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Friday
Contact junior by writing junior@scoopy.com. Contact Scoopy by writing unclescoopy@msn.com. Contact Tuna by writing tuna@scoopy.com Send submissions to scoopy@scoopy.net
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Use this search device to seek additional information from amazon.com about any of the books or movies you read about here.
To see and use all the Funhouse features, you need Netscape 6.+ or MSIE 5.+.
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| Tuna
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"Fled"
Fled (1996) is an escaped prisoner/buddy picture/organized crime vs the feds, some of whom are crooked film. In other words, we have seen it all before. In order to include some gratuitous nudity, they gave one of the escaped prisoners a stripper girlfriend, played by Brittney Powell. I wish they could have come up with a reason to get Salma Hayek naked, but Powell shows some lovely breasts, and there is incidental nudity from other strippers in the club she works in.
You are probably thinking I hated it by now, but I thoroughly enjoyed it, due to great execution of familiar material. Stephen Baldwin is serving a sentence for hacking through the phone company computers. Laurence Fishburne is chained to him during a work detail, and the two end up escaping together. The buddy part of the film is pure joy, as the two start out hating each other, and fight constantly. The head of the Cuban Mafia is due for indictment, and the attorney general had his only witness assassinated. Baldwin transferred $5m from a company owned by the Cuban, and, at the same time, copied all of the accounting information from the company computer to a floppy. Everyone wants the floppy. The other character worth a mention is an Atlanta detective played by Will Patten. He nails the dumb country fox character, When he deduces from a fed that he was just talking to the attorney general, and gets him to confirm it, the fed says, "You think you are pretty smart, don't you?" He answers, "I'm about average for a country boy."
The film has the expected car and foot chase scenes, fist fights, gunfights, explosions, etc, but moves in some unexpected directions, and is a very quick way to pass 94 minutes. Ebert and Berardinelli award 2 stars. IMDB readers say 4.9 of 10. It is derivative, sure, but has great energy and performances. C.
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"Animal Attraction III"
Animal Attraction III (2001) is one of the worst excuses for a soft core I have ever seen. Granted, they have 5 women, three of which show breasts and buns, and the other two show all three Bs, but the plot is just plain silly, the acting is abysmal, with flubbed lines left in, and most of the sets are really ordinary. To simulate the typical dolly shot with sex in focus in the background, and foreground objects appearing out of focus as they dissolve from one scene to another, and dolly the camera across the room, they simply move a foreground object back and forth in front of the camera. We have all spotted boom mikes in frame in films, and that is almost forgivable in a 4/3, as the mike was probably cropped in the Widescreen version, and it is not uncommon to see lights, mikes or cameras reflected in bumpers or rear view mirrors, but this is the first time I have ever seen them capture the director in frame (see Ava Lake 1). Just as well, because it explains who the male lead is staring at in image 2.
The story is about two old High School friends who are opening a nightclub in LA, but are having trouble with financing. Our hero is a ladies man, but is trying to put together a permanent relationship with Lake. Lake has a few secrets of her own, including a lesbian lover (Lauren Montgomery). His best friend is sleeping with his old girlfriends, then abducting them for ransom, and trying to steal the club from him. Marie West plays a notary, whom they recruit to predate some important loan papers, Tien Fran is a secretary, and Devin Lane is the first old girlfriend to be abducted.
Lake and West show all three Bs, and the other three, who have far less screen time, show breasts and buns. It really seems like they shot a bunch of footage, then came up with a plot, and stitched it together using mostly voice-over for exposition. IMDB readers say 3.8 of 10, and Apollo gives it 18%. This is true garbage. D-.
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Tien Fran
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| Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
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Updates
Mammoth updating activity again today. There are new Encyclopedia volumes for:
- uber-bim Anna Nicole Smith
- Magdalena Wrobel
- Anne Heche
- Katie Holmes
- Cameron Diaz
- Robin Wright
- Nikki Fritz
- Maruschka Detmers. She was one of the first legitimate actresses to
fellate an actor on screen in a non-porn movie.
Check it out in the Naked Encyclopedia
Other crap
Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded
into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant
humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or
Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.
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| Graphic Response
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- Deborah Shelton, the former Miss USA (1970) going full frontal in "Nemesis" (1993).
- Valentina Cervi showing all 3 B's in scenes from the French movie "Artemisia" (1997).
Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.
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| Brainscan
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Images and comments by the Brain-man:
The Harem scene in "Emmanuelle: A Time to Dream". Everyone but Krista is in this scene and three of the five babes do a full-frontal dance for the sheik.
Nine collages today:
- All five babes around the sheik. They are Kimberly Rowe, Debra Beatty, Lori Morrisey, Tiendra Damien and Stacey Leigh Mobley.
- The next two feature Kim, Tiendra and Stacey doing the full frontal jig
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- Kimberly Rowe, on her own. Boobs in first, bum in the second.
