"The Name of the Rose"
The Name of the Rose (1986) is another film distributed on unobtainium. There is a German Pal VHS version, and a region free Brazilian DVD distribution. I was lucky enough to get a copy of the region free Brazilian release, but it was very dark and grainy. There is a new Italian Region 2 PAL release with improved image quality.Audio tracks include both Italian and English. There is a second DVD, containing a making of special, but it is only in Italian. The film was a critical flop in the US (Maltin, 2 stars and Ebert, 2 1/2), and was also a box office flop in the US. It was, however, a smash hit in Europe, and most of the rest of the world, and garnered many awards in Europe. Why? It is a European sort of film. The pace is leisurely, the tone is dark, the locations perfect, and the story is complex, and is not spoon fed to the viewer. IMDB readers have it at 7.6/10, with most of the comments coming from European readers.
Sean Connery stars as Brother William of Baskerville, a Franciscan who has come to a Benedictine monastery in Italy for a debate among Benedictines, Franciscans and Papal delegates as to whether the clergy should take vows of poverty or not. The Franciscans favor helping the poor, the rest believe in helping themselves. As the year is 1347, we are literally taken to the Dark Ages, and one of the darkest periods in Catholicism. The Inquisition is in full swing, and most books are kept in hiding by Monasteries because they conflict with Catholic doctrine. Connery, we later learn, has a history with the Grand Inquisitor, and is the Sherlock Holmes of the religious set, being both brilliant, and more enlightened than his peers.
When he arrives at the monastery (actually Kloster Erbach in Germany), there has been a mysterious death that is being attributed to the devil. He is called upon the solve the mystery. With him is a young protege, who is the narrator of the story, and plays Watson to his Sherlock. I am going to strongly recommend this film, so don't wish to give away any plot details. The mystery story line alone would sustain this film, and has plenty of twists and turns, but there are also many intertwined themes, mostly about excesses of the church, including homosexuality, surreptitious sex with a local peasant girl in exchange for food, murder, heresy, burning at the stake, hoarding knowledge, and economic oppression of the common folk.
Connery's young charge has a sexual encounter with an attractive peasant girl, Valentina Vargas, who shows everything in very dark scenes. The film is very moody, and is darkly lit, which is appropriate to the dark ages, but makes for difficult capping. The film also stars Christian Slater. There was not a flat performance anywhere in this film, the costumes were appropriate, the location perfect, and the art direction top notch. The film didn't just explain the Dark Ages, it took us there.
IMDB list the film under its German name, Der Name der Rose. It also saw major releases in France and Italy. It was made for $20m. and only grossed $7.2m in its US release, but did a very respectable $77.2m worldwide. I strongly recommend this film to anyone who isn't completely opposed to the genre. Some familiarization with Catholic history makes the film more enjoyable and understandable. This is a C+. If you like this sort of film, you should love this one.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Prozac Nation (2001)
Hell with the movie. Christina Ricci naked.
Harnessing Peacocks (1993)
This is a classic woman's romance novel, in
convenient British TV-movie format.
Hebe is the beautiful daughter of a rich English
couple. When she gets pregnant by a masked stranger at a costume ball
in Italy, she is determined to have the baby. Her family casts her out
of their lives.
In the course of the next dozen years, she supports
herself by cooking for old rich ladies.
actually, not just that.
To tell you the truth, she makes most of her money
by sucking ... um ... peacocks. But she's not a prostitute. Oh, no. She's the
mistress of very wealthy, shy men, and she leads them on the correct
path to sexual prowess, which then brings out their extreme gratitude.
But she's not a hooker. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But
she's not a 'tute. Nosiree. She just makes a lot of money by smoking
the White Owl ... er ... Peacock , which is very different from prostitution. Her
profession is absolutely not prostitution, but rather "peacock
harnessing", which is completely legal in England, where they abhor an unharnessed
cock of any kind, pea or otherwise.
One summer, a mysterious antiques dealer takes an
interest in her. He seems to know who she is and about her past. How
can that be?
