Wednesday

Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

Tom Sizemore sex tape, part 7:

We will carry it in eight parts, as it was posted in Usenet. Part Seven consists of Sizemore, two hookers, a vibrator, and a can of Reddi Whip. Yawn (Zipped .wmv)

Dead End Road (2004)

This review has a picture so it's better situated at The Movie House. I think it is a pretty funny review. And ya gotta see the picture of Principal Belding!

 

Ambre Lake

 

unknown

Dann

Captures and comments from Dann

Originally released in 2003 as Peak Experience, then released on DVD in 2005 as Lost Lake, this adventure/fantasy is set in a remote ski lodge in the High Sierras, and if nothing else, provides some cool ski footage and some equally breathtaking mountain scenery.

Kat (Angel Boris) is a poet and thrill-seeker who jumps at the chance to take a job at a ski lodge. After arriving, she begins to be haunted by visions she doesn't understand. When an avalanche traps everyone in the lodge, the visions intensify, and things get really weird.

The movie was filmed on location at Mammoth Lakes, California, and the photography is beautiful and well-done. Angel's nipples, as everyone knows, are equally amazing, and the story isn't bad as long as you're into weird. A solid B-movie that might have been better written, but is still worth a look, if only for the great scenery (and the nipples).

Angel Boris

Crimson Ghost

Captures and comments from the Ghost

Charlize Theron in "Head in the Clouds"

Catherine Keener in "The Real Blonde"

Hankster
'Caps and comments by Hankster:   
Today we take the Time Machine back to 1991 and a
Don Wilson Kung fu fest called "Ring of Fire". We lead it off with the always delicious Maria Ford with cleavage, leg and boobies in a love scene.
 
Lisa Saxton also is here showing off her robo-hooters as she gets it on with the boyfriend and butt in the bathroom.

Variety

Ursula Andress in yet another of her 70s nude romps, Loaded Guns. The IMDb contains the obscure trivia that it was banned in Finland.

Which probably means it kicks ass.

 
Clare Carey, the daughter from "Coach", very naked and being rogered robustly in Episode 7 of Weeds.
Here is a film clip of that Clare Carey scene. Well worth it. Probably will place in the Top Twenty nude scenes at the end of the year.  (Zipped .avi)
Yesterday we features one of the stars of  "Popular", Carly Pope. Here is another, Tamara Mello, in Infidelity/Hard Fall
Here is a film clip of the Tamara Mello scene, (Zipped .wmv)
The ever-sexy Sherilyn Fenn in The Wraith
Here's something I expected even less than The Spanish Inquisition: figure skater Michelle Kwan in a kinda sorta see-through
Britt Nichols in Virgin Among the Living Dead
Christina von Blanc in Virgin Among the Living Dead
Movie Reviews

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

 

  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Other Crap

2005 NFL Cheerleader Tour - Day : Dallas Cowboys



Baseball, football, hot dogs, apple pie, Chevrolet ... and The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. A friend of mine lives overseas in a third world country. When he once asked a local if they knew anything about American football, one person said, "Dallas Cowboys." Another person next to him smiled and said, "Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders." This squad had truly defined what cheerleading is today in the NFL. One look at the history page and a smile will cross your face when you remember the Love Boat appearances, as well as the classic made-for-TV movies. I give you America's Sweethearts...the
Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.

We saw them cheer their team to a heart breaking loss last night to Washington. Still, they looked fabulous in the most famous cheerleading outfits in the world. World Class cheerleaders need a world class web site, and boy, do they have it. I have already made mention of the history page, but there is much more: a swimsuit calendar (with lots of pictures), a celebrity scrapbook, a page on their show group, and a nod to their sister team, the Dallas Desperados of the Arena League. I do enjoy the team photo and the bios (click on your favorite lady to learn about her), although the bios only include one picture. I wish there were more. The only major fault I can find with this squad and their site is the cheerleaders themselves. The ladies are stunning, but I thought the ladies of Philadelphia, Washington, and Tampa had a slight edge on them, and even their sister Arena League team gives them a run for their money. This is still an incredible group, but just a few big hitters away from reclaiming the title.



Ranking 9.0 out of 10.

 

Much to the general disgust of its agents, the FBI is joining the Bush administration's War on Porn. "I guess this means we've won the war on terror," said one exasperated FBI agent.

