Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Zipped video clips:|
I plucked all of these from Usenet, so I can only
do my best to describe them accurately, since I have not seen the source media.
My descriptions may or may not be correct.
The first three (zipped avis) are reliably from Sunday's episode two of
"Rome." They are Shiloh's clips, and he labels them carefully.
The next two zipped avis I can't vouch for at all, because they are labeled
"Rome - episode three", and I don't think that has even aired yet. Having said
that, I will add that the one clip
is definitely Polly Walker. The other says "Kerry
Condon", and offers an oh-so-brief pubic peek at the very end.
The last one, a zipped wmv, is obviously from the L-Word, but I don't know the specific
episode. It is Jennifer Beals and some other tootsie. Beals stays dressed, and I
don't know the name of the woman who gets naked, but this is some mighty nice
A Lot Like Love (2005):
I watched this one in fast forward. I reckon
seeing Ashton Kutcher naked was suffering enough for me, without also having to
watch a Kutcher movie. Warning - these Peet collages do not represent a Kutcher-free
Matt Dillon as Bukowski. Sorta. It's Bukowski's
fictional alter ego named Chinaski. He's a guy who drinks and fornicates and
writes and lives in L.A. squalor, so Bukowski stuck pretty close to his own
life.. How much of a review do you need? Not much, I hope, because I haven't
watched it all the way through yet, and at the moment I have only three words on
this matter: Marisa Tomei topless.
reviewed this one, but I looked at it once more, since the commercial DVD
came out Tuesday.
If the Oscars were held today, this would probably be the
Best Picture. Crash is the highest rated of this year's movies, and the only
strong competitor is Sin City, which is not the type of film that wins Best
Picture (although it should win a shitpile of those Nerd Oscars). The next
highest is Batman Begins, not an Oscar type either, so the next real competitor
is Cinderella Man, a box office bomb.
Will Crash make the cut come hardware
season? I don't know. It is quite difficult for a release from the first half of
the year to survive the mad onslaught of late December releases and the
attendant publicity campaigns directly targeted at Oscar nominations. Last year,
a February release named The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was forgotten
by the time the Best Picture nominations rolled around, even though it is now
the top-rated 2004 movie at IMDb and the #32 rated movie of all time.
The Crimson Ghost
'Caps and comments by Hankster
Given the current political
climate in the U.S., I doubt this film could/would be made today, but in
1972, they did make this exciting crime drama. Filled with violence,
nudity, and a story that includes young women being raised in an orphanage
to be sold like cattle as sex slaves, it showcases a very young Sissy
Spacek in her first featured role.
An enforcer from the Chicago mob
goes to Kansas City to collect a half-million dollars owed by a cattleman
who is even more unsavory than the mobster. The cattleman deals with his
enemies very efficiently, by grinding them into sausage. Pretty neat,
eh.....make a profit and dispose of a problem at the same time.
This guy also has special days at his ranch when, instead of cattle for
sale, the stock pens are filled with naked drugged young women for sale.
Just like his cattle, the women are specially raised for him, but at an
This guy isn't about to give up the half-mill without a fight, so
there's plenty of action and violence. The movie is well done, Lee
Marvin makes a terrific mob guy, Gene Hackman is great as Mary
Ann the rancher, and this is an exciting movie to watch.
|London King in A Better Way to Die. I don't really know who she
is, but she has a generous natural chest, and she's showin' it to Richie
Here are the latest movie reviews
available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
"Prince Charles has revealed that he used to sing to seals."
- For their part, the seals have revealed that they aren't
as much into music since they broke up with Croft.
Christmas shopping early? One word: magnets.
'Da Vinci Code' director Ron Howard turns into that little "Fightin'
His 15 minutes became a three hour tour.
Gilligan dead at 70, of severe hat burns.
Strange headline of the day:
Anal Porpoise Assault Leads to Second Version of Today's
'Dilbert'. It isn't often that the term "anal porpoise
assault" appears in a legit news headline. By the way, why is it
that men flog the dolphin, but not the porpoise?
China finally zeroes in on its biggest problem, and bans bald
cab drivers. (This is a real news story, not a parody!)
Bush Declares Mission Accomplished in New Orleans
Two clips from Kiss kiss, bang bang
- In "Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang," a breezy take on Shane Black's
trademark buddy action/comedy oeuvre, a petty thief (Robert
Downey Jr.) is brought to Los Angeles for an unlikely audition
and finds himself in the middle of a murder investigation
along with his high school dream girl (Michelle Monaghan) and
a detective (Val Kilmer) who has been training him for his
A clip from Edmond
- "'Edmond' is the dark, picaresque tale of an everyman
(William H. Macy) who, after realizing his life is boring and
meaningless, leaves it all behind to embark on his own quest
for truth and fulfillment."
