Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Tom Sizemore sex tape, part 4:

We will carry it in eight parts, as it was posted in Usenet. Well, at least this 10 minute segment features a naked chick and a fully-dressed Sizemore. That seems like progress. She isn't anyone famous, at least not that I know of. For thirty meg, I call it hu-hum, but here it is for you completists.



Pie in the Sky (1996):

The Region 1 DVD of Pie in the Sky was missing the beautiful and sexy lovemaking scene between Josh Charles and Anne Heche. The scene is included in the German DVD, on which the film is called Mr. Traffic.

Anne Heche



Inside Deep Throat (2005)

For those of you who have been serving time in a third world prison for forty years, Deep Throat was a seminal hardcore porn film made in 1972, perhaps the first to achieve full acceptance from mixed gender suburban audiences. The basic premise of the film was that the main character (Linda Lovelace) was unable to truly enjoy sex until her doctor discovered that her clitoris was in her throat, after which point she began to experience earth-shattering orgasms from oral sex. It's worth noting that her clitoris was deep in her throat, not just to give us a cheap opportunity to iterate and clarify the title, but also because the unique gimmick of the film was Ms Lovelace's ability to make even the largest penis disappear entirely during oral sex by using a technique similar to that employed by sword swallowers. In order to make the film appealing to women, Deep Throat avoided the raincoat-perv sleaziness that had permeated earlier porn efforts, and employed humor, sometimes very silly humor, to create a consistently unthreatening tone. Its success was phenomenal. It would be a dramatic use of litotes to say that Deep Throat became the highest-grossing porn film of all time, since it was actually the highest grossing film of any kind up until then. If the playing field is restricted to American theaters, Deep Throat still rivals Titanic for the top spot. Its success went beyond the box office. Deep Throat also entered into the mainstream consciousness of American culture, its references penetrating Johnny Carson's monologues and even The Washington Post's Watergate investigations. Not bad for a film that cost $25,000 to make!

Inside Deep Throat is a scattershot documentary which looks back at the legal, artistic, and cultural context in which Deep Throat appeared, and the changes that may have resulted from the film's popularity and mainstream acceptance.

So is it any good?

Well, kinda. It depends on what you want from a documentary.

Think back to when you were in school. Your English professor assigned a paper on "Shakespeare's Comedies." You couldn't come up with any single interesting point to make, so you assembled lots of accurate facts, cited some experts, made some safe and petty observations of your own, checked your spelling and grammar, and did your best to package the paper attractively. You were embarrassed to hand in a paper with no real point to make, but you really had no choice, and were ultimately relieved to see that your professor recognized the effort you made and gave you a B+. 

Inside Deep Throat is a documentary like that paper.

It presents lots of interesting historical footnotes about the film. For example, the courts in Memphis, Tennessee successfully prosecuted the film, but did not go after the mobsters who made hundreds of millions from it, or even the people who wrote and directed it. Instead, they prosecuted co-star Harry Reems for his participation in a conspiracy to create obscene material. Reems is a guy who made $250 for his participation in the film, and wasn't even supposed to be in it. He was working on the production crew and the shooting schedule was ready to begin when director Gerry Damiano found himself without a male star, thus pressing Reems into service.

I could continue to cite many more forgotten but fascinating bits of trivia about the film, and that should give you an indication that the film is a fascinating journey back into the early 70s, especially when it is remembering the film's genesis, documenting the film as a cultural phenomenon, and recalling the context of the legal battles fought over it. Where the documentary fails is when it starts to analyze the cultural or economic impact of Deep Throat. Like your English paper, it spends a lot of time dithering about and tests out a lot of different themes and observations, but just can't seem to come up with a major point which it can support.

In fact, its strongest passion evokes an anti-censorship message, but does it so ineffectively that I, a libertarian who opposes censorship, was unconvinced by the film's argument. The documentarians started out with some black hats and white hats in the censorship battle - free-thinking liberals supporting artistic expression versus close-minded religious nuts advocating repression - but the film's P.O.V. suddenly got confused at the point when free-thinking liberal women suddenly realized that porn glorified the objectification of women, and at the point where some liberal thinkers concluded that porn was harmful to society and desensitizing. Does that mean that the prosecutions may have been justified in the first place?  Oh, sure, the prosecution of poor ol' Harry Reems was absurd, but what if the film had been shut down in an effort to shut off the cash faucet which was undisputedly and admittedly pouring money into the mob's coffers? Would censorship then have been OK? I kept expecting the film to try to wrap these points up a bit, but it just left everything hanging. After all, it only had 90 minutes to work with.