"The RIAA has been pushing the FCC to impose a copy-protection mandate on the makers of next-generation digital radio receiver/recorders"

MadTV wonders how Kenny Rogers would do on "Jackass." Bizarre concept, outrageous execution. Completely stupid, but I found myself laughing against my will!

"Dutch police and park rangers have admitted they are powerless to stop a growing trend of outdoor sex orgies." Eric Droogh, who is director at the Veluwe National Park, said: "A national debate on wild sex parties in the countryside is essential." The head of one of Holland's biggest national parks says the problem is getting worse and has called for the government to make clear guidelines on outdoor sex orgies.

  • You want guidelines? Here's my clear guidelines. It's OK if it involves naked hot chicks, especially celebrity lesbian orgies or women having sex with octopuses. If it involves any flabby guys in black socks, fatties, or ugly-bugly chicks, make 'em cover that shit unless they are having sex with hot chicks, unlikely though that might be. That is all.
  • I would like to add, however, that the USA should also have a national debate on wild sex parties in the countryside.

Conan shares some exclusive satellite television programming from the giant NBC satellite dish.

This is a real news story, not a satire. Governor Jeb Bush becomes the highest-ranking government official since Gerald Ford to have an imaginary friend. In all fairness, though, it turns out that while Ford claimed his friend was imaginary, he actually turned out to be real. In fact, it was former baseball commissioner Bowie Kuhn. Therefore, I think we can give Jeb the top spot.

Feds' FOIA papers reveal an eye for gossip. Sinatra, Liberace, Walt Disney and Warhol among those with FBI files

"Beedogs.com is the premier online repository for pictures of dogs in bee costumes."

Yankees sign Donald Trump for the stretch drive. He's got some wicked form!

CHENEY TO SPEND ENTIRE MONTH ABOVE GROUND ... Will Expose Himself to Sunlight to Boost White House Approval Ratings.

  • According to one of the vice presidentís aides, Mr. Cheneyís decision to climb out of his subterranean hideout for the entire month of October would mean his longest visit to the Earthís surface since 2001.

VH1's Eclectic Cast For The Brand New Season Of The Surreal Life. SHERMAN HEMSLEY, TAWNY KITAEN, FLORENCE HENDERSON. Still no sign of Potsie.

Jon Stewart's slightly censored Emmy speech about the handling of Hurricane Katrina.

The first trailer for the new version of The Producers

SCIENTISTS REVEAL LAWYERS & LEECHES HAVE IDENTICAL DNA"

Some odd stuff.Monty Python's "Black Knight" sketch, as re-enacted by Star Wars Lego characters!

Everything you would ever possibly care to know about the etymology of the word "cunt"

The teaser, trailer, and two scenes, from Dear Wendy,a typically strange Lars van Trier script, directed by Thomas Vinterberg. The flick features a topless scene from Alison Pill.

  • "'Dear Wendy' is a story about the young loner Dick who lives in the poor mining town of Estherslope. When he happens upon a small handgun one day, he finds himself strangely drawn to it, despite his fervent pacifist views. Together with his newfound partner he soon convinces the other young outcasts in the town to join him in a secret club he calls The Dandies. A club based on the principals of pacifism and guns. Despite their firm belief in the most important Dandy rule of all - never draw your weapons - they soon find themselves in a predicament where they realize that rules are made to be broken."

The trailer for a Thai film, The Overture

  • "The Overture' is inspired by the life of musician Luang Pradit Pairoh, whose mastery at playing an instrument called the ranard-ek (sort of like a wooden xylophone) made him a legend in the world of classical Thai music."

The trailer and four clips from Unknown White Male, a documentary.

  • "A young man with a British accent turns up one rainy day in Coney Island, frightened and alone, with no clue to his identity. The process of re-establishing his family ties and life story forms a fascinating portrait of a man who, as far as he knows, doesnít have a past."

Five clips from A History of Violence, David Cronenberg's latest

The trailer for Dirty Love (Jenny McCarthy's comedy.)

A seven minute sneak peek of Flightplan (The Jodie Foster airplane thriller.)

WTF?? Katrina, The Drink? "Get Blown Away." Very tasteful.

This week's movies: Tim Burton's Corpse Bride - 84% positive reviews. Tim has become a critic's darling, and not without reason!