A Walken clip from Romance & Cigarettes
The trailer for Jackie Chan's latest, The Myth
Here's the trailer for the new Casanova movie with Heath Ledger
Check out the latest in Europeans and Americans selling crap in
Japan - Japander.com. The best ones are
the ones with Schwarzenegger.
Welcome to PhoneActress.com ...The Leading PhoneSex Employment
Need a slogan? Then
you need Sloganizer.net - Instant slogans with our slogan
Chase sends a credit-card invitation to "Palestinian bomber"
An emotional Jerry Rice retires after 20 years with a gazillion
records. He finishes with just fewer than 200 receiving TDs
and 23,000 yards. The second best of all time are 130 and
14,000, respectively!! He caught 1549 passes, and nobody else
ever caught more than 1101. Some season highlights: 1995 - 1800+
yards; 1987 - 22 receiving TDs.
Tyra Banks Pictures (See Through?) (Warning, lots of ads and
Playboy wants to know ... Who is the Sexiest Woman of the Year?
Know Your Drink! Did you know that adult beverage companies are
not allowed to show the Serving Facts?
Sporting News rates the NFL stadiums from best to worst.
Straight Dope Staff Report: Is the birthplace of the U.S. Navy
in upstate New York?
The Absolute Bottom 50 Back to School Supplies
Bill Maher's take on the post-Katrina world. Some good
- Bill Clinton is the right man to be heading up the
hurricane relief effort, because he was once in the French
Quarter during a hurricane, and was blown behind a dumpster.
- President Bush has a plan for flood relief. Unfortunately,
it's a faith-based plan involving a large boat and two of each
kind of animal.
"Dick and Jane" To Shoot Much More . This was supposed to be
"in the can" and scheduled for a Christmas release, but a five
week bloc of additional shooting has been arranged, encompassing
some sixty pages of rewrites.
Strangest celebrity activism ever?
Louisiana native Britney Spears is reportedly planning to film
the birth of her baby and will donate the proceeds to victims of
Hurricane Katrina. (Offers run as high as nine million
- This surely sounds like a goofy idea, but if it gets nine
million dollars in the right place, bless her odd little
George Clooney confirms his involvement in the Coen's HAIL,
- "In VOGUE magazine, George Clooney said that he's going to
reteam with the COHENS (sic) on 'Hail, Caesar!' It's set in
the 1920s and it's about a bunch of idiots attempting to put
on a play of the Greek tragedy. The Cohens (sic) said it'll
complete their 'idiot trilogy' with Clooney."
Fall 2005's most promising new TV series
Actor John Travolta and his wife, actress Kelly Preston, flew in
their own private jet to deliver five tons of food for victims
of Hurricane Katrina.
MovieJuice! takes a look at A Sound of Thunder. I didn't
realize that this film was made in 2003 with a mammoth budget,
Director John Turturro's 'Romance & Cigarettes' is a big hit at
the Venice Film Festival
The Big Chill in 30 seconds, re-enacted by bunnies.
Here's something different:
Watch the FAKE Superman Returns Trailer (Read the
explanation at the link)
Marvel signs a ten picture deal with Paramount. They are
most excited about Captain America, but I was thinking that if
they can do a good job with Dr Strange, that could be one
helluva movie, and has the potential to be wildly original.
AstroPic o' the Day: "Fresh Tiger Strips on Saturn's Enceladus "
Letterman's "Top Ten Signs You Have A Bad Job", like "You're
taken to and from work in the trunk of a car, blindfolded."
Pat Reeder (comedy-wire.com)
ROBERTS BUMPED UP TO CHIEF JUSTICE
Senate Democrats Fainted - President Bush has elevated John Roberts' Supreme
Court nomination to that of Chief Justice. He said this will expedite the
process because the Senate is already about to start his confirmation hearings.
Also, legal experts say it's better to bring in
someone new because promoting from within might upset the relationships of the
* It might cause friction that spells an end to the group
* The new Chief Justice would need his gavel, just for protection.
* The other justices might file a class-action suit and appeal it all the way
* So Roberts got promoted to the top job before he even had any experience!
That usually only happens to Bush family members!
MICHAEL JACKSON PLANS "MACHO" MAKEOVER
It's What Tammy Faye Did - The New York Post's Page Six reports that Michael
Jackson is hoping for a comeback by remaking his image into something more
"macho." They say he's reportedly getting a makeover in Bahrain: gaining weight
and lifting weights, and he plans to wear shorter wigs and less makeup and try
to look less like a freak.
