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"Celos" (1999)

Celos (1999) translates as jealousy, and that is the single minded theme in this film from noted Spanish director Vicente Aranda. Carmen (Aitana Sánchez-Gijón) and Antonio (Daniel Giménez Cacho) are to be married, when Antonio discovers a picture of her with 5 friends, including one man with his arm around her. Antonio can't leave it alone, and wants to know about the relationship. It becomes increasingly obvious that Carmen is hiding something. Antonio works as a long haul trucker for the same orange packing house that Carmen works for, which gives him ample opportunity to investigate, and try to find this mysterious man, even after they marry. I didn't predict the ending.

Sánchez-Gijón shows breasts and buns several times making love with Cacho. Although the scenes are not overly explicit, they are very hot. We also see extended nudity including full frontal from Itziar Miranda as a hooker that Cacho questions. The lighting was very nice, making the most out of Spanish sunlight, and the performances were also good. IMDB readers have it at 6.7/10, which is about right. The DVD has subtitles that can't be turned off, and is a little dark and grainy in places. It is billed as a thriller, but is more of a drama. I enjoyed it. C+

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  • Itana Sanchez Gijon (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
  • Itziar Miranda (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Popcorn is a strange and underrated horror/comedy film. Like Scream, it treads a fine line between genre and genre parody. When it allows the parody to take over, it can be absolutely brilliant. Just dazzling. And then there's the rest of it. Sigh. I enjoyed the film, but no nudity.

    Schlock was John Landis' first film. In his career output, it ranks far below Animal House, but slightly ahead of The Stupids. Of course, my dad's fishing videos are more entertaining than The Stupids. No nudity.

    South of Heaven, West of Hell is, to quote the eminent Dr Hunter S Thompson, one king-hell bummer. It's like a really violent, dusty Old West episode of The Twilight Zone on acid. Vanity project for country musician Dwight Yoakam (he wrote, directed, starred, scored), also featuring Billy Bob Thornton.

    • Maria Santamaria (1, 2, 3, 4)

    While I am on the subject of vanity projects featuring Billy Bob Thornton, SlingBlade is the film that made Billy Bob Thornton famous, and was Thornton's vanity project (wrote, directed, starred). Also stars Dwight Yoakam! In addition to those two guys playing their career roles, it features a surprisingly good acting performance from John (Three's Company) Ritter. No nudity.


    How we "spent" our summer vacation. 

    Notes: films that lost money at the box may yet recoup in rentals, overseas grosses, and broadcast rights. Remember that studios only get to keep half of the gross, so a film which is expensive and moderately profitable could be highly lucrative for the theaters, but very bad for the studio. I think the theater owners may have liked Pearl Harbor, but Disney took a bath on it. On the other hand Universal was thrilled with American Pie 2 and The Fast and the Furious, both of which had moderate price tags and big grosses. Thus, even though Pearl Harbor outgrossed The Fast and the Furious, the former was a loser overall and a bigloser for Disney, while the latter had the Midas touch for Universal and everyone else it touched.

    Massive winners:

    • The Fast and The Furious - $38 million budget - $141 million gross - Universal. 

    • The Mummy Returns  $98 million budget - $202 million gross - Universal. 

    • Shrek - $60 million budget - $261 million gross - Dreamworks. 

    • Rush Hour 2 - $90 million budget - $250 million gross - New Line. 

    • American Pie 2 - $30 million budget - $175 million gross - Universal. 


    1. Universal kicked ass, with three of the five big moneymakers

    2. Three of the five are sequels. Expect more sequels!


    Solid winners:

    • Legally Blonde - $18 million budget - $86 million gross - MGM. 

    • Jurassic Park III - $93 million budget - $173 million gross - Universal. 

    • The Princess Diaries - $30 million budget - $95 million gross - Disney's only winner. 

    • The Others - $17 million budget - $85 million gross - Miramax. 


