Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Zipped video clips:

I plucked all of these from Usenet, so I can only do my best to describe them accurately, since I have not seen the source media. My descriptions may or may not be correct.

The first three (zipped avis) are reliably from Sunday's episode two of "Rome." They are Shiloh's clips, and he labels them carefully.

The next two zipped avis I can't vouch for at all, because they are labeled "Rome - episode three", and I don't think that has even aired yet. Having said that, I will add that the one clip is definitely Polly Walker. The other says "Kerry Condon", and offers an oh-so-brief pubic peek at the very end.

The last one, a zipped wmv, is obviously from the L-Word, but I don't know the specific episode. It is Jennifer Beals and some other tootsie. Beals stays dressed, and I don't know the name of the woman who gets naked, but this is some mighty nice girl-on-girl action!!


A Lot Like Love (2005):

I watched this one in fast forward. I reckon seeing Ashton Kutcher naked was suffering enough for me, without also having to watch a Kutcher movie. Warning - these Peet collages do not represent a Kutcher-free zone.

Amanda Peet

Factotum (2005):

Matt Dillon as Bukowski. Sorta. It's Bukowski's fictional alter ego named Chinaski. He's a guy who drinks and fornicates and writes and lives in L.A. squalor, so Bukowski stuck pretty close to his own life.. How much of a review do you need? Not much, I hope, because I haven't watched it all the way through yet, and at the moment I have only three words on this matter: Marisa Tomei topless.

Marisa Tomei

Marisa Tomei video (zipped .wmv)

Unknown stripper

Crash (2005):

I've already reviewed this one, but I looked at it once more, since the commercial DVD came out Tuesday.

If the Oscars were held today, this would probably be the Best Picture. Crash is the highest rated of this year's movies, and the only strong competitor is Sin City, which is not the type of film that wins Best Picture (although it should win a shitpile of those Nerd Oscars). The next highest is Batman Begins, not an Oscar type either, so the next real competitor is Cinderella Man, a box office bomb.

Will Crash make the cut come hardware season? I don't know. It is quite difficult for a release from the first half of the year to survive the mad onslaught of late December releases and the attendant publicity campaigns directly targeted at Oscar nominations. Last year, a February release named The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was forgotten by the time the Best Picture nominations rolled around, even though it is now the top-rated 2004 movie at IMDb and the #32 rated movie of all time.

Jennifer Esposito

The Crimson Ghost

"Sex Games Vegas."

Tabitha Stevens


'Caps and comments by Hankster
We have not done any "Babes in Bondage" in a little while now so today we take the Time Machine back to 1974 for a visit to "The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires". This is a Hammer horror movie blending together vampires and kung-fu. It was originally released in a cut version as "The Seven Brothers Meet Dracula".

So what we have is a bunch of unknown topless "Babes in Bondage" at the hands of evil vampires. Actually you will notice some of them are clothed, probably not enough budget money to get them all to take off their clothes.

 This weeks "Newsbabe" is Kiran Chetry of Fox News, really nice legs.


Given the current political climate in the U.S., I doubt this film could/would be made today, but in 1972, they did make this exciting crime drama. Filled with violence, nudity, and a story that includes young women being raised in an orphanage to be sold like cattle as sex slaves, it showcases a very young Sissy Spacek in her first featured role.

An enforcer from the Chicago mob goes to Kansas City to collect a half-million dollars owed by a cattleman who is even more unsavory than the mobster. The cattleman deals with his enemies very efficiently, by grinding them into sausage. Pretty neat, eh.....make a profit and dispose of a problem at the same time.

This guy also has special days at his ranch when, instead of cattle for sale, the stock pens are filled with naked drugged young women for sale. Just like his cattle, the women are specially raised for him, but at an orphanage.

This guy isn't about to give up the half-mill without a fight, so there's plenty of action and violence. The movie is well done, Lee Marvin makes a terrific mob guy, Gene Hackman is great as Mary Ann the rancher, and this is an exciting movie to watch.


Sissy Spacek

Angel Tompkins


London King in A Better Way to Die. I don't really know who she is, but she has a generous natural chest, and she's showin' it to Richie Valens.
Movie Reviews


Here are the latest movie reviews available at


  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Other Crap
"Prince Charles has revealed that he used to sing to seals."
  • For their part, the seals have revealed that they aren't as much into music since they broke up with Croft.

Christmas shopping early? One word: magnets.

'Da Vinci Code' director Ron Howard turns into that little "Fightin' Irish" dude.

His 15 minutes became a three hour tour. Gilligan dead at 70, of severe hat burns.

