Spectre (1996) is a derivative haunted mansion film more like Poltergeist in plot line, but straight horror, with none of Poltergeists humor or rich characterizations. Alexandra Paul, her husband Greg Evigan and their daughter Briana Evigan move into her ancestral Irish mansion. The couple are not getting along well, evidently because she caught hi cheating. It is pretty clear right away that things in the house are going bump in the night. So, we bring in the priest, and paranormal investigators to cleanse the house after their daughter is swallowed by the evil spirits.

Elizabeth Costelloe shows full frontal in a dream sequence, and Mary Kate Ryan, as one of the paranormal investigators, shows breasts when Paul imagines her having sex with hubby. IMDb readers have this at 4.3 of 10. The special effects are amateurish, and the story is not unique enough to make this an interesting watch. This is a D+, probably not even god enough to interest genre addicts.

• Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site is updated.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)

Amazingly enough, there have been three watchable zombie movies in the past year or so. Dawn of the Dead, 28 Days Later, and Shaun of the Dead (I'm taking the last one on faith). Considering that there are pretty much no other watchable zombie movies in history (unless you really take a lot of drugs before watching them), I guess it was too much to expect a fourth.

Whenever the critics and the mass audiences disagree, I almost invariably find myself on the side of the general public. Not this time. This film got savage reviews, and deserved every bit of them, and worse. Yet for reasons completely inexplicable to me, this film has a 6.2 rating at IMDb, and was the #1 film at the box office last week. Crazy! That's absolutely amazing, because this flick is not just sorta bad, it's an abomination. Watching this movie is exactly the same as watching the screen when other people are playing video games. It's people stalking shadows through dark alleys and corridors, followed by zombies grunting and growling outside of locked doors, followed by armed guys blowing away mass quantities of zombies with automatic weapons. Then we see lots of fires and explosions. Then we see guys looking at computer screens with numbers changing rapidly, possibly to see their scores and how many "lives" they have remaining..

There are super-powered zombies, and regular zombies that just mill around the streets, and king-fu zombies, and zombies with long tongues, and zombies who are heavily armed, and zombies who rise from their graves, and zombie pets, and I don't know what all. I think there were even good guy zombies. Suffice it to say that we are faced with an astoundingly and confusingly rich variety of zombies. Fat zombies, skinny zombies, zombies who climb on rocks. Tough zombies, sissy zombies, even zombies with chicken pox. I don't know whether they all love Armour Hot Dogs, but we truly have a Zombie for All Seasons.

Other than a record variety of zombie types, this film has just about nothing going for it.

Unless you like to see Milla Jovovich naked. And topless zombie hookers.

Which is, now that I think about it, not a bad couple of reasons to watch a movie.

• Milla (1, 2, 3)
• Topless zombie hookers (honest!) (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Xena, Warrior Princess

• If I remember right, Lawless and O'Connor did this nude scene without using body doubles. (.wmv zipped)

Other Crap:

• An updated version of The Three Billy Goats Gruff
• I have been trying to figure out for years who President Bush reminds me of, and I finally realized it when I saw this poster - he's Red Buttons without the red hair.
• Urban Legend: Kryptonite brand locks can be picked with ordinary Bic pens. Status: True.
• 1000 pound alligator escapes as a result of hurricane damage A THOUSAND pounds? That's one big mother.
• Mug shot enlargement from Macaulay Culkin Drug Bust (see link below as well)
• Macaulay Culkin Arrested on Drug Charges. No wonder he didn't mind being home alone. Check out the picture and wonder where that cute little kid went.
• Anna Nicole Smith has slimmed down to 5'11", 131 lbs. This girl has no happy medium. She's either Mama Cass or Karen Carpenter.
• Conservative Christian groups are urging a boycott of Crest and Tide because Proctor and Gamble is "aligning itself with gay rights groups".
• The man who allegedly pressured others in the Texas Air National Guard to help George W. Bush says that he never sought any special treatment for Bush. ABC is really getting into the schadenfreude mood over CBS's weaselly attempts to defend their phony-baloney Bush memos.
• Here's a preview of Jennifer Garner as Elektra.
• The trailer and TV spots from Ladder 49. : "Jack Morrison (Phoenix) is a fireman -- he saves lives for a living. But as rewarding as the work is, the physical toll, high risk, and low pay often make Jack wonder if he has done the right thing for his wife and children. Even the support and encouragement he receives from his mentor and chief (Travolta) and the fellow firemen in his firehouse, Ladder 49, can't help Jack shake the feeling. But when Jack becomes trapped in the worst blaze of his career, it is now he who needs to be rescued. With the fire raging in every direction and his brothers-in-arms struggling to set him free, the question of whether Jack will live or die hangs in the balance"
• World's 9 Worst Convenience Foods
• Vatican names new Saint, and he's not even Catholic. He will be the official patron saint of curved penises.
• The Gallup Poll people look at "the will of the people" regarding the assault weapon ban.
• GALLUP: President Bush heading into landslide territory - 13 points among likely registered voters, 8 points among all registered voters.
• Roger Ebert gives Sky Captain a glowing promotion to Major Winner.
• The good news: a real $10,000 bill is available at e-bay. The bad news: It will cost you at least $74,000. The decent news: at least you can see what one looks like. The picture on the bill is Salmon P Chase, who was Lincoln's first Secretary of the Treasury during the Civil War, and was the driving force behind the establishment of the national banking system. He also may be the greatest American named after a game fish, possibly excepting explorer Zebulon Pike, former newsman Robert Trout, former major league pitcher Norm Bass, and former Presidential candidate and John Kerry look-alike, Edmund Muskie.
• Do you remember the silly plot of Face/Off? It's not so silly any more!
• JoBlo.com Movie News: More news from Toronto Film Festival!
• My nominee for the next sport to be added to the Olympics: Naked Ping Pong
• Excellent nude photographic gallery of a beautiful natural redhead.
• URL says it all: DairySemenOnline.com
• The on air news reporter is doing a segment on how dangerous an intersection is and during the segment a truck side swipes a car at 50 MPH.
• "It was so scary, all those Ronald McDonalds staring at us in our headlights."
• Cheney Claims Kerry Election Win Will Lead to More Hurricanes
• retroCRUSH interviews the maven of cinematic bad taste, John Waters
• Albert Einstein was a Jedi master.
• Roger Ebert has a newly-designed website.
• Actor Edward Furlong was locked up Wednesday night in northern Kentucky for 'alcohol intoxication in a public place' after he tried to liberate a group of lobsters from a local grocery store's fish tank.
• Weekly World News scientists find a man who really can think with his dick! Wouldn't you love to meet the writers for this magazine?
• Weekly World News scientists find a man who really can think with his dick! Wouldn't you love to meet the writers for this magazine?
• This is an entire site dedicated to destroying Teddy Bears.: "Watch in horror as pathetic, sentimental and utterly defenceless bags of fluff are shot, burned, beheaded, electrocuted, drowned, roasted, torn apart by machines and more. Ready Teddy Death is the greatest bear massacre ever."
• A bunch of new stills from the controversial Kidman movie, Birth
• Three new featurettes about Team America: World Police.
• The trailer for Vera Drake | A film by Mike Leigh (Warning: VERY loud) "The film paints an extraordinary portrait of a selfless woman who is completely devoted to, and loved by, her working class family. She spends her days doting on them and caring for her sick neighbor and elderly mother. However, she also secretly visits women and helps them induce miscarriages for unwanted pregnancies. While the practice itself was illegal in 1950s England, Vera sees herself as simply helping women in need, and always does so with a smile and kind words of encouragement. When she is finally found out by the authorities, Vera's world and family life rapidly unravel."
• Current Electoral Vote Predictor 2004 now shows Bush over 300, and New York has now moved into the "weak Kerry" column. Unless reversed, Kerry seems to be heading into McGovern territory. He is now "strongly" favored in states with only 95 electoral votes, 55 of which are in California.
• Bryant's statements to detectives - recording and transcript of the first interview. Note that Kobe talked to them without ever showing any defensiveness about wanting a lawyer to be present. He obviously thought there would be no reason for one. Note also that the police did not tell him that he could or should have an attorney present during questioning. Also note that Kobe admits to chronic philandering on his wife with a woman named Michelle.
• Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger explains the new California law prohibiting sex with corpses - even the totally hot ones.
• Weekly World News columnist Ed Anger argues to drop the execution age to six!