It also makes the point that Linda was fired from several subsequent jobs in mainstream business, always soon after her employers found out that she was Linda Lovelace. Let me not pull any punches here. It was this very film which convinced me that this could not be true, since the film never gave any of those employers a chance to respond. I can only conclude that one of the following two things is true:

  • Either (A) the filmmakers just gullibly accepted this point at face value without trying to determine whether it was true.
  • Or (B) they did interview some employers, and those interviews inconveniently refuted the point, so they simply left that footage out of the final cut.

I can't see where there could be another explanation, and neither of those speaks very well for the documentarians, does it? So why did they bring it up in the first place? Surely they had enough points to cover without getting into such unsupportable minutiae.

As film critic James Berardinelli wrote:

"Although the film starts out with a clear thesis, by the time its 90 minute running length has expired, it is grasping at themes and topics that are beyond the limited scope of what a superficial documentary can achieve."

Between archival footage and new interviews, the filmmakers collected 800 hours worth of material. It must not have been a simple matter to pare that down to 90 minutes of theatrical running time, or 120 minutes if you count the DVD extras. Given that they used less than one percent of the material they collected, I'm not surprised that the themes were difficult to focus.

Yes, perhaps it tried to cover too many topics and ended up treating them all too superficially, but still and all, don't forget that you did get a B+ on that paper, and you may feel the same way about this documentary that your professor felt about your essay - that there is so much work put into it, and the period details and the background stories are so good, that you can just sit back and be entertained and ignore the fact that it is shallow and rambling.

And that's not so bad at all.

You may not have seen, or you may not remember the exact skills which made Miss Lovelace a household name. Here is her demonstration:


S.F.W. (2005)

You would think that it would be easy to make a good film satirizing America's obsession with fame and the famous. Certainly our country has conferred fame upon more than a fair share of the undeserving, certainly we are obsessed with our idols, and certainly our media have shamelessly fueled and profited from our obsessions. 

I reckon it isn't as easy as we think, because that blistering and hilarious satire has yet to appear. There were two major efforts in 1994. Oliver Stone's Natural Born Killers, with script work from Quentin Tarantino, and SFW, which was written by the same guy who wrote the BAFTA-winning script for Groundhog Day. (The release of S.F.W. was postponed until 1995, some say because of thematic similarities to Natural Born Killers. Whatever the real reason, the delay didn't help at the box office. The film grossed less than $100,000.)

In both cases, some big-time sharpshooters were taking aim at broad targets - yet missing in both cases.

Natural Born Killers is the better of the two films because, while it lacked subtlety and wandered off on some downright foolish tangents, it also has moments of genuine brilliance. SFW is really just loud and strident. If it were a person, it would be that loud uncle at your family Christmas parties who thinks he can win every family argument by simply speaking louder and more confidently than those who oppose him. You say Aunt Tilly has a better line of argumentation, or a fact which destroys his entire chain of reasoning? No problem. He will simply regain the upper hand by browbeating her and raising his voice a few notches until she wearies of the debate and concedes every point just so she can get some peace.

A slacker teen named Spab and his friend are held hostage with three others by a gang of terrorists. Their captivity takes place in a convenience store, and lasts for 36 days. The terms of the kidnappers include a demand that the entire hostage ordeal be televised 24/7, and that demand is met once the terrorists kill one of the hostages. This creates the ultimate reality show in which viewers may tune in at any time to see the relationships between the hostages, or to see them interact with their captors. As the crisis unfolds on camera, Spab becomes a national idol because he simply doesn't give a shit. Ironically, the very same quality which made Spab a total loser in society makes him a hero in a hostage crisis. Just as he defied his teachers, parents, and employers and made himself a nobody without a future, he now defies the abductors, and makes himself a hero! Mimicking his nihilism becomes trendy. His catch-phrase of "So Fuckin' What?" is on everyone's lips as well as their t-shirts.

Imagine his surprise and confusion when the hostage crisis ends and he finds out that the people who used to ridicule him now hold him up as an icon because they admire the very same attitude they used to despise. Seeing this hypocrisy makes him have even less respect for people than he used to, but that in turn makes the people he despises love him even more! Attitude, man! The next step, of course, is for him to ward off the vultures and profiteers who want to help him cash in on his fifteen minutes of fame.

Within the dark comedy, the dramatic focus, if indeed there is one, is whether Spab can ever find peace of mind and anonymity again when every one of his attempts to withdraw from people makes them want to be near him all the more. A surprise ending resolves his dilemma appropriately, and with at least a touch of wit ...

... which is more than what I can say for what came before.

It's a real disappointment from a guy who has written one of my favorite comedies (Groundhog Day).

Melissa Lechner

Joey Lauren Adams

SIDEBAR: Joey has offered a bit of nudity in three films. I'm sure you are all aware of Mallrats, and you now know about SFW if you didn't already. The third one is more obscure. Here she is in A Cool, Dry Place, with none other than Vince Vaughn.