Are you ready for this?
He is the guy from the masked ball in Venice. He's
the father of her son. He falls in love with her, they live happily
ever after, and his peacock is the only one she will be harnessing.
It has to be the most boring and predictable thing I've watched in
months, but I'm not a member of the target demographic, and I guess
it has its audience, as shown in the IMDb summary (men 5.1, women
8.8 !!!!). There is one good reason for men to to watch. Find it in
the "nudity report". Serena is gorgeous, charming, and very naked in
good light. Although she is the sister of Kristin Scott Thomas, she
actually looks like she ought to be the sister of Meg Ryan. (See the
top left picture in collage #1)
- Serena Scott Thomas. I really wish these two girls would
decide whether they are Something Scott Thomas or Something
Scott-Thomas, so I could figure out whether to place them in
volume S or T. (1,
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (2002)
This is the Chuck Barris biopic directed by George Clooney. When
I wrote about it last December, I said there was no female nudity,
but it turns out that Maggie Gyllenhaal showed a nipple for about
one frame - not very clearly, but it seems to be there.
The biggest news on the full-featured DVD is full frontal nudity.
Unfortunately, it's full frontal MALE nudity from Sam Rockwell.
Although the film grossed only a disappointing $16 million, as
compared to a $29 million budget, Clooney did some very smart things
with this picture.
1. He cast Sam Rockwell. That guy is a genius, and should have
received an Oscar nomination for this brilliant performance. In
fact, he could have won. Although this tongue-in-cheek black comedy
can't be compared to The Pianist in importance, Rockwell did
everything that Adrien Brody did, and more.
2. He studied hard and learned well from Soderbergh. Clooney
storyboarded every single shot in this movie. He wanted to learn how
to direct, and by God he did a helluva job, and proved he could
manage difficult tone shifts with elan and audacity.
3. He took exactly the right approach to the film. He did not
suggest that Barris was lying about his CIA career. He simply
told the story the way Barris wrote it. That had the impact of
conveying this message - "If this is true, how cool is that? If this
isn't true, how sad is that?"
- Updated volumes: Charlie's French Cinema Nudity Site,
Karen McDougal, Playmate from December 1997, Free Nude Gallery
Courtesy of PlayboyPlus.com!
Germany has complained to Italy about a winery that labels its
bottles with portraits of Adolf Hitler.
It has a bouquet
which hints slightly of almonds, yet is impetuously genocidal.
Like Manischewitz, it will be produced Kosher for Passover
from December 1st through March 31st each year.
a guy drinking Fuehrerwein
The Straight Dope considers: Who was the stupidest U.S.
president? Surprisingly, they didn't mention Gerald Ford,
although Ronald Reagan, Warren Harding, and Harry Truman were
cited as possibilities.
A kiss is more than just a kiss - when it happens live on 'The
Tens of thousands of bare-breasted young maidens danced in
front of King Mswati on Friday -- many hoping to catch his eye
and become his next wife.
Two University of Wisconsin-Madison students who appear in a
'Girls of the Big 10' pictorial in this month's Playboy
magazine say they know such a step has lifelong implications.
O'Reilly: "I'd Sue Franken If I Could" O'Reilly went on to
point out that he'd love to get Franken for defamation of
character, but so far Franken has only called him a liar and a
moron, and no jury could find those charges false. Will he sue
anyway? O'Reilly said, "I've thought about it. But I would
lose. Famous people have no protection in this country."
Particularly if they have no case.
Excitement is mounting to feverish and as yet uncharted levels
at the prospect of Halle Berry's imminent 19-woman soaped-up
shower scene in new movie, Gothika.
Say Uncle - the top 10 uncles in TV comedy history
Gary Coleman would elect to change the past Now that you
mention it, his life kinda sucks in the present, and the
future isn't lookin' all that good either.
'Weird Al' still dares to be stupid. He says, "I was
considering actually throwing my "Poodle Hat" ' into the ring
as well and running for governor, but then I thought, 'I don't
want to take votes away from more qualified candidates, like
Gallagher.''' Why did he lose the moustache? He had LASIK eye
surgery, and it turned out that the moustache was attached to
the glasses. Funny guy.
