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Tuesday
Contact junior by writing junior@scoopy.com. Contact Scoopy by writing unclescoopy@msn.com. Contact Tuna by writing tuna@scoopy.com Send submissions to scoopy@scoopy.net
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Use this search device to seek additional information from amazon.com about any of the books or movies you read about here.
To see and use all the Funhouse features, you need Netscape 6.+ or MSIE 5.+.
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| Tuna
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"Valmont"
Valmont (1989) was adapted by Milos Forman from the novel Les Liaisons Dangereuses. He had a high budget project planned with lots of location shooting, lots of set decoration, and fantastic costumes. Then he heard that Stephen Frears was doing a much less ambitious interpretation of the same story called Dangerious Liasons. It was adapted from a stage play, and would make it to release almost a year before Forman could finish. He was afraid the project would be cancelled, but the producers showed enough faith in him to let him continue the film.
His version is much less spiteful and vindictive thas Dangerous Liasons (or the modern copycats like Cruel Intentions). The characters, both the seducer and seduced, act as if they are at least having fun while playing these seduction games, and the characters are much more multi-dimensional, and therefor much more likable. The film looks great, showing the effort put into sets, locations, costumes, etc. For me, it is a better film than Dangerous Liasons for that reason. Ebert awards Valmont 3 1/2 stars, while giving Dangerous Liasons 3. I suspect that, had Valmont been released first, it would have had the awards and the acclaim rather than Liasons.
Annette Bening shows buns, and possibly breasts, and then later shows buns and breasts through a wet bathing gown. I have seen discussion about buns exposure from Fairuza Balk, and a debate as to wether or not that is child pornography. Let me end the debate They clearly used a stunt butt. We see Valmont caressing the bared bottom, then a shot of Balk's face and body, where her buns are clearly covered by a sheet as she reacts to his boldness, then cut back to him nuzzling his bottom. They did not fondle and kiss a 14 year old's buns making this film.
IMDB readers score this 6.8 of 10. Period costume dramas are not my favorite genre, but I was able to stay awake through this one. The proper score is probably B-.
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Annette Bening
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"Ballbusters"
Ballbusters (1984) was made by Alex De Renzy, and is sort of a compilation of his brightest new stars. As the table below shows, some of them became legends, and there is a lot of flesh from 8 women.
Sondra Stillman with 89 credits does a three way with two cops. And shows all three Bs.
Jacqueline Lorians with 41 credits does a girl-girl with Gina Carrera. All Three Bs.
Gina Carrera with 55 credits in a girl-girl with Lorians. Shows all three Bs.
Nina Hartley with 365 credits does a boy girl. All Three Bs.
Kelly Nichols with 60 credits does a girl-girl with Idol, then a threeway. Shows all three Bs.
Erica Idol with only 2 credits does a girl-girl with Nichols, then a three way. Shows bush and breasts.
Ginger Lynn with 207 credits does a boy-girl, and shows all three Bs.
Joanna Storm with 53 credits does a phone sex demo, and shows breasts and bush.
There are gyno cam shots of all 8 women.
After doing The Toolbox Murders, I had a request for more images of Kelly Nichols from her hard core career. IMDB said none of her titles were available, and I gave him the bad news, but kept looking, and found a few of her titles on DVD. this being one of them. Nichols first appeared in The Toolbox Murders, which was a union job, so she got her SAG card. Then, for some reason, she elected to do porn. Most porn actresses turned to porn after trying unsuccessfully to land a speaking part that would get them the SAG card. She is now doing make-up for both the mainstream and the adult industry. The girl she did the scene with, Erica Idol, plays a nearly innocent 18 year old rather convincingly, as she was a nearly innocent 18 year old at the time. She was quoted as saying that meeting Nichols was the most fun she had all summer. I guess she had her post High School fling, then went back to a normal life.
This is an early compilation, but most if not all of the scenes were shot specifically for this film. It is better than most in that each segment is a full scene, with the lead in. The DVD was remastered from film, and looks very good for a hard core this old. I will have to give this one a C+ on the strength of the amount of nudity, the heat and variety in the scenes, and the transfer quality. Normally, I would call compilations unwatchable.
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Erica Idol
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Ginger Lynn
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| Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
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Movies
The 1945 and 1946 Bogie/Bacall versions of
The Big Sleep are
available on a single DVD, with a detailed comparison of the two versions in
the special features. A must for film buffs.
There is no nudity in those earlier versions, but there is some in the
1978 remake with Bob Mitchum.
It isn't a great flick, but it does manage to be faithful to tone and
characterizations of the original novel, despite featuring a 61 year old
Marlowe and relocating the story in England.
- Candy Clark
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Updates
There are new Encyclopedia volumes for:
- Connie Nielsen
- 'Gitte Nielsen
- Monique Gabrielle
- Winona Ryder
- Jennifer Burton
- Shannon Elizabeth
Other crap
Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded
into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant
humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or
Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.
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| Hankster
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'Caps and comments by Hankster:
Bear with me a little today as I take a look at a 1972 crap movie called "The Corpse Grinders" starring Monica Kelly.
In this scene, Monica changes out of her nurses uniform into street clothes. I saw this movie at a drive-in in the seventies (the last time I was at a drive-in), anyway I thought that I would have a heart attack as she got down to her bra & slip and hoping the bra would come off. Sadly it did not, but still a sexy scene with a well endowed woman, and that scene stayed in my mind for years. Imdb shows it as her only screen appearance, but to me some mystery there as the birth date they give would have had her in
her fifties when the movie was made. I don't buy that.
For the nudity today...we give you Yvonne McCord in "Death Ride to Osaka".
