Friday

Tuna
"Nobody's Fool"

Nobody's Fool (1994) stars Paul Newman as a man approaching retirement age in a small town in upstate New York. He is pressing a Workman's comp case against the only construction company in town, is represented by a one-legged lawyer, is living in a bedroom belonging to his grade school schoolteacher (Jessica Tandy), flirts outrageously with Melanie Griffith, the wife of the construction company owner (Bruce Willis), and is reunited with the son he left years before when he split from his ex wife. Newman and all his friends play poker together in the local tavern, no matter what conflict they were having during the day. Willis is constantly cheating on his wife with Anjelica Torn.

Over the course of the film, Newman has to begin to deal with his son, who is now back in his life, a grandson and his hatred for his own abusive alcoholic father. Griffith flashes her breasts for Newman, and Torn is topless sitting next to Willis in a poker game for several minutes.

IMDB readers have this at 7.2 of 10. Ebert and Berardinelli both say 3 1/2 stars, Rotten Tomatoes shows 84% positive overall, with 100% from the top critics. US Gross was $39.5M, and Newman was nominated for Best Actor, and the film also received a writing nomination. Newman was wonderful in the role, playing a real person, and not a movie character. This is a C+.

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  • Anjelica Torn (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
  • Melanie Griffith (1, 2, 3)

    "Pantaleón y las visitadoras"

    Pantaleón y las visitadoras (1995), according to IMDB, is a comedy/drama from Spain. I am going to go way out on a limb here, and differ with IMDB. The film was made in Peru, primarily with Peruvian money, had a mostly Peruvian cast and crew, and was nominated for a Goya for best foreign film in the Spanish language. Based on that flimsy evidence, I am going to say Peruvian film. Comedy, Drama, and Satire probably all apply.

    There is a problem in Peru with unrest among troops stationed in the jungle, and a high incidence of sexual assault of local women. The army comes up with a solution, and assign straight arrow, married, conservative Captain Pantaleón Pantoja to go under cover and put their plan in place. The plan is rather simple. Have an unofficial Army run cadre of hookers, and take them around to the military bases on a regular basis. Each soldier who uses the service has the cost deducted from his pay, half to the girls, half for operating expenses. Captain Pantoja is little like Candide. Even though he is extremely conservative, he throws himself into the task, and has soon recruited an ex madam to interface with the girls, brought 5 on board for the test case, and the first effort is a major success. He invents a whole new vocabulary for his reports. The girls are "visitors" and each encounter is a "rendering." He plans carefully with research and computer analysis, and determines that each Visitor can handle up to 20 renderings each day, and starts to staff up for the job ahead.

    Life is not all roses, however. His wife is suspicious of is hours, a local shock DJ is sniffing around the project, and one of the girls, Angie Cepeda, is doing her best to seduce him. One look at the images of her below, and you can guess that she was increasingly hard to resist. Just to add to his challenges and opportunities, his wife becomes pregnant.

    Angie Cepeda, a native of Columbia and a sultry beauty, shows breasts, buns, and a hint of bush in several scenes. Tatiana Astengo does a great full frontal while applying for a job as a Visitor, and another woman shows her breasts and buns during the interview process.

    IMDB readers have this at 7.4 of 10, which is rather high for a foreign language film. The makeup of those votes is even more interesting. Women of ever age group score it higher than men, and foreign voters are at 7.6, whole US voters are at 6.2. Critical response was very strange.The few US reviews thought it was an unfunny comedy, with one exception. One reviewer admitted that it had nudity from lovely women, sex, some very funny moments, and wonderful locations and photography, but said it lasted way too long. It has mainly been released in Spanish speaking countries, but is now available on a very nicely done DVD with subtitles. This film doesn't spend all of its time in any one pigeon hole, and has plenty of interesting minor characters to add even more color. This is a C+. If you don't find subtitles too daunting to enjoy a film, you might want to rent this one.

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  • Angie Cepada (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26)
  • Tatiana Astengo (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Don't forget to look at the pictures and vote in the women's tennis poll. See the bottom section of my column.

    Saving Silverman (2001)

    I didn't much care for this comedy when I first watched it, but it has grown on me a little. This is the one where the entire film is dedicated to making fun of Neil Diamond.  Tuna's and my notes are here. Except for Neil Diamond's parts,  it's basically a slapstick film on the Three Stooges level of humor. Elya and our daughter found no humor in it at all. In fact, Elya asked me if it was a comedy! On the other hand, my nineteen year old son and his friends really like this movie, and watch it repeatedly. It is rated 6.8 at IMDb by people under 18, but no other gender group or age group rates it even as high as 5.5. So there you have it. If you are a student or of student age, you may get a kick out of this lowbrow movie which sometimes didn't seem to have a script at all. ("OK, guys, I'm going to point the camera at you, and try to do something funny!") On the other hand, if you can drink legally, you should probably do just that instead of spending your time and money on this movie.

    Two things worth noticing:

    1. You have to have some love for a film where R. Lee Ermey, the heartless drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket, is gay, is dressed up in glittery disco clothing, and is dancing along to 70s music under the disco ball. He is one funky monkey. (Surprisingly, he's actually quite a funny guy!)

