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"The List" (2000)

The List must be a direct to video, as it is still shown in IMDB as in production. It was released today on DVD. A high class call girl (Madchen Amick) is arrested with her client, a judge. In court, she reveals that she has a client list and videos of her other clients. The presiding judge, Ryan O'Neal, has just been nominated to the supreme court. We soon find that the arrest was part of an elaborate blackmail scheme by Amick. Her client list includes many prominent judges, powerful attorneys and even the governor. This is a good enough set-up to make a decent film out of, but they didn't. Ryan O'Neal gives an incredibly bad performance, and the plot meanders through intrigue and murder without arousing any real interest.

Madchen appears in her black lace unmentionables, and Catherine N. Blythe gets naked as O'Neals wife. I give this one a thumbs down.

  • Thumbnails

  • Madchen Amick (1, 2, 3, 4)
  • Catherine N Blythe (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    "Triplecross" (1995)

    Triplecross was also recently released. This made-for-cable is a crime story. An FBI agent bungles an arrest during a diamond theft, and is after vengeance. The thief made enough from the heist to retire from crime and live with his girlfriend in luxury. The FBI agent springs his ex cell-mate to talk him into another heist. The cell-mate and the girlfriend, Ashley Laurence, almost immediately start an affair. What follows is a very predictable and boring series of double-crosses. There is nothing wrong with this film, but there is nothing really right about it either. Laurence shows most of her goods, but that is not enough to save it.

  • Thumbnails

  • Ashley Laurence (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
  • Johnny Web
    "American Psycho" (2000)

    This is an odd movie. It's basically a dark comedy that postulates this theory:

    The normal behavior of men in the pursuit of wealth and women is only a hair's-breadth away from total bestiality, exemplified by the violent metaphors used to describe sexual, sports, and business dealings. The Braves slaughtered the Yankees, I cut off his balls on that deal, I fucked her brains out.

    The step across the final frontier, to a point where the metaphorical expressions become reality, is not as large a step as we may think. The behavior may be residing within each of us, capable of emerging, but strongly forbidden by the rules of civilized behavior.

    Patrick Bateman crosses that line. He is willing to kill a man who has a more elegant business card than he. He is willing not just to ruin lives, but to end them as well. He is a new kind of totally amoral sociopath, the ultimate extension of the "me decade". Some guys surf the internet for a hobby, some guys collect coins, he murders people. And he works long and hard to be good at it. The first overachieving, workaholic yuppie mass murderer.

    Oh, well, it's all in the tone. Christian Bale plays the entire role as a young good looking version of Bill Murray, all mock sincerity, all of his lines dripping with irony, either in the character's attitude toward other characters, or in the attitude of the author toward the character.

    To clarify, he waxes ecstatic over Huey Lewis and the News. The character may or may not be sincere in his love for the world's worst-ever rock group, but the author of the lines surely is not. By the way, Huey withdrew "Hip to be Square" from the sound track album, but his reasoning - "movie too violent" -didn't seem to present any awareness that they might have been making fun of him, since he's now been declared the favorite rock artist of mass murderers as well as aged Republicans.

    Anyway, I cancelled my sound track order. Without "Hip to be Square", gosh darn it, it just isn't the same. I did run a link to the sound track info below, but this movie has to have the worst musical selection since "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert".

    I laughed a few times, but the target is an easy target, and the satire is therefore obvious. How hard is it to satirize an era filled with amoral coke-blowing self-absorbed Huey Lewis fans. It's about as difficult as making fun of Stalin, or making Alzheimer's jokes about Reagan. I didn't find that the humor "got" to me in any visceral way. It's just kind of vicious smirking, the same kind of attitude Patrick Bateman would have had for the filmmaker if their roles were reversed.

    Although the film is awash in violent and sexual themes, there is virtually no explicit nudity, and virtually no explicit gore. I didn't even do any captures, since Akira did the unrated version yesterday, and I only have the R-rated version. If I get the other version, I'll work on the captures.

    Anyway, don't see the movie if you're expecting great music, nudity and violence. Do see it if you always thought those yuppies were all really psychos, and you really enjoy black comedy. I didn't really "get it", but you younger guys will probably be able to relate better.

    Box Office: released in selected theaters (1236 screens) in April. Total box office: $15 million, respectable on a total budget of $8 million.

    IMDB summary: 7.2 out of 10.

    Rotten Tomatoes summary: 60%. 42 positive, 28 negative.

    DVD info from Amazon

    Sound Track info from Amazon

    Book info from Amazon

    "Caught Up" (1998)

    This is a movie about a basically good guy who gets "caught up" in the seedy side of life. His first mistake, drug dealing, was his own fault, and he paid for it.