This week's movies: Flightplan - only two reviews on file. It's impossible to draw any conclusions from those two reviews, because they are at opposite poles.

  • Hero Realm didn't like it at all: "When the truth does finally come out, itís so laughably improbable that it destroys any sense of decorum the movie might have left. Add to that a completely ludicrous finale, and youíve got a movie that mightíve looked good on paper but utterly fails in execution. It isnít the worst flick youíll ever see, just drab, dull, and pointless."
  • The other reviewer loved it: "You could say that Flightplan is to airplane stories what Das Boot was to submarine tales, an exciting thriller that takes full advantage of the properties of film as a unique medium, manipulating (in the positive sense of the term) limited space, constrained time, and generic expectations."

This week's movies: Roll Bounce - only three reviews on file. They all say the same thing - essentially that the film succeeds in its own modest, cheesy way.

The Weekend Warrior makes his predictions for the upcoming weekend. Tim Burton's Corpse Bride goes into 3000 theaters, and is expected to take the #1 spot. Another new film, Jodie Foster in Flightplan, heads for 3400 screens, and is expected to finish a strong second. Roll Bounce, the roller disco movie, will be on 1700 screens, and is expected to slip into fifth place.

`Fat Actress' Kirstie Alley Loses 50 Lbs and her show! ... "'I think (they) have great concerns about me not being fat."

"ET has learned that lovebirds JERRY O'CONNELL and model-turned-actress REBECCA ROMIJN are engaged"

The soundtrack for Elizabethtown

GALLUP: Bush Ratings Reach Low Points of Presidency

retroCRUSH looks at the worst Halloween costumes ever. I kinda like the Father Murphy costume. I think you could wear it and claim to be Torgo!

Simon Wiesenthal, holocaust survivor turned Nazi hunter, dies at 96. There are not many of the WW2 generation left. The war ended 60 years ago.

"Acting angry is not hard," said Geraldo. "Crying on camera really is. But I have my own technique. When I say 'Can you get a shot of that dead body over there' and the camera pans away, I rub pepper in my eyes."

ZELLWEGER SAYS CHESNEY LIED ABOUT SADDAM'S WMDs ... Phony Weapons Claims at Heart of Celebrity "Fraud" Annulment

I-Mockery.com - The Greatest Horror Movie Moment!

Here is a bigger, better picture of that Lohan nipple-slip.

Make your plans to attend the end of the world on June 1, 2014 at 9:15 A.M. BYOB.

 

Pat Reeder     www.comedy-wire.com

HURRICANE AFTERMATH NEWS NOTES
Just Blame Bush - President Bush has been pressuring Mayor Ray Nagin to stop encouraging people to come back to New Orleans so soon.  With Tropical Storm Rita on the way, Nagin suspended the reopening of the city and ordered everyone out again.

*  No, wait...
*  Nagin felt sure Rita wouldn't strike his home...But then, his home is in Dallas now.



Do They REALLY Want Beachfront Homes? - Critics of President Bush's proposal to spend $200 billion rebuilding the Gulf note that for that much, he could give every one of the 500,000 displaced families a $400,000 check, enough to buy a beachfront home almost anywhere in America.

*  For example, in the Florida Keys.
*  Or a lifetime supply of booze and lap dances!
*  Better yet, they could buy mansions on the prairie, a thousand miles from the nearest ocean.


RIDICULOUS RELIGIOUS SYMBOL NEWS
Sign Of The Times - The Red Cross and its Islamic counterpart, the Red Crescent, are looking for a new, less dangerous symbol.  Israel's help agency, which uses a red Star of David, can't help people in a lot of places because they get attacked for being Jewish, and now Red Cross and Red Crescent workers are afraid of being attacked for appearing Christian or Muslim.  They are considering substituting the Red Crystal: a meaningless red diamond shape that wouldn't offend anybody.

*  Here's a suggestion: if a place is full of people who would kill their rescuers because they're Christian, Muslim or Jewish, how about we just don't rescue those people?


Don't Blow Up Over It - Burger King has withdrawn its "BK Cone" ice cream treat because some British Muslim customers complained that the label design of a stylized soft-swirl ice cream resembled the Arabic script for the word "Allah" when turned sideways.


