Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Tom Sizemore sex tape, part 8:
is the last of 'em. It
consists of Sizemore and two hookers. My verdict: most boring celebrity sex tape
ever. On the other hand, it is the best-ever celebrity sex tape from a technical
standpoint. Both the sound and the video are clear throughout.
The Longest Yard (2005)
The most interesting questions raised by The
Longest Yard center around the nature of a remake.
A film remake is generally not the same as the revival of a play.
If we mosey on down to Lincoln Center to see a revival of South
Pacific, we are going to see something very, very close to what
audiences saw in the 1950's, except with the benefit of modern
stagecraft technology. A stage revival is basically the same thing
as a road company production of the original play, in that it
consists of different actors saying the same lines. The only real
difference between a revival and a road company is that there is a
longer period of time separating the revival from the original.
On the other hand, if we go to see a remake of a movie, we are
not likely to see a word-for-word clone, unless those words come
from something sacred and untouchable like Hamlet. Remakes are
generally different interpretations of the same source material,
updated with modern filming technology, ala The Thomas Crown Affair.
The Longest Yard is an exception. It is practically a revival of the
original. The only significant change lies in the fact that the
original 1970s movie took place in the 70s, and the 2005 version
takes place in 2005. That required some changes. There's some new
music, ESPN is there, Caretaker becomes a black guy. All of that was
mostly just necessary tinkering. Essentially, this is the same
movie. The first one was a decent movie, and so is this. So, for
that matter is 2001's Mean Machine, which took the same script,
placed it in the U.K., and re-jigged it for European football
instead of American football. The IMDb scores for all three movies
are solid, if unspectacular.
- (7.08) - The
Longest Yard (1974)
- (6.30) - The
Longest Yard (2005)
- (6.10) - Mean
I guess my point is that if you've seen one, you've seen 'em all, so don't go
see this one unless you are aware of that fact, and are still eager to see the
There is no nudity, but these caps exists to certify that Courteney Cox now has breasts, which is convenient, because I can
now distinguish her from Lara Flynn Boyle
Dallas Doll (1994)
I have not seen Dallas Doll. It is a difficult one to find. I was
therefore overjoyed to see the high quality film clips supplied today by ICMS,
and I made a few caps of the eternally sneering "performance artist", actress, and
alleged comedienne, Sandra Bernhard.
Comments and zipped .avis from ICMS
Only a small contribution this time.
Anna Thompson aka. Levine-Thom(p)son, aka "Fiona", shows some rodents in
"Fast Food, Fast Women" (2000) in these two clips. Maybe it won't be
exactly what you expected? (1
That's all for today.
Vejiita looks at another typical 1980s offering, The Wraith,
starring the usual 1980s suspects. Charlie Sheen, Randy Quaid, Clint Howard, The
Spanish Inquisition ...
Captures and comments from the Ghost
'Caps and comments by Hankster:
Today we take the old Time Machine back to 1983
for one of Richard Gere's early movies, "Breathless". This one, with a great
sound track, has Richard as a Jerry Lee Lewis-loving hustler on the run from
the law after accidentally killing a cop.
remake of Godard's 60's original has Richard hooking up with a French exchange
student played by Valerie Kaprisky, so we have Valerie spending a good deal of the
movie naked and looking oh-so-cute. You will even have the added "attraction"
of Richard's tool of love.
Marvin continues to find and share rarities from Scandinavia. This time, it is
hardcore with Anne Bie Warburg in I jomfruens tegn (1975). I don't think I have seen this
one, but I
have seen one or two others like it. If I remember right, this was one of a
series of various Danish films themed loosely around the signs of the Zodiac.
The title of this one would translate approximately as "Under the Sign of
Virgo." The ones I remember were not typical sex flicks, but rather sweet, gentle, hippie
comedies, even though they included explicit sex. If I remember right, they had
"feel good" soft-pop scores like Bert Bacharach and Paul Simon songs, but I may
be wrong about that, because it has been decades since I've seen one of these.|
Warburg was part of a sort of repertory company that appeared in several of
them, or maybe all of them for all I know.
|Here is a high quality scan of that pic of figure skater
Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Google responds to the Authors Guild suit.
- The authors have actually filed a suit against their own
interests, and apparently don't understand the entire concept
behind Google print. I suppose that this suit, as usual, was
driven by some greedhead lawyers who persuaded the Authors Guild
to sue, whether they need to or not.
- Here's how Google Print works: when you search for a term,
Google Print shows you which book(s) that text can be found in -
and gives links to online booksellers. Furthermore, if some author
should be so wrong-headed as to disdain participation, Google will
exclude their book(s).
