Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

Tuna update:

I talked to Tuna today, and there is essentially no change in his condition. Extreme fatigue is the major problem he faces at the moment. His doctors will try some additional non-surgical procedures in the next month or so, their goal bring to get him on his feet, able to exercise normally, and better able to take charge of his own life.

He promises to return to the Fun House, but he has no specific timetable, since that is contingent so many variables.


Tom Sizemore sex tape, part 1:

I haven't found this project to be particularly appealing, but I guess it belongs here thematically, so we will carry it in eight parts, as it was posted in Usenet. I can't really recommend this first zipped .wmv at all, especially given its size of 22 meg. (The entire tape is 240 meg in .wmv format)  You see Sizemore hamming it up by talking to the camera, then you see him playing with himself, then you see his dick entering some woman who is straddling him face to face. The pics are genital close-ups only. Then you see her from the rear, same deal, close-ups only. Nothin' to my taste.

Crimson Ghost

Captures and comments from the Ghost

Alex Meneses from "Amanda & the Alien."

Kay Lenz from "Mean Dog Blues." (No Nudity)

Tina Louise from "Mean Dog Blues."

Jenna Bodnar from "Descendant."

'Caps and comments by Hankster:
First up we give you 5 caps from "Frankie and Johnnie...Were Lovers" that we forgot to post yesterday. Here's Cyndee Summers getting it on with Ric Lutze.
Then on our way home with the old Time Machine we stopped off in 1979 for a look at a topless Beverly D'Angelo in "Hair". Bev flashes in scenes going in and out of the water and changing her top in a car.


'Caps, clips, and comments by ICMS:  

For today's contribution I am taking you back five and a half years, to the January 13, 2000 issue of the Fun House to be precise. The subject of my attention back then and now is German actress/presenter Caroline Beil, who hosted a German TV program called Blitz! I already established then that, contrary to what she said on the air, it was not so difficult to imagine her naked since she took off her clothes in the 1999 episode "Snuff-Movies" of a TV-series called "Die Wache." It finally aired again this summer and guess who was there to record it to DVD? So here's two clips and better vidcaps with all 3 B's on display.

Film clips (zipped .avis)  (1, 2)

Since her first Fun House appearance Caroline went on to bigger fame in Germany. She posed for the German edition of Playboy in 2003, but didn't show as much as you can see of her here. She married and divorced wealthy German publisher Hendrik Te Neues and had her own prime-time program for a while. However, last year she seems to have messed up by making some rather rude remarks about her colleagues in a reality TV-show. Hopefully she isn't in the doghouse for good because I've always found her easy on the eyes and I think most of you may agree. I also liked her way of presenting her programs.


Marianne Koch in "Die Landaerztin vom Tegernsee" (1958)
Annie Girardot in "Traitement de Choc" (1973)
Veronika Fitz in a 1976 episode of "Tatort"
Erika Skrotzki "Die Beiden Freudinnen" (1978)
Muriel Baumeister in "Alles nur Tarnung" (1996)
Alexandra Neldel in "Das Miststueck" (1998)


Lindsay Lohan paparazzi shot. I have to admit that an escaped Lohan breast used to be a lot more exciting for me back in the days when she actually had breasts.
Naomi Watts, who is now approaching superstardom, back in 1994's Gross Misconduct.
Ursula Andress in 1970's Perfect Friday. I don't believe I have ever seen any caps from this movie, and have never even seen the movie itself! Ursula looks fantastic, and shows everything.
Zoe Wanamaker in Prime Suspect
Movie Reviews


Here are the latest movie reviews available at


  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Other Crap

Secretary Rumsfeld Issues Inspiring "Back to School" Challenge to America's Elementary School Crusaders-in-Training (WHITEHOUSE.ORG)


Borowitz: "BUSH SAYS SADDAM MUST SHARE THE BLAME FOR KATRINA" ... President Rips Iraqi Madman for Distracting Federal Government

Did you know that our very own Tuna is also a top-notch amateur photographer? Found Beauty Fine Art Portfolio and Point of Sale

The Smoking Gun - FAA Warned Of Al Qaeda Hijack In 1998: "The Federal Aviation Administration warned in 1998 that al Qaeda operatives could 'seek to hijack a commercial jet and slam it into a U.S. landmark'"

Celebrities Compete to Inform America that Hurricane Katrina Happened

  • "Winona Ryder will be hosting a 'Shoplift for Flood Victims' spree, a two-day festival that encourages youth to steal for others instead of for themselves."