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.

• WTF? It's not often I'm totally lost on these, but I don't know who Suzy McCoppin is, and I never heard of a TV show called Entourage. I guess TV Shows is not going to be my best category on Jeopardy. I looked it up, and it might be pretty cool because it stars one of our favorites, the ever insincere Jeremy Piven. Anyway, Suzy got naked in the show, so it's got that goin' for it. . (.avi zipped) (.wmv zipped).

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

Scoop says:

I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

A few fundamental questions have been debated since the dawn of human consciousness: such as, when was the dawn of human consciousness? And why, in a world made by a good and perfect God, does evil or Dick Cheney exist? And... my favorite... how bad does a movie have to be that a lockerroom of six nekkid women and two girl-girl scenes can't save it? Forbidden Zone: Alien Abduction (1996) attempts to answer the last of these. Does a damn good job of it, too.

Movie starts with a naked gal swimming in a pool. That would be Floriela Grapinni. She gets out of the pool and ogles a woman who's just come into the place: the first sign this is going to be a movie with heavy lesbotronic overtones.

Woman she ogles is played by Meredyth Holmes, a pale blonde with an interesting face and...if you don't mind me saying so... a killer rack. She gets her kit off, lolls around and imagines a funny looking dude is doing 'er right there. pool-side.

Enter Darcy DeMoss, former Hefmate Pia Reyes (how I love the way that woman looks...surprisingly tall, with legs up to her ears and a body to study like finals were just around the corner) and two other friends with Eastern European names.

They start to talk, and they talk and talk and, when they are done, they talk some more. Shit, I wanna hear a naked babe talk my ears clean off I'll wait to the missus is in the tub and ask her how her day went.

Couple of times the movie cuts away to show you what one of the gals is talking about. And here is where things get tres confusing. Like one of them, played by Alina Chivelescu tells about a massage she got, but the gal getting the massage in the movie is Darcy DeMoss. Thought I'd gone crazy or something very much like that. Went back and checked, and yah, you betcha, it was Darcy frigging DeMoss acting out Alina's story. WTF? Anyway, it is a twofer... you get to see Alina topless and Darcy topless, so far be it for me to piss and moan.

So, anywho, Alina tells her story and a second gal, a redhead named Carmen Lacatus tells hers and then throws off her towel and jumps into the pool at the end, so everything is just dandy, you know.

That leaves Pia, Darcy and Meredyth. Seems the three of them were stranded on a lonely road together some time back and their stories of erotic fantasies start to intersect. Each knows what one is about to say, as though each had been in the same place at the same time. The fantasies involve some unhappy boy-girl things for Pia and a weird-ass girl-girl thing for Darcy, complete with a nekkid friend (Laura Ilica) and a topless dancer (Alice Balaianu).

At that point, Meredyth figures it out. Well, that's not the right phraseology. She figures it out the same way that old broad did on Murder She Wrote or that Monk guy does on TV, which means she reaches into her ass up to her elbow and pulls out the most far-fetched explanation since Powell went to the U.N.

Seems the three of them were abducted by an alien. He allowed Darcy and Pia to find what they really wanted in a sexual relationship. That would be: one another. So they do the lesbo-lite routine. And Meredyth? Why, shoot, she always wanted to hump an alien, and he is oh so happy to oblige. So rather than do the usual, alien anal-probe activity with an inanimate object, he uses something a tad more personal.

And thar ya go. A pretty poor half-hour funky cable show padded with sixty minutes of towel-clad women yakking like there is no fucking tomorrow. Sound like your cup of tea? Well, then, bucko: have at it. As for me, I've seen it twice now... capped it from videotape a long while ago and now from DVD... so my quota of listening to boring, far-fetched gal stories is used up for something approaching a decade.

