You regular readers know that we have found the IMDb
sub-ratings to be a marvelous tool to measure the estrogen content
of movies. Their site provides not only a general rating for all
voters, but also various breakdowns by age, sex, and place of
origin. After having studied these ratings for many years, we've
concluded that the estrogen level can be calculated quite
precisely by subtracting the male rating from the female rating.
The fundamental equations of film estrogen algebra are
In other words, the movie estrogen level (ME) is the difference
between the female rating and the male rating. If the ME is one or
higher, meaning the female score is one full point or more higher
than the male score, it's a chick-flick.
The female/male differential is the key to the equation, not
the overall female rating, because a film rated high by women is
not automatically a chick-flick. Let's take two major examples:
Example One: The Notebook is
probably the most popular film in history with females under 18.
That group rates it a remarkable 9.3, compared to 9.2 for Amelie
and 8.9 for Gone with the Wind. Women in general rate The Notebook
8.7. That makes it a film which is extremely popular with girls
and very popular with women, but we find this to be just short of
chick-flick status, because men rate it 7.8, and 7.8 is high
enough to get a film into the top 250 of all time! By the way, for
reasons unclear to me, IMDb does not list this film in its top
250, even though it has a very high score based on a very large
number of votes (more than 20,000). It should be somewhere in the
130s on the Top 250 list, as the following comparison
Score with "Top 1000 voters"
Number of votes
IMDb does not reveal the secret behind their calculations, but
there seems to be no credible explanation for the disparity
between these two films.
Example Two: Amelie may have the
highest overall female rating of any film. Women rate it 8.9,
compared to 8.7 for The Notebook, 8.6 for Gone with the Wind and
8.5 for The Godfather. We do not consider Amelie a chick-flick,
however, because men rate it 8.6. That means it would be rated in
the top 25 of all time even if women were not allowed to vote at
just happens to be a great film that women like slightly better
Here are some examples of films that really are chick-flicks,
with the female/male differential listed in parens:
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (1.2)
Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood (1.1)
Steel Magnolias (1.1)
Fried Green Tomatoes (1.0)
If you are familiar with those movies, you will be surprised to
know that none of them is even close to the all-time movie
estrogen champion, which is Dirty Dancing at 2.0. The good news
for guys is that watching the Swayze dancefest with a woman almost
guarantees that you will get laid. The bad news is that watching
it will lower your testosterone to such a minimal level that
you'll want to cuddle and watch Oprah instead. Plus you won't want
to kiss anyone after the film, because it makes you vomit a little
in the back of your throat.
OK, I'm finally getting to the point of this whole digression.
The Great New Wonderful has a movie estrogen level of 2.2. You're
going to need some time to sink in. Like the size of the physical
universe, it is a concept which cannot be imagined by even the
most sophisticated human brain. That means it has twice
as much estrogen as the Ya-Ya Sisterhood or the Steel Magnolias.
Fortunately for me, it is a film which consists of five
separate stories, and the special features on the DVD allow one to
watch the stories separately instead of watching the original
version, which has all five intercut. Since there was nudity in
only one of the stories, I watched only that one. It was a narrow
escape for me, because many states allow convicted rapists to
watch all five as a form of voluntary chemical castration, and
watching even three is almost sure to turn one gay, especially if
it includes the one with Olympia Dukakis. While watching
one of them did not turn me gay, I did get a sudden craving to eat
a banana, and instead of biting it off a bit at a time, I felt an
urge to just slide the fruit far down my throat while pursing my
lips over the center of it. After I finished that, I suddenly had
an urge to go to Blockbuster and rent "Andy Dick in Concert."
Fortunately, my daughter intercepted me, sensed the problem, and
dropped me off at one of those drafthouse theaters, where I
watched a Lee Marvin film festival and washed down a big-ass
burger with several brewskis. I soon recovered.
Oh, yeah. I almost forgot. The film consists of five warm,
human stories of New Yorkers trying to cope in the aftermath of
9/11. If you want to see it, it is still playing in three theaters
now, even though it was also released on DVD for the fifth
anniversary of 9/11. (It never made it to more than eight
theaters in the first place.)
Not a bad little scene, as Judy gets schtupped by her
Bottoms Up (2006):
Not much of a review necessary for this one. Imagine a film in
which the male and female leads are Jason Mewes (Jay, of Jay and
Silent Bob) and Paris Hilton.
I know what you're thinking. "Yet another remake of Macbeth?"
Yup. I especially love when Lady Macbeth says, "Come ON, you
darned spot, get out. Stupid spot. Spots are NOT hot."
I kid. It's actually a romantic comedy about fame. Jay plays a
guy from the Midwest who kind of accidentally ends up hanging with
the heartthrob star of some big WB series. Paris plays the
heartthrob's girlfriend, who ends up ditching the hunk because she
falls in love with Jay.
The third lead is David Keith, who overplays a character named Gay
Uncle Earl. Silent Bob also has a small role, as does Tim Thomerson. Paris, in a daring stretch of her acting capabilities,
plays a spoiled and vacuous heiress who is generally pretty but
always has a bored and vacant expression. Why is this such a
challenge? I'll tell you. Because she plays a spoiled and vacuous
brunette heiress. This required her to study the label on
the hair dye for weeks.
I can say in defense of the film that it is not as bad as I
expected it to be. On the other hand, it is
not possible for any film to be that bad.
Lots of nudity, however. The are several topless chicks at a
Hollywood pool party. Gina-Raye Carter is topless in a dark sex
scene. Dita de Leon paints advertising on her bare breasts.