    The second mistake was sheer craziness. A demented friend offered to invest in a new business, and they go to the bank to get ten grand. The only problem is that the friend plans to make the withdrawal with a handgun, and our hero gets "caught up" driving the getaway car.

    The third time, he gets "caught up" with a beautiful woman who looks exactly like the wife he left behind when he went to prison. And I mean exactly. Sound like a silly enough plot twist? Well, the dead ringer is into all kinds of ugliness, and our hero finds himself being shot at by crooked cops, real cops, rasta diamond thieves, crazed security guards, small-time hoods, and everybody else in L.A. except Charlton Heston. And that's only because Heston couldn't find him.

    It's a film which relies on scores of "left field" plot twists to keep driving it forward. Nothing is as it seems, and each revelation seems even more forced than the previous one.

    Luckily, the film has some positives:

    1. The narrative is very straightforward and traditional, which helps us follow the convoluted plot and keep up with the twists. Any narrative experimentation could have been fatal to comprehension.

    2. The exotic beauty Cynda Williams looks good with her top off, and takes out her mammoth chest in a fairly lengthy sex scene with the lead.

    3. There is some humor which fits into the context of the plot. This redeems the film significantly.

    Some of the characterizations are sub-par, and the various twists are too cliched to really startle us as the filmmaker hoped they would. To my way of thinking, the film lacks the energy, drive, enthusiasm, and musical savvy that mark the work of the best African-American filmmakers. Instead, it moves with a dreamy, slow, poetic force punctuated by barely enough irony to keep the audience aware that the filmmaker doesn't take this all that seriously.

    I don't think it's a very good film, or very memorable. But it's one of those that make an OK watch when you need to kick back and turn off your brain for a while. Maybe first-time director Darin Scott will be able to channel his raw talent more effectively as he matures in the craft.

  • Cynda (1, 2, 3)

    DVD info from Amazon

    "The Summer of Love" (1995) by TomCat and Johnny Web

    It seems that nothing moves us more universally than the remembrance of the last summer of youth.

    Perhaps it's the summer after high school, which is heavy with the bittersweet knowledge that everyone will soon go in separate directions.

    Sometimes it's more dramatic. That last summer for me was filled with the knowledge that some of our classmates would be in Vietnam soon, perhaps lost to us forever.

    But that isn't the highpoint of the potential drama, by any means. What about the last summer in Poland before the Nazis came? How innocent those skinny dips and pillow fights must have seemed, looking back from the stygian darkness.

    Summer of Love is a Slavic coming-of-age film which received some pretty decent reviews. I haven't seen it (Tomcat's captures), but here is a very lengthy treatise on the film if you want to know the details.

  • Eva Bukowska
  • Daria Powieriennowa (1, 2)
  • Brainscan
    Brinke Stevens

    Catherine Zeta-Jones

    Helen Hunt

    Michelle Angelo
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Comments by Brainscan:
    Opened a can of worms with the Juliette Cummins cleanup and paste-together. So I decided to do the same with a couple of Monday's posts. You got your Catherine Zeta Jones caps, which were as big as a house, trimmed down to something manageable and stuck together in one manner or another. I mean I like CZJ as much as the next guy, even if the next guy is Michael Douglas, but over 2 Mb devoted to underwear caps? I pity anyone who tried downloading them with a 56K dinosaur. While I was at it I also assembled Tuna's caps of Brinke Stevens (including the ones labeled as Debra DeLiso). With his permission I'd like to move on to Michele Michaels, since she is my favorite one-hit wonder of the legitimate cinema world (if you can call anything with "Massacre" in its title legit).

    Okay, that's done, but for the same low price I added a few extras:
    1) Helen Hunt as seen in Esquire. Haven't a clue what the photographer was thinking. This woman has skin so pure it makes porcelain jealous but the man with the camera shoots her with high-speed 35mm film and then blows it up so every grain on the film surface can be seen. There oughta be a law, but rather than prosecute I cleaned up the scan and left it looking like... Helen Hunt;
    2) Michelle Angelo. She appeared in a couple of movies with names such as Street of a Thousand Pleasures and Nymphs Anonymous (most nymphs I know have used pseudonyms); she also posed for what has to be 300 magazine shoots during the late 60's, so that every damn men's magazine that comes into the shop from 1967 and 68 has a couple of pages of her in it. I picked out a couple of representative scans.

