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"Bikini Beach" (1964)

Bikini Beach (1964) is the third of the Funicello/Avalon pictures, and probably the second best. A wealthy retirement home owner/newspaper publisher (Keenan Wynn) is out to prove that the surf kids are acting as primitive as his pet ape in an effort to have Bikini Beach closed so he can expand his retirement home. Avalon plays a dual role as Annette's steady, and as British rock sensation Potato Bug (in 1964, the Beatles had started their invasion). Most of the film takes place at a drag strip, and at a club owned by Big Drag (Don Rickles). Boris Karloff had a cameo appearance. Lots of music and slapstick in this one too (part of the formula) including an appearance by a then unknown singer named Stevie Wonder, and a minor hot rod music band called the Pyramids. For those not familiar with the early 60's music scene, it was very fragmented. Classic Rock and Roll, Mowtown and R & B were on their last legs. Hot Rod Music, Surf Music, Folk Music, and The Beatles were all competing for the teen audience. There was also a small jazz movement, which was kind of a continuation of the 50's Beatniks, who were sort of a predecessor to the hippies of the mid to late 60's and 70's. Within two years, The Beatles were on top, and acid rock was huge. Country was becoming cool in some circles, and Gospel gained in popularity. 1963 through 1968 must be one of the most dynamic periods ever in the popular music scene.

Candy Johnson, who appeared in all 4 of the Beach Party series, accepted a role in the 1972 Mitchell Bros. pioneering porn classic Behind the Green Door. This proved to be a career ending move on her part. This film is not great movie-making, but is a wonderful look at the pre Viet Nam carefree early 60's. Annette shows a little more cleavage here than in Beach party.

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  • Annette Funicallo (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
  • Candy Johnson (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    "I Like to Play Games"

    I Like to Play Games is one of the better soft-core efforts, with an interesting plot, and decent acting. Lisa Boyle stars as the newest ad exec in an ad agency. The team leader immediately predicts fun and games with her, but doesn't realize that the games are played with her rules until he has lost his job, and spent more than one night in jail. As the images show, Lisa spent a lot of time with her clothes off in this one.

  • Thumbnails
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    Lisa Boyle

  • (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32)
  • Johnny Web
    "Mission to Mars" (2000, no nudity)

    Mission to Mars is the big new release of the week.

    That doesn't say much for the week.

    Brian de Palma directed, lots of capable stars performed, and those Disney boys sunk a gazillion dollars in this turkey to give it a big "space picture" look. They attempted to fuse the realistic NASA feel of Apollo 13 with the mystical overtones of Close Encounters with some standard "wonders of the unknown universe" science fiction.

    One mission to mars results in some strange unexpected results, so they second a second crew in to investigate and rescue.

    The result is a perfect Joanne Worley - "borrrrrrrrrrrrr-ing", and the ending is sappy beyond all description. Because of its glitzy production and superb lighting, the movie is more watchable than The 13th Warrior, but just as bad in other ways.

    By the way, this film can be watched with your kids. Oh, it ain't a great movie, but its uplifting and educational and inoffensive, and you can stand it if you want to do something with the kids.

    Business info: Although the box office was decent, the budget was $90 million, and it was released in 3000 theaters - both facts indicating that the studio anticipated blockbuster results, which were not forthcoming. Domestic box office was $60 million this summer. It was still playing first-run theaters less than two months ago.

    Consensus rating: about 1.8 stars on a four star scale.

    IMDB summary: 4.8 out of 10.

    Rotten Tomatoes: 23% (only 13% from the elite critics)

    DVD info from Amazon

    Apollo rating: 58 out of 100

    Apollo users rating: 55 out of 100.

    "Scandal" (1989)

    This is a biopic about the main participants in the famous sex scandal that rocked the British government in the early 60's. The Minister of War ended up sleeping with a very young tootsie, and that same tootsie was also sleeping with about a thousand drug dealers and a Russia spy. (That spy thing was a really big deal in those days)

    And then the tootsie's fellow tootsie was only 16, and it was just a big mess. The names may be familiar to you: John Profumo, Christine Keeler, Mandy Rice-Davies.

