Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Tom Sizemore sex tape, part 5:

We will carry it in eight parts, as it was posted in Usenet. This one is actually fairly entertaining. Sizemore rants and plays football with hookers for three minutes before there is any sex or nudity, but it is actually amusing this time, especially his rants against Heidi Fleiss. Following that, he gets involved in a four-way sex thing with three hookers, which is shot from sufficient distance to see what's going on, not just close-ups of genitalia. Not so bad.


The Last Time I Committed Suicide. (2005)

This is the second time that a film has tried to capture the mercurial Neal Cassady, king of the beats.

The beats were the writers who provided the spoken and written voices for the first generation of the post-war counter culture in the States. While mainstream America, after a decade and a half of Depression and war, was happy to embrace the superficial pleasures of the new consumer culture engendered by post-war prosperity, a group of intellectuals and contrarians believed that there was more to life than having babies, buying new cars, and settling in the suburbs. The actual term "beat" was coined by writer Jack Kerouac in 1948 when he told his friend Clellon Holmes: "You might say we're a beat generation." Four years later, Holmes made it all official in an article for the New York Times Magazine, entitled "This is The Beat Generation." The original membership roster of the Beat Generation basically consisted of two Columbia students, Jack Kerouac and Alan Ginsberg, and a few others they met along the way, most notably author William Burroughs.

Ginsberg and Kerouac were both profoundly influenced by a young man from Denver named Neal Cassady, who met the famous beats when he visited friends at Columbia. Cassady was a handsome, hyperactive, smooth-talkin', fun-lovin', con artist who worked in blue collar jobs at night and read Proust by day. He embodied the anti-conformist mentality. He dressed casually. He experimented with drugs and enjoyed debauched sex of all types with people of all races and both genders. He earned only as much money as was necessary for sustenance. He was the coolest of the cool, the heppest of the hep. His major talents were sex and story-telling, and he was more adept at living life than writing about it, so Cassady never became a great writer himself, but he was the muse for many, and appeared as a character in the work of several prominent counter-cultural works of the beat and post-beat eras. Cassady was so admired by the beats that he almost single-handedly managed to cause their migration from New York to San Francisco. When Cassady moved to California from Denver, Ginsberg, who was in love with the omnisexual Cassady, soon followed, with Kerouac not far behind.

There the Columbia lads met up with the Berkley poets whose literary movement centered around the City Lights Bookstore and City Lights Press run by Lawrence Ferlinghetti. The merging of the two groups spawned a bohemian literary culture which they envisioned as the hepcat equivalent of Paris in the 30s. Their writing rejected the standard narrative format, and they liked to say that it employed the same rhythms and improvisational riffs as their jazz heroes, Charlie Parker, Miles Davis, and Thelonious Monk. The early beat movement may have been little more than an outré lifestyle which included some self-congratulatory poetry readings, but it made the quantum leap toward being a recognized literary movement in 1956-57 when some of the group achieved national prominence. Their fame began with a City Lights edition of a long Ginsberg poem called "Howl", which received some national attention because of related obscenity arrests, but the beats truly entered the mainstream of American consciousness following the publication of Kerouac's "On the Road," which somehow crossed over into popular culture and become a national best-seller.

Since Neal Cassady was the model for Dean Moriarty, the most prominent character in that best seller, he became an underground hero, the recognized icon for everything beat. If the 50s had been more like the later years, Cassady's handsome face would have been on every poster and every t-shirt on every college campus in America. As it was, he had to settle for the oxymoronic "anonymous fame" of being unknown to the world as Neal Cassady, but universally famous as Dean Moriarty.

As much as the beats idolized him, Cassady was never as much of an outsider as they. Although he joined his beat buddies for the occasional debauch or road trip, and though he sympathized with their ideals, he always kept one foot firmly planted in Middle America, where he maintained normal marriages, wore normal haircuts, worked mundane jobs, and raised three children. The conflict between the two sides of Neal Cassady is essentially what The Last Time I Committed Suicide is about. It is based on a long letter Cassady wrote to Kerouac in the early 50s in which Cassady's distinctive hepcat lingo described how he felt about being torn between a desire for a suburban home with a white picket fence on the one hand, and the free life of a rebel drifter on the other.

