I put Boy A on the back burner because I found better nude scenes in two remakes of Asian horror films.

Pulse 2



Pulse was an English-language remake of an Asian horror film. Mankind was threatened when the dead found a way to return to our plane of existence through cell phones and the wireless internet.

In Pulse 2, mankind has been almost completely destroyed by the soulless ghosts. The cities and all hotbeds of technology are ruled by the ghosts. The only safe places for humans are those where cell phone signals can't reach. The storyline is about two divorced parents fighting over their child. Oh, sure, mothers usually end up with custody, but in this instance her case is a bit weaker than usual, given that she is dead. That's a partial spoiler. At the beginning of the film neither we nor she are aware that she has joined the choir invisible, and we follow her pursuit from her point of view.

How could she not know she was dead? The ghosts, you see have their own issues. They don't like to be dead, and they have found that wireless technology allows them to fight back to our world, and even to get their spirits inside the body of a living person. It seems at first that they have successfully re-entered the living plane. Unfortunately for them, after all that work they have various experiences which demonstrate that they are still dead. In the mother's case, for example, she gets cut several times with a knife, but does not bleed. C'est le morte!

The living father makes every effort to get his little girl someplace where the mother can't reach her. He hears of an area in the Midwest somewhere which is a safe harbor, and he makes his way there in his SUV ...

This straight-to-vid film is a blend of positives and negatives.

On the negative side:

  • There are some inconsistencies in the film's reality. (For example, why does the electrical grid still work? There are street lamps and neon lights working in the deserted cities. Are ghosts maintaining the power plants?)
  • The special effects are very poor. Too many scenes are done with green-screen effects, and not the high tech kind we have seen in movies like Sin City. The results look more like the hosted TV horror shows from the sixties, where it was obvious that the Chiller or Mr. Inviso was acting in front of a green screen because he and the background seemed to be different colors or textures or to be moving at different speeds. This sort of problem would not normally be a matter of great concern to me, but in this film the effects are so poor that they break the fourth wall and pull us out of the story because we constantly notice the technical problems.
  • The only person who can save the world is Future Elmo, and only if he is wearing some 3-D glasses left over from the original screening of Creature from the Black Lagoon. (See below.)

On the positive side:

  • The film maintains a spooky atmosphere in general, and has several genuinely tense/scary scenes.
  • I award a gold star for a daring surprise ending. It was totally appropriate within the film's context, but I never thought they would have the cojones to kill the good guy brutally in the middle of a sentimental scene.
  • There is an inventive nude scene from Boti Bliss, who plays the father's girlfriend. Sequels to remakes of Asian horror films will not soon make my list of favorite cinema experiences, but I was impressed with this unusual and oddly erotic scene. Film clips here. Captures below.






It doesn't seem likely that Hollywood will soon run out of Asian horror films to remake. After all, Asia has some eleven trillion people, and their only source of amusement is scarin' the livin' bejeesus out of one another.

Unlike Pulse 2, which looks to have been made with a budget of some eighty five cents, Mirrors gives the big studio treatment to Asian horror with elaborate sets, big explosions, slick CGI, a major star (Kiefer Sutherland) ... the whole nine yards. All that lipstick doesn't make the pig any prettier, however, and this script is an ugly pig.

Kiefer plays a suspended Federal agent named Jack Bauer who ...

OK, he doesn't really, but he does. He's actually a suspended NYPD detective with another name, but there is absolutely no difference between this character and Jack Bauer, so I'm not going to pretend there is. This is an episode of 24 except that the enemy is a supernatural demon instead of al-Qaida. Jack goes around setting up perimeters and saying things like "Please don't make me threaten you" to get innocent people to give up info faster, and when he gets an emergency phone call in the middle of traffic, he says "Goddammit" and spins a 180 in Manhattan traffic so he can high-tail it back to the place where he's needed ... because HE'S RUNNING OUT OF TIME! Then, at the end of the film, he kidnaps a sweet little old nun at gunpoint - "Because my family is not going to die today" and he's RUNNING OUT OF TIME. He then ties the old biddy up and sacrifices her saintly ass to the demon, after which he blows up an entire Manhattan block. At times it seems less like 24 than a sequel to Team America, World Police, except the Eiffel Tower somehow remains intact because Jack Bauer destroys New York instead of Paris. But he gets the job done, Goddammit!

Just what is the job he has to do? Well, take the basic plot of The Shining and relocate the Overlook from an elaborate mountain resort which is completely abandoned in Winter to an elaborate New York City department store which was completely abandoned after a big fire.

  • That department store was built on the site of an insane asylum where experimental procedures ...
  • And the people involved in those procedures ...
  • Jack Bauer has been suspended from secret agent duties, so he's hired to be the caretaker of the Overlook Department Store. Soon he starts to see ...
  • His wife and son are terrified of him because he's acting so crazy, and ...

Well, I think you have the idea.

Things get crazy at the end, and Jack Bauer has to rush to the rescue to save his family. In other words, he basically has to fill both the Jack Nicholson role and the Scatman Carothers role from The Shining. They couldn't hire another actor because they were RUNNING OUT OF TIME!