- For example, I searched
Google Print for the term "greedy little hustlers." It
returned a text excerpt from the very Hunter Thompson book I was
looking for, and gave me links to four places where I can buy the
book. I then searched for "Uncle Scoopy," and it showed me where
we were referenced in a book called "Hollywood, Interrupted:
Insanity Chic in Babylon." (Which I had previously never heard
- To my way of thinking, Google Print, like their web search
engine, is one of the greatest reference tools in the history of
mankind. The people who should really be worried about Google are
those who publish reference books and run libraries, all of which
are rapidly becoming obsolete. I must own every major reference
book, from the OED to the Encyclopedia Britannica, and they are
all gathering dust because of Google.
Mars Global Surveyor: "New gullies that did not exist in
mid-2002 have appeared on a Martian sand dune."
Jordan reportedly dialed 999 (The UK's equivalent to 911) to demand
a police escort - to keep the paparazzi away when she went for a
hair-do. This wasted the time of three of the London
police's best bicycles, including their ten-speed.
MovieJuice! looks at The Exorcism of Emily Rose - "Hell Hath
Absolutely No Fury"
- "Emily is played by an actress who knows how to scream and
contort her body. That means her only future in Hollywood is to
date Charlie Sheen"
National Enquirer claims Dubya is hittin' the bottle again.
In theory, the President has been dry for nearly two decades.
Meanwhile, Darth Cheney is worried that Grand Moff Dubya may not be
sober enough to understand his instructions.
Fox Searchlight Pictures is donating 10% of the weekend's ROLL
BOUNCE box to Katrina relief. I suppose they are doing
that to draw attention to the movie, and I'm not sure it will really
bring in any customers. The point is, however, that the needy will
still be able to spend the money. Amazingly, the respected critic
Owen Gleiberman gave Roll Bounce a B+, and basically
called it endearing kitsch. Hey, I'm not promoting the movie. I
haven't seen it. I'm just sayin' ...
NBC wins Tuesday with help from 'Earl'
Say it ain't so, Joe!
Taradise is cancelled!
Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner moving to Charlottesville, Virginia?
Why not? It is the movie-making capital of that portion of Virginia
between I-81 and I-95. Well, except maybe for Lynchburg.
Who is this heavy metal rocker? The answer is surprising.
"Things We Believe We Can Do... For We Are Man!"
The Daily Show:
Alan Alda talks about growing up backstage at burlesque shows.
The Daily Show:
"Some complicated environmental issues are best summed up by FOX
News' Sean Hannity."
New Daily Show correspondent Dan Bakkedahl profiles a proponent of
Jon's Stewart's face during the Emmy's opening number was not so
much projecting "sadness" as it was "marvel."
The trailer from The Matador (Pierce Brosnan and Greg
Kinnear co-star in a film abiut a hitman who is losing his edge.)
Yeah, nothin' gimmicky there.
Shoreline Terrain on Saturn's Moon, Titan
Hurricane Rita watch:
The Daily Show's Senior Meteorologist Rob Corddry guesses that in
this year of hurricanes, God is just being a dick.
A Sign of N'awlins Recovery, but just barely. The first
stripper has returned to work!
Chick-Fil-A Cow Calendar
Bargain of the day:
If you have eight million bucks lying around, you can get a genuine
Robby Gordon race-used NASCAR Helmet
The Onion claims:
Bush Braces For The Worst As Cindy Sheehan's Other Son Drowns In New
All 50 State Governor's Approval Ratings. Oh,
sure Ah-nuld and Kathleen Blanco are near the bottom, but they can't
compare to Ohio's Bob Taft, who is bottom fishing at 17%.
"H&M has decided that a campaign with Kate Moss is inconsistent with
its being strongly against drug abuse." Kate
will, however, manage to get some really big contracts with those
who favor drug abuse. "Hi, I'm Kate Moss, speaking for the
Columbian Ministry of Tourism."
Jesus appears in a cloud formation. Oh, wait,
it's really Ringo Starr ... although just a few minutes earlier it
had been Pete Best.
2005 NFL Cheerleading Tour - Day 10 : New Orleans Saints
It is impossible to talk about this organization without
mention of the terrible events of last few weeks. Katrina affected
not only the New Orleans area, but the entire Gulf Coast. It was
good to see the Saints and their cheerleaders on national
television two nights ago. It helped give the feeling that the
region will be back on its feet sometime in the not-too-distant
I am sure that the Saints organization has more pressing issues
than updating the web site of the
but even so this site has a lot to offer in the way of cheerleader
news, a gallery, and a calendar of events. Thumbs up on an alumni
Saintsations are beautiful, but I wish there were more
info in the bio, and more pictures (although more pictures can be
in the gallery, they are unlabeled). They claim to have
more than ten different uniforms. It would be great to see them.