More Linda Fiorentino. This time
she's in After Hours. (Two
avis zipped together). Neither of us is very
enthusiastic about this stylish, surrealistic, dark comedy from
that zany comedy genius Martin Scorsese. We have some admiration
for the film, but not much love. (Movie
"Attendance at movie theaters across America dropped a stunning 92% on Tuesday as cineastes embraced Apple's new offering to download feature films and watch them on the 2.5" screen of an iPod. 'I can finally watch Citizen Kane the way Orson Welles would have wanted,' said Roger Ebert."
A sharp and affectionate comedy featuring an ensemble of UK comedic talents, "Confetti" follows three couples as they duke it out to win a bridal magazine contest for "Most Original Wedding of the Year." The talented cast -- which includes Martin Freeman ("The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," "Love Actually," "The Office"), Jessica Stevenson ("Shaun of the Dead," "Spaced," "The Royle Family"), Stephen Mangan ("Green Wing"), Felicity Montagu ("I'm Alan Partridge"), award-winning comedian Jimmy Carr in his first screen performance and Alison Steadman ("Topsy-Turvy," "Life is Sweet") -- was afforded total creative freedom within the confines of a carefully crafted story frame. To prepare, the cast took part in weeks of intense workshops where they began the process of developing and inhabiting their unique roles.
The Sun's article claims that their photographer took the photo and she obviously wasn't wearing panties: "my snapper caught the serial flasher outside Londonís Kabaret club in a skirt leaving nothing to the imagination"
It seems very unlikely that Lohan would wear the ridiculous cheap-looking panties shown in this link.
Those facts would lead one to believe that the one with the panties is the fake, but I don't know why anyone would take a nude and draw panties on it ... ??
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
Hallow's End (2003)
This is a low-budget, straight-to-video release that spends 45 minutes
trying to be a character study, then 45 minutes as grade Z horror. The
"Service Fraternity" members gather with their girlfriends to put on their
annual Halloween haunted house charity project in a warehouse formerly owned
by a devil worshiper. The leader this year is an aggressive, obnoxious asshole
(Matt Morris) who is dating Brandy Little. Brandy is the ex- of professional
wimp Stephan Cloud, who is now dating overachiever Amy Morris. Meanwhile,
Brandy Little prefers her sex with Amy Jo Hearron. Camille Chen rounds out the
The film switches from character study to horror when the eight main
characters begin changing into the characters they portray in the haunted
house -- vampires, zombies, etc. It is all the fault of a book donated by
Satan for the charity show. (Oh, that Satan. People bad-mouth him, but he
really has a heart!) The main plot hook is to see if the wimp will grow
testicles in time to save himself or anyone else.
Unfortunately, the plot is a mess and takes way too long to get started,
and many members of the cast have no acting ability at all.
IMDb has this at 3.0, which is very generous.
Camille Chen shows breasts
and buns in an after-sex scene.
Brandy Little breasts in a
little lesbian action with Amy Jo Hearron (see below for Amy).
Amy Jo Hearron
Back to Alabama Jones and the Busty Crusade
Today: Nikki Nova, Angela
Little, and Cheyenne Silver
... to be continued
Hugo, the Michelangelo of seamless collages, is
back with some more masterpieces. Anne Heche and
Joan Chen in
Diane Lane in The Big Town
Karen Allen in Until September
Lena Headey in Aberdeen
Malika Sherawat in Murder
Monet Mazur in Whirlygirl
Pat's comments in yellow...
Comic Sacha Baron Cohen, best known as Ali G, has a new movie coming out
starring Borat, his idiotic Kazakh TV reporter character. Borat brags that his
sister is the #4 prostitute in Kazahkstan, has sex with his pet pig, and sings a
C&W song called "Throw a Jew Down The Well." Kazahkstan's government threatened
a lawsuit, and Borat declared that he supports it and defended Kazahkstan as a
place where "women can now travel on inside of bus, homosexuals no longer have
to wear blue hats, and age of consent has been raised to eight years old." The
Kazahkstan officials are so upset about how he's harming their image in America,
President Bush agreed to meet with them to discuss the Borat problem.
* Bush tried to tell them it's just a silly, made-up
fiction, but they eventually convinced him that there really is such a place as
Barbara Outland Baker, who dated Arnold Schwarzenegger for six years and says
she "lived to inhale (his) essence," has written a memoir called "Arnold & Me:
In The Shadow of the Austrian Oak." It recounts his pot smoking, his steroid
use, his anger at his bodybuilding films appearing in gay porn movies, the two
of them watching "Deep Throat" together, the way he talked her into losing her
virginity to him, and how he cheated on her. While other politicians would be
hurling denials and lawsuits, Arnold wrote the foreword. The closest he comes
to a denial is, "Sometimes, Barbara's recollection of events differs from my
* For instance, he would NEVER get stoned while watching
porn...He might miss the best parts, and that would be against his moral code.
* This gives you an idea of how entertaining Bill Clinton's memoirs could've
been if he were honest.
The Kenyan Standard reports that there was confusion and concern Tuesday when
the world didn't end. Some members of the House of Yahweh religious sect
reportedly spent the day in concrete bunkers, thinking their leader, Eleazor
Kamotho Mugwe, had said there would be a nuclear holocaust on September 12,
2006. The government feared they'd spark a panic. But Mugwe said it was a
misunderstanding: September 12 is just the beginning of a seven-year period of
collapse and destruction, not the day of the end of the world.