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Tuna
"La Colmena"

La Colmena (1982) is based on one of the more important novels in Spanish literature, and tells the story of Madrid circa 1942, just after the revolution. It is the story of several loosely connected people, mostly the poor, such as artist, who are contrasted with a few Franco supporters who live very well indeed. Most of the film takes place in a cafe, where the starving poets meet, a cat house, and two apartments. The title translates "The Beehive," which is taken from a poem one character recites at the end.

I suppose it can best be described as a slice of life character study, and is not really a drama with plot, pace, and tension. The comments at IMDB allude to the fact that the film takes a subset of the characters from the book, and also that Spanish linguists will find much to enjoy. Examples of sub-plots include a man who wants to be a lawyer, but won't be allowed to take the test if it is known that he is sleeping with an unmarried woman, so they meet in a cat house. The woman is played by Victoria Abril, who shows breasts in an amusing scene. During their first tryst in the brothel, he asks her to undress, she agrees, but only if he will dim the lights, so he ties his shirt around the bare bulb. It, of course, catches fire and drops on the bed, so he throw a basin of water on the fire, soaking her in the process.

The other exposure is from Ana BelÚn, who decides to do some work in the cathouse to make enough money to get her poet fiancee who has tuberculosis proper medical treatment. She shows her breasts to a customer.

IMDB readers say 7.5 of 10. The film won a Golden Bear. There are no reviews listed. While it wasn't riveting, the class comparison came across for me, and I cared about many of the characters. The transfer was not good, and the sub-titles were abysmal, with many mis-spelled, and others just plain wrong. C-.

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  • Ana Belen (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Victoria Abril (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    "The Stalker"

    The Stalker (2001 or 2002) is a very soft soft core that IMDB has not yet discovered. The opening credits and the ending credits disagree on the identity of the main actress, and the spelling of another. There is a listed character whose name never appeared in the film, a major character whose character name was not in the credits, and a make-up girl who did a sex scene near the beginning who had no character name, and didn't seem to be in the credits. I have labeled three actresses that I am reasonably sure of, and left the other two unknowns.

    Stacy Noel as Maxine is a model and movie star, and begins to receive death threats. Her manager is promising her great things for her career, but is screwing Tera Patrick, who seems to be her personal manager, but who wants to replace her as a star. Maxine's chauffeur is sweet on her maid, Unknown2, but they feel Maxine would frown on their relationship. Maxine's manager decides to hire a body guard for her, but she is not quick to trust him.

    Unknown 1, the make-up girl, shows breasts while having sex in the studio with the leading man, who is late on set.

    Unknown 2 has sex with the chauffeur, and a three way with him and Patrick.

    Patrick does the manager, the three-way, and the body guard, and shows all three Bs in the process, although it is just a hint of bush.

    Noel shows breasts, and a hint of bush in sex scenes with her manager, the body guard, and with a girlfriend, played by Scarlet Johansing, who shows breasts.

    The film is very well photographed and lit, in that the bodies are all in focus, in bright light, and look great. The acting was sub-par, and the plot never had my attention. The writers pointed to the chauffeur as a likely suspect, and the identity of the would-be killer, and their motivation, is way out of left field. High marks for well lit nudity, but the film itself is a D+. Technically satisfactory, but weak plot, and poor performances. I just didn't care who dunn it.

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  • Scarlet Johansing (1, 2, 3, 4)
  • Stacy Noel (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34)
  • Tera Patrick (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
  • Unknown #1 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Unknown #2 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    Scoop is taking a few days off but will return in a day or two with new 'caps, comments and other crap.

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response
    • Susan Lynch..breasts and bush in scenes from "Nora" (2000).

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

    The Night
    'Caps and Comments by The Night:

    Barbara Niven
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Topless and some rear nudity in "Depraved"

    Here is another HOT woman, I added her to my list when I saw her on "Pensacola: Wings of Gold" playing the female bartender named Kate.

    Now my next target to cap from PWOG is Sandra Hess, the blond figther pilot who also did some nudity in a movie....