Were John Ritter's testicles briefly visible in an episode of
Three's Company? Ritter says, "I've requested that
[Nickelodeon] air both versions, edited and unedited, because
sometimes you feel like a nut, and sometimes you don't."
if you haven't thought about a Christmas present for your dad,
consider a calendar of old golfing geezer women
The new woman recommends that men look to Mr Bean and anal
stimulation. Is that two separate things?
"According to data published by the Social Security
Administration, the name Hillary is the most severely poisoned
baby name in history, edging out Adolph and Ebenezer." I
should point out that some factual inaccuracies in this
article make its supporting historical arguments likely to be
complete fabrications (there is no data from the 1844 era when
A Christmas Carol would have poisoned the Ebenezer name, and
he cites no evidence to demonstrate the rate of decline of
Adolph or Ebenezer). Despite that, the rapid decline of the
popularity of "Hillary" and "Hilary" from 1992-2002 is very
real, as shown by his chart of the comparable names in 1992
popularity. Hillary and Hilary were number 136 and 251 in
1992. They are both out of the top 1000 now. Equally
interesting is the fact that the names had been increasing in
popularity for years prior to 1992, then suddenly reversed.
The TV series box set is becoming the fastest-growing segment
of the booming DVD industry
GERI Halliwell's new curves have sparked rumors the ex-Spice
Girl has boosted her bust.
STING is admitting that his tales of superhuman tantric sex
were mostly a lot of drunken boasts He's also denying that
he looks like Malcolm MacDowell.
Macaulay Culkin's First 'Adult' Role finds him in drag.
The British prepare for the President's visit with an
internet-based "Bare Your Bum at Bush!" campaign.
The frightening world of 1980s make-up
Here's The Smoking Gun's archive link to the dirt on the new
crop of Survivor competitors.
The October FHM features Lisa Guerrero, the new sideline
reporter joining Madden and Michaels on Monday Night Football.
Lisa Guerrero #2
archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap
days left until International Talk Like a Pirate Day (Sept 19)
Link goes to (where else)
- now with new English-to-Pirate instant translator
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick
Locke, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Yesterday, we asked - who
has the best breasts in post-Kournikova women's tennis?
You guys definitely love the big uns. After more
than 200 votes, the stacked gals, Iroda and Serena, took 78% of the votes
between them, while the tight small ones fell far behind.
I think Venus has a gorgeous figure, but
she limped in with a paltry 6%. Iroda, the gal from my wife's home town of
Tashkent, Uzbekistan, got more votes than all the others combined. Mammoth
mams won the day.
- Venus Williams 6%
- Serena Williams 27%
- Iroda Tulyaganova 51%
- Jennifer Capriati 16%.
A whole bunch of raw frames of "xXx" star Asia Argento naked in scenes from "B. Monkey" (1998). She bares breasts in almost every frame, plus pubes in #5 and a semi-gyno view in #4.
Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.
A must see....
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
Another day, another Hefmate. That's what I always say. Well, to be honest, I've never said it before, but it sounds just fine.
Heffer in question is Shannon Tweed in a movie entitled, "In the Cold of the Night." Aptly named. It is everything In the Heat of the Night was not. Heat had plot, pacing, direction and two male leads who were at the top of their games. Cold has none of the above. How bad was it? Consider these two points:
1) Two veteran B-movie actresses, Shannon and Adrienne Sachs, are the only ones in this mess who could act. The male lead, in particular, was a cypher, a nought, a black hole into which all talent disappeared. Ya know its gonna be a long movie when the eye candy is the major acting talent.
2) Marc Singer looked embarrassed to say his lines. This is a guy who had to pretend to tell a couple of ferrets to steal Tanya Roberts' clothes in Beastmaster, and did it without looking self-conscious. Yet here he's embarrassed. That's okay, Mark, so were we.
