"Whispers in the Dark"

Whispers in the Dark (1992) is a thriller featuring movie shrink Annabella Sciorra who only seems to have two patients. The first is a felon who was sent away for BDSM crimes, the second Debra Unger, who relates her increasingly kinky sexual adventures to Sciorra, which turns Sciorra on and gives her nightmares. She confides in Alan Alda, her best friend, mentor, and long time analyst. Things turn to shit when Unger is found hung, and get even worse when they discover the cause of death was actually a blow to the head. Sciorra has finally met a man, but, it turns out, he had dated Unger, and his first wife died by hanging.

So, who done it. Well, the felon is killed off in the second act, and the directory did his level best to make the boyfriend seem like the likely suspect, so I assumed he had to be a red herring. I made the obvious bad plot guess, and had to play 12 games of solitaire to get through to the "surprise: ending. Minus points if you can't figure it out from the above, and even more minus points if you rent this stinker.

Unger shows breasts and buns, and Sciorra's character shows her buns in a mirror. This is obviously a body double. IMDb readers have it at 5.4 of 10. I was unable to find a positive review. This thriller was completely derivative and inept. I advise staying away. D+.

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  • Deborah Unger (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
  • Double

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    La Femme Publique, part 1 (1984):

    From 1981 to 1984, Valerie Kaprisky was one of the most discussed actresses in the world, all because she made about a half dozen movies without wearing a lot of clothing. In 1984, she was in this film and The Year of the Jellyfish. Her on-screen nude time in those two flicks alone must be about equal to Sharon Stone's entire career. Kaprisky finally announced in the late 80s or so that she would never do screen nudity again, and she was true to her word, as far as I know. Of course, nobody talked about her any more, because people did not go to Valerie Kaprisky movies for the brilliant wit and skillful line renderings, but she continued to work, and is still acting today, if "acting" is an accurate word to describe what she does on camera. Let's say she's still "working". Since she has given up acting in English, her current performances are probably much better than the ones I remember. In terms of acting, imagine if Ali Macgraw had a really bad accent and was even a worse actress than she already is, add some good curves, and there you have Kaprisky.

    But, hoo, boy, was she hot!!!

    Anyway, I think this film was the last time she offered The Full Monty.

    And what a very full Monty it was. This flick has so much nudity that I had to break up the .wmv files over several days. Just this single file is 11 meg in size, and it's just a fraction of the nudity.

    What does this clip consist of? Kaprisky takes off every stitch of clothing. A professional still photographer illuminates her very brightly for a photoshoot, and then she spins around and dances erotically for him for a few minutes - all of it stark naked in real time, with no tricks or cuts. Full frontal. Full rear. Full everything.


    Ashanti (1979):

    If I have ever seen it, I don't remember one goddamned thing about this movie. Even the name was unfamiliar to me before Graphic Response did his collages. Of course, it is a Michael Caine movie, and even the most powerful computers don't have enough memory capacity to recall every one of his films.

    But any movie with famous supermodels naked is OK by me. In fact, nearly any human activity involving naked supermodels is OK by me.

    Here are my rules of thumb about life:

    1. A Carrot Top or Pauly Shore movie is watchable with Elle Macpherson naked -  unless Carrot Top is also naked at the same time and in the same frames as Elle.
    2. A Dick Cheney speech is watchable if he's standing next to a naked Laetitia Casta (unless Cheney is also naked)
    3. A Yoko Ono concert is fine with me, if she is constantly surrounded by naked supermodels (even if Yoko is also naked)
    4. Even 10 consecutive throws to hold a runner at first is exciting baseball, provided that the runner is Kirsten Dunst naked. (Unless, of course, the first baseman is John Kruk, and he is also naked.)
    • Beverly Johnson. (1, 2) These collages were made from Graphic Response's raw captures.


    The Catwalk (1988):

    Come to think of it, there is something as good as a supermodel naked. That would be Mathilda May naked. In her prime, she was a solid candidate for "best body in the world", and I think Celebrity Sleuth once chose her as his champ for Best Breasts. Check out her full frontal and rear nudity in collage three, and I don't think you'll see a lot of flaws in God's handiwork.

    Again, thanks to GR for the raw captures.

    • Mathilda May (1, 2, 3, 4)



    Sex With A Smile (1976):

    Again, thanks to GR for the raw captures.

    Haven't seen this either. It is one of those Italian anthology movies consisting of five separate short films. In this case, uncharacteristically, the same guy directed all five. Haddon is in the one with Marty Feldman, so I'm kind of curious about it. but it is not on DVD, at least not that I know of, although GR seems to have found at least a rough DVD.

    • Dayle Haddon (1, 2)


    Other Crap:

    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at


    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

    NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

    I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.



    Three from the vault of obscurity



    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Scans from an old magazine, with a couple of lessons attached.

    The magazine is the May 1974 issue of Penthouse. Three babes exposed. Pet of the month was a real fine looking gal named Brande Howard, who seems to have done nothing after appearing. Ditto model Shawn Day: fine looking, nothing going on afterward. Third gal called herself Jessica Len. She is Jaime Lyn Bauer, who went on to star for more than a decade in soap operas (YTR and DOOL, for those who stay home during the day).

    Jaime was a former Miss Phoenix, Arizona and did a couple of movies beside the long stint on the small screen; but the point is that Penthouse in the 70's and 80's and on into the early 90's was a place where a woman could appear and become a star in something other than what polite folk call the adult film industry. If Guccione had stayed on that track, with images just a tad harder than those in the Hefmag, he'd still be shittin' in high cotton. Instead, he decided to give us images of women relieving themselves on camera, and so he's bankrupt and bitter.