    Shannon Elizabeth
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
    It's always nice to revisit some of the best scenes of any movie....and Shannon in the bedroom is the best scene in "American Pie". I thought is was a great film, but since we have reviewed it a bazillion times in the Fun House, I won't bore anyone with more comments.
    Evil Scan
    Kelly LeBrock
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
    Now here is where I'll bore you comments! "Weird Science" is one of the greatest movies of my generation!

    That's right! For all of us who grew up 80's, in a nut shell, this movie single handedly sums up everything we thought was cool and popular as well as nerdy and stupid!

    Of the 4 great John Hughes films that defined my teenage years ("Sixteen Candles", "Breakfast Club", "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" and "Weird Science") "Science" was the best. "Ferris" is a regarded by most as the best of the bunch, but I disagree. For as cool as "Ferris" was as a character, he was also a manipulative little prick that anyone with half a brain would have told to fuck off. "Club" was a bit too preachy, and "Candles" starred Molly Ringworm. So that leaves "Science" as the clear winner by default.

    Besides...the heroes were geeks. They were kids with acne from the suburbs. Not really complete losers, just unsure of themselves. Exactly like we all were at age 15.

    The basic plot...2 nerds make a girl on their computer that comes to life. She has some magic powers, and uses them to teach Gary and Wyatt how to be confident about themselves. In addition, along the way she shows them that popularity and being cool come from within, and are not really measured by the things we have or the company we keep. Considering that this was the the peak of the me decade, that was actually a pretty strong statement, especially for teens.

    Ok, so the basic story is complete Hughes...suburbs, mild dysfunction, moral, happy ending, credits. But where this movie really shines is in 4 places...

  • 1.It isn't too preachy.
  • 2.It has very clever and witty dialogue. Tons of memorable catch phrases and one-liners.
  • 3.Great 80's soundtrack!
  • 4.Chet! Bill Paxton steals the movie, and no matter what he has done since or ever will do on screen he will always be Chet! Some actors find roles that stick with them for all of their career. Stallone will always be Rocky, Arnold will always be The Terminator, DeNiro will always be looking into a mirror doing the "you talkin' to me" bit as Travis from "Taxi Driver"...and Bill Paxton will always be Chet!

    Sure, many have overlooked this movie and brushed it off as a teen flick, but it's so much more. In 90 minutes, it parodies as well as pays homage to the 80's. At times it is very tongue in cheek, and at others, it takes itself semi-seriously. Call it nostalgic sentiment, but for me, in thei movie, John Hughes captured a part of my youth and preserved it on celluloid.

    I really do love this film...over the years, I have continued to borrow and paraphrase quotes from it almost daily. Best of all, I'm not alone! If only I had a buck for every time my posse drove home with one person sticking their head out the window and yelling "Everything's Cool" at passing strangers, while another guy was in the back complaining about his 'nuts being half way up his ass', but other than that he was perfect!

  • UC99
    Laura Antonelli Scenes from 1981's "Mi faccio la barca" ("I'm Getting a Yact")
    Daniela Poggi Also from "Mi faccio la barca".
    Jenny Deimling Topless and full frontal images from the German movie "Gomez - Kopf oder Zahl" ("Gomez: Heads or Tails"
    and ...
    Monique Gabrielle
    (1, 2, 3)
    Two legends joining forces! On one hand you have the former Pet, and all around scream queen and b-movie bimbo...on the other you have a name synonymous with soft core cinema! Some might call this the peanut butter cup of softcore...two great tastes that go great together. Or something like that. (Hey, bare with me, I've been sick for over a week!). Anyway, fantastic vidcaps from Pappa showing some of the highlights of "Emmanuelle 5".
    Cameron Diaz
    (1, 2, 3)
    Cameron is always a treat, and one of the hottest actress in Hollywood. But can she pull off the big screen remake of a really bad 70's show? I guess we'll have to wait and see. Personally I'm not sure the 70's as a cool retro thing is that hip anymore...and let's face it, the only reason the show was popular to begin with was a)hot women, and b)we only had 3 channels to choose from back then!
    Thanks to Burkittsville for these sneak peek vidcaps.
    Sable (Rena Mero)
    (1, 2)
    For the rasslin' fans....Sable made a recent, and very nekkid appearance in the British GQ. She doesn't bare all, but does show quite a bit.
    Jennifer Lopez A see-thru of Jennifer! Is this the same poster that was available through a main stream distributor? We ran a much smaller version of that see-thru a few months ago, however this one is much larger an d more clear. A great find for her fans.
    Natalie Appleton The paparazzi strike again. I guess this is one of the last flings for the summer, here is the All Saints singer caught topless at the beach.
    Julie Anderson I'm not familiar with her, but I can say that I mind seeing her in this topless scan from Celebrity Sleuth's 25 sexist women of 1995.
    Gabriella Hall From Helcrom, one of the masters of the Skinemax, these are scenes from "Summer Temptations II". If you find this one on cable or at the local video store, looks like you're in for all of the usual late-night cable softcore fun. Lot's of boobs, bums, hot tubs, and even some bodypainting!
    Shauna O'Brien More scenes from "Summer Temptations II", by Helcrom.
    Britney Spears When not busy lip-syncing, or doing McDonald's commercials, the teen "diva" found time to pose for the cover of October's FHM. Here is an very cleaned up version with almost all text removed by Richie H.
    Laura Sadler Watty gets bonus points for these images from "Anchor Me"! The scene captured in the top image with Laura lying full stretch is actually 6 or 7 separate vidcaps spliced together.
    The Funnies
    Actual Names of Towns:

