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Amadeus (1984), the directors cut, is not necessarily a better film for the extra footage, but does present a new slant on the characters of Saliere and Constanze Mozart, and, most important to us, gives us beautiful topless shots of Elizabeth Berridge. She is a woman who easily agrees to go to bed with Saliere, and he is guilty of far more deceit and dirty tricks with the added footage. The commentary is interesting, and points out how hard they tried to be historically accurate to Mozart, and to his music. The only case where they altered Mozart's music was in the first scene, where he is playing for the archbishop. They shortened the piece, but justified it in that the archbishop probably really only took the time to listen to the "Readers Digest" condensed version.

I could use my entire vocabulary of superlatives on this film, but the new version is well done, the transfer is among the best I've seen, and I welcomed the excuse to watch this one again. This film is an A, in that people who dislike biopics, classical music, opera, and costumers enjoy this one.

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  • Elizabeth Berridge (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    "Heavenly Creatures"

    Heavenly Creatures (1994) is supposedly the true story of two schoolgirls in Christchurch, New Zealand, who became far more than best friends, and eventually murdered one of their mothers, to try to keep from being separated. The film won virtually every New Zealand award, and several others, and was even nominated for an Oscar for Best Screenplay. This was Kate Winslet's film debut, and she showed nipples under bath water.

    The two girls meet at school, and become inseparable. They indulge in a rich fantasy world involving knights and ladies, Mario Lanza, and anything else that appeals to them. Their parents begin to catch on that they are becoming lesbians, and try to break them up. Both families are somewhat dysfunctional, and the two girls feel as if it is them against the world. Winslet's parents decide to divorce. Daddy is going back to teach in England, mommy is marrying her lover, and Kate is to live in South Africa with her grand mother. Her friend Paul (Melanie Lynskey) wants to go with her, but her mother won't allow it. Thus, the plan to murder the mother to get that obstacle out of the way. The two were convicted, and sent to different prisons. They were released at different times, on condition that they never see each other again.

    The story is a clear portrait of the girls, giving lots of insight into what shaped them. Some of the Christchurch scenery is gorgeous, and the new director's cut is nicely mastered. IMDB readers have this at 7.8 of 10, and it earned $3.05M in the US alone, against a budget of $5M. The film was directed by Peter Jackson (The Lord of the Rings). Ebert gives 3 1/2 stars, and Rotten Tomatoes says 92% positive, with 100% from the top critics. It is not light entertainment, but is engrossing, and is probably a low B-.

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  • Kate Winslet (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    Brotherhood of the Wolf is the Citizen Kane of pre-revolutionary French kung fu giant creature movies. Think of it as Crouching Werewolf, Hidden Revolutionary.


    • There is a new encyclopedia volume for Sophie Anderton
    • The Patricia Arquette volume is updated (nearly doubled in size).
    • The Victoria Abril volume is updated (Lots of stuff. Three additional films).
    • Thee following volumes are updated:  Jane Adams, Krista Allen, Ginger Lynn Allen, Lysette Anthony

    Other crap 


    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Anne Archer Looking great in a bra and showing just a hint of pokies in "Fatal Attraction" (1987).

    Glenn Close
    (1, 2)

    Topless in "Fatal Attraction".

    Milla Jovovich
    (1, 2, 3)

    Brief breast and bush views from the Sci-Fi flick "Resident Evil".

    Carré Otis
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Breasts, bush and some serious sport (if not real) humpin' with the Mickster in scenes from the Zalman King movie, "Wild Orchid" (1990).

    Jacqueline Bisset See-thru nipple sightings from "Wild Orchid".

    Anya Sartor Excellent full frontal nudity, also from "Wild Orchid".

    "Love and Devotion"
    Starting off with a turkey, Love and Devotion is not listed in the IMDB, and most of the performers (I can't use the word actors) are not listed either. Plenty of boobs and bums by Alison Moore, Deann Ponce, Michelle Carelli, Laura Winchester, an unknown, and De'Ann Power, the only recognisable name.