    This otherwise good movie violates Unity One of Scoopy's Movie Unities of Time and Place and Nudity and Shit, which states - if you are going to make a movie about real events, don't release that sumbitch unless it's interesting enough to hold your attention if you think its fiction.

    If you don't care about the events, there's really no hook to hold your attention. It's just a straightforward chronological recitation of the facts. In all fairness, however, many reviewers really liked this movie. To my way of thinking, this flick is a good summary of the events, capably produced and filmed and acted. A good enough effort, but you don't want to see it unless you have to study this event in history class, or refresh your memory of the events, or just want to know more about the early 60's version of London, which apparently swung like a pendulum did.

    Oh, one other reason to see it. It won't actually be making the rounds at high school history class filmstrips because there is actually quite a bit of nudity in the movie, albeit from minor characters and extras at orgies and such incidental exposure. I didn't capture that stuff.

    Joanne Whalley did NOT get naked. Her nude scenes were done by someone named Gloria Jones. Bridget Fonda did get topless briefly, and showed her butt ever-so-briefly.

    IMDB summary: 6.2 out of 10.

    DVD info from Amazon

  • Gloria Jones
  • Bridget Fonda (1, 2)

    "Falling Through" (2000)

    This is a cheapozoid new release available only at Blockbuster, and only for rental.

    Bargain basement international espionage flick that takes place in "Paris" - where half of the signs are written in German, and most of them have English translations! OK, maybe it's really not Gay Paree. Maybe it's Straight Luxembourg. Either way,the cast is a hodge-podge of nobodies and people who used to be big, like Roy Scheider and Robocop.

    An agent is assigned to beef up the security procedures at the American Embassy in Paris, only to find that many naughty deeds seem to be generated by his own surrogate father. Worse yet, he and dad are sleeping with the same Russian girl, and the girl's brother is the source of all the evil in the world, from Canned Wine to the Oprah Book Club to Woodstock 99 to the production of Three Stooges episodes without Curly. And also he talks exactly like Boris Badenov on Bullwinkle, and his two omnipresent hooker companions both talk exactly like Natasha!


    Sophie Knijff played one of the designated tootsies, and Katya Rednikova was the heroine. Both of these girls have mammoth chests, and Rednikova has a pretty face to go with it. Unlike the cartoon bad tootsies, Rednilkova is a real Russian who speaks with a realistic accent. (And Elya says her Russian is perfect and unaccented). She was also in Hellfire.

  • Ekaterina Rednikova (1, 2, 3)
  • Sophie Knijff
  • Brainscan
    Comments by Brainscan:
    Okay, here's the new plan... in three words: More Awards Shows. Forget the carping about this award and that prize. My old man was in the Army, where he was taught that medals are like hemorrhoids; sooner or later every asshole gets one (I can say "asshole" can't I? Heard it on the news and everything. It appears you have to be an inconsequential dweeb to say it, but then that's me). So awards for celebs are the equivalent of medals in the Army, and that gets the critics in something approaching a lather. But I say they are wrong. The more award shows on the schedule, the more often the hotties strut their stuff. Let's plan one a day... yeah that's the ticket: a different show every day in the place with the hottest climates. And let's impose a maximum dress code: gotta show something if'n you expect a prize. Any objections?