    1. Another winner for Universal, and it's also a sequel. Depressing. Expect Joe Dirt 2 next summer.


    Satisfactory performers:

    • The Score - $68 million budget - $68 million gross - Paramount

    • Summer Catch - $17 million budget - $35 million gross - Warner Bros.

    • Planet of the Apes - $100 million budget - $167 million gross - Fox.  (Big box, but barely a winner, net of marketing costs.)

    • America's Sweethearts - $48 million budget - $90 million gross - Sony

    • Tomb Raider - $80 million budget - $130 million gross - Paramount. (High marketing costs)

    • Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back - $22 million budget - $45 million gross - Miramax

    • A Knight's Tale - $41 million budget - $56 million gross - Fox and Sony

    • Cats and Dogs - $60 million budget - $91 million gross - Warner Bros.

    • Kiss of the Dragon - $25 million budget - $35 million gross -  Fox

    • Scary Movie 2 - $45 million budget - $71 million gross - Miramax

    • The Animal -  $22 million budget - $56 million gross - Sony

    • Moulin Rouge -  $52 million budget - $55 million gross - Fox

    • Dr. Dolittle 2 - $72 million budget - $110 million gross - Fox


    Films that have lost money, but may yet cross the line:

    • Rat Race - $48 million budget - $40 million gross - Paramount. 

    • The Curse of the Jade Scorpion - $26 million budget - $20 million gross - Dreamworks. 

    • American Outlaws - $35 million budget - $22 million gross - Warner Bros.

    • Captain Corelli's Mandolin - $57 million budget - $40 million gross - Universal and Miramax.

    • John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars - $28 million budget - $15 million gross - Sony. 


    Box office losers:

    • Osmosis Jones - $75 million budget - $35 million gross - Warner Bros. (Still playing, but will not cross the line)

    • What's The Worst That Could Happen? $45 million budget - $32 million gross -  MGM. 

    • Swordfish - $80 million budget - $69 million gross - Warner Bros. 

    • Pearl Harbor - $152 million budget - $195 million gross -  Disney  (it lost money net of marketing costs)

    • Atlantis: The Lost Empire - $90 million budget - $81 million gross -  Disney. 

    • Angel Eyes - $38 million budget - $24 million gross -Warner.

    • A.I. -  $90 million budget - $78 million gross - Universal and Dreamworks. 


    Mammoth losers:

    Graphic Response
  • Julie Warner a great topless scene from "Doc Hollywood" (1991).

  • Laura Linney full frontal nudity in scenes from "Maze".

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

  • Brainscan
    Followin' up on some vidcaps posted by the capping studs over the past couple of weeks.

    Tuna did Joyce Gibson (aka Joyce Mandel and Alexis Love) in Wham Bam Thank You Spaceman. Biggest surprise? Joyce kept her clothes on. These scans, from an ancient copy of Girl Illustrated, show what a young Joyce looked like when she was nekkid.

  • Joyce Gibson (1, 2, 3)

    Scorpion did Tracy Dali in an episode of Beverly Hills Bordello. Tracy's got long natural legs and big artificial hooters, which I guess is what you can expect from a B movie babe.

  • Tracy Dali (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Last Tuesday Johnny Web posted some el primo caps of former Pet of Year Sheila Kennedy in The First Turn On. I agree with Scoop Sr. that this was one hot babe so I dug out some of PETScans work. Herewith, Sheila in her Pet of the Month pictorial.

  • (1, 2, 3, 4)

    And then a few days ago a Funhouse reader requested scans of ex-Survivor Kimmi Kappenberg in this month's Edge magazine. Here they are... most of them, at least. Certainly the most revealing are here, which ain't saying much since Kimmi keeps her arms, a sheet, a black bra... everything but the kitchen sink between her goodies and your eyes. So why does Edge wrap itself in plastic if there isn't a naughty bit to be seen? Because the friggin magazine sucks. Really sucks. The pictures are printed on substandard paper, the photography itself bites the big one and all that printed stuff they put in there to keep a few writers employed is patronizing, puerile, nonsensical... stupid. So the publishers wrap up that puppy to keep the idle reader from discovering what an abortion this rag is before said reader buys it. My advice? Don't buy it. Ever. Er, unless you're shopping at a quaint bookshop on the Upper East Side run by a guy who will scan anything if someone asks him.