The storyline is minimal. Cassady meets his true love. She tries to commit suicide after having sex with him. He visits her a few times in the hospital, but stops coming because she seems to have lost her will to live. Somehow, she survives and finds him. On their first night back together, before they make love, Cassady decides to wander out to get a suit he needs for a job interview which is to take place the next morning. He promises to return, and his intentions are good, but he can't resist the temptations of pool halls and beer joints and underaged girls, and he soon finds himself in jail, having permanently screwed up his relationship with his beloved.

This film works, but it's not because of the plot. It works because of some excellent characterization from Tom Jane (who is exactly what I imagined Cassady to be like), some great minor characters, Cassady's wild anecdotes and vivid descriptions, and because of a crazy kind of experimental moviemaking style which seems to capture the essence of the beats. It isn't the most traditional and cohesive narrative you'll ever see, but then again it isn't supposed to be. All it is supposed to do is bring to life Cassady's letter to Kerouac, so that we can see what happened through his eyes and in his words. To that extent, I found it very successful. I was transported into those few days in Cassady's life, and never emerged from my trance until the story had ended and Cassady had made the case for why he needed to keep one foot in each of his contradictory worlds.

It's not a big mass audience movie. It's the film equivalent of a beat poem, which was in turn the literary equivalent of a jazz riff. Many viewers will find it too self-consciously arty, as many people once found the whole beat movement in general, but if you are interested in Cassady, this seems to capture his spirit very well, and the film has a tremendous be-bop score from Charlie Parker, Thelonious Monk, and others.

Gretchen Mol. Some years ago she was supposed to be the it girl, the next big thing. Never happened. Although she was quite charming in everything she did, nothing really captured the public's imagination.

But, damn, it sure captured mine!

Gretchen Mol

'Caps, clips, and comments by ICMS:  


Here are the final five clips from "The Sensuous Nurse". First we see how Ursula takes pleasure in seducing the youngster. Then you can see her in the bedroom with her old husband with the dicky ticker. Clip 10 has no nudity and is just there to conclude the scene. Admiring Ursula Andress in her prime, what a way to go, if you have to.

That's all for today. Hope to be back soon with more..

  • Ursula Andress (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

Here are some Divx avi clips from Space Thing. Something Weird Video says this is consistently one of their best sellers. Lots of babes, very nekkid.

These are clips of former Heffer Mercy Rooney. They include a couple of nice enough full frontal things, one of which looks kinda accidental because the camera gets above the pubis as quickly as it can.

  • Mercy Rooney (zipped .avis) (1, 2, 3)

'Caps and comments by Hankster:

First up today...."The Stickup" which featured Leslie Stefanson. I saw this is the bargain bin and remembered Stefanson was naked in the "General's Daughter", so rolled the dice hoping that she might do nudity here too. Wrong! All she did was get down to her slip.

By the way "The Stickup" was a pretty decent movie. I actually watched the whole thing!

Leslie Stefanson in "The Stickup"

Bonus nudity! Leslie Stefanson topless and full frontal in "The General's Daughter".

So now I really need some nudity for today, so I hoped in the ol' Time Machine and went back to 1969 for a look at the sexploitation epic, "Love Camp 7". Maria Lease is a "Babe in Bondage" who gets a whipping to boot. The movie might be crap, but they knew how to get a woman naked back then.

Maria Lease

Crimson Ghost
Today the Ghost serves up a variety of girls going topless while gettin' it on in scenes from the late night softcore series, "Compromising Situations".