    So here is what we have:

    Claudia Schiffer the Venice Film Festival... 'nuff said.
    Heather Locklear the Emmy thing as a presenter.
    Jennifer Lopez the MTV thing.
    Keri Russel ...looking just fine at the Emmy show.
    Lil' Kim the MTV show; perhaps the most interesting outfit of the evening, although the one picture I have seen of Toni Braxton suggests she wore a right fine skirt and jacket but no damn blouse. I predict we will be seeing more of her appearance in the near future.
    Megan Mullaly ...Now don't scream. I am aware she is not in the same babe universe as the others but after sinning boldly with the illumination levels I am convinced that dress of hers was not, shall we say, opaque?
    Shakira ...Easily the most attractive of the group in her rehearsal and performance at the Latin Grammies. Don't know doodly about her and that, sirs, is a crying shame.
    Nadja Auermann
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Carmen Kass

    Laetitia Casta

    Beautiful women, beautiful colors, and beautiful scans! Blackshine really is pretty good at this stuff. I know a lot of folks pass over the "fashion" scans for their lack of nudity, but every once in a while I have to say STOP and LOOK! It may be the pathetic artist that still lingers deep inside me talking, but once in a while, the colors, lighting, photography, scanning, and every other force at work all come together, and you end up with some great images. In particular I'm very fond of the the Kass and Casta pics.
    Michelle von Flotow Today Helcrom serves up 3 "actresses" from the late night series "Nightcap". In the episode "Physical Desire", our ladies do all of the usual stuff we've come to expect from Skinemax....lebos action, three ways, and just about every kind of exposure imaginable of both real and not so real body parts.
    Kim Yates
    Stacey Howell
    Jodi Lyn O'Keefe
    (1, 2, 3)
    From the movie "Devil in the Flesh 2" aka "Teachers Pet". Same basic plot as the Rose McGowan "Devil in the Flesh" with two major improvement...our leading actress doesn't speak like a Valley Girl circa 1982, and at has skin tone that the dead can envy.

    The plot: more holes than Swiss cheese

    The characters: flat like pancakes. Oh, and a leading man who is the Latino version of George Clooney. Seriously...the dude must have spent hours watching ER to get all of those Glooney-esque smirks just right.

    The nudity: very little. Jodi teases but never reveals. The only quality nudity is from Katherine Kendall. There was also a bimbo at the beginning, and surprise!...this is the only women's dorm in the world where 18-20 year olds NEVER take their clothes off. There was one lame "boobs in the mirror" shot, but just like the bimbo sighting, it was gratuitous to the point of stupidity.

    At 2am ,if your up and looking for something a little more thought provoking that Skinemax, but less informative than the building of the Aswan damn on the History Channel, you could do worse than to pick this one. Although the Aswan damn special was pretty good.

    Katherine Kendall From "Devil in the Flesh 2".
    Unique 1
    Marianne Morris
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,
    10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
    Day 2 of Unique's coverage of sexy lesbian vampires from the movie "Vampyres" aka "Blood Hunger" aka "Daughters of Dracula" aka "Satan's Daughters" aka "Vampyres, Daughters of Dracula".
    and ...
    Kim Smith A very sexy brunette in a bikini...hard to go wrong with that in my book! Thanks to Abys for this excellent scan from Cafe Sport.
    Wencke Barfoed Vidcaps of what you would see if your local cable company only had the huevos to carry Danish TV. Sorry...I think I hae officially seen too many overly dramatic voice overs by the official voice over guy, Miguel Ferrer. "This summer, evil has a new face, and one only one man can save the world blah blah blah." Must be starting to get to me.
    Cheri Caffaro Cheerleaders and models are kidnapped & sold by a white slavery ring! Ahh, they just don't make 'em like they used to! Here is Cheri going topless in 1972's "The Abductors". Thanks to Scorpion.
    Jennifer Brooks Also from "The Abductors", by Scorpion.
    Ellen Ten Damme For the German TV fans...UC99 offers these topless scenes from "Wilder Westerwald" for your viewing pleasure.
    Claudia Michelsen Another actress showing the goods on German TV. These scenes also from "Wilder Westerwald", by UC99.
    Lita For the Rasslin' fans....a pretty decent nip slip from WWF's Amy Dumas.
    The Funnies by Number 6
    I guess there isn't much time left to poke fun at Big Bill, but while we can...
    Brothers Clinton in the year 2030
    Clinton's study guide Takin' a wizz

    Click Here!