Strange headline of the day: Anal Porpoise Assault Leads to Second Version of Today's 'Dilbert'. It isn't often that the term "anal porpoise assault" appears in a legit news headline. By the way, why is it that men flog the dolphin, but not the porpoise?

China finally zeroes in on its biggest problem, and bans bald cab drivers. (This is a real news story, not a parody!)

Bush Declares Mission Accomplished in New Orleans

Two clips from Kiss kiss, bang bang

  • In "Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang," a breezy take on Shane Black's trademark buddy action/comedy oeuvre, a petty thief (Robert Downey Jr.) is brought to Los Angeles for an unlikely audition and finds himself in the middle of a murder investigation along with his high school dream girl (Michelle Monaghan) and a detective (Val Kilmer) who has been training him for his upcoming role.

A clip from Edmond

  • "'Edmond' is the dark, picaresque tale of an everyman (William H. Macy) who, after realizing his life is boring and meaningless, leaves it all behind to embark on his own quest for truth and fulfillment."

Walken alert! A Walken clip from Romance & Cigarettes

The trailer for Jackie Chan's latest, The Myth

Here's the trailer for the new Casanova movie with Heath Ledger

Check out the latest in Europeans and Americans selling crap in Japan - The best ones are the ones with Schwarzenegger.

Welcome to ...The Leading PhoneSex Employment Site

Need a slogan? Then you need - Instant slogans with our slogan generator.

Chase sends a credit-card invitation to "Palestinian bomber"

An emotional Jerry Rice retires after 20 years with a gazillion records. He finishes with just fewer than 200 receiving TDs and 23,000 yards. The second best of all time are 130 and 14,000, respectively!! He caught 1549 passes, and nobody else ever caught more than 1101. Some season highlights: 1995 - 1800+ yards; 1987 - 22 receiving TDs.

Tyra Banks Pictures (See Through?) (Warning, lots of ads and detours.)

Playboy wants to know ... Who is the Sexiest Woman of the Year?

Know Your Drink! Did you know that adult beverage companies are not allowed to show the Serving Facts?

Sporting News rates the NFL stadiums from best to worst.

Straight Dope Staff Report: Is the birthplace of the U.S. Navy in upstate New York?

The Absolute Bottom 50 Back to School Supplies

Bill Maher's take on the post-Katrina world. Some good material.

  • Bill Clinton is the right man to be heading up the hurricane relief effort, because he was once in the French Quarter during a hurricane, and was blown behind a dumpster.
  • President Bush has a plan for flood relief. Unfortunately, it's a faith-based plan involving a large boat and two of each kind of animal.

"Dick and Jane" To Shoot Much More . This was supposed to be "in the can" and scheduled for a Christmas release, but a five week bloc of additional shooting has been arranged, encompassing some sixty pages of rewrites.

Strangest celebrity activism ever? Louisiana native Britney Spears is reportedly planning to film the birth of her baby and will donate the proceeds to victims of Hurricane Katrina. (Offers run as high as nine million dollars.)

  • This surely sounds like a goofy idea, but if it gets nine million dollars in the right place, bless her odd little heart.

George Clooney confirms his involvement in the Coen's HAIL, CAESAR!

  • "In VOGUE magazine, George Clooney said that he's going to reteam with the COHENS (sic) on 'Hail, Caesar!' It's set in the 1920s and it's about a bunch of idiots attempting to put on a play of the Greek tragedy. The Cohens (sic) said it'll complete their 'idiot trilogy' with Clooney."

Fall 2005's most promising new TV series

Actor John Travolta and his wife, actress Kelly Preston, flew in their own private jet to deliver five tons of food for victims of Hurricane Katrina.

MovieJuice! takes a look at A Sound of Thunder. I didn't realize that this film was made in 2003 with a mammoth budget, then shelved.

Director John Turturro's 'Romance & Cigarettes' is a big hit at the Venice Film Festival

The Big Chill in 30 seconds, re-enacted by bunnies.

Here's something different: Watch the FAKE Superman Returns Trailer (Read the explanation at the link)

Marvel signs a ten picture deal with Paramount. They are most excited about Captain America, but I was thinking that if they can do a good job with Dr Strange, that could be one helluva movie, and has the potential to be wildly original.

AstroPic o' the Day: "Fresh Tiger Strips on Saturn's Enceladus "

Letterman's "Top Ten Signs You Have A Bad Job", like "You're taken to and from work in the trunk of a car, blindfolded."

Pat Reeder (

Senate Democrats Fainted - President Bush has elevated John Roberts' Supreme Court nomination to that of Chief Justice.  He said this will expedite the process because the Senate is already about to start his confirmation hearings.  Also, legal experts say it's better to bring in
someone new because promoting from within might upset the relationships of the current Justices.

