I plucked all of these from Usenet, so I can only do my best to describe them accurately, since I have not seen the source media. My descriptions may or may not be correct.

The first three (zipped avis) are reliably from Sunday's episode two of "Rome." They are Shiloh's clips, and he labels them carefully.

• Polly Walker
• Indira Varma
• random whores.

The next two zipped avis I can't vouch for at all, because they are labeled "Rome - episode three", and I don't think that has even aired yet. Having said that, I will add that the one clip is definitely Polly Walker. The other says "Kerry Condon", and offers an oh-so-brief pubic peek at the very end.

The last one, a zipped wmv, is obviously from the L-Word, but I don't know the specific episode. It is Jennifer Beals and some other tootsie. Beals stays dressed, and I don't know the name of the woman who gets naked, but this is some mighty nice girl-on-girl action!!

A Lot Like Love (2005):

I watched this one in fast forward. I reckon seeing Ashton Kutcher naked was suffering enough for me, without also having to watch a Kutcher movie. Warning - these Peet collages do not represent a Kutcher-free zone.

Amanda Peet

Factotum (2005):

Matt Dillon as Bukowski. Sorta. It's Bukowski's fictional alter ego named Chinaski. He's a guy who drinks and fornicates and writes and lives in L.A. squalor, so Bukowski stuck pretty close to his own life.. How much of a review do you need? Not much, I hope, because I haven't watched it all the way through yet, and at the moment I have only three words on this matter: Marisa Tomei topless.

Marisa Tomei

Marisa Tomei video (zipped .wmv)

Unknown stripper

Crash (2005):

I've already reviewed this one, but I looked at it once more, since the commercial DVD came out Tuesday.

If the Oscars were held today, this would probably be the Best Picture. Crash is the highest rated of this year's movies, and the only strong competitor is Sin City, which is not the type of film that wins Best Picture (although it should win a shitpile of those Nerd Oscars). The next highest is Batman Begins, not an Oscar type either, so the next real competitor is Cinderella Man, a box office bomb.

Will Crash make the cut come hardware season? I don't know. It is quite difficult for a release from the first half of the year to survive the mad onslaught of late December releases and the attendant publicity campaigns directly targeted at Oscar nominations. Last year, a February release named The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was forgotten by the time the Best Picture nominations rolled around, even though it is now the top-rated 2004 movie at IMDb and the #32 rated movie of all time.

Jennifer Esposito

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

*  Michael could get plastic surgery to look more like LaToya, and he'd still be more macho than he is now.
*  He had to do it: he was starting to scare away kids.
*  Michael defines "macho" as "wearing shorter wigs and not as much makeup."



HITLER'S CHOCOLATE BOMB PLOT REVEALED
Plum Stupid - Britain's National Archives just released two secret files from World War II that show Hitler had a nefarious but goofy plan to attack Britain with exploding chocolate.  In 1940, three spies were arrested in Ireland, and the file contains their plans for creating small bombs disguised as household items, including cough drops, soap, pencils, canned plums and chocolate bars, as well as exploding dead rats and an exploding British box lunch of bangers and mash.  One historian said the Germans' sabotage plans "achieved the coveted title of 100 percent incompetence."

*  Well, they WERE the Master Race.
*  They did go on to make a lot of money by inventing Pop Rocks.
*  As if bangers and mash aren't explosive enough already.
*  Hitler was so crazy, he thought British food wasn't lethal enough.
*  The plan backfired when it turned out kids LOVED the exploding dead rats.



YODELING URINALS  (CAREFUL! NOTE SUBJECT!)
Aim High! - Switzerland has introduced the latest in preventative health care for men: yodeling urinals.  They have targets with sensors, and if the man can get his stream of urine high and hard enough to hit it, the urinal plays the Swiss football song, "Ole, Ole, Ole, Ole."  If he can't hit the target, which can be a sign of prostate problems, a recorded voice suggests he see a doctor.

*  Then says, "Nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeeeeeh-nyeh!!"
*  It then says, "You're a little ol' lady!  Hoooo!"
*  This fits in with my philosophy: "Anything that yodels should be peed on."
*  It has led to a record number of men going out to the alley to pee.



CRUCIFIED C3PO SPARKS OUTRAGE
May Be The Farce Be With You - The Melbourne Herald-Sun reports that Australian artist Jud Wimhurst has sparked outrage with part of his exhibit, "False Idols."  It's a room-sized installation called "Crusi-fiction" that consists of 25 C3PO robots from "Star Wars" nailed to
crosses.  Wimhurst denied charges of sacrilege by church leaders, saying it's not intended to BE sacrilege, but "we're TALKING ABOUT sacrilege, and the fact that everything's for sale."

*  And you can take this artwork home for just $25,000.
*  It's not meant to represent Jesus...Jesus didn't say, "Here's another fine mess you've gotten me into, R2!"
*  Art critics worship this guy.
*  If he'd crucified Jar Jar Binks, nobody would've complained.



NEW SPORTS: TARZAN SWINGING AND BELLYFLOPPING
"'Alp! 'Alp!!" - The latest extreme sports fad in Switzerland is to swing from treetops like Tarzan.  Thousands of people are lining up in Alpine forests to leap off wooden platforms 100 feet high and try to swing to the next tree on a harness attached to a rope.  A manager of one such park said that people have changed their idea of leisure time and now want activities that challenge them and get their hearts beating faster.

*  Or that stop them permanently.
*  It makes personal injury lawyers' hearts beat faster just to hear about it.
 
Muffed Diving - Sunday, Heilbronn, Germany, hosted the world championships of "dive-bombing."  It's the opposite of Olympic diving: the winner is the one who makes the most noise and the biggest splash when hitting the water.  They also earn extra points for hiding their pain.  Simon Gfeller of Switzerland won by performing four turns and a face-first landing without flinching.  A German coach who claims the sport is spreading told AFP, "All over the place, there are groups of people getting together who just want to get their backsides flayed."

*  But then, that's been true for centuries.
*  They go into the water butt-first so hard, they never need enemas.
*  If they want a really extreme sport, combine dive-bombing with swinging from tree-tops.



SENIOR ARRESTED FOR POT, BLAMES CANARY
Pot Luck - Hariklia Griva, 75, a widow from Ayiassos, Greece, was charged with drug trafficking and released on $2500 (US) bail after police saw a small cannabis plant growing on her balcony.  Mrs. Griva said she couldn't believe they were arresting her.  She told them the potted plant sprouted from seeds dropped by her pet canaries.  She said she had no idea what it was, but she "thought it looked quite nice," so she started watering it regularly.

*  Did she ever wonder why her canaries were singing Grateful Dead songs?
*  She does buy the deluxe canary seed.
*  In a related story, the street value of a bag of canary seed just topped $500.
 

Currently on disability. If you'd like to get in touch with him, his email address is tuna@scoopy.com

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