Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


  • Charlie's French Cinema Nudity Site is updated. Nice mix. Two new movies, plus one from the 70s (a full frontal from Miou-Miou), one from the 80s, and one from the 90s.


Tom Sizemore sex tape, part 2:

We will carry it in eight parts, as it was posted in Usenet. I can't really recommend this second zipped .wmv either, especially given its size of 35 meg. (The entire tape is 240 meg in .wmv format)  Sizemore talks to the camera for two and a half minutes, about subjects like the founding fathers, then some chick sits on his dick (close-ups from the side), then he gets a blow job, then more of her sitting on his dick, then more bullshitting. Again, nothin' to my taste. I say "skip this one as well." I'll let you know if it gets better.


The Killing of Sister George (1968):

An aging British actress, a lesbian, fears getting sacked from her soap opera job. When she finally gets the axe, it turns out that the BBC executive who fired her also picks up her beautiful little submissive girlfriend.

And so forth.

I learned a lot about sexual behavior from this early effort at lesbian cinema. Their socio-sexual dynamic differs greatly from the guy thing. Let's illustrate by supposing for the moment that you are a person of indeterminate sex. You're fiftyish, overweight, shapeless, ugly and contentious. You drink like a fish, swear like a sailor, behave violently with your sexual partner, and grope novice nuns in public places. You're paranoid, totally disagreeable, hypocritical, and ugly as sin.

Now let's assign some gender to you, so we can compare the differences.

  • If you're a guy, there's no chance of your ever having a long-term relationship with a beautiful woman. You won't even get near a beautiful woman without a thick stack of twenty dollar bills. If you have a woman in your life, it is because she has no place else to go. After the nun thing, you may be headed for the hoosegow.
  • On the other hand, if you're a lesbian diesel dyke, you're a babe magnet! There are beautiful submissive lesbians just waiting for your attention, and they are the hot girly kind of lesbians, not those sensible shoes types.

This should lead you to a logical conclusion if you are an unattractive middle-aged man who wants to pick up beautiful babes. Get a sex change, and pick up those women in your new lesbian avatar. What could be easier? You don't even have to buy new clothes.

It is quite evident that The Killing of Sister George was a successful character-based stage drama which was adapted to a film. There are basically only three sets: the apartment of the lesbians, the BBC studio, and a lesbian nightclub. The film is extremely talky, there is a limited amount of plot development, and the only real "action" is an occasional slap across the face.  This film was considered to be too daring by half when it came out in 1968, because the central love stories are of the "girls only" variety, and there is some actual lesbian contact on screen, like mouth-to-nipple, for example. That may not sound too wild, but the world was different in 1968, and very few homosexuals were out of the closet.

The title of the film refers to the character played by the actress on the soap opera. Sister George is a syrupy-sweet old nurse with a cheerful disposition and an endless reserve of optimism, even though the actress is the polar opposite. In soaps, of course, the way they fire a main player is to kill off his or her character.

I did like a lot of what they did in this film.

  • The opening of the film is very clever because the audience is first led into thinking it is watching a murder mystery, when the actress enters her home and starts talking about how "they" are trying to kill her. It is only after some time that we realize she is a soap opera actress talking about her character.
  • The scenes on the soap opera set were often amusing, and the pointed difference between the personalities of the actress and her character provided some welcome comic relief from the melodrama of her home life.

As much as I dislike remakes, this film is probably a good candidate, under the general criterion of "once-good films which are now too dated to work effectively." The basic concept is still fine, but watching it today induces cringes at its stereotyped portrayal of lesbian relationships, and the script no longer generates any shock or titillation by showing two women in a relationship. Unlike the people of 1968, we have been there, and done that, although Susannah York facial close-ups during an orgasm which seems to result from something done to her out of sight, is still quite erotic. On the other hand, the whole premise might work again if it were remade by women with an eye to a  realistic portrayal of lesbians and their relationships, ala The L-Word or Queer as Folk. If the old diesel dyke actress were changed to a strong, and attractive but bitterly fading actress, I can see Meryl Streep (for example) bringing some real depth to a character which now comes off as a broad burlesque of a lesbian to modern viewers watching the 1968 version. I can already picture Streep switching instantaneously from a sweet, refined character to an acrimonious actress when the director yells "cut."