*  Who turns it sideways?  The ice cream falls off the cone!
*  Also, Dairy Queen cones offend Southern Baptists because they resemble their women's hairdos.



SCOTLAND IS MOST VIOLENT NATION
Exhibit A: Groundskeeper Willie - In a surprising U.N. study based on interviews with crime victims in 21 countries, Scotland was named the most violent place in the developed world, followed by England and Wales.  More than 2,000 Scots are attacked every week.  Scots are three times more likely to be attacked than Americans.  The study blamed it on Scotland's "booze and blades" culture.

*  The anger starts as soon as children are introduced to haggis.
*  Scotland: Truly a land where a man can get kilt!



HAIRDO AT GUNPOINT
Dye Or Die!! - A Polish man in the town of Czestochowa burst into a hair salon brandishing a gun and forced the owner to give his girlfriend a free cut and dye job.  The next day, he returned and demanded at gunpoint that they redo it better.  He also insisted they add hair extensions to fix the length.  Police are still searching for him.

*  He's described as armed and in denial about being gay.
*  This gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Extreme Makeover."





CHEESE INFLUENCES YOUR DREAMS
Cheese Heads - A study by the British Cheese Board claims that the type of cheese you eat can influence your dreams.  Volunteers who ate Red Leicester before bed tended to have nostalgic dreams.  People who ate Stilton reported weird dreams, about a vegetarian crocodile that's upset because it can't eat children, or an army fighting with kittens instead of guns.  60 percent of test subjects who ate Lancashire cheese reported dreaming of work.  And a whopping 70 percent of cheddar eaters dreamed about celebrities.

*  Cheesy celebrities, like Fabio and Yanni.



PENGUINS: GAY SWINGERS OR MORAL ICONS?
Bye, Bi Birdie - Silo and Roy, the famous gay penguins at New York's Central Park Zoo, have split up after Silo went straight.  The two had hatched an adopted chick and were role models for six other same-sex penguin couples.  Then a female penguin named Scrappy arrived from Sea World, and Silo started building a nest with her.  Poor Roy is sitting at the edge of the penguin enclosure, staring at the wall.  The zoo's penguin expert said of the breakup, "Presumably, they've got their reasons," but Roy is probably getting ready for the next courting season.

*  He and the other gay male penguins are already in their tuxedos and ready for a night at a Manhattan piano bar.
*  Maybe Silo isn't building a nest with her; maybe he's just consulting on the decor.
*  This won't last: Scrappy thinks Silo is another female penguin.




CHICK FLICK DRAWS NOTHING BUT CHICKS
Add Nude Scenes - Reese Witherspoon's "Just Like Heaven," in which she plays a ghost who falls in love with the guy who moves into her old apartment, topped the weekend box office but with an anemic $16.5 million.  It made less than expected because the audience was 77 percent female.  A Dreamworks spokesman admitted that was the highest percentage of women he could recall for any movie.  He said hope women who liked it will bring men to see it.

*  Good luck with that: it opened the same week as football season!
*  That would be like men trying to drag women to a "Deuce Bigalow" movie.
*  They could start advertising showings of it as "A great place to pick up chicks!"



BANKS REMOVES BRA ON TV...JUST TO PROVE TWO POINTS!
Great Moments In Boob Tube History - Supermodel Tyra Banks is tired of being accused of having breast implants and claims her bodacious figure is the result of push-up bras.  So to prove it, on the episode of her new talk show airing today, she removed her bra from under her shirt and let a plastic surgeon examine her boobs on national TV and confirm they are natural.

*  He then recommended she consider getting implants.
*  His check is in the mail...His SECOND check...




ACTRESS WANTS BREAST IMPLANTS BUT CAN'T HAVE THEM
"I Was Such A Boob!" - Contactmusic.com reports that ultra-thin actress Lara Flynn Boyle desperately wants breast implants but can't get them.  She said when she was given "great boobs" for "Men In Black II," she belatedly realized their importance, but she can't get them because she's already been such a vocal advocate against plastic surgery.  She said, "I got myself in trouble.  Who wouldn't want a boob job?"

*  Answer: Aretha Franklin...Each of her boobs already weighs more than Lara Flynn Boyle.
*  She doesn't want big breasts, just a boost up to an A-cup.
*  Lara Flynn Boyle with breast implants would look like a snake that swallowed two bowling balls.

A quick site note
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