Saturday

Tuna
"Force 10 from Navarone"

Force 10 from Navarone (1978) is a British WW II special forces film staring Robert Shaw and Harrison Ford. Their objective is to destroy a bridge in Yugoslavia the Germans are planing to use for an invasion. They are also to eliminate a German spy ... the same man who betrayed them at Navarone, when they went after The Guns of Navarone. Barbara Bach, as the daughter of a Yugoslav resistance leader and spy in the German camp shows breasts in a bathing scene. IN the wide screen version, we see the panties she was bathing in.

I found myself enjoying this rather typical WW II thriller, probably due to the character development of the main characters. Also, the team didn't start off working as a team. and we see their relationships build. IMDb readers have this at 5.9. If you like WW II yarns, this one is watchable.

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  • Barbara Bach (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    The Sentinel (1976)

    Catch this review with pictures at the Movie House Page

    ============

    The Sentinel is a major cheesefest of a cornball 70s horror movie about ... well ...

    It seems that there is only one being who can guard our existence from being overrun from hellish demons - the Sentinel. The Sentinel is not actually a single being with a seemingly infinite life-span, like Cher, but rather a single job which is filled by a succession of ordinary earthlings who are chosen to fulfill their destiny as Sentinel of the Century.

    The identity of the Next Sentinel is known to certain earthlings, like real estate agents, for example, who have to make sure that the Next Sentinel is in the right place at the right time to take over the Sentinelship. Unfortunately, the identity of the Next Sentinel is also made available to the demons from hell. It appears that heavenly justice works very much like the criminal justice system in the United Sates, in that the demons are allowed full disclosure of any evidence known to the good beings. Since the demons are privy to this information, the sole purpose of their existence is to do a bunch of spooky chain-rattling Jacob Marley shit that will cause the Next Sentinel to go insane and commit suicide before the Changing of the Sentinels, thus causing the Sentinelship to be vacant, and allowing them to leave hell and do whatever crazy shit demons do when they get a furlough from Hades. The chosen earthling is always especially susceptible to these maneuvers because he is just about the only person in the universe who is not aware that he is the Future Sentinel. It works out sort of like when you are about to be fired from your job, and everyone knows but you.

    In this case, the Next Sentinel is a supermodel, because you just can't have too attractive a Sentinel. She is being haunted by chilling dreams and visited constantly by long-dead serial murderers. She starts to imagine that she is responsible for everything evil in the world from terrorism, to the death of her father, to the existence of the Oprah Book Club. Not knowing that she is destined for Sentinelship, she's not trying to hang in there to save the human race, but is simply despondent and ready to shuffle off this mortal coil.

    Of course, there are some other dudes who try to help her out: some priests who are aware of the problem, and the Current Sentinel, who hasn't had a day off in several decades, and just wants to turn over the onerous Sentinel duties, buy a modest condo, and catch a few rounds of golf in South Florida with the other retirees.

    This film is cheesier than most of its type, not just because of the storyline, but for a couple of other reasons as well. (1) The star, Christina Raines, was just hopelessly unable to give a decent reading to even a single line. She would have stuck out as below par even on an episode of Charlie's Angels. (2) The special effects are absolutely comical (right).

    On the other hand, there are some very good reasons to sit through this film.

    1) Lots and lots of future stars are manning insignificant roles in their pre-stardom youth. Tom Berenger had two lines. Beverly D'Angelo may have had one or two lines, but I don't remember her speaking. Jerry Orbach, Christopher Walken, and Jeff Goldblum have a few lines each. This was D'Angelo's first movie. Berenger and Goldblum would not break through to stardom for several years, until they worked together in The Big Chill. Walken would become famous a year after The Sentinel, in his career-defining turn in The Deer Hunter.

    2) Many old Hollywood veterans ham it up in small roles. The list includes: Ava Gardner, Burgess Meredith, Arthur Kennedy, Jose Ferrer, Martin Balsam, John Carradine (as the Current Sentinel!), Sylvia Miles, and Eli Wallach! All we'd need is Charo, and we'd be ready for an entire season of The Love Boat.

    3) There's plenty of female nudity. Christina Raines only exposes a breast briefly, but Sylvia Miles, Beverly D'Angelo and two unidentified women are topless throughout most of the movie, with occasional flashes of bum from Miles and one of the unknowns.