* Michael could get plastic surgery to look more like
LaToya, and he'd still be more macho than he is now.
* He had to do it: he was starting to scare away kids.
* Michael defines "macho" as "wearing shorter wigs and not as much makeup."
HITLER'S CHOCOLATE BOMB PLOT REVEALED
Plum Stupid - Britain's National Archives just released two secret files from
World War II that show Hitler had a nefarious but goofy plan to attack Britain
with exploding chocolate. In 1940, three spies were arrested in Ireland, and
the file contains their plans for creating small bombs disguised as household
items, including cough drops, soap, pencils, canned plums and chocolate bars, as
well as exploding dead rats and an exploding British box lunch of bangers and
mash. One historian said the Germans' sabotage plans "achieved the coveted
title of 100 percent incompetence."
* Well, they WERE the Master Race.
* They did go on to make a lot of money by inventing Pop Rocks.
* As if bangers and mash aren't explosive enough already.
* Hitler was so crazy, he thought British food wasn't lethal enough.
* The plan backfired when it turned out kids LOVED the exploding dead rats.
YODELING URINALS (CAREFUL! NOTE SUBJECT!)
Aim High! - Switzerland has introduced the latest in preventative health care
for men: yodeling urinals. They have targets with sensors, and if the man can
get his stream of urine high and hard enough to hit it, the urinal plays the
Swiss football song, "Ole, Ole, Ole, Ole." If he can't hit the target, which
can be a sign of prostate problems, a recorded voice suggests he see a doctor.
* Then says, "Nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeeeeeh-nyeh!!"
* It then says, "You're a little ol' lady! Hoooo!"
* This fits in with my philosophy: "Anything that yodels should be peed on."
* It has led to a record number of men going out to the alley to pee.
CRUCIFIED C3PO SPARKS OUTRAGE
May Be The Farce Be With You - The Melbourne Herald-Sun reports that Australian
artist Jud Wimhurst has sparked outrage with part of his exhibit, "False
Idols." It's a room-sized installation called "Crusi-fiction" that consists of
25 C3PO robots from "Star Wars" nailed to
crosses. Wimhurst denied charges of sacrilege by church leaders, saying it's
not intended to BE sacrilege, but "we're TALKING ABOUT sacrilege, and the fact
that everything's for sale."
* And you can take this artwork home for just $25,000.
* It's not meant to represent Jesus...Jesus didn't say, "Here's another fine
mess you've gotten me into, R2!"
* Art critics worship this guy.
* If he'd crucified Jar Jar Binks, nobody would've complained.
NEW SPORTS: TARZAN SWINGING AND BELLYFLOPPING
"'Alp! 'Alp!!" - The latest extreme sports fad in Switzerland is to swing from
treetops like Tarzan. Thousands of people are lining up in Alpine forests to
leap off wooden platforms 100 feet high and try to swing to the next tree on a
harness attached to a rope. A manager of one such park said that people have
changed their idea of leisure time and now want activities that challenge them
and get their hearts beating faster.
* Or that stop them permanently.
* It makes personal injury lawyers' hearts beat faster just to hear about it.
Muffed Diving - Sunday, Heilbronn, Germany, hosted the world championships of
"dive-bombing." It's the opposite of Olympic diving: the winner is the one who
makes the most noise and the biggest splash when hitting the water. They also
earn extra points for hiding their pain. Simon Gfeller of Switzerland won by
performing four turns and a face-first landing without flinching. A German
coach who claims the sport is spreading told AFP, "All over the place, there are
groups of people getting together who just want to get their backsides flayed."
* But then, that's been true for centuries.
* They go into the water butt-first so hard, they never need enemas.
* If they want a really extreme sport, combine dive-bombing with swinging from
SENIOR ARRESTED FOR POT, BLAMES CANARY
Pot Luck - Hariklia Griva, 75, a widow from Ayiassos, Greece, was charged with
drug trafficking and released on $2500 (US) bail after police saw a small
cannabis plant growing on her balcony. Mrs. Griva said she couldn't believe
they were arresting her. She told them the potted plant sprouted from seeds
dropped by her pet canaries. She said she had no idea what it was, but she
"thought it looked quite nice," so she started watering it regularly.
* Did she ever wonder why her canaries were singing
Grateful Dead songs?
* She does buy the deluxe canary seed.
* In a related story, the street value of a bag of canary seed just topped
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