Update:

• Charlie's French Cinema Nudity Site is updated. Nice mix. Two new movies, plus one from the 70s (a full frontal from Miou-Miou), one from the 80s, and one from the 90s.

Tom Sizemore sex tape, part 2:

We will carry it in eight parts, as it was posted in Usenet. I can't really recommend this second zipped .wmv either, especially given its size of 35 meg. (The entire tape is 240 meg in .wmv format)  Sizemore talks to the camera for two and a half minutes, about subjects like the founding fathers, then some chick sits on his dick (close-ups from the side), then he gets a blow job, then more of her sitting on his dick, then more bullshitting. Again, nothin' to my taste. I say "skip this one as well." I'll let you know if it gets better.

The Killing of Sister George (1968):

An aging British actress, a lesbian, fears getting sacked from her soap opera job. When she finally gets the axe, it turns out that the BBC executive who fired her also picks up her beautiful little submissive girlfriend.

And so forth.

I learned a lot about sexual behavior from this early effort at lesbian cinema. Their socio-sexual dynamic differs greatly from the guy thing. Let's illustrate by supposing for the moment that you are a person of indeterminate sex. You're fiftyish, overweight, shapeless, ugly and contentious. You drink like a fish, swear like a sailor, behave violently with your sexual partner, and grope novice nuns in public places. You're paranoid, totally disagreeable, hypocritical, and ugly as sin.

Now let's assign some gender to you, so we can compare the differences.

• If you're a guy, there's no chance of your ever having a long-term relationship with a beautiful woman. You won't even get near a beautiful woman without a thick stack of twenty dollar bills. If you have a woman in your life, it is because she has no place else to go. After the nun thing, you may be headed for the hoosegow.
• On the other hand, if you're a lesbian diesel dyke, you're a babe magnet! There are beautiful submissive lesbians just waiting for your attention, and they are the hot girly kind of lesbians, not those sensible shoes types.

This should lead you to a logical conclusion if you are an unattractive middle-aged man who wants to pick up beautiful babes. Get a sex change, and pick up those women in your new lesbian avatar. What could be easier? You don't even have to buy new clothes.

It is quite evident that The Killing of Sister George was a successful character-based stage drama which was adapted to a film. There are basically only three sets: the apartment of the lesbians, the BBC studio, and a lesbian nightclub. The film is extremely talky, there is a limited amount of plot development, and the only real "action" is an occasional slap across the face.  This film was considered to be too daring by half when it came out in 1968, because the central love stories are of the "girls only" variety, and there is some actual lesbian contact on screen, like mouth-to-nipple, for example. That may not sound too wild, but the world was different in 1968, and very few homosexuals were out of the closet.

The title of the film refers to the character played by the actress on the soap opera. Sister George is a syrupy-sweet old nurse with a cheerful disposition and an endless reserve of optimism, even though the actress is the polar opposite. In soaps, of course, the way they fire a main player is to kill off his or her character.

I did like a lot of what they did in this film.

• The opening of the film is very clever because the audience is first led into thinking it is watching a murder mystery, when the actress enters her home and starts talking about how "they" are trying to kill her. It is only after some time that we realize she is a soap opera actress talking about her character.
• The scenes on the soap opera set were often amusing, and the pointed difference between the personalities of the actress and her character provided some welcome comic relief from the melodrama of her home life.

As much as I dislike remakes, this film is probably a good candidate, under the general criterion of "once-good films which are now too dated to work effectively." The basic concept is still fine, but watching it today induces cringes at its stereotyped portrayal of lesbian relationships, and the script no longer generates any shock or titillation by showing two women in a relationship. Unlike the people of 1968, we have been there, and done that, although Susannah York facial close-ups during an orgasm which seems to result from something done to her out of sight, is still quite erotic. On the other hand, the whole premise might work again if it were remade by women with an eye to a  realistic portrayal of lesbians and their relationships, ala The L-Word or Queer as Folk. If the old diesel dyke actress were changed to a strong, and attractive but bitterly fading actress, I can see Meryl Streep (for example) bringing some real depth to a character which now comes off as a broad burlesque of a lesbian to modern viewers watching the 1968 version. I can already picture Streep switching instantaneously from a sweet, refined character to an acrimonious actress when the director yells "cut."

It would not be possible to add much action, but the film's pacing would probably seem fine with a running time of about 100 minutes rather than the existing 140. I'm thinkin' it might make for a pretty good dramedy. The problems could be fixed, the positive elements of the script could be retained, some of the speechifying could be eliminated altogether, and some of it converted to zippy dialogue. And it shouldn't be that hard to get the shock value up to modern standards!

As for the existing version? Oh, it's just too dated to enjoy. In fact, some of it is embarrassing to watch. But it was a good and daring movie in its day. If you are still interested in it as a time capsule, but the widescreen anamorphic transfer on the DVD is excellent, but there are no features of any kind.

By the way, here's one for the "career variety" record book. Robert Aldrich directed The Killing of Sister George. His previous film? You aren't going to believe it. The Dirty Fuckin' Dozen! His career was filled with that kind of odd split. Here's two columns of Aldrich movies:

Was Bob Aldrich actually two different men? Aldrich A could almost be mistaken for Sam Peckinpah, while Aldrich B might be a stand-in for Doug Sirk. Strange stuff.

Here's Susannah York, looking beautiful.

Perfect Friday (1970):

The following are captures of Ursula Andress in Perfect Friday, from the film clips made by ICMS. See his section below for additional info.

Pics from the movie "Private Sex Club"

Dee
Devon
Tamara Landry
Amy Lindsay
Jade Marceau
unknown

Non-nudes of Kari Byron, one of the build team on "Mythbusters."