    "The Whole Nine Yards"
    Amanda Peet's exposure in The Whole Nine Yards has appeared a few times in the Funhouse but I've added some nice non-nudes of Rosanna Arquette and Natasha Henstridge.

    "A Fine Mess "
    Maria Conchita Alonso is no stranger to nudity on film, but in A Fine Mess the goodies remain hidden, just.

    • Maria Conchita Alonso (1, 2)

    Frontal nudity by Mare Winningham in Threshold, unfortunately it's a bit far away.

    "Double Platinum"
    Some nice caps of Diana Ross in Double Platinum, but no nudity.

    "Oh, Heavenly Dog!"
    A brief view of Jane Seymour's cleavage in Oh, Heavenly Dog!

    "Seduced and Betrayed"
    It's supposed to be Susan Lucci in Seduced and Betrayed but the nudity is obviously coming from a body double.

    • Susan Lucci (1, 2, 3)

    "The Clean and Narrow"
    We have nudity from the ubiquitous stripper in The Clean and Narrow, and there is a brief topless view of Jenna Bodnar.

    "Greenwich Mean Time"
    Crossing the Atlantic we have some full exposure by Melanie Gutteridge, and some lovely caps of Georgia Mackenzie and Alicia Eyo.

    "Whatever Happened to Harold Smith?"
    Whatever Happened to Harold Smith? is a typical quirky British film. Amanda Root is standing in her underwear and you may recognise a naked Stephen Fry in the caps. If you're wondering what the scene is, Amanda and Stephen decide to explain to their daughter the facts of life using the appropriate visual aids.

    "Devil's Nightmare"
    Crossing over into mainland Europe we have Devil's Nightmare. Plenty of boobs by Erika Blanc, Shirley Corrigan, Ivana Novak and Colette Emmanuelle.

    "Sabrina Down Under"
    Finally, down to Australia for the rest of the caps, we have Sabrina Down Under. You can't expect nudity but there are some mild pokies by Melissa Joan Hart, cleavage by Rebecca Gibney and Lindsay Sloane makes a lovely mermaid.

    "Fast Talking"
    Toni Allaylis in Fast Talking shows what school girls wear under their uniforms.

    "Wrong World"
    The mildest of pokies by Jo Kennedy in Wrong World.

    Some boobs and bum by Joy Dunstan in the eponymous film Oz.

    • Joy Dunstan (1, 2)

    "Over the Hill"
    The best nudity in Over the Hill comes from Olympia Dukakis when she is painted up for secret women's business by Australian aborigines. There is briefest of breast exposure by Andrea Moore and some pokies by Sigrid Thornton.

    "Dance Me To My Song"
    Finally, something that that I don't think has appeared in the Funhouse before. Heather Rose has severe cerebral palsy and she also co-wrote Dance Me To My Song. Joey Kennedy is her carer and the film is about the interaction between the two that peaks when they both fancy the same bloke. Plenty of complete nakedness by both actresses.

    • Heather Rose (1, 2, 3)
    • Joey Kennedy (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Mail Bag

    On the season premier of "Enterprise", there was an all too brief shot of Linda Park, topless, doin' the hands over the boobs thing. Very sexy. Did anyone get a cap of that?

    Why...yes! Here is Linda Park doing the FH-Max-Stuff hands over boobs pose.

    Hey Scoops,

    I was checking out Bo Derek in the Naked Encyclopedia...Her film "Fantasies" is listed as filmed in 1981. The IMDB agrees with you. I was under the impression this movie was released in 1976 (pre "10"). Also, the breast size is much smaller than in "10" or Tarzan the Ape Man. Maybe you can check with the Sleuth on this one. I think IMDB is wrong.


    A few links...
  • Mets’ Trouble With the Grass Sources say at least 7 players suspected of marijuana use....I guess now we know why baseball players want more money.

  • Nicole Kidman in talks to star in big screen version of "Bewitched"