"Brimstone & Treacle"

Brimstone & Treacle (1982) stars Sting as a young con man who ingratiates himself into peoples lives, and then does real mischief before moving on to the next victim. It really isn't clear what his motivations are, and, in point of fact, actually causes good things for two of the three people in the household we observe him in. I assume you have all read Scoopy's review (linked below). I also enjoyed this film very much. I thought the entire cast was excellent, and was not as shocked by what Sting does to Patricia as some reviewers claim to be, as it was announced at the start of the film that Sting was not necessarily a good guy, and his plans for Patricia (Suzanna Hamilton) were telegraphed well in advance. The ending was very clever, leaving lots of questions, but was satisfying at the same time.

This is an enthusiastic thumbs up from me, and the full frontal from Hamilton didn't hurt. This is my kind of offbeat film, so it was no great surprise that I enjoyed it. Your mileage may vary, but it is a C+, very well done for those like me who enjoy the genre.

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  • Suzanna Hamilton (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)


    Backbeat (1993) is a biopic of Stuart Sutcliffe, one of the five members of the original group that eventually became the Beatles. He was John Lennon's close personal friend, and was in the group for a few laughs, and to help John become rich and famous, but never had much musical ability, nor did he have the desire necessary to be a successful musician. His true talent and ambition lay as an artist. The original group was working in Hamburg as a cover band in strip clubs when Sutcliffe met the love of his life, photographer Astrid Kirchherr (Sheryl Lee). He left the band, as did another original member, Ringo Starr joined, and they became the Beatles. Sutcliffe achieved some success as an artist before dying of a brain hemorrhage.

    For Beatles fans, this has got to be fascinating. It is well photographed, full of late fifties and early sixties rock and roll tunes, and has a lot of nudity. Sheryl Lee shows breasts in three scenes, including some public hair in the second one, and a medium long shot full frontal in the last. Finola Geraghty shows breasts, buns and bush as a figure model, and several woman show body parts as strippers, hookers and groupies.

    IMDB readers have this at 6.4 of 10. Scoopy summarized the critical response, and noted that Ebert and Berardinelli both gave two stars, while the rest of the critics liked it. He was also correct about the film being not very interesting to those of us who are not big Beatles fans. I found it a slow, tedious watch. C.

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  • Finola Geraghty (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Sheryl Lee (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Gigli (2003)

    The last few months haven't been great for Ben Affleck. First he made the "worst movie of all time" and was ridiculed non-stop by every radio DJ and TV talk show host in America, then he earned the general contempt of the world by announcing that he'd remake Casablanca in the Bogart role, then the tabloids had a field day with his stripper adventures, then his relationship with J-Lo suffered a very public break-up on their wedding day. Couple that with the fact that he always has a bad hair day, and you have what must have been a disappointing quarter for the big fella.

    There is a scene in Good Will Hunting in which the Affleck character explains to the boy genius from his 'hood that it is not betrayal for the smart guy to leave his friends in order to develop his unique talent, but is rather succeeding for all of them. It would be betrayal not to follow his talent out of the 'hood, because they all wish they had that chance, and since they can't, ol' Will Hunting has to do it for all of them.

    Ironically, Affleck has never been able to take the advice his character dispensed so wisely, because Big Ben is, after all, one of us, a regular guy succeeding for all of us. He didn't start out with any inside showbiz connections, or a fancy education at Oxford, or an internship with The Royal Shakespeare company. He doesn't have the raw talent of Kenneth Branagh or Johnny Depp or Sam Rockwell or Robert Downey, Jr. He's just a regular Boston guy who made good by plugging away and making the best use of his good looks and swagger.

    Underneath it all, he manages to give off the feeling that he's probably a decent guy, like the basketball star in college who had enough brains and humor to see the world in perspective, and didn't set himself apart from the geeks and loners, but always had fun with everyone. You get the feeling that if Ben showed up in your restaurant, he'd order from the menu, and draw as little attention to himself as possible. If he came to a party at your beach house, I'm pretty sure he'd be out there drinkin' beer and playin' volleyball with the rest of your friends. He'd probably fly coach if he could do it unnoticed.

    Because he's one of us, and has been out there succeeding for the rest of us normal guys, I have always wanted him to enjoy his life, because he's doin' that for us as well. I have always felt bad about that J-Lo thing. J-Lo is obviously a person who wants all the trappings of stardom. She wants the entourage, she wants special favors and treatment, she wants the spotlight. She doesn't order from the menu. If she came to your beach party, she would not be out there making digs out of the sand and throwing up on your dad's shoes. She would demand the position of designated cynosure for your gathering, and it's not likely that she'd show up by herself. Not only would she not fit in, but she'd probably get pissed off at her entourage if they did fit in.