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- Lori Morrisey going solo, boobs only.
- Stacey Leigh Mobley. Beautiful bum in 1, boobs in 2, full frontal in 3.
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And now, something completely different....this scan of full-time fashion model, part-time actress and inventor of the pickled cucumber, Manon von Gerkan. From the Sept 2002 edition of Gear. When Manon has kids they will all be baby von Gerkans?
She's best known from her small role in "Shallow Hal" as the girl with the long middle toe. In this pose she bares part of her bum and a side view of her breast with out a nipple. Sorry, no toe.
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| Variety
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Geri Halliwell
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The former Ginger Spice posing for a new book. Boob holding in #1, topless in #2!
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Kathleen Turner
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Topless and rear nudity in her steamy movie debut from the 1981 movie "Body Heat".
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Elle Macpherson
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"The Body" from an appearance in a 1990 Issue of Photo Magazine, by Marsie. #3 and #4 have lovely breast exposure.
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| Julianne Moore |
Frontal pubic nudity in scenes from the Robert Altman movie "Short Cuts", by FinnCap.
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Maria Bonnevie
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The Swedish actress looking great in full frontal nude scenes from "I Am Dina" (2002).
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Pink
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Barely dressed and very skanky in Blender magazine. Scans by JIC.
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Tera Patrick
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The popular pornbabe showing everything in a hardcore spread (complete with some full dude nudity) from the Sept 01 issue of Penthouse.
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| Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
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Pat's comments in yellow...
OSAMA: DEAD, NOT DEAD
Osama Bin Explodin' - An al-Qaida website reported Wednesday that Osama bin Laden was killed in the Tora Bora cave bombings months ago. But later in the day, the webmaster posted a retraction, profusely apologizing and saying it was someone else named Osama.
Osama Greenberg!
Osama...Smith! Yeah, that's the ticket!
The punishment for an al-Quida webmaster who tells the truth is to end up as dead as Osama.
WHAT TODAY'S COLLEGE FRESHMEN KNOW
Prepare To Feel Really Old - Beloit College in Wisconsin has issued its annual Mindset List, to give teachers an idea of what this year's freshmen know. For instance: To them, typewriters and carbon paper have always been antiques, newspapers have always been printed in color, and they've always had e-mail. There have always been artificial hearts, Diet Coke and warnings about secondhand smoke. They've never seen a military draft or a recession. To them, Ricky Nelson and Marvin Gaye have always been dead, and CDs have always had content warning labels. Rob Reiner and Ron Howard have always been balding movie directors, and there has always been confusion about what to call Prince.
To them, Michael Jackson has always been a white woman...And Cher has always had paralyzed eyebrows.
To them, oral sex has NEVER been sex.
To them, warnings about smoking have always been around, yet they still smoke...And if they get cancer, they'll sue the tobacco companies.
FEMALE WRESTLER SUES WWE
Inherit The Windbag - Nicole Bass, a 6-foot-2, 250-pound female wrestler, is suing the WWE for sexual harassment. She claims she was groped by other wrestlers, spied on in the locker room, and teased about what sex she was. But a Brooklyn judge ruled that the jury won't see the eight bondage films or various sexy "fantasy wrestling" tapes she's starred in, or hear tapes of her on the Howard Stern show, willingly doing "Is she a man or a woman?" jokes. A WWE spokesman replied that enduring insults is part of playing a WWE character, "like a Broadway play."
One with a really bad script.
That's absurd! Broadway has guys who wear tights and want to marry each other!
Or more like a Shakespearean play, where the women are portrayed by men.
Sounds like her stint in the WWE was pretty much like her whole life up to this point.
NOLTE BUSTED FOR DUI
From "48 Hours" To 40 Ounces - A police officer in Malibu arrested Nick Nolte after observing his Mercedes swerving across a highway. Police said the officer arrested Nolte for DUI after he found Nolte "completely out of it...drooling, with droopy eyes."
Okay, that proves it was Nick Nolte, but was he drunk?
Is he sure it wasn't Gary Busey, so drunk he thought he was Nick Nolte?
In other news...
A British hospital that changed the name of the pudding dessert "Spotted Dick" to "Spotted Richard" has relented and changed it back
Just don't tell anyone that you were in the hospital and had Spotted Dick.
From today's Liz Smith column. And let's hope Liz isn't the next person to take this role..
AS IF the excitement of airing the first HBO episode of the new season of
"The Sopranos" this Sunday isn't enough, Lorraine Bracco has even more
exciting news on the horizon. The Academy Award-nominated actress will take
over the plum role of Mrs. Robinson in the Broadway production of "The
Graduate" when Kathleen Turner ends her celebrated run on Nov. 17.
Ms. Bracco has such a great time with the role of Dr. Jennifer Melfi on
"The Sopranos," we can't wait to see her burn up the stage as Mrs.
Robinson. Look out Broadway!
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