• * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.








Michelle Bauer

part 1

Brainscan is beginning a multi-part tribute to the prolific B-movie actress. Some of the work will be his own, while other clips come from his collection. Today's entry is a third party clip which features Michelle when she was still using Pia Snow as her nom de porn.

The film is called Night Dreams. The year is 1981, and Michelle/Pia was about 22. We think this was her first film appearance.









(aka Judgment, 1989)


Emilia Crow film clip, collage below









Straw Dogs


Today the Time Machine goes back 36 years to a time when dinosaurs walked the earth and Cher had not yet begun her first farewell tour.  It's always fun to watch this Peckinpah classic again. The stars are a young Dustin Hoffman and the gorgeous Susan George, who shows off her Grade A boobs.






Notes and collages



Courteney Cox in two episodes

The One Where Underdog Gets Away

The One With the Monkey








Dancing at the Blue Iguana


Director Michael Radford has also made such respected films as Il Postino, 1984, and The Merchant of Venice (Pacino as Shylock). Because he has established those credentials, we can say that in the history of legitimate films from respected directors, there are very few examples with more nudity from more gorgeous famous women than this one.

Today concludes the series based on this film. The final star is Sheila Kelley

Film clips here, collages below






enter the DRAGONSCAN

Elizabeth Hitchcock in Vampire Vixens
Hitchcock again, with Misty Mundae, in Vampire Vixens
Tina Krause, also in Vampire Vixens
Kate Winslet, disappointingly not in Vampire Vixens
Sharon DeWitt in Zombie Nights 2
Alice Evans in Monsieur Naphtali






Brutal Massacre: a Comedy


If you're expecting a comedic horror film, you're in for a disappointment, because it is in fact just what the title suggests, a comedy about the making of a horror film called "Brutal Massacre". And it's pretty funny, filled with insider jokes and every cliché you've ever seen in a horror film.

Famous schlock horror director Harry Penderecki hasn't had a hit in years, so he jumps at his last chance to redeem himself with a film called Brutal Massacre. Unfortunately, that title could have easily described the making of the film, as the crew and cast battle one disaster after another while they struggle to make a typical B-movie horror film filled with all the necessary elements: boobs, blood, and mayhem.

This thing is very funny, especially to celeb fans who tend to watch this kind of film regularly. Although a lot of the jokes are insider-type references, I think most of us will "get it", and enjoy the film. I found it a lot of fun to watch.

Scoop's note: me, too!

Emily Brownell Laura Bozzone
Penelope Lea Michelle DiBenedetti






La Bardot herself in En cas de malheur
Helga Piur in Orpheus in der Unterwelt
Two women stark naked on stage in filmed performances: Sophie Engert ...
... and Nina Kunzendorf







This section will present film clips to accompany Charlie's collages (which are found in his own site).

Today's entry is all the latest stuff:

  • La Belle Personne is a TV movie which just aired this week. It will also get a brief theatrical release next week. The clip features Lea Seydoux

BONUS: Lea flashes some flesh in a European print ad.

  • Nos Enfants Cheris is a TV series which just started its second season. The exposure comes from Sarah Jerome.
  • Vous les Femmes is a current French novelty TV sketch show in which these two women play all the characters: Olivia Cote and Judith Suboni. (According to IMDb, the episodes are only two minutes long.)








"Die Postal: Die Movie"

There are a number of various cuts of Uwe Boll's Postal, they are

(i) the watered down R-rated version running at 100 minutes (which is what we got stuck with as can be seen in the next case)

(ii) the so-called 'unrated' DVD version which is just the R-rated version with 2 extra minutes of deleted scenes inserted into the ending credits.

(iii) the special edition German DVD running at 102 minutes

(iv) a 'director's cut' DVD with 14 extra minutes of extra footage to be released at the end of September, but only in Germany. Schadenfreude.

(v) a watered down UK version still not classified or released and expected to be stripped of all the special features along with the gratuitous gore.

(vi) the real director's cut running at 130 minutes which was shown only on the festival circuit.



SCENE (1): The orgy scene is the same on both the current US and German DVDs.

(i) Julia Sandberg: bare-assed sucking on Uncle Dave's dong.

(ii) Lucie Guest: on your far right sporting some serious camel-toe.

(iii) Michaela Mann: in blue top getting her boobs felt up.

(iv) Holly Eglington: not only is she is topless but she's also bottomless flashing a bit of coochie. What appears to be a thong are actually tanlines evident from her other bare-assed appearances in Naked News and the movie Numb.


SCENE (2): The Little Germany scene has a plot hole concerning how Uncle Dave's girls seduced the security guards by giving them blowjobs.

In the US cut (first frame) after the heist Lucie Guest is shown wearing a pearl necklace.

In the German cut (next three frames) there is also semen on an upset Julia Sandberg's face.

In the behind-the-scenes documentary (last two frames), the girls are shown with semen on their faces and how it's applied by a makeup artist. (I thought Uwe Boll would have used a reverse-fluffer).








Maria Osawa in a timeless, sensitive romance called Face-Sucking Venus



Clips: the career of Marketa Hrubesova.

Oznamuje se laskam vasim (1988 - her debut)

Sedim na konari a je me dobre (1989)

Lady MacBeth from Mtsensk (1992)

If you have not seen Marketa in Lady Macbeth von Mtsensk, you need to. It is an opera by Dmitri Shostakovich inspired by Shakespeare. Sounds kinda highbrow, right? Now you may be wondering what a Playboy Playmate like Marketa is doing in this film. Well, those Czechs are no dummies. They got the best of both worlds. They got a real opera singer to sing the part of Lady MacBeth, but they got the gorgeous Ms. Hrubesova to lip-synch while prancing around naked. (This approach to opera is also known as the Elizabeth Hurley Solution.)

Shakespeare, the horny bastard, would be proud. Shostakovich, I don't know much about. The man was a loony of the obsessive-compulsive variety. He constantly synchronized all his clocks, for he could not bear for them to disagree. He also sent himself mail constantly, to test the postal service. And so on. But I do know that he and Stalin hated one another, and he married a 27-year-old woman when he was 56 and managed to hold on to her for his remaining 13 years, so I figure he would probably like seeing his music turned into a nudie play that would make Stalin turn over in his grave.

By the way, although Shostakovich died 32 years ago, his wife is still alive, and not even that old (74)!

Vasnive znamosti 2. (1994)

Don't worry if you don't speak Czech and haven't seen Vasnive znamosti 1. I'm pretty sure you'll pick right up on the plot, since this clip features double playmate action. Marketa was a Playboy Playmate of the Month (Czech edition) in 1994 and her co-star, Katerina Brosova, was a Playmate of the Month in 1999.  The film and its predecessor are collections of ribald short stories from the Decameron. This film is also known as Lusty Liaisons 2, and this particular episode is called "Two Great Friends"

Andelske oci (1994)

Golet v udoli (1995)

Delta of Venus (1995)

Bozi duha (2007). Yes, she's still getting naked twenty years after her debut, and she still looks great, although the clips are darker than they would have been in her prime.

Other Film Clips

The women from another poignant Oscar candidate, Skull: A Night of Terror.  Bonnie Beck and Nadia Capone

Soledad Miranda in She Killed in Ecstasy

Julianne White in Sexy Beast (samples right)
and finally ... Jack Snow, the TV Guide of Euroflesh, presents Stefanie Dvorak in Die Liebe ein Traum (samples right)