It's all predictable if you've ever seen either an episode of 24 or any horror movie at any time (especially The Shining), but I give the film a lukewarm recommendation for two reasons:

1. It has a really excellent Twilight Zone ending which makes perfect sense but I never saw coming. For my money, the ending redeemed the entire film.

2. It has Amy Smart stark naked in good light. That is an element which will cause me to forgive the flaws of pretty much any film not involving David Spade. Oh, who am I kidding? I would probably watch Joe Dirt again if the unrated DVD included an Amy Smart nude scene. Film clip here. Captures below.



Into The Woods

2008 or 2009

Actually this movie hasn't even been cut together yet and does not appear on IMDb, but the producer/director, who is also the kingpin of Falcon Films, sent in these captures and/or promo stills. Some of them are far better than DVD quality, some even better than Blu-Ray, because they are stills taken on the set. Some of the other pics are not as good, but on balance it's a nice assortment

The actress is Nancy Feliciano.




  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.







This week's featured softcore:

"The Erotic Traveller"

episode: Closer

Monique Alexander


Tabitha Stevens








Michelle Bauer

part 6

Beverly Hills Vamp (1989)

The feature is rated 2.4 at IMDb this time, an upgrade from yesterday's film.

Michelle Bauer film clip.









Centerfold Screen Test 2


Crystal Breeze








Notes and collages


Jennifer Aniston

episode: "The One With the Jam"

episode: "The One With the List"

episode: "The One With Phoebe's Dad"










This film was the grandfather of all the multi-celebrity nudity films, and it will take many days to cover it. Day six concludes the series and features MariluTolo

Film clips here. Collages below






15 new, count 'em

902310: We're Not in Kansas Anymore

First episode of the remake and Canadian export Shenae Grimes is shown in a bikini in the first five minutes. Shortly afterwards a girl gives a guy a blow job in the school parking lot. Nothing has changed.

(1) Shenae Grimes


Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

episode: Fly the Super Gay Skies

Katy Griffin goes on a gay-themed travel tour to Australia where the men-are-men and the sheep-are-very-nervous.


(2) Kathy Griffin: brassiere showing her C-cups.



Circle of Friends

(2006) (TV)

(3) Julie Benz: partial boob



'Ed the Sock' series finale

A GFU farewell to the new owners who want to make CityTV a more family-orientated network, ie, American Gladiators five nights a week in place of softcore porn movies.

(4) Lianna Kerzner: peek-a-boob-blouse

(5) Joanna Angel: hardcore fetish actress having her way with Liana

(6) porn stars: pixellated coochie shots but they missed a few pixels along the way.


The Crooked E: The Unshredded Truth About Enron

(2003) (TV)

Given the recent bank collapse this movie is still topical. With all the laid off bankers, maybe next year the hefmag will have a nekked female banker issue. No nudity but Natalie Brown (CBC's Sophie), Kate Steen, Jennifer Hill, and various are all sexy.

(7) Natalie Brown

(8) Kate Steen

(9) Jennifer Hill

(10) various



"Cock'd Gunns"

episode: Party Eyes

Hoser mockumentary series about a loser rock band a la Spinal Tap.


(11) Rachel McMahon: serious pokies in wet bikini.

Treed Murray


(12) Jessica Greco: sports brassiere and some plumber's crack.



Cleaning up my hard drive:

(13) Melissa DiMarco: cleavage in Blue Murder episode.

(14) Teresa Pavlinek: brassiere in The Jane Show episode.

(15) Ingrid Kavelaars: partial boob in ReGenesis episode.







Mrs Henderson Presents


Scrounging through a huge stack of "get off your butt and cap this" movies, I came up with this delightful comedy/drama from 2005. Inspired by true events, and set in WW II England, Judi Dench delivers another great performance as Laura Henderson, a rich widow who buys a broken-down theatre in London's West End.

Her idea of running non-stop musical revues is a big success, but as other theatres copy the idea, financial disaster looms, so she decides to add nudes to her shows.

To conform to strict laws, the nudes must be static and non-moving, frozen on the stage, but with clever staging, the shows are once again a huge success. Things get more complicated, though, as the Germans start bombing England.

This is a fun flick, something a little different, and of course, has plenty of nudity. I enjoyed it.







enter the DragonScan

The first two are from Chemical Wedding

Lily Dumont

Helen Millard

Top it off with Katherine Moenning in The L Word







This section will present film clips to accompany Charlie's collages (which are found in his own site).

It's Audrey Day






Film Clips

Wrestling babe Dawn-Marie in an acting role in Vampire Carmilla

Lana Wood in Demon Rage, aka Satan's Mistress. Poor quality, but rarely seen. Lana is Natalie's jumbo-breasted younger sister, best known as Plenty O'Toole in Diamonds Are Forever. Lana has no IMDB credits from 1986-2007, but has FIVE in 2008 and 2009. She's Ba-ack!

Another rare one: Nastassja Kinski in a 1977 TV show (an episode of Tatort)

Katherine Waterston (Sam's daughter) in Babysitters (samples right)
Essy Persson in Cry Banshee (samples right). For many men my age, Essy was the first woman they ever saw naked on the big screen. I, A Woman came out in 1965 and was widely seen in North America, in a time before most American movies had nude scenes.