts, and Kowalski outfoxed the police.

    Once again, the symbolic stuff failed because it just didn't work on the literal level. The DJ was not only able to transmit his signal to Kowalski's car radio across four states, but he was also able to hear Kowalski talk back to the radio, and they engaged in interactive discussions. I kept trying to figure out if Super Soul was just in Kowalski's imagination, but that could not have been the case, because he gave Kowalski information that the driver could not have otherwise known, and other people could also hear Super Souls's voice on Kowalski's radio. I guess he was just one of those blind black DJs who can transmit a thousand miles from a small town radio station and can hear their listeners talk back to them. There seemed to be a lot of those back in the 60s.

    All in all, the film proceeds under the false blanket of anti-authoritarianism. Kowalski is admired by the common people because he is fleeing the man. But why the hell is he doing it? Is it to call attention to an important cause, or to defend his family's farm, or something? Not at all. He just made a bet that he could do it, and he wants to win that bet. He's fighting for freedom, all right - the freedom to drive 160 MPH while stoned out of his head, thus endangering as many innocent motorists as he cares to.

    And we were supposed to be rooting for him, not the cops who were trying to keep the highways safe.

    Yup, that's what the 60s were all about.

    Peace, brother.


    Notes:

    1. Although this flick is supposed to have some kind of appeal to power car lovers, the script has Kowalski's car identified wrong. The cops keep saying it is a 1970 Dodge Challenger. I'm no real car buff, but I can read on the side of the car where it says "Camaro". The guys who are car buffs say 1969 Camaro, to be exact!

    2. The DVD includes both the USA version and the UK version, which is eight minutes longer. The difference between the two was not a matter of censorship, but simply economy. The goofy scene with Charlotte Rampling was cut from the USA release.

    3. The film includes a pretty cool cast when it is viewed from our perspective several decades later, including some vintage hippie nostalgia. The Jesus freaks are singing  - for no apparent reason - and their choir includes some true 60s icons like Rita Coolidge and "Delaney and Bonnie and Friends". Coolidge is not even credited! Cleavon Little has a major role as the blind DJ. Other people with small parts include John Amos and the guy who played Exidor on Mork and Mindy.

    • Gilda Texter (1, 2, 3, 4) As I pointed out the other day, Texter is one of the best known costume and wardrobe specialists in Hollywood. 35 years ago, young and gorgeous and blonde, she made a brief stab at acting, a career that lasted less than a year. Her big role was "Nude Motorcycle Rider" in this film. She spent every second of her screen time stark naked. Hey, it was 1971. Shit got weird.

    • Victoria Medlin

    • unknown

     

     

    Other Crap:

    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

     

     

    MOVIE REVIEWS:

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

     

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Shiloh

    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

    NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

    I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.

     

     

    Exterminator 2

    Deborah Geffner almost always played a dancer. This was an exception, but even here she makes love with a dancer's poise, as if she were doing ballet stretching exercises.

     

    California Dreaming

    It is not an especially good movie, but I have a soft spot in my heart for this sentimental youthploitation comedy/drama from 1979. Glynnis O'Connor did a topless scene, Seymour Cassel plays an effective bittersweet role, and I've always thought this Dorothy Tristan scene was incredibly charming. Tristan retired from acting after this film and became a writer. She wrote Weeds, that prison movie with Nick Nolte and the black Ghostbuster. .

     

     

    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
     
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.


    Some assorted video clips from the Ghost today. Zipped .wmvs as usual.

    • Amanda Ryan showing all 3 B's in scenes from the Christian Bale movie "Metroland" (1997).

    • Angela Aames, the busty blonde co-star of "H.O.T.S.", "Chopping Mall" and one of my favorites "Bachelor Party" (she was the baby picture mom at the beginning of the movie). Here she is topless in a scene from the Peter Falk movie "...All the Marbles" (1981). (1, 2)

    • Carole Mackereth, excellent breast exposure (plus brief pubes in #2) in scenes from the short-lived syndicated series "Total Recall 2070". (1, 2)

    • Paulina Porizkova, the former model turned actress going topless and baring her bum in scenes from the pretty cool lo-budget movie "Thursday" (1998).

    Dann
    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    "Night of the Demons"
    No surprises in this 1988 horror flick, just gore and some boobies.

    A girl holds a halloween party at an abandoned funeral parlor. Unfortunately, she didn't know it was fully populated with demons who don't appreciate the intrusion. Needless to say, they make their presence known, and the partygoers become clients.

    Really bad, really lame, really predictable, really badly acted, but yet, still fun for horror fans. Since you get extactly what you're expecting, my only real complaint is that they let the movie drag badly for the first 20 minutes, but once things get started, you get your full dose of boobs and blood.

    DeadLamb
    Selma Blair Opening today in theaters! Here is an excellent look at her ultra-huge prosthetic boobs in a scene from the new John Waters movie "A Dirty Shame".

