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Tuna
"The Beastmaster"

The Beastmaster (1982) is a pretty typical sword and sorcery film, with slave girls, muscle bound hero, and bad guys to overcome. In this case, the hero is an ancient Dr. Doolittle, who talks to the animals. Two weasels, a hawk, and a panther are his traveling companions. The princess who keeps getting captured is played by Tanya Roberts, who is seen topless at the beginning of the film bathing in a pond. In the background, Linda Smith can also be seen topless. Everyone else keeps their clothes on.

This region2 DVD from the UK was not a terrific transfer. Looks like it is also available in Region 1 DVD. IMDB readers score it 5.2 of 10. Critics were lukewarm on this one. can give it no more than a C, and that includes extra credit for putting nudity in a PG film.

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  • Tanya Roberts (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

    "└ ma soeur!"

    └ ma soeur! (2001), called Fat Girl in the US, and correctly translated For My Sister in Australia, is from controversial director Catherine Breillat (Romance). True to her style, she presents a frank look at two sisters, and their sexual awakening, that most will find unsettling. Ana´s (Ana´s Reboux) is 13, and chubby, because when something is eating at her, she eats, and she lives in the shadow of her older sister, Elena (Roxane Mesquida). Elena is 15, and a perfect Lolita. Everything comes easy to her. As the film opens, the family is vacationing on the French coast, and the sisters are walking into town. Elena bets that she can hook a guy before her sister. She is confident that all she has to do is walk through a sidewalk cafe, and some hunk will invite them to his table.

    She is absolutely right. She starts a relationship with collage junior Fernando (Libero De Rienzo), an Italian law student, and before long, sneaks him into the bedroom she shares with her sister. Sister gets to watch as he tries to seduce her, using every trick a young man knows, including telling her that it is a natural expression of loving him, and then telling her she is forcing him to date an older girl just for sex, even though he doesn't want to. She finally consent to anal intercourse, as he convinces her it doesn't count, and she will still be a virgin.

    She wants to save herself for the right guy, and then only after a long courtship. Her sister feels like her virginity is something to get out of the way before she meets someone that matters. Of course, being 13 and fat, she hasn't had any offers. Fernando finally gives Elena an expensive opal ring, telling her they are engaged, and she decides to go all the way, again, with her sister in the room. At the moment of climax, we don't see the couple, but the sister, crying, as she sees through the guy, and knows her older sister is being taken advantage of.

    I won't say much about act three, as some of you will want to see this film, and it goes somewhere quite unexpected. Fernando's mother comes to the house, and demands the family heirloom ring that her son stole. Elena's parents now know everything that has happened, and this ends the vacation. Workaholic dad has flown home, and their mother (ArsinÚe Khanjian), is to drive the three of them home.

    Roxane Mesquida looks every bit the ripe 15 year old, and shows breasts and bush in two sex scenes. The chubby Ana´s Reboux shows her breasts primping in front of a mirror. I watched a Region 2 PAL DVD, and I don't believe it is available in Region one yet.

    IMDB readers say 6.7 of 10. Breillat won an award in Berlin, and was nominated for another Golden Bear. Ebert says 3 1/2 stars, and Berardinelli 3. It received 71% positive at Rotten Tomatoes, and 88% from the top critics. I was fascinated by the honest look at teenage sexuality, and the love/hate relationship between the two very different sisters. The film looks great, in that it has some nice scenery, is well lit, and features a very lovely woman, showing most of her assets. I think we will see a lot more of Roxane Mesquida, and I look forward to it. While I found Romance not a lot better than any other hard core film, Breillat showed me something unique here, and did it very well. On the other hand, it is partially character driven, and in French with subtitles, which probably accounts for the low box office ($681K). So, while it is an excellent film, the correct score is probably C+.

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  • Anais Reboux (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Roxana Mesquida (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    Scoop is taking a few days off but will return next week with new 'caps, comments and other crap.

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Site News
    The Honte has updated his Swedish and International celeb site. Just follow the link in the main Member's Area.

    For those who may be thinking "Why would I want to see Swedish celebs?" Well because they look like this....

    UC99
    Monica Manni
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Going back to 1990 with scans of the Italian model at the age of 19. Gorgeous breasts in every image, with bush in links 5 and 7.

