* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

* White asterisk: expanded format.

* Blue asterisk: not mine.

No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.








Guarded Secrets


Guarded Secrets (1997) is an erotic thriller, but very short on erotic. Not that thrilling either.

As the film opens, Mark Long is doing the nasty in a motel with Gabriella Hall. He wakes up in the morning to discover that she has left with his car and his money. That should have taught him a lesson about picking up hitchhikers and rescuing damsels in distress. He elects to thumb to somewhere he can get back on his feet, and is picked up by Billy Maddox, who, it turns out, is head lifeguard at a posh resort, and has an opening. As our boy was on his way to join the Navy Seals when the hitch occurred in his plans, he gets the job. He will be paid to sit next to a pool all day, watch beautiful women, and screw many of them The only hitch is Michael Russo, a frightening criminal type. Of course, our hero, faced with an endless smorgasbord of willing women, decides to seduce and rescue the gangster's wife, Lesli Kay. After he saves the gangster from drowning, he is admitted into the gang, and becomes painfully aware of what she puts up with, and just how bad Russo is.

So, will our boy scout save the fair damsel and vanquish the evil gangster? To find out, you will have to suffer through this just like I did.

This marks the first time I have ever complained about excess plot content in a soft core. I love a little story with my porn, but obviously the story should be interesting, which this is not. And also there should still actually be some porn. This is light on both counts, and hence a weak D. (IMDb readers say 1.9 with 25 votes.)

Guarded Secrets DVD Lesli Kay Sterling Gabriella Hall

 It is only available in the US from in a dual region (1 and 4) English Language DVD.

Gabriella Hall shows breasts. Carla Sofia Lescius shows breasts, buns and a modesty patch. Brandi Coppock and two unknowns do full frontal and rear. Lesli Kay shows breasts and buns.


Gabriella Hall



Carla Sofia Lescius



Brandi Coppock



Lesli Kay














Sexual Matrix


Sexual Matrix is a really bad example of soft core erotica. Some kind of virtual reality plot  - people getting hooked up to a machine and living out their sexual fantasies. The only good thing you can say about this movie is there's lots of boobies.

Mia Zattoli (pre-boob job) is top billed and a big disappointment, only one sex scene and in weird crappy lighting.

The rest and all I can say is more tits from everybody.

Amber Newman

Amy Larue

Caroline Key Johnson

Elizabeth Patrick

Gina Ryder

Gina Ryder & Amy Larue


Gina Ryder & Amy Larue

Lisa Comshaw

Regina Russell


Sandy Wasko

Zoe Paul






Notes and collages


Shannen Doherty and Holly Marie Combs, Season 2, Episode 8



As the conservative sister witch "Piper," Ms. Combs generally dressed less racy than her siblings; this is one of the rare pokie moments.






Testigos Ocultos

Majo (Carolina Touceda) is a young prostitute who works along her drug addict boyfriend/pimp, making videos of the clients she picks on the street and then blackmailing them. Iván Odesky (Fernando Guillén Cuervo) is a Federal Agent trying to take down a sect which he believes is a cover for prostitution. He enters in contact with Majo and makes her help him, telling her that if she doesn't he will put her behind bars. She finally agrees to help him and meets Gerard Suarez Folk (Fernando Aguilar), the person Iván believes to be the leader of the sect. Carolina does a great job in this movie, being the more novice actor of them all, is a surprise how she steals the show.



Carolina Touceda







Outtakes: Eva Mendes photoshoot for GQ

Film clip: Kelly McGillis in House on Carroll Street
Film clip: Monica Bellucci in Stone Council
Film clip: Rachel Wagner in an episode of Hot Line
Film clip: Serena Grandi in L'Iniziazione
Here's the handball team with the nude calendar.
Paige Davis at Broadway Bares (We've had this image before, but not in HQ)
Mischa Barton - public nipple sighting
Andrea Thompson in A Gun, A Car, a Blonde (Colorized from a B&W film. The guy did a good job.)






The Comedy Wire

Dan Rather is still bitter about being forced to retire from the CBS Evening News for airing a 2004 story about President Bush ditching his National Guard duty that turned out to be based on forged memos from a longtime Bush opponent.  CBS said an independent investigation found it was neither fair nor accurate. Wednesday, Rather filed a lawsuit against CBS, seeking $20 million in compensatory damages and $50 million in punitive damages.  He claims CBS was trying to curry favor with Bush and made him a "scapegoat" for the story, which he still maintains is true. 

*  And so does the forger! 

MarketWatch estimates that the thousands of journalists who will flood into Las Vegas for the O.J. Simpson trial could pump up to $50 million into the local economy

* He should be sentenced to community service, traveling around to various economically-depressed cities and committing crimes in each one.