"Whispers in the Dark"
Whispers in the Dark (1992) is a thriller featuring movie shrink Annabella Sciorra who only seems to have two patients. The first is a felon who was sent away for BDSM crimes, the second Debra Unger, who relates her increasingly kinky sexual adventures to Sciorra, which turns Sciorra on and gives her nightmares. She confides in Alan Alda, her best friend, mentor, and long time analyst. Things turn to shit when Unger is found hung, and get even worse when they discover the cause of death was actually a blow to the head. Sciorra has finally met a man, but, it turns out, he had dated Unger, and his first wife died by hanging.
So, who done it. Well, the felon is killed off in the second act, and the directory did his level best to make the boyfriend seem like the likely suspect, so I assumed he had to be a red herring. I made the obvious bad plot guess, and had to play 12 games of solitaire to get through to the "surprise: ending. Minus points if you can't figure it out from the above, and even more minus points if you rent this stinker.
Unger shows breasts and buns, and Sciorra's character shows her buns in a mirror. This is obviously a body double. IMDb readers have it at 5.4 of 10. I was unable to find a positive review. This thriller was completely derivative and inept. I advise staying away. D+.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
La Femme Publique, part 1 (1984):
From 1981 to 1984, Valerie Kaprisky was one of the most discussed
actresses in the world, all because she made about a half dozen
movies without wearing a lot of clothing. In 1984, she was in this
film and The Year of the Jellyfish. Her on-screen nude time in those
two flicks alone must be about equal to Sharon Stone's entire
career. Kaprisky finally announced in the late 80s or so that she
would never do screen nudity again, and she was true to her word, as
far as I know. Of course, nobody talked about her any more, because
people did not go to Valerie Kaprisky movies for the brilliant wit
and skillful line renderings, but she continued to work, and is
still acting today, if "acting" is an accurate word to describe what
she does on camera. Let's say she's still "working". Since she has
given up acting in English, her current performances are probably
much better than the ones I remember. In terms of acting, imagine if Ali Macgraw had a
really bad accent and was even a worse actress than she already is,
add some good curves, and
there you have Kaprisky.
But, hoo, boy, was she hot!!!
Anyway, I think this film was the last time she offered The Full
And what a very full Monty it was. This flick has so much nudity
that I had to break up the .wmv files over several days. Just this
single file is 11 meg in size, and it's just a fraction of the
What does this clip consist of? Kaprisky takes off every stitch
of clothing. A professional still photographer illuminates her very
brightly for a photoshoot, and then she spins around and dances
erotically for him for a few minutes - all of it stark naked in real
time, with no tricks or cuts. Full frontal. Full rear. Full
If I have ever seen it, I don't remember one goddamned thing
about this movie. Even the name was unfamiliar to me before Graphic
Response did his collages. Of course, it is a Michael Caine movie,
and even the most powerful computers don't have enough memory
capacity to recall every one of his films.
But any movie with famous supermodels naked is OK by me. In fact,
nearly any human activity involving naked supermodels is OK by me.
Here are my rules of thumb about life:
- A Carrot Top or Pauly Shore movie is watchable with Elle
Macpherson naked - unless Carrot Top is also naked at the
same time and in the same frames as Elle.
- A Dick Cheney speech is watchable if he's standing next to a
naked Laetitia Casta (unless Cheney is also naked)
- A Yoko Ono concert is fine with me, if she is constantly
surrounded by naked supermodels (even if Yoko is also naked)
- Even 10 consecutive throws to hold a runner at first is
exciting baseball, provided that the runner is Kirsten Dunst
naked. (Unless, of course, the first baseman is John Kruk, and he
is also naked.)
- Beverly Johnson. (1,
2) These collages were made from Graphic
Response's raw captures.
The Catwalk (1988):
Come to think of it, there is something as good as a supermodel
naked. That would be Mathilda May naked. In her prime, she was a
solid candidate for "best body in the world", and I think Celebrity
Sleuth once chose her as his champ for Best Breasts. Check out her
full frontal and rear nudity in collage three, and I don't think
you'll see a lot of flaws in God's handiwork.
Again, thanks to GR for the raw captures.