It would not be possible to add much action, but the film's pacing would probably seem fine with a running time of about 100 minutes rather than the existing 140. I'm thinkin' it might make for a pretty good dramedy. The problems could be fixed, the positive elements of the script could be retained, some of the speechifying could be eliminated altogether, and some of it converted to zippy dialogue. And it shouldn't be that hard to get the shock value up to modern standards!

As for the existing version? Oh, it's just too dated to enjoy. In fact, some of it is embarrassing to watch. But it was a good and daring movie in its day. If you are still interested in it as a time capsule, but the widescreen anamorphic transfer on the DVD is excellent, but there are no features of any kind.

By the way, here's one for the "career variety" record book. Robert Aldrich directed The Killing of Sister George. His previous film? You aren't going to believe it. The Dirty Fuckin' Dozen! His career was filled with that kind of odd split. Here's two columns of Aldrich movies:

Aldrich A Aldrich B
The Longest Yard The Killing of Sister George
The Dirty Dozen Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte
4 For Texas Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?
Vera Cruz Autumn Leaves
Ulzana's Raid The Legend of Lylah Claire

Was Bob Aldrich actually two different men? Aldrich A could almost be mistaken for Sam Peckinpah, while Aldrich B might be a stand-in for Doug Sirk. Strange stuff.

Here's Susannah York, looking beautiful.


Perfect Friday (1970):

The following are captures of Ursula Andress in Perfect Friday, from the film clips made by ICMS. See his section below for additional info.

Crimson Ghost

Captures and comments from the Ghost

Pics from the movie "Private Sex Club"

Tamara Landry
Amy Lindsay
Jade Marceau

Non-nudes of Kari Byron, one of the build team on "Mythbusters."

'Caps and comments by Hankster:
First up Christina Applegate in "Anchorman", no nudity but a little leg and she's in bed wearing a slip after messing around with Will Ferrell.
Next a look at "Avenging Angelo" and our nudity comes from a  topless Carin Moffat. One of my favorites is here too, Madeleine  Stowe, but she keeps her clothes on, well actually she did take her top off but with her back to the camera.
Our "Newsbabe of the Week" is Katie Couric from the "Today Show".


'Caps, clips, and comments by ICMS:  

We had caps yesterday of Ursula Andress in "Perfect Friday" (1970). I think these 4 clips from that film will be a nice addition, don't you think? (1, 2, 3, 4)  For some reason this movie is still not available on commercial DVD as far as I know. If my memory serves me right, it is actually not a bad flick at all. I really should find time to watch the entire feature and not just Ursula's naughty bits.

Let me conclude with one more clip of Valeria Bruni-Tedeschi, this time from the 1994 movie "Oublie-moi". You really have to give the girl credit, she likes to do her nude scenes in bright lighting (see Monday's edition).

I'll conclude with a clip of Elizabeth Shue in "Cousin Bette" (1998), not exactly new, but Elizabeth's breasts and buns are always a pleasant view.

That's all for today, but I'll be back with more Ursula shortly.


This 2005 romantic comedy sneaks in a serious political message, and does it in a pretty cool way.

A middle-aged British civil servant meets a young woman in a cafe, and finds himself drawn to her. Both unattached, their improbable friendship eventually starts to blossom into something more, although each knows little about the other.

When the young woman accompanies the man to the G8 Summit in Reykjavik, Iceland, their romance blooms, but to his surprise, so does her activism, as she turns out to be someone very concerned with issues like world hunger. She has no qualms about making her concerns known to one and all, much to the consternation of the civil servant.

A really well done movie, with characters that are extremely likeable and charismatic. Bill Nighy and Kelly Macdonald are outstanding as the couple. A very enjoyable flick with a very serious message.

Kelly MacDonald


Melaninis is a new contributor, who hopes to cover some new parts of the world and offer some material we have not seen before.

Today's group comes from his home country of Greece: Sylvia Loneff in To Gimno fotomodelo, aka The Young Tycoon.



Brooke Langton in episode 6 of weeds
Charlotte Englehardt on TV Total
Gretchen Mol in The Last Time I Committed Suicide.
Annie Potts in Corvette Summer
Movie Reviews


Here are the latest movie reviews available at


  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Other Crap

So You Wanna Be A "Hooters" Girl? The Smoking Gun takes a peek at the beloved boobs-and-beer emporium's employee handbook.