Jennie Olsberg

Allison Swartz

Former Heffer (May 1991) Carrie Yazel

'Caps and comments by Oz:

"Voyeur Confessions"
Starting once again with a bit of soft core we have Voyeur Confessions (2001). Catalina Larranaga is the main voyeur and there is a lot of nudity by a lot of women. They must have had an excess of money for the film's budget. We see a lot of Alexis Summerfield, Julie Edenhurst, Lena Ramon, Lisa Lin, Naked Nicole (now there's nominative determinism!) Renee Rea, Teanna Kai, Diana Espen, Flower Edwards and some unidentified ladies.

Catalina Larranaga

Alexis Summerfield

Julie Edenhurst

Lena Ramon

Lisa Lin

Naked Nicole

Renee Rea

Teanna Kai and Diana Espen

Diana Espen

Flower Edwards


"Once Upon a Time in Mexico"
There's a brief upskirt by the beautiful Salma Hayek in Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003), although it could also be a stunt double. Eva Mendes looks good, as does an unknown dancer.

Salma Hayek

Eva Mendes


"Cool Hand Luke"
If Joy Harmon was your typical car wash then the automatic ones would have never taken off. Her appearance is brief and silent but she impresses.

Joy Harmon

Wendy Crewson does a brief striptease in Folks (1992) but nothing is visible as she drops her towel.

Wendy Crewson

"Secret Sins of the Father"
Lee Purcell is down to her underwear in Secret Sins of the Father (1994).

Lee Purcell

"Mack the Knife"
A brief nipple is exposed by Julia Migenes in Mack the Knife (1989).

Julia Migenes

Jack Snow
'Caps and comments by Jack Snow:

Hi Scoops!
Today I'm sending you a mixed European collection featuring goodies from from German TV. Todays actresses come from Germany (with Turkish roots), Switzerland, Austria, Poland, Sweden and even Croatia.

Berivan Kaya topless in Alarm für Cobra 11 - Einsatz für Team 2, ep. Strafversetzt

Denise Virieux topless in Schimanski, ep. Sünde

Doris Schretzmayer topless in Wolffs Revier, ep. Der Fall Kramer

Emmanuelle Laborit full frontal in the Swiss movie "Stille Liebe", French title is "Amour secret"

Ewa Telega topless in the Polish movie "Kasztelanka"

Hemma Clementi baring one breast in Kommissar Rex, ep. Gefährliche Jagd

Idil Üner, brief side breast view in "Saniyes Lust"

Lea Mornar completely nude but only allowing a quick and dark view of one breast in the movie "Such mich nicht"

Lia Boysen topless in the Swedish movie "Kattbreven"

Marina Marusic full frontal in the movie "Heimkehr"

Movie Reviews


Here are the latest movie reviews available at


  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Other Crap
Atom Egoyan tells Roger Ebert about his recent battle with the MPAA.
  • “What disturbed and confused me was that in addition to the 10-member board, there were two other people in the room. I asked who they were. They were clergymen, one Catholic, one Episcopalian. I asked why they were there and didn’t get an answer, but they were allowed to sit in on the secret deliberations of the Ratings Board.”

Film Jerk's Early Report for September 18

Location Earth Dog Tags. They come with a money-back guarantee. If you are abducted by aliens and the aliens cannot find earth to return you, you are entitled to a full refund!

It's September 19th, and you know what that means, doncha kids? - Yarrrrr! It's Talk Like A Pirate Day.


Shatner, Tonys Win Emmys

  • Yup, those are some meaningful awards. Shatner gets a statuette for "best supporting {cough} actor," and Wolverine wins a statuette for hosting a different awards show (The Tonys). Nothing against Wolverine, who really is a talented guy, but soon the Emmys will be presenting awards to the people who gave the best acceptance speeches at last year's Emmys.