    2. Check out the new Encyclopedia volume for Odessa Munroe. You'll see that she's really grown as an actress since Saving Silverman. As our friend Celebrity Sleuth might say, she took her chest in for some Munroe Doctorin'

    • Odessa Munroe (1, 2, 3, 4)
    • Tracy Trueman (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
    • Amanda Detmer (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

     

     

    UPDATES:

    • Updated volumes: Laetitia Casta, Ava Caddell, Lana Clarkson, Clotilde Courau, Jennifer Connelly, Kim Cattrall, Cindy Crawford, Julie Christie, Rae Dawn Chong
    • New volume: Odessa Munroe

     

     

    OTHER CRAP:

    Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

     

     

    PIRATE COUNTDOWN:

    days left until International Talk Like a Pirate Day (Sept 19)

    Link goes to (where else) TalkLikeAPirate.com - now with new English-to-Pirate instant translator

     

     

    MOVIE REVIEWS:

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    TENNIS POLL:

    As suggested by a reader, it is time for us to use our expertise to settle the most important question in today's world - who has the best breasts in post-Kournikova women's tennis?

    Please review all the candidates below, then submit your highly-informed ballot:

    Pictures here:

    • Venus Williams (1, 2, 3)
    • Serena Williams (1, 2, 3)
    • Iroda Tulyaganova (1, 2)
    • Jennifer Capriati (1, 2).

    Vote here (with some luck the up-to-date results will appear after you vote)

    Mr. Nude Celeb
    Mr. Nude Celeb takes a look as the gore-fest "House of 1000 Corpses" (2003), written and directed by Rob Zombie.

    Zombie filmed it back in 2000 and after a 3 year struggle, finally found distribution earlier this year. The budget was 7 million, marketing estimates are at 3 million and it brought in just over 12 million at the box office. My guess is it will probably match that or do even better on video. A nice little profit for an indie, ultra-gore splatter fest.

    • Sheri Moon aka "Mrs. Rob Zombie", partial rear nudity and brief breast views. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    • Topless unknowns (1, 2, 3)

    Variety
    Kimberly Rowe
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    		Wet t-shirts and undies, plus toplessness in link #4. Vidcaps by Nag featuring scenes from "Second to Die" (2001). You've probably seen Kimberly show a whole lot more during her appearances in several "Emmanuelle" and "Justine" movies.

    Mira Sorvino
    (1, 2, 3)


    		The Oscar winner going topless and baring a little bit of bum in scenes from "Norma Jean & Marilyn" (1996). Is it just me, or has Mira vanished from the spotlight completely in the past few years.


    Kelly Monaco
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Julie Strain
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)

    		Speaking of former Heffers and Pets shoing the goods on screen...here are two excellent examples by the Skin-man.

    First, Kelly Monaco (Heffer, April '97) shows off her lovely and amazing breasts (and kick-ass KISS make-up!) in scenes from the cool, dark comedy/teen/slasher movie "Idle Hands" (1999).

    Next up is the eternally fit and always nude Julie Strain going topless and full frontal in scenes from the recent straight-to-video release, "Delta Delta Die!".

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    RESTAURANT MASCOT FOUND IN PIECES
    Fat Boy Sleeps With The Fishes - A 7-foot fiberglass statue of "Fat Boy," the chef mascot of Spaghetti Eddie's restaurant in Cape Cod, Massachusetts, has finally surfaced. It disappeared July 25, the owner begged for its safe return, and a mysterious caller demanded a ransom of 400 pounds of gorgonzola ravioli in unmarked bags. Police assumed that was a prank call. But Fat Boy was spotted Monday, floating 50 yards off shore, wrapped in a tarp with his head, arms and feet missing.

  • Cape Cod residents were aghast: that's the type of thing that happens in New Jersey!
  • Moral: Never dismiss a demand for gorgonzola ravioli.
  • Several Kennedys have been rounded up for questioning.


    CD PRICES SLASHED A Good Start - Wednesday, Universal Music Group, the world's largest recording company, announced that it would try to boost lagging CD sales by dropping the suggested retail price on most of its CDs by a whopping $6, from $18.98 to $12.98. They hope this will lead stores to put them on sale for $10 or less.

  • How about 50 cents, which is how much it cost to make?
  • Now all they have to do is put some music on them that's worth $10.
  • Those poor record executives...They'll have to start snorting Cocaine Helper.


    CAMERON DIAZ BREAKS HER NOSE
    Cameron Diaz celebrated her 31st birthday Saturday by going surfing with her sister in Hawaii, and she broke her nose. She told reporters she was fine, and her nose showed no swelling. It just sported two tiny bandages.

  • Fortunately, it happened right next to the plastic surgery clinic.
  • Ironically, those are the only two places where her friend Demi Moore DIDN'T have plastic surgery.
  • Anyone else who broke their nose would look like Karl Malden.


    McDONALD'S SIGNS TIMBERLAKE
    Lovin' The Paycheck - McDonald's has signed Justin Timberlake to star in a series of commercials on the theme, "I'm lovin' it." Timberlake, who already did McDonald's commercials while in 'N Sync, claimed it's cool for him to shill for McDonald's because "We share the same crowd - people who like to have fun."

  • Also, people who like empty calories and artificial sweeteners.
  • Justin's a singer, but his real ambition is to work for an ad agency.


    CLAPTON WANTED TO JOIN THE STONES
    Exiled On Main Street - Keith Richards told Mojo magazine he only recently found out that when Mick Taylor left the Rolling Stones in 1974, Eric Clapton wanted to join the band. He never said so, but was hoping they'd ask. Richards said Clapton was too good and too much his own man to be a band guitarist. Plus, he's the only guy "lazier than me," and he needs to hire a band to "kick him up the arse" and make him play.

  • Keith Richards couldn't kick anyone's arse: his foot would disintegrate.
  • I didn't know Keith was lazy; I just thought he had rigor mortis.
  • Clapton wouldn't mesh well with Mick Jagger: they're Old Slowhand and Old Fast Hands.