Jo Blo's complete five day report on Toronto Fest

Bill Gates meets Napoleon Dynamite

An arrest warrant has been issued for Dennis Rodman in Colorado. It's basically a misunderstanding. For all of the trouble he gets in, Dennis actually seems like a decent guy, and never really does anything mean or malicious. On the other hand, he's just not the brightest bulb on the tree, is he?

This is a real headline in a real newspaper: "NZ finds Black Cocks hard to swallow"

American Pie's Nadia, Shannon Elizabeth, celebrated her birthday in her birthday suit.

Lawmakers and watchdog groups worry that allowing federal employees to charge up to $250,000 on their government-issued credit cards for Hurricane Katrina-related expenses will lead to a repeat of past abuses. No! D'ya think?

Whoa! 13 things to do in Boston when you're stoned, dude.

The trailer for Rob Marshall's Memoirs of a Geisha, which stars Zhang Ziyi

A very good Robert Wise obit from the New York Times.

  • The submitter wrote: "Robert Wise has left us. Strange because Andromeda Strain just showed up in my mailbox. 1971 was a different world in so many ways ... The Berkley Faculty Club was respected enough that a Republican president backed the creation of a multi-billion dollar germ lab on their say-so. The fine for breaking security was $20,000 and 20 years in prison. And a G rated film showed bare breasts and buns."

You fear that Bush's apology will soften people's hearts? Join The Angels of Indignation

Renee Zellweger, Kenny Chesney seek annulment. "Renee said their marriage was four of the unhappiest minutes of her life, and that she would have her next wedding pre-annulled, to streamline the process."

Today's report from our cheerleading correspondent:


2005 NFL Cheerleading Tour - Day 6: Baltimore Ravens

Today we head to the Inner Harbor of Baltimore, Maryland. Home of a great aquarium, the best crab cakes you will ever have, and beloved Cal and the Orioles. The Ravens are somewhat new to the NFL. Although the team relocated from Cleveland in 1996, none of the Browns history, records, or statistics moved with the squad. This made the Ravens a new, but not an expansion, franchise. The Ravens, originally named the Rhinos but later changed, won Super Bowl XXXV in Tampa over the New York Giants. The team has since been known for toughness and a strong defense.

This toughness translates to the cheerleading squad. I am not meaning to put down the beauty of some of these hard working women, but some members of this team just scare me. Ameerah, Chrissy, Crystal, Dorthy, all hot! Chris, Reggie, Om, Justin, and Mike. YIKES! Guy cheerleaders...hells no! I am an equal opportunity guy. Tall women, short women, any race, religion, or favorite team...I'm behind the girls 100%. I have draw the line at guys. I understand that men allow more technical cheers to be completed. But men in cheerleading garb scream NCAA. This is the NFL. Give me my girls.

I wanted to rate just the girls, but I gotta rate the team as a team. I want to give these beautiful women an 8.5. But every time I look at Colette, Erin, or Toccara, I see the smiling mug of Ricky, Rob, or Dave. Fifteen guys knock down the rating to a 7.0 (a tenth of a point for each Will Farrell-Spartan-wannabe-male-cheerleader). The web site itself knocks it down another point. News and Features? Coming soon. Tryout info or photos? Coming soon. How about some shots from the big Millersville photo shoot back in JuneComing soon. The bios have little info on the squad, and only two photos of each member.


Plus one point for an autographed card set of the girls in swim wear. Minus one point for having to fork over $35.00 to see the goods. One final note...Molly, a body like that and you have five kids!?! One tenth point for each of them. You go girl!

Rating 6.5 out of 10.


Steve Carell's project list: "Up next in the Carell Carousel is DAN IN REAL LIFE, a Disney romantic comedy about a widower/columnist living with his three kids who falls for his brother's girlfriend. Peter Hedges will direct the film and will rewrite the original script."

  • Given the presence of Disney and Hedges, I think we can expect the warm side of the ancient virgin, rather than his raunchy side.

The trailer from One Bright Shining Moment: The Forgotten Summer of George McGovern, which retraces George McGovern's bold presidential campaign of 1972.