These complaints are very insignificant to what the region is
going through. We are all wishing the best for all those affected
by Katrina. And here's wishing Rita stays far away from everybody.
Rating 8.0 out of 10.
HURRICANE NEWS ROUND-UP
Blow Them Away - TheSmokingGun.com reports that six days after Hurricane Katrina
hit, two Louisiana lawyers applied for a trademark for a beverage named
Katrina. The prototype label includes a satellite photo of the storm and the
motto, "Get Blown Away." They don't say what kind of drink Katrina would be,
but it's probably a variation on the hurricane.
* It's mud mixed with oil, feces and mosquito
larvae...And, of course, rum.
* It's like the traditional New Orleans hurricane, only much stronger... and
yet, completely tasteless.
THE CLINTON LEGACY: CONDOMS
They Come With The Presidential Seal Of Approval - The Guangzhou Haojian
Bio-science Co., a Chinese condom company, has trademarked the Chinese spellings
of "Clinton" and "Lewinsky" and is marketing condoms under those names. Clinton
condoms are expected to become the company's top brand, selling for 30 yuan
($3.70 US) a dozen, while the Lewinskys cost only 18 yuan, about half as much.
* But they're not very good condoms...The Clinton
condom is too slippery, and the Lewinsky just sucks.
FRENCHMAN SUES OVER BAD HOROSCOPE
A Serious Nutjob - A man in Montbeliard, France, sued a newspaper for giving him
a bad astrological forecast. He's an Aries, and their horoscope said Arians
would "rediscover the emotions of adolescence, especially in the field of love,
where the desire to have fun will overtake the need to build something longer
lasting." He said he's a "serious father," and this might make employers think
he's an unreliable skirt-chaser. The judge ordered him to pay $425 (US) in fees
for wasting the court's time.
* He couldn't help it: he's ruled by adolescent emotions.
* He should've expected this: the judge is a Taurus.
* Now, thank heaven, employers just think he's an idiot who believes in
MOSS FIRED OVER DRUG/SEX SCANDAL
But She'll Be Hired By Hoover - Two months ago, supermodel Kate Moss won a big
settlement from Britain's Daily Mirror over claims she'd collapsed in a cocaine
coma. Last week, the paper responded with a cover story showing frames from a
video of Moss snorting five lines of coke at a party.
Sweden's H&M clothing chain, which requires its models to be "healthy, wholesome
and sound," at first said they'd keep Moss because she confessed and said it
would never happen again. But they changed their minds and fired her after
another tabloid alleged that she also engages in drug-fueled threesomes with
celebrity pals such as Jude Law.
* No! Jude Law having threesomes with models?! It CAN'T be true!
* Moss denies having drug-fueled threesomes because it means less coke for her.
* Only three people in the drug-fueled orgy? For a model, that IS "healthy,
wholesome and sound."
* They assumed she kept her thin figure the wholesome, natural way, through
NEW SPRAY HELPS COLDS GO AWAY
And Don't Sniff Glue For Two Days - Next month, Procter & Gamble will begin
selling Vick's First Defense, a nasal spray that they claim is the first
treatment clinically-proven to stop a cold before it develops, or at least
shorten its duration. They say a cold has about a two-day incubation period
during which you feel symptoms coming on, such as sneezing and scratchy throat.
Oddly enough, it contains no drugs: it has a viscous gel that coats the virus so
it can't stick to your body's cells.
* So if you can't afford it, try spraying some WD-40 up
* If you have a cold coming on, don't you already HAVE a nose full of viscous
* Just Kate Moss's luck, it's the only chemical substance she's never put up
"BIG & TALL" MEN'S STORES CHANGING NAME
"Incredible Hulk's" Would Be Cooler - The St. Petersburg, Florida, Times reports
that the Casual Male Big & Tall clothing chain is changing its name after
belatedly discovering that men don't like being called "big and tall." Surveys
revealed that even though the stores' customers have 46-to-50-inch waists, they
are embarrassed to be seen carrying the stores' bags. A spokesman they "finally
discovered what women's plus-sized apparel retailers learned long ago," so
they're changing the stores' name to "Casual Male XL," which they think sounds
* Although "Casual Male XXXL" would be more accurate.
* They don't tell them that the "L" stands for "Lardass."
* But we KNOW they're big and tall...They're standing right there with the bag!