- Mathilda May (1,
Sex With A Smile (1976):
Again, thanks to GR for the raw captures.
Haven't seen this either. It is one of those Italian anthology
movies consisting of five separate short films. In this case,
uncharacteristically, the same guy directed all five. Haddon is in
the one with Marty Feldman, so I'm kind of curious about it. but it
is not on DVD, at least not that I know of, although GR seems to
have found at least a rough DVD.
Sony Settles Manning Suit: Sony Pictures is finally
settling the score with moviegoers duped into watching duds on the
advice of fake film critic David Manning. Two Sony Pictures execs
had invented Manning in the hopes of injecting flopping films with
a little box office magic.
Darth Cheney says a Kerry win means a terror attack.
Cheney said that you can either vote for him or for terrorism -
this choice is yours. And if you vote for the terrorists, "you can
go fuck yourselves, just like that Senator guy".
Over so soon? After waiting 60 years for the Rochester-Toronto
ferry to re-open, northerners see it close after a few months.
President Bush offered an unexpected reason on Monday for cracking
down on frivolous medical lawsuits: 'Too many OB-GYNs aren't able
to practice their love with women all across this country".
I can usually figure out what the President means with his
Bushisms, but I'm having a hard time with this one. What exactly
did it say on his written notes?
FCC to Fine CBS Stations $550,000 Over Janet Jackson's nipple.
Here is an addictive version of Pong
Puffy to wrestle the Hulkster
Oops! Turns out Bin Laden is not close to being caught.
In fact, nobody has even the slightest idea where he is! A senior
Pakistani official said "Don't be a silly man. We cannot catch him
now. The U.S. election is still two months off."
German film shows Hitler's tender side. The Hitler you
knew. The Hitler you loved. The Hitler with a song in his heart.
- Weekly World News:
NOSE HAIR IS THE LATEST FRENCH FASHION CRAZE!
Could the honeymoon for Nicolas Cage and his 20-year-old bride
Alice Kim be over already?
It may look like a combine-harvester but a plane designed in a
Tuscan farmhouse is being hailed as one of the great breakthroughs
in aeronautical history.
- Are you an academic looking for a cushy endowment? Are you
totally lacking even the vaguest sense of right and wrong? Then
Kenneth L. Lay Chair in International Economics could
be the assignment for you.
Nasty Bumper Stickers
Five Great Star Wars Spoofs
A silk pajama-clad superhero fights crime with the aid of a
superbuxom team of specially trained Playboy bunnies.
If that sounds like it must be a collaboration between Stan Lee
and Hugh Hefner, that's because it is.
Stills and posters from the puppet comedy, World Police
Go to the third picture down, and look out the window!!
Jeopardy resumes - nerd wins again.
Vincent Gallo and Abel Ferrara, together at last.:
Vincent Gallo will star in Abel Ferrara's 'Mary', an eclectic
Bible-themed drama that Ferrara described as 'a search for the
heart of my religious upbringing. A marriage made in heaven.
Between Ferrara and Gallo, they have made dozens of films which
nobody has ever seen. (Although some of 'em are pretty good.)
The dude abides. Jeff Bridges is coming aboard Terry
Gilliam's next feature. Based on Mitch Cullin's Southern gothic
novel, 'Tideland' follows the story of a girl who creates a
surreal fantasy world to escape the pain of her father's death.
Michael Moore's Oscar Gambit. The flabby filmmaker has
announced he did not submit Fahrenheit 9/11 for consideration in
the Best Documentary category at this year's Oscars - because he
wants the Big Kahuna itself - the Best Picture statue.
A trailer and clips from The Last Shot: "Based on the
true story of the greatest motion picture never made, 'The Last
Shot' shows how everybody - even the FBI - can get caught up in
the allure, glamour, and glitz of Hollywood. Straight shooter
agent Joe Devine (Baldwin) has been assigned to cook up an
elaborate scheme to take down infamous mob boss John Gotti. He
assumes the role of a Hollywood producer and tells all the right
lies to enlist a stooge to help execute his sting. He finds
unsuspecting wannabe director Steven Schatz (Broderick), who'd do
just about everything to get the chance to direct a 'feature.'