Sun Microsystems: "Top business publications refused to run our bold ad concepts because the headlines were thought too controversial. At Sun, we're the radical engineers that build 'ass-whoopin' technology - we're not Miss Manners and we never want to be."

Funny Video ... "The people at Planned Parenthood Canada have some interesting ideas about to educate kids on the finer things in life."

This is some strange shit, and it is for real! BonBon Land. The only theme park which features attractions about seagull shit and dog farts.

Crowe Prepares to Cop Plea. According to the article, if he is convicted of a felony, it would prevent him from traveling and working in the USA.

Good news in science! We're making tremendous progress at creating robot snakes.

The first eight minutes of Dirty Love.

  • "Dirty Love is a modern-day Cinderella story which sees disaster-prone Jenny McCarthy embark on an outrageous and hilarious journey in search of true love. In the film, Rebecca (McCarthy) is betrayed by her boyfriend and, following a palm reader's prophecy, goes in search of her perfect partner. This riotous and entertaining dating spree gets her slapped by a fish at one point, and even lands her in jail!"

What do you get when you cross Napoleon Dynamite and Fat Albert? Fat Dynamite

"Britney Spears gave birth shortly before 1 p.m. Wednesday at Santa Monica UCLA Medical Center, according to hospital sources."

Beckham the 'Jesus of consumer culture' "An academic conference was to hear Wednesday that while Beckham has yet to perform any miracles -- at least off the football pitch -- he is perhaps the closest thing modern British society has to a Messiah figure."

The Daily Show's Stephen Colbert uncovers dramatic new revelations about John Roberts - like he parts his hair on the left.

Daily Show: "The opening of Roberts' confirmation hearing has confirmed: Senators likey the blah blah blah."

The venerable novelist Kurt Vonnegut talks to Jon Stewart about the 51st American state: the state of denial.

The Daily Show focuses on the classroom debate between God and a guy who sort of looks a little bit like him.

The Daily Show makes an "in-depth analysis" of the Navajo creation myth.

The Daily Show's Ed Helms explores the 1.5% difference between primates and us by spending the day with a monkey.


2005 NFL Cheerleading Tour - Day 5: Buffalo Bills.

I figured I better visit Buffalo now...before it snows. I have friends in Buffalo, and they assure me that it does not snow all year around, and that the non-winter months are really quite pleasant. My father visited Buffalo on a business trip a few years ago. When I asked him about the city he said, "Buffalo is a depressing town that hasn't invented color yet." I am quite sure that Buffalo can't be that bad, and the web site for the Buffalo Jills leaves one with a blue-collar, small town feel.

The Home page of the Jills is nice. It really gives the feel that the squad is really involved with the community. So involved that it looks like they allowed the local high school to design and build the site. The bio page looks a bit bland. Links advertising the girls swimsuit calendar do not work. And just when I thought all women in Buffalo were stay-at-home moms, keeping the home fires warm, the bio pages states that not one of the Jills are married or have kids (although the home page claims the Jills juggle "full-time work/school/Mom schedules"). There are not any extra pictures of the ladies (besides the gallery pages ...more community events!), just a squad photo, and one in the bio.

The women of the Jills appear to be a group of hard working small town girls. Allison is the hard worker (she has two degrees and wants to attain her PH. D.). Jillian wants to be a grade school teacher. And Carrie loves Mighty Taco! When asked the best thing about Buffalo, over half of the girls mentioned the weather. Some loved the snow, some hated it, but twelve of the girls mentioned that Buffalo has all four seasons! (Never mind that fall, spring, and summer are all only three weeks long.) Some cuties, a few hotties, but these are mostly nice girls that you would want to take home to Mom.

Rating: 7 out of 10.

Scoop's note: Those are not my thoughts. I grew up near Buffalo, and my mom graduated from the school which is now called SUNY Buffalo. My dad was a big Bills fan. I love New York's Western Frontier in many ways, but after I left I always adhered to one basic rule in life. "Never wear white or go north of Atlanta after Labor Day."

MICHAEL JACKSON rented out an entire water park in Dubai so children and their parents could have fun for free.