Joey Lauren Adams

'Caps, clips, and comments by ICMS:  


  Here are five out of ten clips featuring Ursula Andress in "The Sensuous Nurse". All in all former Bond-girl Andress spends more than 10 minutes in various states of undress. A very good reason to recommend the region 1 DVD very warmly.  

Now I'd like to write a few lines about my contribution of Friday. As you know I sent in clips from Perfect Friday. In the meantime I made time to watch this movie and what a pleasant surprise it was.

There are three main characters in this feature about a bank heist. First we have the bank deputy under-manager Mr. Graham (Stanley Baker), secondly there's Nick (David Warner), the Earl of Dorset, and thirdly we have his gorgeous Swiss wife, Britt (Ursula Andress). The earl and his wife are practically destitute, so they come up with a plan to rob a bank. Not with guns and all that, but rather some devious scheme to get the bank out of its money without noticing it.

So far ... nothing ground-breaking, you will say. Indeed, but the clever non-linear editing with flashbacks within flashbacks and then forth again, the witty dialogues along with the permanent question of who of the three is exactly conning who, or are they all conning each other, and whether the heist will succeed, produce a very entertaining 90 minutes of viewing pleasure. Add the surprise ending, some solid acting performances by the three lead actors plus some excellent nude scenes by Ursula Andress and you start realizing what a shame it is that this little gem hasn't made it to DVD somewhere in the world. This is definitely a solid C+ in our rating system.

Oh yeah, and they managed all this without special effects and expensive cgi, even without any violence. The characters were all recognizable human beings you could root for. Compare that to the dehumanized empty shells that constitute today's characters in senseless flicks like Constantine or Catwoman and you know what I prefer. BTW, for the price of the special effects in those films they could have gotten Rachel Weisz and Halle Berry out of their clothes for most of the time. Then their might have been a "raison d'Ítre" for those movies after all. Modern filmmakers, please take a leaf out of Perfect Friday's book and start making films again with a decent plot and interesting characters that are human beings again. Please.

Now that I've gotten this off my chest, it is time to say goodbye for today. Come back tomorrow for the final five clips from The Sensuous Nurse.

  • Ursula Andress (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

'Caps and comments by Hankster:

Today it's back to a bad movie with a look at "The Hazing".

First up is Brooke Burke in her first movie role. Just some cleavage from her in a very small part.

Brooke Burke

Another small part for Bernadette Wilkes, some mega-boob exposure for her but the tits are blood splattered as she is murdered.

Bernadette Wilkes

Tiffany Shepis surprisingly had only one brief nude scene, some T & A.

Tiffany Shepis

Nectar Rose (now there's a name for you) has the major nudity in the movie. First she's in a bunny costume with nice cleavage. The boobies in a get it on scene. The final cap she's attacked by what looks like some monstrous alien dick.

Nectar Rose

Crimson Ghost
Today from the Ghost, the final batch of 'caps from the Jim Wynorski Skinemax flick, "Busty Cops".

Adult babes Ashley Fires and Allysin Chaynes playing in the tub.

Pornstar Jesse Jane showing off her robo-hooters in a variety of scenes.

Sunny Leone doing the ol' strip-n-wiggle.

Deanna Merryman and Kelli Summers both topless in the hot tub.

'Caps and comments by Dann:

This 2005 thriller is flawed and uneven, but it's not terrible. It's not great either, and that's too bad.

A brother goes from the countryside to London to check out the mysterious death of his brother, who fell from a roof while heavily intoxicated on drugs. The police consider it an accident, but as the brother digs deeper, he begins to have doubts.

The dead brother, a lawyer, was apparently heavily into drugs, something the surviving brother finds hard to believe. Once of his clients was an extremely wealthy nightclub owner, and the dead brother had seemingly jumped into the club scene big time. This also seemed very strange to the younger brother.

This could have been a really cool flick, but the storyline was so uneven and in places unbelievable that it screwed things up. Even so, what's left is a movie that was still interesting, but could have been so much more.

Fay Masterson

'Caps and comments by Oz:

Virginia Madsen kept some of her clothes on in Artworks (2003) despite the body painting, so she must be feeling her age.

Virginia Madsen

"Nightmare on Elm Street"
The main nudity comes from Heather Langencamp in Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), although it's only brief and from the side, and it could easily be a body double. Amanda Wyss is in her underwear as she is thrown around.

Helen Langencamp

Amanda Wyss

"My Fellow Americans"
No nudity in the PG-rated My Fellow Americans but there is a brief cameo by a sexy-looking Marg Helgenberger.

Marg Helgenberger

Camp (2003) is a clone of Fame where the action takes place in a summer camp. Some brief and unintentional (I think) see-through nipple by Sasha Allen.

Sasha Allen

"Breakin' All the Rules"
Some pokies by Bianca Lawson in Breakin' All the Rules (2004) and some sexy caps of Jennifer Esposito.