Schatz falls hook, line, and sinker for the pitch, but what Devine
doesn't tell Schatz is that the movie will never be made.
Everything goes according to plan...until Devine and the suits at
the Bureau start enjoying their new lives as 'Hollywood players' a
bit too much."
Here's the trailer for Hair Show. I have no idea
whether it is good. I watch almost all of these, but I passed on
this one after reading this: "Peaches (Mo'Nique), a hair stylist
from Baltimore, and her estranged sister, Angela (Smith), the
owner of an upscale salon in Beverly Hills, get reacquainted when
Peaches decides to attend a celebration for Angela in L.A. The
reunion is bittersweet and worsens when Angela finds out that
Peaches is on the run from the IRS and has only a few days to pay
$50,000 in back taxes. After some hilarious moments and passionate
exchanges, the two sisters join forces to fight off a pesky rival
salon owner Marcella (Torres) and save Peaches from her troubles
by competing for a lucrative cash prize and bragging rights at the
city's annual hair show. 'Hair Show' proves that blood and family
run thicker than water."
'Weird Al' Yankovic attacked by green moths.: "My band
asked me if I could find a concert where we would be attacked by
insects. "I said I would see what I could do."
OSAMA FIRES PUBLICIST No Mention At Convention Has
- I think he should hire Paris Hilton's man
Ellen Barkin says abortions should not only be optional, but
mandatory!!! Apparently her own mom did not agree.
The Daily Show looks at Day 3 of the Republican Convention
"They're angry. After four years of being in charge of everything,
the Republicans are not going to take it anymore."
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
NOTE: because of a unique combination of
circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial
bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip
format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a
you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in
the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.
I know this is not especially convenient, but it
allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from
hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some
reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not
play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory
work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this
new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want
to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips
Three from the vault of obscurity
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
Scans from an old magazine, with a couple of lessons
The magazine is the May 1974 issue of Penthouse. Three
babes exposed. Pet of the month was a real fine
looking gal named Brande Howard, who seems to have
done nothing after appearing. Ditto model Shawn Day:
fine looking, nothing going on afterward. Third gal
called herself Jessica Len. She is Jaime Lyn Bauer,
who went on to star for more than a decade in soap
operas (YTR and DOOL, for those who stay home during
Jaime was a former Miss Phoenix, Arizona and did a
couple of movies beside the long stint on the small
screen; but the point is that Penthouse in the 70's
and 80's and on into the early 90's was a place where
a woman could appear and become a star in something
other than what polite folk call the adult film
industry. If Guccione had stayed on that track, with
images just a tad harder than those in the Hefmag,
he'd still be shittin' in high cotton. Instead, he
decided to give us images of women relieving
themselves on camera, and so he's bankrupt and bitter.
Real losers in all this are us. Penthouse was a
source of some right fine images of gals who would
become celebrities, instead of what it is now. That's
the first lesson.
Second lesson is that the Bare Facts CD by Craig
Hosada is one kick-ass source of info about what to
cap and scan. Found out about this pictorial from it.
Third time Mr. Hosada's hard work has lead me to scan
an issue of Penthouse; been about two dozen times I've
grabbed a tape or disk and capped it because of what
the Bare Facts had to said. It is a scholarly work
without parallel in our time... the Principia of the
NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.
Today from the Ghost, part one of his coverage of the 1993 Richard Grieco thriller, "Tomcat: Dangerous Desires" (1993).
- Natalie Radford bares breasts and a hint of the other two B's a love scene with Grieco.
- Natalie Radford zipped .wmvs
Johnny Moronic 'caps from the noir thriller, "3-Way".
For a direct-to-vid flick, it's actually not that bad. Solid production values, acting and plot. No new ground is covered here, but if you enjoy movies with twisting plots and lots of double-crossing, you should find this a decent watch.
Click here for the Scoopy.com review.
- Joy Bryant, the former model turned actress shows a little cleavage, has a bikini scene, and is topless in a love scene.
- Gina Gershon, just a little cleavage.
- Ali Larter shows just a bit o' bum as she is bent over in a sex scene.