  • Hunter Thompson's "Fear and Loating on the Campaign Trail" summarized the quixotic McGovern campaign best: "The tragedy of all this is that George McGovern, for all his imprecise talk about new politics and "honesty in government," is one of the few men who've run for President of the United States who really understands what a fantastic monument to all the best instincts of the human race this country might have been, if we could have kept it out of the hands of greedy little hustlers like Richard Nixon."

Another clip from Jenny McCarthy's new comedy, Dirty Love

Here's a long clip from Cry Wolf

Damned activist judges! A Nepalese court has ruled that women may no longer be kept in a cow-shed during their period.

A clip from Wallace & Gromit - The Curse of the Were-Rabbit

The new trailer from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Roman Polanski update. What exactly is a Pole Dancing Home Party?

German inventor: I never used dead cats for fuel. "I've never used cats and would never think of that. At most the odd toad may have jumped in."

"The Ted Williams Memorial Display with Death Mask from The Ben Affleck 2004 World Series Collection"

You think it's tough when you lose your keys? Heather McCartney lost her prosthetic leg when she clashed with security guards at Jennifer Lopez's office.

BUSH DETERMINED TO PLAN NEXT CATASTROPHE. "As long as I sit in this chair, all future catastrophes will be planned by me."

"Jon Stewart leads the first-ever Daily Show discussion panel in the Evolution/Schmevolution debate."

Daily Show: "Evolution Tour: Hooters" "A look at a living monument to the Darwinian processes of adaptation and natural selection."

The Daily Show's Lewis Black looks at evolution.

What, me sorry? Bush apologizes - "A humbling moment which raises two questions: Who are you? What have you done with the president?"

The Daily Show: Test your knowledge with this Evolution/Schmevolution question.

You gonna go trick or treating this year? No shit, Sherlock.

Candice Michelle, wrestling diva and the babe, will pose for Hef! Loyal readers know that she has appeared nude in an episode of "Hotel Erotica."

Other Tarantino Crap: Man Uses Samurai Sword To Rob Restaurant Patrons

Alaska zoo gets elephant treadmill. There are only two of the mammoth appliances in existence, with the other being in Kirstie Alley's house.

The Rocket wins one for his mom.

Headline of the day: Missing dolphins spotted in sea. I guess Sean Penn can stop searching the desert.

Nostalgia: retroCRUSH looks at "selling cards for Captain O"

Andruw Jones hits the 50 homer milestone for the year, and also reaches 300 for his career. In the entire history of the Boston/Milwaukee/Atlanta Braves, no player had ever reached 50 homers in a season. Mathews and Aaron held the record jointly, each having reached 47 in his best year.

URL says it all, but deceptively:

U.S. gang leaders report that skyrocketing fuel costs are crippling their ability to administer 'drive-by' shootings.

Disney Delays Opening of Baghdad Theme Park

"Existence Of Poor People A Surprise, Says Bush" ...
Would Have Rescued Them If He Had Known They Were There, He Claims

You know what this weekend is, doncha kids? Nudestock. Sorry to say you're too late to get admitted.

Astro Pic '' the Day - What the hell does a comet look like? Even though it's just a tiny rock floating through space, it has some fairly large impact craters. If you think about the mathematical likelihood of a collision out there, you'll realize it's been around a long, long time.

Oscar Winning Director Robert Wise Dies, aged 91 ... "Robert Wise, who won four Oscars as producer and director of the classic 1960s musicals 'West Side Story' and 'The Sound of Music' ..."

Coming Soon has an exclusive clip from The Thing About My Folks

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie may be planning a wedding at George Clooney's Italian villa.

Pat Reeder

Shouldn't They Be Outside Britney's Hospital Window? - Reuters has sparked a debate on how much privacy or decorum should be accorded political leaders after they published a photo of President Bush at the U.N. World Summit in New York.  They used a telephoto lens to zero in on a note he was writing to Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice while Kofi Annan was speaking, which read, "I think I may need a bathroom break.  Is this possible?"

*  That's actually code for "Does this guy ever shut up?"
*  She handed back a note reading, "No!  Wait until break time, and sit up straight!"
*  That's nothing: you should see Reuters' hidden camera photos from the  bathroom.
*  The New York Times ran it under the headline, "Bush Dumps Biological Waste in Manhattan!"