     

     

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    MOVIE REVIEWS:

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

     

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Shiloh

    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

    NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

    I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.

     

    Showgirls, Part 1

    What can ya say? The perennial Funhouse favorite. High camp, naked chicks and ... um ... more naked chicks. Not to mention naked chicks.

    Tomorrow: More of Berkley alone.

     

     

     

    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
     
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.


    First up from the Ghost...'caps and vids of Lara Harris (not to be confused with Laura Harris of "Dead Like Me", "The Faculty").

    Here she is topelss in scenes from "Circuit Breaker" aka "Inhumanoid" (1996), starring Richard Grieco and Corbin Bernsen!

    • Lara Harris (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
    • Lara Harris zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Next up...video clips of "Say Anything" star Ione Skye topless in a couple of scenes from the 1999 movie "Mascara". #1 starts off with her gettin' some, but there is much better lighting in links 4-6.
    • Ione Skye zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Snowblind
    Snowblind returns after a long break with theme 'caps.

    Today's theme...the women of Kevin Smith movies.

    • Joey Lauren Adams in scenes from "Chasing Amy". In #2 she's making out with Carmen Lee aka Carmen Llywellyn (Askewniverse regular Jason Lee's ex-wife) (1, 2)

    • Joey Lauren Adams topless in "Mallrats".

    • Priscilla Barnes, also topless in scenes from "Mallrats"...psychic third nipple included.

    • Salma Hayek working the brass pole in her undies from "Dogma".

    • Linda Fiorentino also from "Dogma". A soaking wet white sweater scene, plus an open crotch shot (with undies).

    Dann
    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    "Garage Days"
    Sometimes anticipation far exceeds reality. I enjoy films about garage bands and such; little guys trying to make it big. I also enjoy Australian films for the most part, because they show a slightly different culture that isn't so strange as to be incomprehensible to an American. So I was looking forward to this Australian comedy about a really bad garage band trying to make it. I was disappointed.

    There were some funny parts, quite a few. In fact, it's a damned funny movie, for the most part. What there wasn't was enough MUSIC. Good or bad, a movie about a rock band needs music, a few performances or at least rehearsals to remind everyone that hey, this is about a rock band. Instead, although there was some rock background music, the band only performed at the very end (and they really were pretty bad).

    Aside from that, what we have is a typical sex, drugs, and rock and roll story of a band trying to make it, by feuding with one another and just basically being stupid. Guess that trait isn't reserved for Americans.

    This isn't a terrible movie, it just fell short of my expectations. If you watch the movie just looking for a comedy about a bunch of basic screwups, you'll probably enjoy it. If you want music, well, not much from this garage band.

    Variety
    Edwige Fenech
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    The Euro-actress gives us a look at all 3 B's in scenes from the 1975 Italian movie "Grazie nonna" aka "Lover Boy".

    Barbara Crampton
    and
    Suzee Slater

    Both busty ladies go topless in scenes from the decent, lo-budget 80's slasher flick, "Chopping Mall" (1986). This was one of Jim Wynorski earliest films, and only his second as director.

    Shauna O'Brien
    (1, 2, 3)

    Sasha Peralto
    (1, 2, 3)

    Regina Russell
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    A few Skinemax babes in Señor Skin 'caps from the movie "Baberellas" (2003).

    O'Brien shows off her super-mega-robo-hooters (1 and 2) as well as a thong view in #3.

    Peralto and Russell are featured in topless scenes.

    Mail Bag
    Subject: Victoria Smurfit
    Scoops,
    Just a quick note. Victoria Smurfitís father may be known as Papa Smurfit at home, but elsewhere he is known as one of Irelandís richest men (and with the amount of money pumped into Ireland by the European Union in the last twenty years, thatís pretty damned rich!). Thus the gorgeous Victoria is a kind of Irish Paris Hilton, except with talent and intelligence.

    -The Snapper


    Subject: Holly Dignard
    Scoops,
    I have a special request...in fact I'm begging! In the Spaz section of July 7, 2003 Fun House update, there is a picture of Holly Dignard in undies. However, the comments from Spaz indicate that there should be some nudity out there somewhere.