    Kate Winslet
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Full Frontal Nudity from "Jude"

    Ok, who ever build this woman deserves a medal! All the parts are in the correct order and size. Nice to see there is no landing strip but just....well A lot of pubic hair. A guy can get lost in there ;)

    Kate is only 27 but she sure has shown herself in her movies and were glad about it, so not only a great body but also a great actress who distance herself from the anorexia folks. Way to go Kate!

    Rachel Griffiths The Aussie actress best known to Yanks as the co-star of the cable series "Six Feet Under". Topless in scenes from "Jude".

    Sean Young
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    In scenes from "Men"

    Here is yet another stunning beauty in the nude. This is how woman were went to be...pure, natural and not stuffed with silicon.

    My favorite are caps links 1 and 2, what an ass! Too bad that it's most likely a body double. The rest of the 'caps are genuine Sean.

    Variety
    Penelope Ann Miller
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Topless and working the brass pole in scenes from "Carlito's Way" (1993), by Mr. Nude Celeb.

    Lauren Ian Richards

    Stephanie Beaton


    A few ladies from the "Witchcraft" series. Toplessness shown in storyboard fashion by Mr. Grundy.

    As always, Mr. G invites you to visit him at his site, Sick Sexy Sinema Shots


    Iman
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Supermodel, actress and Mrs David Bowie...topless and soaking wet see-thru scans by Marsie.

    Milla Jovovich Brief nipple sighting from the sci-fi flick made from the video game "Resident Evil".

    Kate Moss The ultra-thin supermodel posing topless.

    K.C. Winkler and Sandy Johnson Two busty babes showing off their lovely chests in scenes from the 1979 T&A classic, "H.O.T.S."

    Leelee Sobieski Great cleavage from the young actress, although the hair stylist should go back to working at mega-cuts.

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    SADDAM'S MISTRESS SAYS HE TAKES VIAGRA All Power-Mad Dictators Do - Parisoula Lampsos, who was Saddam Hussein's mistress for 30 years before the opposition helped her escape Iraq, gave an exclusive interview to ABC. Among her revelations about Saddam: he met with Osama bin Laden in the '80s and gave him money in the '90s. He tried to assassinate his eldest son. He thought he'd win the Persian Gulf War and cried when he lost. He loves "The Godfather" and dances to Frank Sinatra's "Strangers In The Night." He fears George W. Bush more than his dad. And he takes Viagra.

  • When he started taking Viagra, that was when she decided to escape.
  • That's why terrorists are obsessed with bringing down tall erections: jealousy!
  • He's scared Dubya will impose a Viagra embargo.
  • Saddam insists that he only talked to Osama about penile dysfunction.
  • Every day, he watches "The Godfather" and listens to Sinatra... Proving that even a broken cuckoo clock is right twice a day.


    ROSEANNE THROUGH WITH SEX, EXCEPT WITH DUBYA Bush Would Put On His Running Shoes - Roseanne told People magazine that she won't get married again and is through with sex. She said she hates sex, and anyone who claims to like it after age 25 is "taking drugs." However, she admits thinking President Bush is "a babe," and said if he weren't married, she'd put on her cowboy boots and put the moves on him.

  • He's never been so grateful for Laura!
  • Bush asked Cheney if there's room for one more in his secure, undisclosed location.
  • Bush isn't interested, but we know Clinton likes plus-size gals.
  • Anyone who claims to like sex with Roseanne is taking hallucinogenic drugs.


    CLINTON STILL PRESIDENT OF FANTASYLAND Ken Starr? - At a fundraiser for a Democratic congresswoman in Milwaukee, Bill Clinton sparked skepticism when he declared that he recently met a Republican in a $3,000 suit who told him, "I voted against you twice, but I sure wish you were back."

  • Why? Is he a Republican comedy writer?
  • It was a former Enron executive who got away with it when Clinton was in.
  • This must've been the same imaginary millionaire who begged Dick Gephardt not to cut his taxes.


  • Celeb News
  • From Ain't it Cool News...Brad Pitt Drains THE FOUNTAIN!! .

    Apparently Pitt has backed out of the Darren Aronofsky project just weeks before shooting, and the crew is pissed!