Gee Whillikers, How L-7! - Sen. Arlen Specter came up with a unique legal term at John Roberts' Supreme Court confirmation hearings, saying that "Roe v.Wade" should be considered a "super precedent," or even a "super-duper precedent."  Roberts told him there's already a principle of giving extra weight to long-standing precedents, and it's known as "stare decisis."

*  Specter asked, "Is that French for 'super-duper'?"
*  For example, there's the long-standing precedent of our senators being embarrassing nitwits.
*  If this is what the Judiciary Committee knows about law, I can see how the Energy Committee gave us $4-a-gallon gas.

Bilding A Story - German inventor Christian Koch denied a report that originated in the German newspaper Bild that he had found a way to make cheap diesel fuel from dead cats.  The writer admitted Koch never told him directly that he used cats, and said he only meant it could be done "in theory," even though Bild illustrated the story with a photo of a kitten.  Koch said he would never think of using dead cats to power his car.  He said his fuel is made from garbage, such as old paper and plastic, and "at most, the odd toad may have jumped in."

*  Right in the hopper!
*  He can tell when that happens because his engine croaks.
*  So the search for a use for cats continues...

Sock It To Them! - Some thieves in Ipswich, England, stole the cargo from a parked truck, but they probably won't be very happy when they see what it is. They made off with 50,000 socks which would be valued at over $65,000, except none of them match.  They were on their way to a Woolworth's promotion for a children's book called "The Oddies," which was inspired by the question, "Where do all the missing odd socks go?"

*  And now kids know: "They're stolen by morons."
*  Obviously, they go to Woolworth's.
*  They'll be easy to pick out of the police line-up: just check their socks.

One Foul Ruling - The New Jersey Supreme Court ruled that baseball fans can sue if they're hit by a foul ball when outside the seating area.  The case involved a man hit in the eye while standing in a beer line at a Newark Bears minor league game.  The teams argued that it would force them to put up netting all over, which would harm the game, raise ticket prices and interfere with fans hoping to catch a foul.  But the court ruled that if a fan has left the stands and is no longer trying to catch a foul or even watching the game, then he deserves legal protection.

*  This never used to be a problem before steroids.
*  To be on the safe side, they should build a high brick wall between the field and the fans.
*  On the bright side, if the ball hits them in the head, they're qualified to become New Jersey Supreme Court Justices.

The Ambiguously Gay Duo - In Spokane County, Washington, Michael Kay allegedly met a man who'd just been fired; they drank beer together, then the man went home and passed out on his bed.  Kay is accused of breaking into the man's house several hours later, taking a can of chocolate frosting from the kitchen, and smearing in on the naked, sleeping homeowner.  He then opened the dog pen,  in hopes the man's dogs would go lick the frosting.  Kay claims the only thing he took was a few beers.  Prosecutors say it's not a harmless prank because we all have the right to feel safe and secure in our homes.

*  Nobody should be spreading cake frosting on your naked body in the privacy of your home unless you want them to.
*  I bet this isn't the first time this guy has waked up naked with a  hangover and a dog in his bed.
*  Kay insists that at the time he left, he had no IDEA the man had a problem with ants.

Panty Raid - Dorothy Campbell of Joliet, Illinois, is suing 14 local cops.  She says they staged a drug raid at her home, but found no marijuana.  However, she claims they did find her sex toys and "used them for their own amusement," playing with them while cavorting in her lingerie.  She says they "could not have reasonably believed that private and personal sex toys constituted evidence of possession of cannabis...or any other crime."

*  They found no pot, but they did find her source of ecstasy.
*  She'd tell them where to shove those sex toys, but oddly enough, they already did.
*  The policeman is your friend, but not a good enough friend to borrow your  sex toys and underwear.
*  If they'd done this on "NYPD Blue," it might have lasted another five seasons.

And Who Wants To Shave With A Volkswagen?! - Gillette introduced the Mach 3 three-bladed razor in 1998; then Schick brought out the four-blade Quattro. But Wednesday, Gillette introduced Fusion, a shaver with five blades.  They said  comparing it to the Quattro is like comparing a Ferrari to a Volkswagen.

*  It does weigh about as much as a Ferrari.
*  They won't be satisfied until your shaver is packing more blades than Kanye West's party guests.


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