    From the 7/7/03 update in the archives: "Holly Dignard: underwear in syndicated "The Outer Limits" tv series episode "Revival". In the original Showtime version she's completely nude."

    I would love to see those pictures! Can anyone help out?

    Jr's comments: Spaz is the kinda "the Man" when it comes to Outer Limits episodes. Hopefully he can offer some more info on this subject.


    Subject: two requests
    Scoops,
    I'm wondering about two recent notable film releases that have gone unattended so far.

    1) Mimi Rogers and Kim Basinger in "The Door in the Floor"
    and
    2) Chloe Sevigny in "The Brown Bunny"

    Both have been out for weeks and there's simply no trace anywhere. SURELY someone has got this stuff -- even if in extremely fuzzy or bad quality. Any ideas?

    Jr's comments: I agree...bring on the goods! However, because they are playing in such limited release, my best guess is that the usual sources for "advanced previews" simply have nothing to share. According to Box Office Mojo, "Door..." is only playing on about 80 screens in the US, while "The Brown Bunny" is only on 3 (yep, three...not a type-o).

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    JEDI ACADEMY
    Oh, Be One Enrollee - Adrian Pavel, the head of Romania's "Star Wars" Club, has founded the Jedi Academy, after so many fans asked how they could be more like the movie characters. He told the Libertatea newspaper that they had meetings and lectures and dressed like Jedis, but that wasn't enough. Now, anyone who passes a 100-question quiz can join the academy and learn about the Jedi religion, light saber fighting, how to speak Wookiee, and even how to cook dishes seen in the films, such as Sand Trooper sandwiches, Princess Leia Danish donuts, and Wookiee Cookies.

  • Or as you know them, "Dog biscuits."
  • Those aren't donuts, it's Princess Leia's wig.
  • It's for people who are too geeky to get into computer school.
  • To graduate, you have to take a 100,000-question quiz.
  • And you thought YOUR school had a lousy sports team.


    EVERYTHING BRITNEY SPITS OUT IS FOR SALE
    Chew On This - Since the story got out about Britney Spears' old chewing gum being for sale on eBay - and the bidding reaching $3 million - nearly two dozen Britney gum auctions have popped up, along with Britney's old water bottle and cigarette butt. Some are obvious jokers, including a British man who claimed he lifted the gum out of Britney's mouth while "boofing her." And one offered to sell her own gum, saying she's not famous yet, but she "may be soon, so get in early." Bidding reached $8.47.

  • Which is more than Britney's gum will be worth in a couple of years.
  • The guy selling Britney's butt gets a lot of lookers, but no bids.
  • Actually, I think the "boofing" guy is telling the truth.
  • This is the first time anything of value ever came out of the mouth of a pop star.


    IVANA GETS HER OWN SHOW
    She's Fired...Up! - With Donald Trump now a big reality TV star, Fox has hired his ex-wife Ivana to host a two-hour matchmaking special in which a successful, single "older" woman, probably in her 40s, will pick from a group of younger men. The producer said, "For years, rich older men have traded in their wives for pretty young women with bigger 'attributes,'" but now, "mature women are finding that true love can happen with younger men." Ivana said it's perfect for her because "I cannot be with an older man. They're too set in their ways. I prefer to be a babysitter than a nursemaid." It will be called "Ivana Man."

  • It should've been called "Ivana Pre-nup."
  • The second episode will be called "Ivana Divorce."
  • But first the woman has to go on "Extreme Makeover."
  • Babysitter or nursemaid? Is there a choice that DOESN'T involve changing diapers?
  • Young men like older, successful women because they buy their own jewelry.


    ROSIE SUED OVER COURT SKETCHES
    We Object! - Mother-and-daughter courtroom sketch artists Shirley and Andrea Shepherd are suing Rosie O'Donnell for allegedly stealing their work. They claim O'Donnell's partner said she wanted to buy their drawings from her Rosie magazine lawsuit, so they sent her scans of their 39 sketches and offered to sell the originals for $5,000 each. Instead, they say O'Donnell took their digital images, incorporated them into paintings of her own, and put them up for sale in art galleries for $8500 each.

  • They'll be bought by someone who's very rich and not easily frightened.
  • But Rosie added the truly artistic touch: she smeared them with chocolate.
  • Now they'll ALL get to have their pictures made by a courtroom sketch artist!