  • The reclusive superstar, now based in the Middle East, baffled onlookers at the Wild Wadi park, wearing a white lycra body suit that exposed just his nose and eyes. A lifeguard tells British newspaper the Daily Express, 'He looked even stranger than usual. 'His body is very skinny and lycra does him no favours.' "

The wacky fun of the Playmobil Security Check Point

How to open a Soda Can after Shake-up

Grand Theft Auto makes it to PSP

Mommy, daddy ... where do Hummers come from? I mean besides from Pamela Anderson.

Melissa Theuriau - the hottest news anchor ever.

Letterman's "Top Ten Questions For The Fema Director Application"

Some examples:

  • "Are you able to convey a false sense of security?"
  • "What percentage of your resume is fabricated?"
  • "In a crisis, which state or local officials would you blame?"

Pat Reeder

#1 Network That Night: HGTV - Americans have donated to Katrina relief in record amounts, but they don't seem to like being nagged to give by celebrities.  Last Friday, the charity concert/telethon "Shelter From The Storm" aired on 29 TV channels, including every major broadcast network. It drew only 24 million viewers, fewer than the average audience for a new episode of "American Idol."

*  Well, the people on "American Idol" sing better.
*  They should've told Americans that if they donate money, the celebrities will shut up.
*  The celebrities didn't raise as much money as they spend on little designer clothes for their Chihuahuas.

MMMStop!! - Delone Catholic High School in McSherrystown, Pennsylvania, has launched one of the more creative fundraising drives for hurricane relief. It's called "Stop the Bop."  Every day, they play Hanson's song "MMMBop" through the school loudspeakers before and between classes and all during lunch.  They refuse to turn it off until they raise $3,000 in donations from the students.  It's been playing since last Wednesday, and they've already raised $2,300.

*  Mostly from teachers.
*  But truancy is up 2,000 percent.
*  They need to raise money faster!  Put on Celine Dion!

Also Makes Great Homemade Schnapps - Dr. Christian Koch of Kleinhartmannsdorf, Germany, claims he's found a way to turn dead cats into cheap, high-quality diesel fuel.  It involves heating old tires, weeds and cat cadavers to filter out hydrocarbons that are turned into bio-diesel fuel with a catalytic converter.  He said he's driven 105,000 miles on it with no problems, and the cost is only about 30 cents (US) a liter, and one full-size dead cat can produce 2.5 liters, so 20 cats can fill the average gas tank.  Cat lovers immediately denounced the idea.

*  One problem: if you think regular exhaust fumes smell bad...
*  Finally, I see why it's called a "cat-alytic converter."
*  Now when drivers run over a cat, they'll stop, pick it up, and use to run over another cat.

Lip Gloss Is PEOPLE!!! - In an investigative report, the UK Guardian newspaper discovered that a Chinese cosmetics company was selling lip plumpers and skin beauty products in Europe that were developed using skin and collagen from the corpses of executed Chinese prisoners.  The company spokesman publicly denied it, but the paper said he'd told an undercover reporter posing as a Hong Kong businessman that using skin from condemned convicts is "traditional" in China, and he's shocked that western nations "make such a big fuss about this."

*  He'd expect a fuss if they used dead cats to make cosmetics...
*  When the Chinese put Max Factor on their faces, they really do put Max Factor on their faces.
*  This gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Are you wearing Mary Kay?"
*  It's very high quality: most of the prisoners were 13, 14 tops.

Ring Me Up! - The 7 Plus newspaper of Iasi, Romania, reports that passengers on a bus saw Petronela Brandus, 24, steal someone's cell phone, and they called the police, who stopped her after she got off.  But a search didn't turn it up, so they called the phone's number.  A muffled ringing came from under her dress.  She was taken in and strip-searched by a female officer, who found the cell phone hidden up her rear end.  They extracted it, sprayed it with disinfectant, and returned it to its owner.

*  Who promptly burned it.
*  Well, cell phones ARE getting smaller and smaller.
*  Something to remember if police ever return a stolen cell phone to you.
*  Moral: Always put a cell phone on "Vibrate" before you shove it up your butt.

*  Usually, when a cell phone gets shoved up there, it's the result of someone using it in the wrong movie theater.

