Good news

The bad news is that we blew out a hard drive yesterday and had some down time on some pages. The good news is that my provider replaced it with a bigger, better drive for free ... and recovered all the data!

Well, sorta.

The techie told me that he did lose "a couple" of .zip files which seemed to be corrupted, so if you run into missing film clips, let me know. I should have the entire site mirrored on my hard drive, so anything should be correctible and there should not be any permanent loss.


Anyway, we dodged the bullet on that one.



Foreign Exchange

STV, 2008

Back around 1995, it seemed that every made-for-cable or straight-to-vid film was a Pulp Fiction wannabee. In the new millennium, however, the choice to clone seems to be American Pie. A diverse group of high school seniors forms the basis of these films, and foreign exchange students often play a prominent role. There's the jock who is more complex than he seems; the intellectual stoner; the shy guy who can't make the big move on the girl of his dreams; the compulsive seducer who really just needs a woman to understand him.

American Pie made good use of those archetypes and avoided turning them into stereotypes. We learned a lot about all the characters, and they seemed like real people. Stifler provided comic relief, Eugene Levy provided a sane, credible, but amusing adult presence, and "Nadia" provided the killer bod.

For some reason or another, that success has proved difficult to copy, and Foreign Exchange provides a lesson in how not to do it:

1. The main characters are not sufficiently developed. The "shy guy" is the only one we really get to know, and his romance with the girl of his dreams has nary a new twist. The only humor, if one may call it that, in his storyline is that the French exchange student in his home is trying to sabotage his efforts to woo his princess.

2. Shy guy's story was the only one that seemed to have a beginning, middle and end. The other sub-plots seem to have huge gaps in their development. Sometimes things seems to develop too quickly, and at other times it just seems as if crucial scenes and conversations are missing. Sometimes the main characters interact with other characters as if we are supposed to recognize the others, but we do not. Sometimes relationships simply pass from Stage 1 to Stage 4 without any explanation of how they could have taken such dramatic turns - turns which could not have been anticipated from the previous scenes actually portrayed.

3. Some of the minor characters seem to have no purpose at all. (a) The "Russian Dude" gets lots of screen time, but we don't learn a thing about him and he's not funny. He doesn't even seem Russian. WTF? (b) The principal (Stifler's mom) has a lackey standing behind her in all scenes. Who is that guy and why is he there? ... etc.

4. Comic set-ups are wasted or dropped. Sometimes they seem to come out of nowhere as if the writers thought of something funny but unrelated to this plot, then tried to shoehorn it into this film anyway.

5. The only nudity comes from anonymous extras with a line or two (in one case, with no lines at all, as a fantasy woman pictured while the shy guy masturbates.)

6. Curtis Armstrong gets the Eugene Levy duties as the shy guy's father, the one adult who can actually relate to the kids. In this case, he plays the parent who is hipper and more of a renegade than the kids, thus leapfrogging the character development of "Jim's dad" all the way to American Pie 6 without allowing the character to demonstrate any core humanity before taking him off on discussions of the merits of doing a Dirty Sanchez on the first date. Curtis could probably do that role in his sleep and make us enjoy it, but the writer didn't really know how to make use of Booger's endearing douchiness, and his character here actually seems totally creepy.

In short, Foreign Exchange is the kind of formulaic quickie that people churn out for the bucks, and not because they really want to tell a story. Many of the kids did decent jobs with their characters, while Booger and Stifler's mom provided genre credibility, but the whole thing just kind of meanders around with very few jokes, no worthwhile comic set pieces, no memorable moments, and no original ideas at all. This kind of movie is my sort of guilty pleasure film, so I can sit through almost anything in this genre, but I just wouldn't recommend this to anyone else. In fact, you could probably write a better coming-of-age comedy in the time it would take you to acquire this one and watch it. 

Here is the nudity.



  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.








Passion Cove

episode: House Call

Shelley Rose film clip. Samples below






The Thing Below


Hyper-cute Glori-Anne Gilbert showing off her awesome fun bags in yet another Wynorski quickie.

To say she is stacked would be an understatement.








Notes and collages

Pretty Baby


Susan Sarandon








Poison Ivy 2


Tara Ellison this time. Caps below.







This section will present film clips to accompany Charlie's collages (which are found in his own site).

Two films with Louise Monot: Bethune sur Nil and La Prophetie d'Avignon

Maria Verdi in a bazillion clips from Sandra Princesse Rebelle

Giant-breasted Romane Bohringer in Nos Enfants Cheris







Emmanuelle 5


Emmanuelle 5 (1987) stars Monique Gabrielle and is helped along in one extensive sequence by the presence of three pair of hooters, owned and operated by Heidi Paine, Roxanna Michaels and Michele Burger. Those three gals and several other topless and nameless women cavort as members of a prince's harem. The man looks Indian and dresses Indian but he keeps a harem and operates it like a prison.

The sequence of scenes with Ms Paine, Ms Michaels and Ms Burger are the pivot point for the whole movie, for with them Emmanuelle 5 veers from the path of previous Emmanuelle movies - passionless sex with random figures - to a Jess Franco WIP feature. It is Emmanuelle in Love Camp. Lots of bullets, lots of blood, dead folk everywhere...and it just does not work. That kind of shit would scar anyone, especially since a lot of folks Emmanuelle was supposed to care about get blown away. But Monique's Emmanuelle goes from the insouciance of a moron on Viagra through hell on earth only to wind up in the feckless passion of a good lay, all without missing a beat. It annoyed me to no end. No number of hooters sported by no gaggle of gorgeous women makes up for that kind of idiocy.

Who to blame? We could start with the screenwriter, I suppose - these are his words on the screenplay. But I get the sense you could hand Monique Gabrielle the best screenplay ever written - my own vote would be either The Big Lebowski or Silence of the Lambs - and even if she had no lines she would doom the production to failure. Ye gads, but that woman cannot act. She makes Bo Derek's acting style look and sound like Judi Dench's. Monique is a black hole into which all acting talent disappears, pulled in by the gravity of her awfulness. That is so obvious throughout the movie that whenever anyone else has a line, or a wordless scene in which they are on camera, you feel a sense of relief that here is a real person, not someone's pasteurized, processed and pre-packaged preconception of what a bimbo fuck machine ought to look and sound like. I recall a press release for this film claiming they had found the perfect woman to replace Sylvia Kristel as Emmanuelle. Someone must have misplaced her and hired Monique instead.

Not since George Lazenby (may he rest in peace) was hired to replace Connery as James Bond has such a purportedly long search turned up so empty.

So, I get it - the movie is bad because the lead actress is bad. Next. The redeeming qualities are in these clips and collages. Monique in her pre-inflated days had a kick-ass body and in Emmanuelle 5 she gives us a complete survey - she dresses, she poses, she bathes and she sport-humps. Add Heidi, Roxanna and Michele plus a passel of naked unknowns and you have all there is to offer. Had the producers shown the decency to make this a strip-and-wiggle offering - no words, only bodies - they would have done the world a favor. But they and Monique had delusions of competence and the result is an extravaganza of awful.

Monique's clips will be in tomorrow's edition. Today we have:


Heidi Paine

Roxanna Michaels

Michele Burger









Three models and/or actresses in revealing pictorials

Trish Goff

Lou Doillon


Sveta Utkina

Chandra West in The Perfect Son

Anna Camp in Broadway in Equus

(the naked dude is Harry Potter!)


Film Clip

Here's that deleted scene from Virgin territory in which Kate Groombridge did full frontal nudity. (With a landing strip ... in the 1300's!)