    Jessica Stockmann
    (1, 2)

    The German actress topless in two movies. Link #1 has scenes from "Todeslust" (2002), link #2 is from "Wie angelt man sich seinen Chef?" (2000).

    Doreen Jacobi
    (1, 2)

    Also topless in two German movies. #1 is from "Der Runner", and #2 is from "Todeslust".

    Variety
    Britney Spears
    (1, 2, 3)

    Paparazzi pics of the pop princess looking much less glamorous than usual. No make up, and wearing glasses and work out clothes.

    Nikki Fritz
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    One of my favorite Skinemax babes showing all 3 B's and gettin' it on in scenes from "Hidden Beauties" (1999).

    Nicole Kidman Three words: Nicole's bare bum. From the slightly less oft-capped scene from EWS.

    Beautiful woman, smart, a redhead, a rumpus from heaven and an Australian accent. Ain't she perfect?

    Veera Degerholm Brief breast exposure in scenes from the Finnish movie "Kymmenen riivinrautaa" (2002).

    Natasha Wightman
    (1, 2, 3)

    Breast and great bum views in scenes from "Revelation" (2001). Thanks to C2000.

    A request
    Hey Scoops,

    Both RDO and Umpire have sent in caps from the movie, "Tintorera". I got ahold of a copy (VHS) and it is in terrible condition, so my 'caps of Laura Lyons and Fiona Lewis are well...not worthy. Here's the request: RDO sent in caps of Jennifer Ashley, who is in the same part of the movie as Laura Lyons...soooo is there any way to see if he did Laura and maybe Fiona, too?

    -Brainscan

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    ACTRESS PROTESTS AGEISM
    Everybody Hates Granny - Wednesday, Doris Roberts, who plays Ray's mother Marie on "Everybody Loves Raymond," spoke to a Senate committee on aging to denounce ageism in the media. She said no other group allows itself to be denigrated, but older people are routinely depicted in entertainment, news and advertising as old coots, fogies, codgers, geezers, hags and old-timers.

  • Or worst of all, really obnoxious in-laws.
  • And in Hollywood, "older people" means anyone over 24.
  • The Senators didn't think Doris Roberts was old...Strom Thurmond has liver spots older than her.


    LANCE BASS GETS NEW OFFER FROM TED NUGENT
    That's A Real Catgut Guitar - Ted Nugent has an offer for 'N Sync's Lance Bass to help him get over not going into space. Ted said that for just $1 million, he'll invite Bass to his Michigan ranch, take him into the woods and teach him bow-hunting. Nugent said Bass needs to forget about space and learn to appreciate nature here on Earth by hunting, killing, cleaning and cooking his own food. He said he'll even throw in a few guitar lessons.

  • Ted can show him 47 ways to kill a deer with a guitar.
  • He can't play guitar! It would ruin the choreography!
  • 'N Sync alone in the wood with a heavily-armed Ted Nugent? Sounds good to me!


    MADONNA TURNS MODEST
    No Reason To See It Now - Madonna's director husband Guy Ritchie says he cut most of the nudity out of their remake of "Swept Away" because "I don't want my missus naked all over the place." He said he also cut the violence and sodomy from the 1974 original because "buggery is no longer in fashion like it used to be." Madonna seems happy with the changes. Now a married mom of two, she says she's become very spiritual and "I'm not particularly fond of kissing strange men".

  • Strange women and pro basketball teams, sure...
  • And her husband bought that?! How young IS he?!!


    TV SHOW SEEKS TALENTLESS LOSER TO TURN INTO POP STAR
    Flop Idol - The British morning TV show "RI:SE" is holding a contest in reaction to all the current pop idol-making shows. Producer Deborah Turness said they want to show that most current stars are manufactured, so they are looking for the most untalented person in the U.K., people who can't sing or dance and who look like a dog's dinner. The one judged worst will be trained to sing and dance and booked into a top venue, to see if he or she isn't indistinguishable from today's pop stars.

  • Didn't they already do this in Britain? It was called "The Spice Girls."
  • Simon Cowell suggested they just call Nikki McKibbon.
  • And you thought the competition for American Idol was fierce!
  • If the most untalented person in the U.K. can't be taught to sing, he'll be sent to America to become a rap star.