    Muff (Northern Ireland)
    Bastard (Norway)
    Twatt (Shetland, UK)
    Dildo (Newfoundland, Canada)
    Wankie (Zimbabwe)
    Climax (Colorado, USA) Also North Carolina
    Lickey End (West Midlands,UK)
    Shafter (California, USA)
    Dongo (Congo - Democratic Republic)
    Dong Rack (Thailand-Cambodia border)
    Donk (Belgium)
    Intercourse (Pennsylvania, USA)
    Brown Willy (every schoolboy's favourite, Cornwall,UK)
    Lord Berkeley's Knob (Sutherland, Scotland)
    Stains (Near Paris,France)
    Turdo (Romania)
    Fukum (Yemen)
    Fuku (Shensi, China)
    Wanks River (Nicaragua)
    Wankendorf (Schleswig-Holstein, Germany)
    Shag Island (Indian Ocean)
    Sexmoan (Luzon, Philippines)
    Hold With Hope (Greenland)
    Beaver (Oklahoma, USA)
    Beaver Head (Idaho, USA)
    Wet Beaver Creek (Australia)
    Pis Pis River (Nicaragua)
    Tittybong (Australia)
    Dikshit (India)
    Middle Intercourse Island (Australia)
    Chinaman's Knob (Australia)
    Gobbler's Knob (Kentucky, USA)
    Beaverlick (Kentucky, USA)
    Morehead (Kentucky, USA)

    Honorable Mention (not a town):
    Big Bone Lick State Park (Kentucky, USA)

    Non-Sexual, but still pretty F'd up town name:
    Monkeys Eyebrow (Kentucky, USA)

    COMPUTER HAIKU Imagine if, instead of incomprehensible geeky text strings, your computer produced error messages in haiku. (As if there were a difference? Actually some of these are quite funny.)

    First snow, then silence.
    This thousand-dollar screen dies
    so beautifully.
    * * * * *
    With searching comes loss
    and the presence of absence
    "My Novel" not found.
    * * * * *
    A file that big?
    It might be very useful.
    But now it is gone.
    * * * * *
    The Web site you seek
    just cannot be located.
    But endless others exist.
    * * * * *
    Chaos reigns within.
    Reflect, repent, and reboot.
    Order shall return.
    * * * * *
    Aborted effort.
    Close all that you have.
    You ask far too much.
    * * * * * The Tao that is seen Is not the true Tao, until You bring fresh toner. * * * * *
    Windows NT crashed.
    I am the Blue Screen of Death.
    No one hears your screams.
    * * * * *
    Stay the patient course.
    Of little worth is your ire
    The network is down.
    * * * * *
    A crash reduces
    your expensive computer
    to a simple stone.
    * * * * *
    Yesterday it worked
    Today it is not working.
    Windows is like that.
    * * * * *
    Three things are certain
    Death, taxes, and lost data.
    Guess which has occurred.
    * * * * * *
    You step in the stream,
    but the water has moved on.
    This page is not here.
    * * * * *
    Out of memory.
    We wish to hold the whole sky,
    But we never will.
    * * * * *
    Having been erased,
    The document you're seeking
    Must now be retyped.
    * * * * *
    Rather than a beep
    Or a rude error message,
    These words "File not found."
    * * * * *
    Serious error.
    All shortcuts have disappeared.
    Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

    Another rimshot special
    Mary Poppins couldn't have said it better... Ghandi, a spiritual man walked everywhere on bare feet, so he had tremendous caluses. He also ate very little, so he was frail, and his strange diet gave him bad breath. So what did that make him? A super calused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

    Click Here!