    Ben never belonged in her controlling, high maintenance world.

    So I don't know if either of their hearts are really breaking about the dissolution of their union, but I'm glad for Ben. He's a simple guy of moderate talent who got lucky enough to become just about the biggest deal in the most visible profession in the world. He should get a chance to celebrate that. He's supposed to be out there having fun.

    Not just for himself, but for all of us.


    Oh, yeah, the movie. Well, for one thing, it's pronounced GEE-lee. Rhymes with really.

    What more can I add that hasn't already been said? Worst movie of all time at IMDb. People dumped on it so hard because people love to see stars shot down from the sky, especially if the stars seem to possess undue admiration for their own magnitude of brilliance. Bennifer did indeed make a sub-standard movie with plenty of unintentional laughs. Lopez plays a lesbian contract killer and Affleck, for the second time in his cinema career, converts a lesbian from the carpet eating event to the pole vaulting, just in time for the Olympics.

    In the course of their careers, Affleck and J-Lo are generally considered to have achieved far more than they have deserved, and J-Lo was especially ripe for a fall because she has combined her unlikely success with difficult behavior. Couple the comeuppance motive with the fact that the studio spent $54 million dollars on the film, and a shitstorm was forming before the film was ever seen. The film did die, and it did stink, so the vultures swooped in to pick that carcass apart. The respected critics with big audiences, Ebert and Glieberman, two men who try as hard as they can to remain fair and objective, both thought it was in the C+ range.

    I don't mean to be migli-mouthed. It doesn't deserve praise. It should not be the worst movie of all time at IMDb, nowhere near, but it never should have been greenlighted for fifty million bucks either, because it is rigli uninspiring, and the Bennifer scenes are too touchy-figli.

    D+. That is all. Over and out.

    • J-Lo (1, 2, 3)


    Anger Management (2003)


    You know a film is in trouble when it has to get inspiration from Analyze That!

    Imagine the relationship in Analyze That. A sixty year old man pretends to be crazy, and a loveable younger man suffers because of it. One is a psychiatrist, one is a patient. The patient ends up spending a good chunk of the movie singing I Feel Pretty from West Side Story.

    But Anger Management is not exactly identical to Analyze That. Oh, no. This time - and brace yourself for the sheer daring of this innovation - the psychiatrist is pretending to be crazy, not the patient. Whoa!

    Adam Sandler is the patient, but it's obvious that he shouldn't be one. He asks for a set of headphones on a movie flight, and ends up getting tasered by an air marshall. Before you know it, Sandler is sentenced to a year in prison for assault, a sentence which may only be commuted if he completes an anger management course with a famous therapist.

    The first sixty minutes of this film are about as irritating and unfunny as any movie you'll see this year. Not only that, but the premise is so unrealistic, and the situations so completely implausible that you may need to take an anger management course to control your own rage over having invested your time on this story.

    The second half is better - it resolves the irritation with an explanation, and manages to rise up to the level of a normal Adam Sandler movie, which is to say slapstick, clichéd, cloyingly sentimental, and sorta funny in a way like the class clown in your Anthro class, who isn't really funny, but is sort of cooler than paying attention to Anthro.


    Unless you have a Game Boy.

    All of which sums up Adam Sandler's appeal in a quick sentence - he represents something to do if you don't have a Game Boy.

    This movie did allow Jack Nicholson to do his semi-crazed Jack Nicholson kind of stuff, and that produced some decent moments. It also has about a bazillion celebrity cameos, from Heather Graham and John C. Reilly to Roger Clemens, John McEnroe, and Bobby Knight, the latter three playing themselves as Sandler's fellow anger management patients. New York Mayor Guiliani also plays himself and has far too many lines in relation to his ability to deliver them.

    As usual with Sandler movies, the box office was quite satisfactory, but many critics took a hearty dump on it.

    No nudity, but some babe-a-liciousness


    Lost Highway (1997)

    I'll have to write about David Lynch's Lost Highway at a later date.

    Two reasons:

    1) it's late, and I'm way past my deadline

    2) maybe if I delay for a while, I can figure out what the hell it is about

    anyway, the nudity is pretty cool:


    All I Want (2002)

    No time to write in depth, but this was not released theatrically despite the presence of three marketable names: that Frodo dude, Franka "Runnin' Lola" Potente,  and pop star Mandy Moore. The distributor's lack of confidence was not misplaced.

    No nudity from Harry or Moore. Not sure about Potente.




    Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

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    day left until International Talk Like a Pirate Day (Sept 19)



    • Updates volume: Nikki Cox.