Paint The Town Red - The Bepol hardware and do-it-yourself store in Elblag, Poland, has launched a unique promotion for frequent customers: spend $3,000 (US) and get a coupon good for one hour of free sex at a nearby brothel.  The owner got the idea when the brothel owner came in to buy some paint and paintbrushes, and he proposed a cross-promotion.  He said so far, two customers have earned the coupons, but haven't used them yet.

*  They're more the "do-it-yourself" type.
*  First, they have to use up $6,000 worth of roofing supplies that they told their wives they desperately needed.
*  They told their wives it's a coupon for one free nail.
*  When men need their tools serviced, this is the store they choose.

Don't Say "Fills Up!!" -  After 17 years, George Washington University opted not to renew the contract of Prof. Michael Schaffer, who taught human sexuality.  In his latest student evaluations, two female students said the class was demeaning to women, and one threatened a sexual harassment lawsuit over his class discussion of shaving pubic hair.  She also complained about him telling students, "Look before you lick," which he defends as "a little humor to teach about safe oral sex."  Schaffer said most students like the class so much, it fills up immediately.

*  But mostly with guys.
*  It's so full, students have to sit in each other's laps...This is called "orientation."
*  And they were REALLY upset about the way he gives oral exams.
*  Schaffer agreed to leave because he knows when he's licked.

M-I-C, K-E-Y, M-O-U-S...PEE! - Hong Kong Disneyland opened Monday to big crowds, despite efforts of anti-Disney protesters who complained about everything from the food to the fireworks, which go off constantly in Hong Kong anyway.  But the park workers did have an unexpected problem: the habits of tourists from mainland China.  They are already destroying the clean Disney ambiance by smoking in the non-smoking areas and letting their kids drop their pants in public and urinate on the flower beds.

*  No, no!  Don't urinate on the flowers!  Urinate on the "It's A Small World" ride!
*  They'd be welcome at Neverland Ranch...Michael doesn't mind children dropping their pants.
*  They figure if the duck can go without pants, so can they.
*  Worse, a guy came out in a Pluto the dog costume, and they ate him.

Stable Occupation - Reuters reports that the horse breeding world was rocked by news of a case of mistaken identity after top stallion Dubai Excellence was mistakenly shipped from England to a farm in Ukraine while a lookalike named Samood was shipped to a breeding farm in Australia.  It took from February to August before anyone realized the mix-up, and by then, Samood had been booked for $250,000 (US) worth of stud services to 80 mares.  Both horses are in good health, and it was caught just before the beginning of the breeding season, which starts in September.

*  It's good news for the breeders, but Samood is suicidal!
*  That's like getting invited to Paris Hilton's house, then losing the address!
*  Samood offered to perform the stud services and waive the fee.
*  80 females lined up to be serviced!  It was like getting mistaken for Tommy Lee.

She Cooks Better - Tuesday, the European Court struck down a ban in England and Wales on marriages between parents-in-law and children-in law.  They said as long as there is no blood link, there's no reason why a man can't marry his mother-in-law.

* about "her daughter"?
*  Of course, there's also no reason why he'd WANT to.
*  The EU also allowed first cousins to marry, to insure a steady supply of future EU bureaucrats.

They Laugh To Keep From Crying - Teachers always talk about what a hard job it is, but a group of British psychologists studied 1,000 teachers and found that they appear to enjoy their work.  On average, teachers laugh every nine minutes in class, smile every three minutes and praise students every three minutes.  The study found that teachers experience higher levels of enjoyment during their work day than people in comparable careers, such as IT, marketing, PR and banking.

*  But that's only because so many of the teachers are having sex with their students.
*  And I thought they only did it for the money!
*  First they praise students, then they laugh about how undeserved it was.
*  They have to smile and laugh in front of students: you can NEVER let them sense fear!

Another Expensive Dog - Paris Hilton has been talking about the album she's been working on with Snoop Dogg for two years, but so far, she hasn't released it or any singles.  She told US Weekly that she's afraid to release it because if it's bad, people will ridicule her.  She said, "I want every song to be great.  If they aren't, people will trash me."

*  And she'd hate to think that people are making jokes about her!
*  Don't worry, Paris: whether the songs are great or not, we'll trash you just the same.
*  I've heard that Paris has a magic throat...At least, that's what her ex-boyfriends say.

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