- Roxana Zal shows some toplessness
||Liz topless in "The Weight of Water".
|Absoultely gorgeous breast exposure in scenes from the French film "Bienvenue chez les Rozes" aka "Welcome to the Roses" (2003). Currently she is working on her upcoming role as Fleur Delacour in "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" (set for release in late 2005).
|The Euro-actress topless in scenes from the Italian movie "Bluff storia di truffe e di imbroglioni" aka "Il Grande bluff" aka "The Con Man" (1976).
|Señor Skin 'caps of the long-time Fun House favorite showing breasts and bush in scenes from "Lake Consequence" (1993). Mostly we see her in love scenes with Billy Zane, but there is another dude in #1, and a chick in links 7 and 8 (May Karasun I believe).
On a side note, I think Billy Zane may just have the worst agent in Hollywood. It's expected that earlier in a actor's career you would expect to find a resume filled with a lot of low-budget or B-movie work, but it seems that Zane actually landed better roles before co-starring in one of the biggest movies ever ("Titanic" of course).
From 1985 to 1997 (ending with "Titanic") Zane made about 30 movies, including "Dead Calm", "Memphis Belle", "Sniper", "Tombstone" and "The Phantom" (Granted, this one kinda stunk and lost money, but still, it had a budget of $45 million, and he was the star.) So to recap...12 years and some excellent film credits.
Since "Titanic", from 1997-2004, Zane has added 30 more movies to his filmography! 30 movies in 7 years! With 11 of those since 2003! (5 in 2003, and 6 in 2004) Watch out Billy...you're getting close to Eric Roberts/Michael Madsen territory...both in quantity and quality.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
CLINTON'S SURGERY A SUCCESS
His Heart Was Supersized - New York surgeons say Bill Clinton's quadruple
bypass was a success. He's lost weight and exercised recently, but his
junk food junkie years took a toll: he had so much fatty plaque built up in
his arteries, one was 90 percent closed. But the head surgeon said Clinton
should recover fine, he was resting comfortably, and he was "sedated, but
At least when Hillary's not around.
Even if he were dead, he'd be arousable.
He's so arousable, he insisted on having a hospital gown that opens in
LOSING "SCREAM" BOOSTS BUSINESS
Look, That's Where "The Scream" Used To Be! - To the surprise of the
management of the Munch Museum in Oslo, Norway, ever since last month's
daring daylight theft of Edvard Munch's most famous painting "The Scream,"
attendance at the museum has gone up by more than 1,000 people a week.
Each and every one of them casing the joint.
Naturally: that horrible "Scream" painting was creeping everybody out!
They don't care about art, they just want to see a heist!
CANDY WRAPPER PORN TALE A PRANK
Fruitful Effort - Part of last week's story about the Haribo candy
company's controversial new fruit chew candies turned out to be a hoax.
Apparently, the wrappers do depict cartoon fruits romping in a way that
looks like they might be having sex, but the claim that a German Catholic
boarding school had complained and banned them was false. Students wrote
the letter and posted it on the Internet, never imagining that news
agencies worldwide would pick it up without verifying it.
It was their first lesson in Journalism 101.
So now, the boarding school has banned the students.
Now that they see how easily reporters are fooled, they all plan to
become political consultants.
Fortunately, the important part of the story was true: you can still buy
candy with pictures of a lemon boinking a cherry.
MUPPETS TOP "FAVORITE SCREEN SCIENTISTS" POLL
Highly Illogical - The British Association for the Advancement of Science
held a poll to find the favorite TV and movie scientists. Finalists ranged
from Dr. Evil to Dr. Frankenstein to 007's gadget master, Q. Surprisingly,
"X-Files" hottie Dana Scully was only #6, and "Star Trek's" Spock came in a
distant #2 to Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and his babbling assistant Beaker from
"The Muppet Show." Scientists who voted said the Muppets were "the kind of
scientists you would like to be but never quite dared to;" that they are
"accessible, humorous and occasionally blow each other up."
They must also be geniuses at cloning because they always come back.
Plus they have someone's hand up them, which most science
geeks can only imagine.
Dana Scully could be #1 if she made "The Triple-X Files."
In America, the winner would be that blonde "CSI: Miami" babe who loves