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    This 1996 documentary takes us through Pandora's Box, a house of bondage in New York.

    All different types of fetishes are explored in the film, but the segments with Jessie and Maria focus on torture, slavery, and piercing.

    Strange film, but weirdly interesting. :-)

    • "Jessie" topless while tied up and tortured
    • "Maria" breasts, bush and some real freaky stuff.

    Michelle Williams
    and Chloe Sevigny
    (1, 2)

    Topless in a sexy lesbian love scene from the made for HBO movie "If These Walls Could Talk 2".

    Yuliya Mayarchuk
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    In today's Tinto Brass update...the usual triple B performance of course, plus a whole bunch of goodies from the gyno-cam! 'Caps by As2 featuring scenes from the movie "Trasgredire" (2000).

    Jennifer Lopez The paparazzi catch J-Lo's bum in a bikini bottom.

    Anna Kournikova The paparazzi catch Enrique Iglesias shoving his hand down Kournikova's pants and groping her bum.

    Kari Wuhrer
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    Excellent 'caps by ZonononZor of the Fun House favorite baring all and playing with bodypaint in scenes from "Vivid" aka "Luscious" (1997).

    Isabelle Adjani
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

    Señor Skin takes us back to 1981 with these topless 'caps of a very young Adjani in scenes from the movie "Possession".

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Sad Celeb News...from the NY Post Gossip section

    September 18, 2003 -- MILLIONS of men are set to be sorely disappointed.

    Talks with supermodel Heidi Klum to have a spread in Playboy have irreparably broken down.

    "Playboy offered Heidi $1 million three months ago to be on the cover and do a spread," a source said. "Heidi has never been photographed nude before and for $1 million, she was interested." But Klum had some demands. She insisted on a female photographer - Playboy agreed to hire French female snapper Dominique Isserman - and black and white photos. "The talks broke down late last week because Heidi insisted on a black and white cover. Playboy said that wouldn't sell, so she walked away from the deal."

    Meanwhile, Klum, who has been dating aging Italian stallion Flavio Briatore, was seen Monday night at 3 a.m. cozying up to her Chili Pepper ex, Anthony Kiedis, in the Mercer Hotel lobby. A rep for Klum declined comment. A Playboy rep said: "Of course Playboy has spoken to Heidi. Right now there are no plans for her to appear in the magazine." The monthly will have to settle for Daryl Hannah - who will grace the November cover as a surfer and punk rocker. "I just thought 'What the hell,' " Hannah told the London Sun.

    Penn Gillette? - The barrage of abuse aimed at David Blaine as he fasts for 44 days in a box dangling over the River Thames in London took a worse turn early Tuesday when a man attacked the box and tried to cut the water tube and the cord holding it. It swung violently before guards subdued him. It caused one paper to ask random people why the English are reacting so negatively to Blaine's stunt. Respondents said that it's a stupid bid for attention; other people have fasted longer so it's meaningless; it's just a guy in a box, not a magic trick; and that Americans tend to say "Why not?" to such stunts, but the British say, "Why?"

  • Actually, Americans are saying, "WHY attack a guy in a box?"
  • If he were living in a box without food in an alley, he'd just be considered a vagrant.
  • If he were a real magician, he'd make these people disappear.

    All I Am Saying Is Cut Off My Pants - Tuesday in Paris, Yoko Ono repeated one of her art pieces she hasn't done since 1964. To promote peace, she stood on a chair on stage and let 200 audience members file up and take turns snipping her clothes off with scissors. She said that in post-9/11 times, it's scary to let strangers approach you with scissors, but she wanted to show this is "a time where we need to trust each other." The crowd did not cut all her clothes off: she was left in her black undergarments.

  • So, sadly, we do not have peace.
  • The audience members all trusted each other not to cut off any clothing that would force us to see Yoko naked.
  • It's safe for Yoko to let strangers approach her with scissors, unless she's singing.

    Can't Get No Satisfaction - Britain's Daily Mail reports that age is finally putting a damper on Mick Jagger's womanizing. They say Mick, 60, was angered and shocked at being rebuffed by actress Milla Jovovich, 27, and pop singer Andrea Corr, 31. Corr, whose group The Corrs opened for the Stones, reportedly stopped answering Jagger's phone calls because he wouldn't take a polite no. And Jovovich said when Jagger asked her out, she thought he must be joking. She said, "He's old enough to be my dad. It's disgusting! Please!"

  • But Mick won't date any women his own age. They're disgusting! Please!
  • That upset her father, who isn't nearly as old as Mick Jagger.
  • Mick just replaced The Corrs with Christina Aguilera.