(2007 - DVD)

Hack is one of those self-referential "insider" horror films like Scream. You know the drill by now. The seven main characters in the film, kids stranded and vulnerable, talk about making films, especially horror films. They discuss stereotypical casting, cliches, outrageous plot twists, and so forth in ways that are supposed to make us arch an eyebrow at the obvious irony involved in their blissful ignorance that all the situations they discuss parallel their own.

As it turns out, there's kinda sorta a good explanation for why they seem to be in a horror film, other than the fact that they are in the one we are watching. You see, the seven biology students have been stranded on their island as part of a master plot to create a "reality horror" movie, in which they will die in the manner of classic horror movie deaths while the producers film all the action, unbeknownst to the victims. From the audience point of view, the plot is driven by curiosity about who exactly is pulling all the strings. The last twenty minutes consist of a series of convoluted twists and turns in which the presumed killers either get killed or are revealed either to be good guys, and it turns out that there are more and more levels to the film-within-a-film. In other words, perhaps it is a film within a film within a film and somebody else is making a movie about other people making a snuff movie. Or maybe somebody else is making a movie about that. And so on.

People rise from the dead again and again. The (presumed) villains are a couple who mimic Morticia and Gomez Addams. The dialogue and situations consist almost entirely of homages to memorable films, from the horror genre and elsewhere. It's all just a bunch of silliness, and it is not meant to be taken seriously.

While it is not a great movie, it is far better than the IMDb score of 2.6. I have no idea what's up with that. The proper score is in the 5s somewhere, comparable to the Scream sequels, which score 5.3 and 5.8. In fact, I liked it better than either of those films, but then again maybe I liked it because it was made for movie buffs as a game of "spot the reference." But I don't think that's the only reason I liked it. The film also looks gorgeous, and contains the minimum daily requirements of the lurid guilty pleasures that the genre is heir to: a beautiful naked woman (three nude scenes for Gabrielle Richens), demented evildoers, comic relief, and bizarre deaths. In an touch of absurdity, it also features William Forsythe as Groundskeeper Willie, with outrageous accent, facial hair and all. I kid you not. No, it doesn't make any sense in context. He's just there because he's there.

The only time the movie falls off is when it sails in the narrow channel between B-movie land and spoof land. There are times when the spoofery is so subdued that it seems like one is simply watching a bad movie. (It's a straight-faced parody, not a broad "nudge-nudge" farce like Scary Movie. A lot of IMDb commenters seem to be unaware that the film was fuckin' with them.) It has its dead spots, but all in all, I think it's a reasonably entertaining entry in the Dr. Phibes line, which consists of the horror movies which know that they are campy and ridiculous and use that knowledge as part of the entertainment.

Gabrielle Richens is quite a hot tootsie. Film clips here. Sample frames below.


  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.








Hell Hunters


"A Nazi scientist, wanted as a war criminal, develops a spider serum that turns people into fascist Nazi zombies."

While this was not particularly effective as a part of the plan to establish the Master Race, it was more effective than the earlier plan to use libertarian Nazi zombies, who just gave their victims too much latitude.

Candice Daly film clips. Collage below.








There's Something About Mary


We go back ten years for "There's Something about Mary," starring Cameron Diaz. Not much skin from Cameron, but some tease and she is just so cute.




"Sports Babe" Hannah Storm from ESPN gives us some nice leg and thigh.







Notes and collages

The Dreamers

Part 1 of ?

Eva Green in a former "best scene of the year" winner, in a film directed by Bertolucci








Dancing at the Blue Iguana


Director Michael Radford has also made such respected films as Il Postino, 1984, and The Merchant of Venice (Pacino as Shylock). Since he established those credentials, we can say that in the history of legitimate films from respected directors, there are very few examples with more nudity from more gorgeous famous women than this one.

It will take several days to cover this flick. We start it off with Charlotte Ayanna, who looked absolutely spectacular. Film clips here, images below.

Strangely enough, the two great bodies covered today, Eva Green (The Dreamers, in the Rokwatch section) and Charlotte Ayanna, who did copious nudity in these two films, never really did any other significant exposure after their spectacular nude debuts. Green has none none at all since The Dreamers. The beautiful Ayanna did a topless scene in Love the Hard Way in 2001, then nothing else since. I don't expect much more from Ayanna. Although she is frozen at Blue Iguana age in my head, she is actually 32 now, and I haven't seen her in years. Oh, those blue eyes!









This section will present film clips to accompany Charlie's collages (which are found in his own site).

Today's clips all come from 2007 or 2008:

Anna M: Isabelle Carre

Les Femmes de l'Ombre: Marie Gillain and Julie Depardieu; Deborah Francois

"Nos Enfants Cheris", season  2: Romane Bohringer; Sarah Jerome






The Wizard of Gore


If you like your horror straightforward and simple, just blood and guts not too tangled up with a plot, then you may not care for the 2007 version of the 1970 cult classic The Wizard of Gore. While this version is loaded with sub-plots and misdirection, fans of old-fashioned gory horror will probably get tired of trying to figure it all out. The one thing that the new version brings to the party is the Suicide Girls. The original, while it had sexy ladies, had no nudity, let alone the tattooed variety.

Montag the Magnificent is an unparalleled illusionist who performs at underground venues and raves. He selects seemingly unwilling females from the audience, and to their abject horror, disembowels or dismembers the subject while the audience gets hysterical. At the very end, he produces his victim unharmed.

Montag attracts the attention of underground journalist Edmund Bigelow when the subjects begin appearing the next day, murdered in the same fashion that they were during the trick the night before, but what Edmund discovers simply confuses him even more.

I really liked this flick myself, whereas I did NOT care for the schlocky 1970 original, but I must tell you, only half the people who saw it claimed to like it, while the other half disliked it intensely, so you'll have to take a chance. Either way, though, the suicide girls are worth seeing.

Amina Munster Anomalisa Bijou Phillips
various Flux Suicide Cricket Demanuel






enter the DragonScan

Colleen O'Brien in Orgy of the Dead






Film Clip

Anna Walton and Morven Macbeth in Vampire Diary (2007)

The women of La Orca (1976): Rena Niehaus and Livia Cerini

The women of the sequel, Oedipus Orca (1977): Rena Niehaus and Carmen Scarpitta. Both of the Orca films (scandalous kidnap capers involving underage female victims) contain some nice flesh levels.

Scarpitta's story is kind of an interesting one. She is the rare American born in Hollywood in the 1930s. Her father was a famous sculptor and she aspired to be an opera singer. Despite the facts that she was born in Hollywood, attended USC, and became a film actress, she worked almost exclusively in Italian movies! She just passed away a few months ago.

The women of Snowboarder: Clara Morgane, Juliette Goudot, and Simone Moterthies. Although snowboarding was popular in Switzerland before 2003, it took them a long time to produce this movie. they were waiting for Goudot.

Giada Colagrande in Before it Had a Name (2005)

Ubiquitous Misty Mundae in Lust in the Mummy's Tomb (2002). She has 55 film credits at IMDB since 1998. The only person I know to have more is Eric Roberts with 66. (There may be others.)