    Real losers in all this are us. Penthouse was a source of some right fine images of gals who would become celebrities, instead of what it is now. That's the first lesson.

    Second lesson is that the Bare Facts CD by Craig Hosada is one kick-ass source of info about what to cap and scan. Found out about this pictorial from it. Third time Mr. Hosada's hard work has lead me to scan an issue of Penthouse; been about two dozen times I've grabbed a tape or disk and capped it because of what the Bare Facts had to said. It is a scholarly work without parallel in our time... the Principia of the 20th century.

    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    Today from the Ghost, part one of his coverage of the 1993 Richard Grieco thriller, "Tomcat: Dangerous Desires" (1993).

    • Natalie Radford bares breasts and a hint of the other two B's a love scene with Grieco. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
    • Natalie Radford zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Johnny Moronic
    Johnny Moronic 'caps from the noir thriller, "3-Way".

    For a direct-to-vid flick, it's actually not that bad. Solid production values, acting and plot. No new ground is covered here, but if you enjoy movies with twisting plots and lots of double-crossing, you should find this a decent watch.

    Click here for the review.

    • Joy Bryant, the former model turned actress shows a little cleavage, has a bikini scene, and is topless in a love scene. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

    • Gina Gershon, just a little cleavage. (1, 2)

    • Ali Larter shows just a bit o' bum as she is bent over in a sex scene. (1, 2, 3, 4)

    • Roxana Zal shows some toplessness (1, 2)

    Elizabeth Hurley Liz topless in "The Weight of Water".

    Clémence Poésy
    (1, 2)

    Absoultely gorgeous breast exposure in scenes from the French film "Bienvenue chez les Rozes" aka "Welcome to the Roses" (2003). Currently she is working on her upcoming role as Fleur Delacour in "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" (set for release in late 2005).

    Corinne Clery
    (1, 2)

    The Euro-actress topless in scenes from the Italian movie "Bluff storia di truffe e di imbroglioni" aka "Il Grande bluff" aka "The Con Man" (1976).

    Joan Severance
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the long-time Fun House favorite showing breasts and bush in scenes from "Lake Consequence" (1993). Mostly we see her in love scenes with Billy Zane, but there is another dude in #1, and a chick in links 7 and 8 (May Karasun I believe).

    On a side note, I think Billy Zane may just have the worst agent in Hollywood. It's expected that earlier in a actor's career you would expect to find a resume filled with a lot of low-budget or B-movie work, but it seems that Zane actually landed better roles before co-starring in one of the biggest movies ever ("Titanic" of course).

    From 1985 to 1997 (ending with "Titanic") Zane made about 30 movies, including "Dead Calm", "Memphis Belle", "Sniper", "Tombstone" and "The Phantom" (Granted, this one kinda stunk and lost money, but still, it had a budget of $45 million, and he was the star.) So to recap...12 years and some excellent film credits.

    Since "Titanic", from 1997-2004, Zane has added 30 more movies to his filmography! 30 movies in 7 years! With 11 of those since 2003! (5 in 2003, and 6 in 2004) Watch out're getting close to Eric Roberts/Michael Madsen territory...both in quantity and quality.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    His Heart Was Supersized - New York surgeons say Bill Clinton's quadruple bypass was a success. He's lost weight and exercised recently, but his junk food junkie years took a toll: he had so much fatty plaque built up in his arteries, one was 90 percent closed. But the head surgeon said Clinton should recover fine, he was resting comfortably, and he was "sedated, but arousable."

  • At least when Hillary's not around.
  • Even if he were dead, he'd be arousable.
  • He's so arousable, he insisted on having a hospital gown that opens in the FRONT.

    Look, That's Where "The Scream" Used To Be! - To the surprise of the management of the Munch Museum in Oslo, Norway, ever since last month's daring daylight theft of Edvard Munch's most famous painting "The Scream," attendance at the museum has gone up by more than 1,000 people a week.

  • Each and every one of them casing the joint.
  • Naturally: that horrible "Scream" painting was creeping everybody out!
  • They don't care about art, they just want to see a heist!

    Fruitful Effort - Part of last week's story about the Haribo candy company's controversial new fruit chew candies turned out to be a hoax. Apparently, the wrappers do depict cartoon fruits romping in a way that looks like they might be having sex, but the claim that a German Catholic boarding school had complained and banned them was false. Students wrote the letter and posted it on the Internet, never imagining that news agencies worldwide would pick it up without verifying it.

  • It was their first lesson in Journalism 101.
  • So now, the boarding school has banned the students.
  • Now that they see how easily reporters are fooled, they all plan to become political consultants.
  • Fortunately, the important part of the story was true: you can still buy candy with pictures of a lemon boinking a cherry.

    Highly Illogical - The British Association for the Advancement of Science held a poll to find the favorite TV and movie scientists. Finalists ranged from Dr. Evil to Dr. Frankenstein to 007's gadget master, Q. Surprisingly, "X-Files" hottie Dana Scully was only #6, and "Star Trek's" Spock came in a distant #2 to Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and his babbling assistant Beaker from "The Muppet Show." Scientists who voted said the Muppets were "the kind of scientists you would like to be but never quite dared to;" that they are "accessible, humorous and occasionally blow each other up."

  • They must also be geniuses at cloning because they always come back.
  • Plus they have someone's hand up them, which most science geeks can only imagine.
  • Dana Scully could be #1 if she made "The Triple-X Files."
  • In America, the winner would be that blonde "CSI: Miami" babe who loves guns.