- Monica Kelly, lots o' cleavage.
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- Yvonne McCord, toplessness
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| Variety
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Jennifer Capriati
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Tennis stars gone wild....Jennifer took off her top and danced around in her bra at a night club. Note the dollar bills stuffed her bra in #1.
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| Polly Shannon |
A new collage by Dann...the Canadian actress going topless in scenes from the 1999 "Outer Limits" episode "The Human Operators".
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| Eva Herzigova |
Going back to 1996 with this B&W pose featuring lower frontal nudity by Jedilein
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| Jennifer Love Hewitt |
A larger scan of her sexy bedroom pose from Rolling Stone.
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Sandy Boets
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Topless and near frontal nudity (#1 has some see-thru pubes) from the former singer of Touch of Joy, a Belgian popgroup.
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Irina Björklund
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The Finnish actress showing all 3 B's in scenes from "Minä ja Morrison" (2001), by FinnCap.
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Sophie Anderton
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The supermodel caught with nipples exposed in public.
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Mila Kunis
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The young co-star of "That 70's Show" looking amazing in Maxim.
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| Pam Anderson |
Excellent see-thru exposure from B-movie/B-TV/Internet/pin-up icon, by Squiddy.
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| Sophie Ellis-Bextor |
The British pop singer posing topless. Hair covers most of the goods, but it looks like there is a hint of areola. Thanks again to Squiddy.
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Helen Shaver and
Patricia Charbonneau
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Very hot lesbian lovin' in scenes from "Desert Hearts", by Catscan. French kissing, and both ladies give up close and personal nipple views.
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| Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
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Pat's comments in yellow...
MOAMMAR TO HOST BEAUTY PAGEANT
It's What His Soldiers Wear - Libyan dictator Col. Moammar Gadaffi hopes to improve his country's image by hosting its first beauty contest. It's the Miss Net World pageant, which has been held in other nations and lets viewers vote over the Internet. But when beauties from 25 nations gather at a Libyan beach resort next month, they won't be allowed to wear bathing suits or show their breasts. They'll have to compete in heavy uniforms with T-shirts underneath that have Gadaffi's face on them.
The one who makes Gadaffi look the most bug-eyed wins.
That's as close as Gadaffi will ever get to their breasts.
It was a lot more fun when Brazil hosted it.
It beats the last Miss Afghanistan Pageant...The women all wore burkas, and they accidentally awarded the title to a beach cabana.
BILL CLINTON SEEKING INTERNS
Also, Flexibility - The New York Daily News reports that Bill Clinton is scouting New York's top colleges for young people to work as interns in his Harlem office. Applicants must be "bright, dependable, professional, able to follow policies and procedures with good judgment, and have a certain enthusiasm and adaptability." A Clinton spokesman queried by the paper snapped, "Most offices have internships. So what?" A woman at Clinton's office told the paper "the positions had been filled."
Of course, Bill can always come up with a few more positions.
The certain enthusiasms are for pizza, cigars and oral sex.
Bill Clinton can't work with someone who's not able to follow policies and procedures with good judgment.
Bill suddenly realized that Hillary no longer has an office down the hall.
MOST P.C. COLLEGE COURSES
Why College Students Drink - The Young America's Foundation released its annual list of the most laughably P.C. college courses. It includes: Brown University's "Seeing Queerly," which examines whether movies, which usually have a heterosexual viewpoint, can also "empower viewers to see queerly"...
Men are afraid that might happen if they're forced to watch a Meg Ryan movie.
If not, you can always major in theater instead.
...The University of Florida's "Ecofeminism" course, which teaches that "the domination of women and the domination of nature are intimately connected and mutually reinforcing"...
In other words, "Men turn trees into baseball bats to beat women with!"
...UCLA's "Cultural History of Rap"...
"From Vanilla Ice to Eminem."
...And Georgetown's "Philosophy of 'Star Trek,'" which posits such posers as "Could we go back in time and kill our grandmothers?" and "Is Data a human?"
No, because he doesn't have emotions, like getting angry when he finds out what his kids' college tuition is being wasted on.
That doesn't belong in a classroom, it belongs in a dorm room!
Guys would be more likely to pick up girls in the Ecofeminism class than here.
Alert Anna Nicole Smith!
- Friday, Prof. David Siveter of England's University of Leicester announced that the world's oldest known penis is about 100 million years old. It's from a fossilized ostracod, an early crustacean related to crabs and shrimp, which actually had two penises. Dinosaurs are older, but their only fossil remains are of bones. Siveter said, "To my knowledge, it is the oldest penis. I don't know any older."
Unless it's attached to Strom Thurmond.
Bob Dole's is up there...in a manner of speaking.
Hugh Hefner's LOOKS older, just because of all the mileage.
The ostracod was crablike, but his penises were kind of shrimpy.
ITALIAN MEN UNHAPPY WITH PENIS SIZE
Gonna Grow Now - In a poll that struck a blow to the proud "Italian stallion" male, a poll by La Repubblica newspaper found that one in three Italian men are unhappy with the size of their penises. Penis enlargement operations are up sharply in Rome, and the waiting list is getting longer and longer.
And that's not the only thing.
To avoid embarrassment, they refer to it as "stuffing the pepperoni."
Of course, sex still lasts two minutes...
Oddly enough, another poll found that TWO-thirds of Italian women are unhappy with the local penis size.
The average penis size in Rome is now 14 inches...and Italian men are still unhappy with it.
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| Mail Bag Request
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Hey Scoop,
I have a request...
I recently saw the video for Pink's song Like a Pill. Am I the only one that thinks she looks amazing in that video? Does anyone have any 'caps?
-R
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