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

BUSH'S BATHROOM NOTE SPARKS DEBATE
Shouldn't They Be Outside Britney's Hospital Window? - Reuters has sparked a debate on how much privacy or decorum should be accorded political leaders after they published a photo of President Bush at the U.N. World Summit in New York.  They used a telephoto lens to zero in on a note he was writing to Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice while Kofi Annan was speaking, which read, "I think I may need a bathroom break.  Is this possible?"

*  That's actually code for "Does this guy ever shut up?"
*  She handed back a note reading, "No!  Wait until break time, and sit up straight!"
*  That's nothing: you should see Reuters' hidden camera photos from the  bathroom.
*  The New York Times ran it under the headline, "Bush Dumps Biological Waste in Manhattan!"


SENATOR INVENTS NEW LEGAL TERM
Gee Whillikers, How L-7! - Sen. Arlen Specter came up with a unique legal term at John Roberts' Supreme Court confirmation hearings, saying that "Roe v.Wade" should be considered a "super precedent," or even a "super-duper precedent."  Roberts told him there's already a principle of giving extra weight to long-standing precedents, and it's known as "stare decisis."

*  Specter asked, "Is that French for 'super-duper'?"
*  For example, there's the long-standing precedent of our senators being embarrassing nitwits.
*  If this is what the Judiciary Committee knows about law, I can see how the Energy Committee gave us $4-a-gallon gas.



UPDATE:  NO FUEL MADE FROM DEAD CATS!
Bilding A Story - German inventor Christian Koch denied a report that originated in the German newspaper Bild that he had found a way to make cheap diesel fuel from dead cats.  The writer admitted Koch never told him directly that he used cats, and said he only meant it could be done "in theory," even though Bild illustrated the story with a photo of a kitten.  Koch said he would never think of using dead cats to power his car.  He said his fuel is made from garbage, such as old paper and plastic, and "at most, the odd toad may have jumped in."

*  Right in the hopper!
*  He can tell when that happens because his engine croaks.
*  So the search for a use for cats continues...



THIEVES STEAL TRUCKLOAD OF MISMATCHED SOCKS
Sock It To Them! - Some thieves in Ipswich, England, stole the cargo from a parked truck, but they probably won't be very happy when they see what it is. They made off with 50,000 socks which would be valued at over $65,000, except none of them match.  They were on their way to a Woolworth's promotion for a children's book called "The Oddies," which was inspired by the question, "Where do all the missing odd socks go?"

*  And now kids know: "They're stolen by morons."
*  Obviously, they go to Woolworth's.
*  They'll be easy to pick out of the police line-up: just check their socks.



BASEBALL FANS CAN SUE OVER FOUL BALLS
One Foul Ruling - The New Jersey Supreme Court ruled that baseball fans can sue if they're hit by a foul ball when outside the seating area.  The case involved a man hit in the eye while standing in a beer line at a Newark Bears minor league game.  The teams argued that it would force them to put up netting all over, which would harm the game, raise ticket prices and interfere with fans hoping to catch a foul.  But the court ruled that if a fan has left the stands and is no longer trying to catch a foul or even watching the game, then he deserves legal protection.

*  This never used to be a problem before steroids.
*  To be on the safe side, they should build a high brick wall between the field and the fans.
*  On the bright side, if the ball hits them in the head, they're qualified to become New Jersey Supreme Court Justices.



NAKED CAKE FROSTING BURGLAR CAUGHT
The Ambiguously Gay Duo - In Spokane County, Washington, Michael Kay allegedly met a man who'd just been fired; they drank beer together, then the man went home and passed out on his bed.  Kay is accused of breaking into the man's house several hours later, taking a can of chocolate frosting from the kitchen, and smearing in on the naked, sleeping homeowner.  He then opened the dog pen,  in hopes the man's dogs would go lick the frosting.  Kay claims the only thing he took was a few beers.  Prosecutors say it's not a harmless prank because we all have the right to feel safe and secure in our homes.

*  Nobody should be spreading cake frosting on your naked body in the privacy of your home unless you want them to.
*  I bet this isn't the first time this guy has waked up naked with a  hangover and a dog in his bed.
*  Kay insists that at the time he left, he had no IDEA the man had a problem with ants.


WOMAN SUES COPS OVER SEX TOYS  (CAREFUL!  NOTE SUBJECT!)
Panty Raid - Dorothy Campbell of Joliet, Illinois, is suing 14 local cops.  She says they staged a drug raid at her home, but found no marijuana.  However, she claims they did find her sex toys and "used them for their own amusement," playing with them while cavorting in her lingerie.  She says they "could not have reasonably believed that private and personal sex toys constituted evidence of possession of cannabis...or any other crime."

*  They found no pot, but they did find her source of ecstasy.
*  She'd tell them where to shove those sex toys, but oddly enough, they already did.
*  The policeman is your friend, but not a good enough friend to borrow your  sex toys and underwear.
*  If they'd done this on "NYPD Blue," it might have lasted another five seasons.



GILETTE UNVEILS FIVE-BLADE RAZOR
And Who Wants To Shave With A Volkswagen?! - Gillette introduced the Mach 3 three-bladed razor in 1998; then Schick brought out the four-blade Quattro. But Wednesday, Gillette introduced Fusion, a shaver with five blades.  They said  comparing it to the Quattro is like comparing a Ferrari to a Volkswagen.

*  It does weigh about as much as a Ferrari.
*  They won't be satisfied until your shaver is packing more blades than Kanye West's party guests.
 

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