* They're walking around with a 50-inch waist, and they're embarrassed by the
BAG?...Do they think it might make people suspect that they're fat?
I feel their pain. I am neither very big nor very tall -
about 6'2", 215 - but I am cursed with size 15EEE feet, which means that I
always used to have to buy my dress shoes from "Big and Tall" shops, and I have
never been crazy about being a "big and tall" kind of guy. I mean, what do you
say when you're spotted with those bags? "Oh, I only have to buy my condoms
there." Shee-it, carrying those bags is like wearing a sign that says
"kick me, I'm a fat ass." To tell you the truth, however, that embarrassment
paled next to what happened when I had to play Becket one year in Summer Stock.
The only way they could make it look like I was wearing the proper period
clothing was if I wore some yellow panty hose on stage, beneath various other
things. And the only place with those in my size was Lane Bryant - basically a
big and tall women's shop. Imagine my chagrin when the sales person tells
me not to be embarrassed, because almost all their jumbo-ass panty hose are
purchased by men!!
Must have been a lot of ... um ... summer stock in that
BEIJING LAUNCHES TOILET REVOLUTION FOR 2008
Start Swatting Now - To impress visitors to the 2008 Olympics, authorities in
Beijing, China, issued their "first public toilet management standards" as part
of "the largest toilet revolution in Beijing's history." Their toilets were
infamous for being filthy, with no running water or toilet paper, but now
they're being cleaned up and replaced to an extreme degree. They'll be
rated on a four-star system, and toilet workers have been ordered to insure that
no more than two pieces of trash are in any public toilet at any one time, and
tougher yet, no more than two flies.
* And no LESS than two flies!
* The penalty for the flies is DEATH!...Also for the toilet workers.
* Anytime Beijing announces a glorious new revolution, somebody's gonna end up
dead, even if it's only flies.
JUDGING NUDE LIBRARIANS BY THEIR COVERS
"Balzac!" - The latest unlikely nude calendar is the "Desperate Librarians 2006"
calendar from Waupaca, Wisconsin. It started as a normal gift calendar for a
retiring librarian, but then someone suggested they make it a nude calendar to
raise funds for the libraries. Six librarians refused, but five middle-aged
librarians and a 32-year-old assistant were game. They posed in the
libraries, apparently nude but with their naughty bits strategically covered by
* In some cases, giant road atlases.
* They didn't want anyone to see their Dewey Decimal Systems.
* There is one male librarian, covered by a pop-up book...He's not that
impressive, though: it's a Big Little Book.
THIEVES PLACE WANT AD FOR ACCOMPLICES
"Stick-up Note Typing Skills A Plus" - Mainici News reports that three men were
arrested in Yotsuya, Japan, for robbing a ticket office after the ringleader
tried to line up future robberies by advertising for accomplices on an online
job site. The ad read, "We offer you 400,000 yen per job, but it's risky."
* So is hiring "experienced" people from an online job site.
* And your boss is a crook, but that's true almost anywhere.
* This must be the way James Bond villains hire all those workers in orange
jumpsuits who work in their secret volcano lairs.
PLASTIC SURGERY PATIENTS GETTING YOUNGER
"What I Did On My Summer Vacation" - Manhattan plastic surgeon Dr. Howard Sobel
says that cosmetic surgery patients are getting younger and younger. They are
getting nose jobs at 13, liposuction at 16 and breast implants in high school.
While he turns down most teen patients, he said he has injected Botox into girls
as young as 17 who are worried about developing crow's feet. One woman in her
early 20s who's already had implants and Botox explained to the A.P. that she
wants to stay young forever.
* Too late: she's already in her TWENTIES!!
* Why not? It worked SO well for Michael Jackson.
* 17-year-olds have to get Botox now before they develop wrinkles from worrying
about getting old.
MADONNA AND HUBBY BOOED AT MOVIE PREMIERE
Angry Mob - Madonna, whose last movie was her director-husband Guy Ritchie's
megabomb "Swept Away," is defending his latest, "Revolver." The mob movie is
getting deadly reviews, with critics calling it "pretentious," "twaddle," and a
"convoluted, visibly overwrought muddle" that "lands on cinema-goers' collective
heads like a sack of wet sand" and "makes 'Swept Away' look like 'Citizen
Kane.'" But at the premiere, Madonna said, "I love it. I think it's a very
brave film." The crowd then booed her and Ritchie for not stopping to sign
* Oh yeah...I'm SURE that's why they were booing...That's probably also why
they demanded ticket refunds.
* After making "Swept Away," it's very brave just to show your faces in public.
* Of course, Madonna likes it...It actually makes "Swept Away" look good.
|A quick site note
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