The exposure? Well, Shannon lets one twin out to play (collage 1) and shows us quite a nice bit o' rumpus in a thong (collage 2). This was still early in Shannon's career (1989), only five years after Hot Dog, and she looks real good.
And then there is Adrienne Sachs, who sometimes spells her first name Adrianne. When Tuna and Vejita sent in their caps of this movie, I was tres impressed, but after seeing the movie an adjective is necessary. Something like fucking impressed. The sport-humpin scene with the male lead is long and, tho shot through a blue filter, it is damn-near perfect. Grabbed about a googleplex of frames and managed to stick the first sequence together, which covers her response to the guy's entry into the shower. It gets better. A lot better. Should have them soon.
|The Brazilian actress topless, showing a little bush, gettin' it on, and even doing a little light bondage in scenes from "Erotique" (1994).
|Gorgeous toplessness in scenes from the French movie "Bienvenue chez les Rozes" (2003).
|Mr. Nude Celeb
|Pokies and a very brief nip-slip in scenes from the Martin Scorsese movie "Gangs of New York" (2002).
|Down shirt partial breast views in scenes from "The Quick and the Dead" (1985). Despite the cast of Sharon Stone, Gene Hackman, Russell Crowe before he was mega-famous, a young Leo DiCaprio and the direction of Sam Raimi, the movie didn't didn't do very well at the box office, possibly because it was essentially a spaghetti western. Personally, I kinda liked it.
The story isn't great, but Raimi's Evil Dead style of direction worked very well with spaghetti western genre. Lots of close ups, using the point of view of the guns, tilted cameras, etc. A fun watch if you like movies and can appreciate the style while also forgiving the lack of substance.
|The pop singer (a member of the pop group All Saints) looking gorgeous in topless scenes from her movie debut "Honest" (2000). 'Caps by the Skin-man.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
BRITNEY EXPLAINS MADONNA KISS
Madonna's Used That Line A Lot - Britney Spears told "Access Hollywood"
that her controversial kiss with Madonna at the MTV Video Music Awards was
not rehearsed. She said during rehearsals, Madonna suggested it and said
"do what you feel...just go with it and see what happens." But when it did
happen, Britney said, "I didn't know to that extent that it was gonna be
that long and stuff." Asked if she'd do it again, she replied, "I hadn't
kissed anyone in a long time, so that should last me for awhile."
She hates kissing people with mustaches.
Britney doesn't want people giving her any more lip.
The last person she kissed was Justin, and Madonna's a lot more
WHAT DO TODAY'S COLLEGE FRESHMEN KNOW?
Do They Know The Phrase "Pig Ignorant"? - Beloit College in Wisconsin
issued its annual "Mindset List" to explain what this fall's college
freshmen know. Most were born in 1985, so to them, Ricky Nelson, Orson
Welles and Lawrence Welk have always been dead. They've never heard Howard
Cosell broadcast a football game. They have always known what
Control-Alt-Delete means. And to them, stores have always had price
scanners, all gas has always been unleaded, Paul Newman has always made
salad dressing, and the Osmonds have always been talk show hosts, not
Those lucky little SOB's.
So the answer to the question "What do today's college freshmen know?"
is "Not much."
I think Lawrence Welk HAS always been dead.
To them, Mike Tyson has always been insane...But then, he's always been
insane to everybody.
They think the greatest generation is anyone who had to use Windows 3.1
When asked about "The Great War", they start talking about Operation Desert Storm since American History only goes back to 1990 now.
STING'S TANTRIC SEX BOAST A LIE
If I Ever Lose My Faith In You... - Sting admitted to ITV that his claim
that he and his wife had "tantric sex" for up to eight hours at a time
wasn't true. He said he made it up to impress Bob Geldof during a drunken
night out. Sting said that what he didn't say was that the eight hours of
sex "included four hours of begging, and then dinner and a movie."
A double feature...
And then, they both fell asleep.
That's not Tantric sex, it's Jewish sex!
Come to think of it, the dinner and movie were more entertaining than
tantric sex would've been.