*  It might cause friction that spells an end to the group showers.
*  The new Chief Justice would need his gavel, just for protection.
*  The other justices might file a class-action suit and appeal it all the way to themselves.
*  So Roberts got promoted to the top job before he even had any experience!  That usually only happens to Bush family members!

It's What Tammy Faye Did - The New York Post's Page Six reports that Michael Jackson is hoping for a comeback by remaking his image into something more "macho."  They say he's reportedly getting a makeover in Bahrain: gaining weight and lifting weights, and he plans to wear shorter wigs and less makeup and try to look less like a freak.

*  Michael could get plastic surgery to look more like LaToya, and he'd still be more macho than he is now.
*  He had to do it: he was starting to scare away kids.
*  Michael defines "macho" as "wearing shorter wigs and not as much makeup."

Plum Stupid - Britain's National Archives just released two secret files from World War II that show Hitler had a nefarious but goofy plan to attack Britain with exploding chocolate.  In 1940, three spies were arrested in Ireland, and the file contains their plans for creating small bombs disguised as household items, including cough drops, soap, pencils, canned plums and chocolate bars, as well as exploding dead rats and an exploding British box lunch of bangers and mash.  One historian said the Germans' sabotage plans "achieved the coveted title of 100 percent incompetence."

*  Well, they WERE the Master Race.
*  They did go on to make a lot of money by inventing Pop Rocks.
*  As if bangers and mash aren't explosive enough already.
*  Hitler was so crazy, he thought British food wasn't lethal enough.
*  The plan backfired when it turned out kids LOVED the exploding dead rats.

Aim High! - Switzerland has introduced the latest in preventative health care for men: yodeling urinals.  They have targets with sensors, and if the man can get his stream of urine high and hard enough to hit it, the urinal plays the Swiss football song, "Ole, Ole, Ole, Ole."  If he can't hit the target, which can be a sign of prostate problems, a recorded voice suggests he see a doctor.

*  Then says, "Nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeeeeeh-nyeh!!"
*  It then says, "You're a little ol' lady!  Hoooo!"
*  This fits in with my philosophy: "Anything that yodels should be peed on."
*  It has led to a record number of men going out to the alley to pee.

May Be The Farce Be With You - The Melbourne Herald-Sun reports that Australian artist Jud Wimhurst has sparked outrage with part of his exhibit, "False Idols."  It's a room-sized installation called "Crusi-fiction" that consists of 25 C3PO robots from "Star Wars" nailed to
crosses.  Wimhurst denied charges of sacrilege by church leaders, saying it's not intended to BE sacrilege, but "we're TALKING ABOUT sacrilege, and the fact that everything's for sale."

*  And you can take this artwork home for just $25,000.
*  It's not meant to represent Jesus...Jesus didn't say, "Here's another fine mess you've gotten me into, R2!"
*  Art critics worship this guy.
*  If he'd crucified Jar Jar Binks, nobody would've complained.

"'Alp! 'Alp!!" - The latest extreme sports fad in Switzerland is to swing from treetops like Tarzan.  Thousands of people are lining up in Alpine forests to leap off wooden platforms 100 feet high and try to swing to the next tree on a harness attached to a rope.  A manager of one such park said that people have changed their idea of leisure time and now want activities that challenge them and get their hearts beating faster.

*  Or that stop them permanently.
*  It makes personal injury lawyers' hearts beat faster just to hear about it.

Muffed Diving - Sunday, Heilbronn, Germany, hosted the world championships of "dive-bombing."  It's the opposite of Olympic diving: the winner is the one who makes the most noise and the biggest splash when hitting the water.  They also earn extra points for hiding their pain.  Simon Gfeller of Switzerland won by performing four turns and a face-first landing without flinching.  A German coach who claims the sport is spreading told AFP, "All over the place, there are groups of people getting together who just want to get their backsides flayed."

*  But then, that's been true for centuries.
*  They go into the water butt-first so hard, they never need enemas.
*  If they want a really extreme sport, combine dive-bombing with swinging from tree-tops.

Pot Luck - Hariklia Griva, 75, a widow from Ayiassos, Greece, was charged with drug trafficking and released on $2500 (US) bail after police saw a small cannabis plant growing on her balcony.  Mrs. Griva said she couldn't believe they were arresting her.  She told them the potted plant sprouted from seeds dropped by her pet canaries.  She said she had no idea what it was, but she "thought it looked quite nice," so she started watering it regularly.

*  Did she ever wonder why her canaries were singing Grateful Dead songs?
*  She does buy the deluxe canary seed.
*  In a related story, the street value of a bag of canary seed just topped $500.



Currently on disability. If you'd like to get in touch with him, his email address is

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