    Krista Kalmus

    Marika Dominczyk

    Both babes looking fantastic while surfing in bikinis. Scenes from Monday night's episode of the FOX series "North Shore".

    Variety
    Isabelle Illiers Dragonscan 'caps of the Euro-babe topless in scenes from her first movie, 1981's "The Fruits of Passion".

    Thumbnail Previews
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Lidia San Josť
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)

    Flautista 'caps featuring gorgeous toplessness (and some rear nudity) from the Spanish babe in scenes from "Cosa de brujas" aka "The Witch Affair" (2003).

    Carmen Electra
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    The official Celebrity Heffer and Covergirl for FHM and Stuff wearing some kind of coconut bra and doing a hula dance in scenes from "Baywatch: Hawaiian Wedding". Electra will soon be spending a lot of time with coconuts (possibly even making a coconut radio) on her upcoming reality show "The Real Gilligan's Island".

    Bo Derek
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Señor Skin 'caps of Derek's first movie after her big breakout role in "10". Here she is briefly topless in a hot tub scene from 1980's "A Change of Seasons".

    Mail Bag
    Subject:Polly Shannon

    Scoops,
    Regarding Polly Shannon's first nude scene...Her first nudity was playing "the second victim" in the classic "Love & Human Remains" (1993), two years prior to her Outer Limits episode featured in yesterday's Fun House.

  • It's only on VHS, so the quality stinks, but here is Polly Shannon in "Love & Human Remains".

    -Spaz

  • Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    JACKSON SCANDAL UPDATE
    Take It Out Of Dan Rather's Paycheck - Wednesday, the FCC fined CBS a record $550,000 for Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" that exposed her right breast at the Super Bowl.

  • If she'd shown the left one, we could've paid off the national debt.
  • Between her and Dan Rather, uncontrollable boobs are bankrupting CBS.
  • I say if Janet Jackson is going to be hit with a record fine, it should be for making lousy records.


    BRITNEY REALLY MARRIED OR NOT?
    Be My Gest - Britney Spears and Kevin Federline denied a report by Us Weekly that their wedding was a hoax because they hadn't agreed on the prenup yet. Britney originally said they were so in love they didn't need a prenup, but her parents insisted; and Kevin, who's so broke his car was recently repossessed, reportedly was not happy. Us claims they had a big fight when he was offered a divorce settlement of only $36,000 per year for half the duration of the marriage, but they made up after the figure was raised to $300,000 a year.

  • But then, that's cheap for a prize like him!
  • And he's allowed to prorate it to reflect the actual number of days the marriage lasts.
  • That's close to $1,000 a day, so he might be married long enough to afford a used Trans-Am.
  • You can't expect him to sleep with Britney Spears for a penny less than $300,000 a year.


    OPRAH CAR RECIPIENTS GET INCOME TAX BILLS
    Welcome To Oprah's World - Audience members who got a new Pontiac from Oprah are discovering it's not exactly free. While GM paid for the car, license and sales tax, they still have to pay income tax on the value of a $30,000 car, which can top $7,000. Most still think it's a sweet deal, but one farmer said his smile on TV was kind of forced because he was already thinking about how he was going to have to sell the car to pay the taxes.

  • Or maybe sell the farm...
  • So THAT'S why they were all screaming!
  • He drove it for a week, so with depreciation, he can sell it for $7,000.
  • Couldn't Oprah pay the taxes? It's only $2 million. She's got that in her bathrobe.


    CYBILL SHEPHERD DOES TV AU NATURAL
    Eh, It's Only England... - Cybill Shepherd appeared on a morning TV wake-up show in London wearing a red velvet hooded cape to hide what she called her "jetlag hair." She offered to take it off for a laugh, but warned it was "a little scary." It was. She then brushed out her topknot, and she looked like a hay stack. She was also wearing glasses, a pink tracksuit top and no makeup. The stunned host said she couldn't believe her eyes, and jokingly thanked Shepherd for "making an effort this morning."

  • Hey, she did put in her teeth, and her glass eye!
  • She just didn't have time: Cybill's makeup takes seven hours.
  • She was there to talk about "beauty over 50."
  • A lot of men have gone to bed with women who looked like Cybill Shepherd, only to wake up and find they really look like that.


    CAMERON DIAZ CREDITS HER BAD NOSE FOR HER SUCCESS
    There's Something About Mary's Nose - Cameron Diaz said she believes her bad natural nose has helped her land roles. Diaz said when she first came to Hollywood, her friends told her she'd never succeed if she didn't get a nose job. She said refusing to have her nose corrected gave her a different look "to all the other surgery-type girls."

  • That's true: nobody asks their surgeon for Cameron Diaz's NOSE.
  • And like Barbra Streisand, she was afraid a nose job would ruin her gorgeous singing voice.
  • What made her a success was all the parts of her that DIDN'T need plastic surgery.