• Alice Balaianu (1, 2)

• Alina Chivulescu

• Carmen Lacatus

• Darcy DeMoss (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

• Floriela Grappini (1, 2, 3)

• Laura Ilica

• Meredyth Holmes (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

• Pía Reyes

Today from the Ghost...a few vids (zipped .wmvs) of Skinemax babe Regina Russell in scenes from "Scandal: Sweet Revenge" (2001)

Here's a breakdown of the clips.
Links 1 and 2 are from the same love scene and feature breasts and bum, with slow moving pseudo-sex.

Links 3-5 are from another sex scene. Different dude and slightly more energetic pseudo-sex. There are also a few near miss pube views.

Link #6. Dude #1 again. Toplessness and some partial rear views. No pseudo-sex.

Links 7-8...also with the first dude, and also a very slow moving scene. Mostly we see breasts, but there is a very clear pube view in #1.

• Regina Russell vids (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

"Fleur bleue" (1971) aka "The Apprentice"
Finally had another chance to cap Carole Laure's very first nude scene.

• Carole Laure: full nude sex scene, distant gyno-cam.

"Control Factor" (2003) (DVD)
Another post-Showgirls movie for Liz Berkley. Available only in Europe. No nudity.

• Elizabeth Berkley: cleavage only.
• Carrie Clayton: mega cleavage as hooker.

"Talon of the Eagle" (1992) (DVD)
Billy Blank action stolen by Kelly Gallant's wet cotton underwear scene.

• Kelly Gallant: major pokies.
• Priscilla Barnes: wet blouse.
• Elizabeth Oandasan: underwear as hooker.
• Tanya Murray: hefmag model shows boobs and buns as stripper.
• stripper: roober hooters.
• unknown: topless as Billy Blank's girlfriend. Can anyone identify her?

"Sci-Fighters" (1996) (DVD)
Canadian sci-fi movie only notable for the only time Jane Heitmeyer showed significant breast exposure without resorting to using a body double.

• Jayne Heitmeyer: partial breast getting ravaged.
• Karen Elkin: boobs and butt with a hint of pubes.
• Donna Sarrasin: very gross nude.

"The Stalker" (1998) aka "Fatal Affair"
Another stalker thriller this time with rare boob exposure by Maxim Roy.

• Maxim Roy: breasts.
• Donna Sarrasin: leg only,

BONUS: Finally found some appealing topless caps of Donna Sarrasin in "Witchboard III: The Possession" (1995) (DVD).

• Donna Sarrasin: topless once she got rid of the towel.

"BAADASSSSS!"
Mario Van Peebles plays his father Melvin in this 2003 homage to his father's ground-breaking 1971 film Sweet Sweetback's Baad Asssss Song which Melvin directed, wrote, and starred in. The film, which beat Shaft by a few months, broke the mold for black films by showing blacks as real people with real problems, and not just shuffling idiots with no brain, like early portrayals of blacks in films often did.

There were all sorts of problems making the film, including loss of financial backing, and Melvin used every last cent of his own to get it done. In addition, there were a lot of conflicts with the establishment, and within the unlikely crew he assembled to make the picture.

This is a fascinating look at early black filmmaking, and although not a high-action film, is very entertaining.

• Karimah Westbrook
• Joy Bryant
• Kate Krystowiak
• The Women of "BAADASSSSS!"

BLOMBOS' BIMBOS: CAVEMEN HAD BLING-BLING
It's Joan Collins' Jewelry! - New Scientist magazine reports that cavemen invented bling-bling. In a cave in Blombos, South Africa, scientists found beads, jewelry and ornaments believed to be 77,000-year-old status symbols. The reports says that prestige goods could be the first step on the road to modern civilization. It was thought that interest in fancy accessories started about 40,000 years ago, but this shows that even the earliest nomadic hunters used bling to establish a pecking order, which means they were more civilized than we knew.