Bianca Lawson

Jennifer Esposito

"The Secret Lives of Dentist"
No nudity in The Secret Lives of Dentist (2002) but Hope Davis and Robin Tunney look very good.

Hope Davis

Robin Tunney

"Personal Velocity"
Parker Posey hasn't much to show and what we do see in Personal Velocity (2002) is brief and blurry, as is her self-stimulation scene.

Parker Posey

Mr. Nude Celeb takes a look at the 1992, direct-to-vid-two-Coreys flick, "Blown Away". Here we see the lesser Corey gettin' it on with former "Baywatch" babe Nicole Eggert (pre-implants).

Kudos to the Skin-man for these very rare 'caps of the original Daisy Duke in her one and only topless scene! Here is Catherine Bach in "Nicole" aka "Crazed" aka "The Widow's Revenge" (1978).

Movie Reviews


Here are the latest movie reviews available at


  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Other Crap
Just Like Heaven (Reese Witherspoon as a spirit) wins the Daily Box Office for Friday.
  • Its performance was mediocre. In fact, it did less per screen than The Exorcism of Emily Rose, but amassed the greater total gross by being on more screens.
  • Lord of War (Nic Cage as an arms dealer)was third, Cry Wolf (teen slasher flick) fifth.
  • An Unfinished Life finished(Redford, Freeman, J-Lo) tenth in total revenues, but would be a more encouraging fourth if the films were to be ranked by the revenues per screen.

Top prizes awarded at Toronto film awards.

Remember when kazoos used to be simple little instruments? The Japanese thought that could be improved.

First pics of Sarah Michelle Gellar playing a porn star in Southland Tales. (Sorry, no sex or nudity.)

Paul Haggis discusses his script for Casino Royale

MAD Magazine salutes The Family Guy. MAD still exists?

Bonds smacks #704

"HEY LADIES! You can trick your man into admitting he's seeing another woman with tips from a leading psychologist." Unfortunately, that psychologist seems to be employed by Weekly World News.

Urban Legend: a giant crocodile has been captured in the streets of New Orleans.

Condoleeza Rice's Reply to George Bush's Bathroom Break Note Found

President Bush Vows to Rebuild New Orleans in Iraq

Looks like the Zellweger-Chesney split could get mighty ugly

  • "In California, where Zellweger filed, annulments are rare, seemingly by design, among the famous and non-famous. The state that invented the no-fault divorce is a stickler on annulments. 'You've got to prove your grounds,' Rabenn said. 'You've got to go to court.'"
  • In this case, Zellweger filed "fraud" as her grounds for annulment, and nobody has any idea what the hell that could mean, or what kind of fraud Chesney could be guilty of.
  • "Fraud is a very high standard. For a court to accept this for fraud, it's going to have to be a very egregious situation."
  • The stars will, of course, try to keep their secret, whatever it might be.

This isn't quite as tough as kicking the shit out of a Great White, but it ranks up there pretty high. "OK, just have the trainer stitch up my dick so I can play."

Here's the trailer for Kinky Boots

  • "Charlie Price faces the impending shut down of the Northampton shoe factory that his family has owned and operated for generations. Just when he feels that all is lost, he has a chance encounter with Lola, a flamboyant transvestite cabaret star. Lola's desire for stylish, kinky boots for herself and her colleagues provides a glimmer of hope for the factory and its employees."
  • Yesssss! I have already reserved my tickets for this one. I may even fly to whatever dreary place they hold the premiere, because I just can't wait until it comes to a theater near me!

Four clips and a featurette from that must-see roller disco classic, Roll Bounce.

  • In the late '70s, when roller skating was a way of life, X (Bow Wow) and his pals ruled supreme. But when the doors of their local skating rink close, it marks the end of an era and the beginning of another that sees the boys venture into foreign territory -- uptown's Sweetwater Roller Rink, complete with its over-the-top skaters and beautiful girls. Through his preparation for the showdown of the season -- the Roller Jam skate off with the Sweetwater crew -- X manages to find himself and also help his dad (Chi McBride) get back on track.

Five clips from Cronenberg's A History of Violence

Four clips from Polanski's Oliver Twist

Post-storm humor. Have you heard the one about Katrina?:

  • Question: What's President Bush's position on Roe vs. Wade?
  • Answer: He doesn't care how people get out of New Orleans.

The President's Thorough and Insightful Meeting Notes Detailing Urgent Matters Confronting the United Nations Security Council (WHITEHOUSE.ORG)

"The facade that Firefox is the cure to the Internet Explorer security blues is quickly fading." In the past six months, there have been more vulnerabilities and exploits of Firefox than MSIE, despite the fact that MSIE is used by eight times as many people.

Cassini Probe Finally Spies the Spokes in Saturn's Rings


Currently on disability. If you'd like to get in touch with him, his email address is

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