A tepid weekend at the box office, September 16-18

  • Just Like Heaven, a formulaic Hollywood romantic comedy, managed to take the #1 spot, but not very convincingly. In fact, it did NOT take the #1 spot in revenues per screen, but emerged on top of the total gross chart because of its 3500 screen presence.
  • Just Like Heaven's audience had a gender breakdown of 77/23 in favor of females. The only way to get a ratio like that is to get girls without dates, and just about the only way to do that is to appeal to girls too young to date, because those girls go to movies with other girls, often in large groups. Reese Witherspoon has that particular female crowd in the palm of her hand. She is the Julia Roberts of the pre-dating set. This really sank in when I was on vacation in a small resort town a few years ago, and my son and I went to Legally Blonde because it was the only film we hadn't seen. The small theater was completely packed. We were the only males, and we were the only people in the audience older than 14!
  • Weekend Warrior thought that the penguin movie would drop from the Top Ten. That seemed logical. After all, it was #10 last week, and four new movies were being released. The stubborn penguins did not co-operate in their demise, however. They not only managed to stay in the top ten, but they actually moved UP a spot to #9. The li'l critters did lose to three of the new films, but passed the films which finished 6-9 last week! The penguin flick dropped only 3% from last week, and has now reached $70 million.
  • The overall results may look anemic, but that's because the middle of September is one of the weakest times of the year. The Top 12 films are actually 13% above last year!

Gullible U.N. suckered in by smooth new Iranian con man!

  • I was wondering when those Iranians would catch on to the fact that they can't maximize their true potential for evil by acting belligerent. All they need to do to get their way is to keep doing their same old evil stuff, but present a smiling diplomatic face to bullshit the world community, and to schmooze the press! Hell, even Goebbels understood that. Is this new guy qualified to be the new Goebbels? Here's a hint - one of his former titles was "propaganda officer."

Script of President Bush's Scenic Televised Address Unveiling Inspired Plan to Combat Plummeting Post-Hurricane Poll Numbers (WHITEHOUSE.ORG)

John Lennon's first wife, Cynthia, tells her story in a new book. Some shocking revelations. Who could have dreamed that Lennon preferred flounder to tuna?

John Paul's last words were in Polish. Unfortunately, no Polish-speaking people were around to understand them. No, I'm kidding. He made a prediction that Mr Peterman would get hosed on that Dancing With the Stars thing.

I know everyone thinks Texas is kinda macho, especially about football, but I just want you furriners (non Texans) to know that we have some pussy teams here as well. One of them, of course, is Sam Houston St., a I-AA team which couldn't beat a decent high school girls' volleyball team, but they are not the ones I'm talking about here. How about 19th rated Texas Tech, which schedules games against Sam Houston State! The mighty Red Raiders barely held on to their 49-7 halftime lead. The sadder news is that Tech played Florida International last week, and the saddest news is that Texas Tech plays another AA team next week, presumably because no Division II schools were available. Hey, Tech, I hear Kentucky Wesleyan still has some open dates.

You want to hear about a screwy batting record? It is possible that the Texas Rangers will finish the season with NINE guys hitting twenty or more homers. Whether they get that one or not, they are about an even money bet to break the all-time record for most team homers. And they are below .500!

Bill Maher defines some new rules and talks about the existence of evil. Very funny stuff, very incisive, and totally P.I.

YESSSSSSS! Kate Moss held a drug-fueled three-way lesbian orgy with Sadie Frost and Davinia Taylor. The same article states that Kate also enjoyed threesomes with Sadie and then-hubby Jude Law. The story includes a nude pic of Kate, but unfortunately provides no pics or hidden camera videos of these or any other three-way celebrity lesbian orgies.

  • What I want to know is this: if there were only three women in that room, which of them admitted to a reporter that she participated in three-way lesbian orgies?
  • Oh, let's face it, what I really want to know is this: how can I watch three-way celebrity lesbian orgies?
  • In fact, I think it would make a great reality program. Each week, eight female celebrities compete in various games like strip Twister and the top three, as voted by viewers, come back for three-way celebrity lesbian orgies.

Happy 40th birthday - to the Slurpee

"Using satellite images from Google Maps and Google Earth, an Italian computer programmer has stumbled upon the remains of an ancient villa."


Currently on disability. If you'd like to get in touch with him, his email address is

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