"Twentynine Palms"

Twentynine Palms (2003) is a Bruno Dumont film. Complete spoilers ahead. Katia Golubeva, played by Katia Golubeva, and David Wissak, played by David Wissak, are driving backroads in the Southern California desert. Why, we don't know. Periodically, they have sex. Why? We don't know. Then they usually fight. Why? We don't know. They stop in cheap motels each night, and have sex then a fight. Again, we don't know why. Then, in the riveting conclusion, they are run off the road by two men, who strip her, then anally rape him. Later, at the motel, she goes out for pizza. When she returns, he stabs her to death, then crawls naked into the desert to die.

Fortunately, the DVD includes an interview with the director, who explained all of this. To insure the actors couldn't develop a character or act, he used their real names, and never showed them the script. The complete lack of plot was intentional. He also was proud that the ending made no sense. His only regret was that the desert was too photogenic. However, only shooting ugly parts of the desert would also have bee wrong in is mind. Andy why did he do all of this? To destroy capitalism, and so pave the way for the reinvention of artistic films.

If the above makes sense to you, then you might want to rent this. The IMDb rating of 5.4 of 10 suggests that some think this was a good idea. There is ample opportunity to see Golubeva's naked body from every possible angle. Wissak also does a full frontal, and some of the sex scenes are rather convincing. The dialogue is an odd mixture of French and English. To me, this was one of the stupidest films I have ever seen. Evidently Dumont was hoping to elicit an emotional response. My only response was wishing it would end. The best part of this film is that I will never need to see it again. Despite some critics, who proved that they can be as pretentious and clueless as Dumont, this is utter crap. No plot, no characterization, no motivation for anything that happens, and most of what happens is either boring or tedious. This is an E. I don't see how anyone who is honest with themselves can claim to enjoy this film.

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  • Katia Golubeva (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    The 7th Sign

    If I remember correctly, Demi was actually pregnant with Rumer Willis when she did this (heavily) pregnant nude scene.


    The Adventures of Baron Munchausen

    Uma was naked, although not much was visible. This is, however, a really sexy scene, and Uma never looked more spectacularly beautiful. 


    Tropical Snow

    Here is slim, elegant Madeleine Stowe in her prime. It's a long download, but includes pretty much all of the nudity in this film, which has never been issued on DVD.




    Other Crap:

    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

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    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

    NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

    I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.


    Road to Salina

    Yet another one of those 1971 movies in which the young lead actress never wore any clothing! This one stars Ed Begley and a mid-50ish Rita Hayworth. Begley kept his clothes on, but Mimsy Farmer did not. Her story is interesting. She seemed like one of those "might be" actresses who was on the verge of stardom. It never happened. She was a political radical who was disenchanted with America's foreign policy in the early 70s, so she moved to Italy and never really came back.  She spent the rest of her acting career making films in Italian and French, mostly "giallo" films (an Italian form of thriller or horror films, usually involving murder and sensationalized violence).


    The key point here is that she looked good naked. Look for appearances of the ever-creepy Robert Walker Jr (Charlie X from a famous episode of the original Star Trek series) as her lover.


    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Here are some clips from "Lust: The Movie". These are from videotape, but they ain't half-bad anyway.

    Working on these clips brought to consciousness just how much of the movie's time is occupied by one nekkid babe or another. There is a total of 25 clips of Blake Pickett, alone, which take more than five minutes, total. Guess if you're going to suck at making a movie you might as well throw the skin at us to keep us happy.

    Blake Pickett clips. She used the name Josie Hunter for this movie. One of five names she's sported for different roles, used without rhyme or reason.

    • Blake Pickett (zipped divx .avis) (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Next, a couple of Gabriella Hall clips. The funkiness here is the filmmakers' attempt to portray the virtual 2D world in a 3D setting that will then be shown again in 2D. All they really did is mess up things.

    • Gabriella Hall (zipped divx .avis) (1, 2)

    One clip of the bountiful Kim Dawson. Most of her stuff was shot in slomo, which does nothing but chew up disk space.

    First of two Monique Parent clips.

