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Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day!

"The Haunted Sea"

The Haunted Sea (1997) is an Aztec ghosts protecting their gold story set on a derelict freighter. Interestingly enough, the first and second mate of the ship that hopes to claim salvage rights are both women, Joana Pacula and Krista Allen. The rest of the boarding party get greedy and try to pilfer part of the treasure, and one of them is turned into a very pissed of Aztec God. What follows is a painfully long series of chase scenes around the freighter.

There was little or no effort made to include a little reality here. For instance, when they first discover this large freighter, it is steaming directly for their own ship. However, it is dead in the water, with no power when they board it. They start steering a new course as soon as they get on board. To steer a course, you must have forward motion, and it took quite a while to get the thing started. Special effects were nothing special, and I could have done with much more character development. This Roger Corman effort is weak, even when judged against other Corman efforts. Krista Allen shows everything, although he full frontal is a little blurry. IMDb readers have this at 2.5. I agree. This an E.

  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails

  • Krista Allen (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    It is Sept 19th - Talk Like A Pirate Day



    • Yarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Avast, me hearties, thar be (OK, that's enough of that crap. I'm already tired of writing like a pirate) ...  several updated volumes in the M section of the encyclopedia. 157 new pics were added.
    • Tuna's section is now back online, with a temporary solution. The good news: you can search by actress name or movie title. The bad news: no thumbnails. Still thinking about better solutions.




    Hey, Carrie-Anne, what's your game now?

    The leather-clad Matrix babe hasn't done a vast amount of nudity in her career, but this scene from Red Planet is pretty sweet, if not very explicit.


    Other Crap:

    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at


    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

    NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

    I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.


    Gilda Texter

    This is a rarity. Gilda Texter is one of the best known costume and wardrobe specialists in Hollywood. 35 years ago, young and gorgeous and blonde, she made a brief stab at acting, a career that lasted less than a year. Her big role was "Nude Motorcycle Rider" in Vanishing Point, one of those cult gearhead movies about driving cross-country in a short time. I believe she spent every second of her screen time stark naked. Hey, it was 1971. Shit got weird there for a while.

    At any rate, this is a long clip, but a pretty good one. She's sexy.


    The Rounders

    This is another rarity. It was not typical to see nudity on screen in a Hollywood production in 1965. It was more common than in 1962, for example, but the Hays Code was still in effect until 1967, even though its hold on Hollywood was weakening. The truly odd thing about the nudity in this movie is that it was not a gritty urban drama like The Pawnbroker, which could justify its nudity in the name of "art", but a cutesy mainstream western with Glenn Ford and Henry Fonda and Uncle Joe from Petticoat Junction.

    • Sue Ann Langdon and Hope Holiday. (.avi zipped) (.wmv zipped). I don't really remember Hope Holiday, but Sue Ann (or Sue Ane, or Sue Anne - she used 'em all) was a popular perky comedienne in movies and TV sitcoms in the 60s and 70s, sort of a poor man's Doris Day. In the period 1959-1961, she seemed to be omnipresent on television. I think she's still alive, and not that old (68), but she retired after reprising her Zapped! role in the timeless cinema classic Zapped Again!


    Laura Leighton
    • From: "In the Name of Love: A Texas Tragedy". This nude scene is virtually non-existent, but there is a stop-motion replay included in the clip, and it looks like she may really be nekkid. Or not. (.avi zipped) (.wmv zipped).


    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Just a few collages of two other gals in Disappearing Lingerie-- other than Rachel Sterling-Angel Veil, that is.

    One is Brooke Bradford. Not much to say about her except she is tiny (advertises herself as Micro-Babe) and she has no visible means of inhibition.

    • Brooke Bradford (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    The other is called "Jane" throughout the disk, but I recognized her as Jana Mikusova, former P-10 model, with a righteous body.

    • Jana Mikusova (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 6)

    Next up, the video clips (all zipped divx .avis) from "Disappearing Lingerie". Truth be told, they didn't really disappear... the gals just took em off.

    • Angel Veil/Rachel Sterling showing everything (see yesterday's Fun House for the 'caps) (1, 2, 3, 4)

      And a couple of Brooke Bradford and Jana Mikusova clips, just for the hell of it.

    • Brooke Bradford
    • Jana Mikusova

    'Caps and comments by Spaz:

    "Skull: A Night of Terror" (1987) (DVD)
    Awfully bad movie with awfully good nudity. Released recently on DVD in the UK under the title "Don't Turn Out the Lights". Both Nadia Capone and Bonnie Beck show full nudity although Bonnie Beck's rape scene seems to be missing from both UK and US cuts.

    • Nadia Capone (1, 2, 3, 4) boobs and butt.
    • Bonnie Beck (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) boobs and butt with a hint of pubes.
    • Debbie Cooper: one timer in wet blouse.

    "4 Days" (1999)
    Road movie where some lucky guy gets picked up by Lolita Davidovich.

    "Get Over It!" (2001) (DVD)
    PG-rated comedy whose only nudity is done by Cindy Fidler as the stunt boobies for Kylie Bax. Most of the strip club sequence was left on the cutting room floor because the MPAA objected to the bondage elements.

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    "Young Adam"
    A young drifter working on a barge in Glasgow finds a woman floating dead in the river, clad only in a petticoat, in this 2003 crime thriller.

    To call this a thriller insinuates a fast pace, but this movie is actually slow-paced, deliberate, dreary, and bleak, but also extremely well done. As the drifter works on and lives on the barge with the captain and his wife, an relationship develops with the wife. Meantime, the police investigate what could have been a suicide, and arrest someone for murder.

    While this continues, we discover through a series of flashbacks that the drifter had a relationship with the woman which ended badly. Is he the real killer?

    For those who like well-developed mysteries with fully fleshed-out characters, and don't mind a very slow pace, this will be a definite must-see. There were a lot of sex scenes, and supposedly there is a NC-17 version, but although I was able to find a NC-17 VHS tape available, I could not find an unrated DVD, so these caps are from the R-rated version, still fairly explicit.

    The chum bucket o' variety
    Heidi Klum We see this siren of the sea wearin' a see-thru sail and revealin' a bit o' nipple.
    Lynn Theeel The buxom lass sailed into uncharted waters and found herself dealing with "Humanoids from the Deep" (1980).
    Selma Blair
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    The brunette beauty shows off a little skin above deck as well as some mighty fine sea legs while taking a voyage on the SS Leno.

    Amy Lynn Baxter
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

    Cap'n Skin 'caps of the busty beauty showin' off her man made buoys and hosin' down her deck in scenes from "Golfballs!"