  • Kimmi Kappenberg (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

  • UC99
    Corinna Kirchhoff
    (1, 2)

    Topless in both, a bit of bush in link #2, and hairy pits in #1.

    #1 features 'caps from "Die Letzte Rolle", #2 has 'caps from "Die Reise".

    Viola Sauer
    (1, 2)

    All 3 B's, breasts, bum, and bush are in plain view in these scenes from ""Die Klassefrau" (1980).

    Alexandra Beau Comments by UC99:
    "Drei Lederhosen in St. Tropez" is, let's say, an educational movie on everyday life in Bavaria. That means of course: beer, lederhosen, sex :)

    Jr's response....Beer, lederhosen, and sex? That's it, I'm buying a few Hasselhoff cds and packing my bags!

    By the way...on a Hasselhoff note, according to the IMDb, "Super Knight Rider 3000" is in Pre-Production! Here is the plot summary courtesy of the IMDb:

    Michael Knight comes out of retirement after being frozen, because he was injected with a fatal poison. Devon, who is now the great-great-grandniece of Devon Miles, Michael's boss and mentor, is now running the Foundation for Law and Government, which is called FLAG. She, with her new partner (a very young Michael Knight type), will team up with the original Michael Knight and the new K.I.T.T. to carry on what will be the Knight Rider 3000 in the future.

    Eleonore Melzer
    (1, 2)

    Beer garden über-cleavage, nip slips, and some latex Euro-sex from "Drei Lederhosen in St. Tropez".

    Sibylle Rauch The former German Hefmate (June '79), looking fantastic in topless scenes from "Drei Lederhosen in St. Tropez" (1980).

    Martina Gedeck Pokies and semi-see-thru exposure from "Stadtgespräch" (1995).

    Katja Riemann Topless 'caps from "Stadtgespräch" (1995).

    Serena Grandi Rear nudity in the 1985 Tinto Brass movie "Miranda".

    Tanya Roberts A see-thru body stocking from "Sins of Desire"

    Rawhide Kid
  • Liz Hurley. Looking really nice at a charity event, no nudity but a very sexy pose!

  • Next up, the Naomi shots I found in an American Photographer magazine. I only saw one of them, in the archives, so here are the rest!
  • Naomi Campbell (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

  • A B&W of Julia Roberts in a form fitting dress, plus a hint of pokies.

  • and ...
    Christina Ricci and Michelle Williams Hey Scoops,
    Saw this in the Toronto Star regarding the film festival. Michelle was celebrating her 21st birthday. For a see-thru top, the bra makes her look like she has a huge set of headlights.

    Ahna Capri
    (1, 2, 3)

    Asian party babes

    El Kabong 'caps from the Bruce Lee classic, "Enter the Dragon" (1973) (the one starring Fun House favorite, John Saxon).

    Ahna let's a breast fall out of her shirt, and our mystery extras show bum, and breast views.

    Jenny McCarthy Anyone remember her? Hard to believe that not so long ago the only reason people went online was to download pics of Jenny. Yup, back in the day. All the way back in 1996.

    Here she is still looking pretty darn good topless...except for the arm over boobs thing. Jenny, it's not like we haven't seen them before. No need to be shy. Thanks to Czechmate for the scan.

    By the way, Jenny fans can catch her this week on a new episode of the Showtime series "Going to California".

    The Funnies by Number 6
  • Rimshot Specials

    What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
    "Are you sure it's mine?"

    What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
    Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

    Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
    Mace will do that to you.

    Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
    Everyone has the same DNA.

    What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
    A speech impediment.

    Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    Breasts don't have eyes.

    Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
    He walks around saying "Yo."

    What's the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern zoo?
    A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

    What's the Cuban National Anthem?
    Row row row your boat.

    What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
    A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time."
    A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."

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