    • Monique Parent (zipped divx .avis) (1, 2)

    One of a half-dozen Tamara Landry clips. She gets my vote for least-obnoxious boob job in B movies.

    Last up is Dougie McClure's little girl, Tane.

    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    Some more odds n' ends from the Ghost.

    First up the tall busty 80's babe Randi Brooks in scenes from two movies...

    • 'Caps of Randi Brooks topless in the Clint Eastwood movie "Tightrope" (1984) (1, 2, 3)
    • Here's a video clip (zipped .wmv) of Randi Brooks in the same scene 'capped above. The vid also shows brief (and dark) frontal and rear views.

    • More Randi Brooks vids (zipped .wmvs). This time she's topless in a scene from "Hamburger... The Motion Picture" (1986). (1, 2)

    Next up, Part one of the Ghost's Regina Russell tribute. Today's batch of clips feature Regina in scenes from "Scandal:" (2001).

    • Regina Russell (zipped .wmvs). Links 1-3 are parts of the same slow paced love scene. #1 has all 3 B's, the others mostly breasts and a little bum. Links 4-6 are from another slow paced love scene. Breasts and bum views only. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    'Caps and comments by Spaz:

    Paradise Falls: Season 2, week 1
    Season two opened up with a full frontal nude streak scene by two dozen gays guys before the opening credits even began. But before the queer-as-folk hot dog factor set in Cherilee Taylor (now Cherilee Garofano) has a nude sex scene but kept her thong on. But still it will be nice to see some female frontal nudity for once.

    • Cherilee Taylor: topless in thong, closeup nipple play, implicit 69 scene.
    • Chantal Quesnelle: underwear and bikini, full dorsal skinnidipping but possible butt double.
    • Michelle Latimer: all hoed up for now, lesbian scene with no-show Danielle Hampton in opening credits.
    • Kim Poirier: cleavage for now, sex scene in opening credits.
    • Raven Dauda: cleavage for now, the first new female star.

    'Caps and comments by Oz:

    "Bad Boy Bubby"
    Somebody has been asking for fat, naked chicks? You get them in Bad Boy Bubby, although the chicks would be better described as broilers. This is a weird Aussie movie with incest, religion, nurses and prostitutes. Claire Benito is the mother and she is very naked. Natalie Carr brings in the religion, and she gets very naked. Fille Dusseljee and Stepanie Cooper are the very naked pros and Carmel Johnson is the very naked nurse.

    "The Acid House"
    Continuing the theme of weird and large naked chicks we have The Acid House. This is a Scottish film and, although they speak English, they decided they would subtitle a lot of it. The old broiler with the cellulite is Ann Louise Ross. We see topless views of Michelle Gomez and Jenny McCrindle. Jemma Redgrave is also topless but most of it is a prosthetic or a body double.

    "Real Women Have Curves"
    Real Women Have Curves is another movie with plus-sized women. Soledad St, Hilaire, America Ferrera, Lourdes Perez and Ingrid Oliu get down to their underwear and discuss stretch marks.

    "Paradise Found"
    Another naked 'big boned girl' is in Paradise Found where we see Katerina Orlowska. However, this is tempered with a delectable Sara Lina Brown.

    • Katerina Orlowska (1, 2)
    • Sara Lina Brown (1, 2, 3)

    Traffic is a miniseries, which is concerned with trafficking drugs and not cars. No real nudity but there is the slightest nip slip by Jennifer Rae Westley. Eden Rountree plays an emaciated model and shows some pokies. Some of the other models also look sexy.

    • Jennifer Rae Westley (1, 2, 3)
    • Eden Rountree (1, 2, 3)
    • Other models (1, 2)

    Tamela D'Amico
    Hanna Pruna and Jaclyn Longacre

    LC 'caps from the movie "Mafioso: The Father, the Son" (2004). D'Amico bares breasts and bum in a love scene while the other two ladies play topless dancers.

    Kirsten Dunst All wet in a skin-tight top and showing just a hint of pokies in scenes from "Spider-Man 2". Look for it on DVD November 30th.

    Amy Lynn Baxter
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Another round of Baxter 'caps from the Skin-man. Here we see the busty blonde topless in scenes from "Smokin' Stogies" (2001).