"Magnum Force"

Magnum Force (1973) -- Sometimes what I do is a pure joy. This is one of those times. We have a pretty damn good Dirty Harry Calahan yarn, an unknown actress who shows breasts, buns, and some bush in good light, and Suzanne Somers (yes, Three's Company's Crissy) topless closeup in great light. She walks along a pool in a bikini, jumps in the water, takes off her top, bounces up and down a few times, then slowly turns from profile to facing the camera. We also get a good look as she is shot, and then a distant shot of her floating on her back dead. This was the second of the Dirty Harry films, and I liked it as much as the first.

Harry is a Detective in San Francisco, and somebody starts blowing away the bad guys. We see early on that it is someone in a cop uniform with a police motorcycle. Harry's boss tells him it is a war among organized crime members, but Harry figures it out quickly. The film is full of chases through San Francisco, fights, and shooting. This film is somewhat interesting in that Harry is one of the least violent and most moral characters in the story.

IMDB readers have it at a very respectable 6.6 of 10, and the Rotten Tomatoes score is 60% positive, but with none of the top critics weighing in. This is a solid C, and thank God for the 70s, when any non-Disney film needed some nudity.

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  • Suzanne Somers (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)


    Tightrope (1984) is a cop story starring Clint Eastwood, but not as Dirty Harry Calahan, and not in San Francisco. This time, he is a police lieutenant in the Big Easy trying to catch a serial strangler while taking care of his two daughters and dealing with his wife having abandoned him. His love interest is Geneviève Bujold as a woman who runs a rape crisis center. The closer Clint gets to the killer, the closer to Clint he strikes, and the more of himself Clint sees in the killer.

    The film had some very impressive photography (see the upper left corner of the images for an example), but was overly dark, which distracted from the film. The pace was rather slow, and, at times, there was total dead air, with no dialogue or sound track. Parts had a lively Dixieland sound, which I think of as a plus. Jamie Rose, as the first victim, shows buns lying dead on her bed. Randi Brooks shows breasts and buns, and maybe a little bush, getting undressed, getting into a hot tub, being strangled, then floating dead in the tub. Three other women show breasts in seedy paces Clint investigates.

    IMDB readers have this at 6.2 of 10. Alison Eastwood, Clint's real life daughter, received a nomination for a Young Artist Award. Had the atmosphere of the opening scene carried through the film, I would have enjoyed it far more. Even so, this is a somewhat new Clint Eastwood, and is watchable C.

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  • Jamie Rose (1, 2)
  • Randi Brooks (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Going Greek (2001)

    I don't have much more to say about the movie. Tuna nailed it. The difference between this and a good campus comedy is that the latter uses gross-outs as a source of humor. This film uses them as a substitute for humor.

    I want to talk about two other subjects:

    1. The IMDB comments.

    There are 11 comments at IMDB, all quite positive. Some of them were outlandishly positive. "The heir to Animal House", "Blows Old School out of the water", "Witty teen genre movie, on par with American Pie and Van Wilder". Yes, opinions are subjective, but it isn't likely that so many people would feel so strongly positive about such an uninspired, derivative movie, or that they would express their thoughts in such a universally marketing-oriented fashion. I got suspicious.

    My suspicions were confirmed. There are eleven comments about this movie. Eight of them were made by virgin accounts, people who had never commented on any other movie. Obviously, the accounts were created specifically for the purpose of adding positive comments to the page for this particular film, probably by a single person or close-knit group. The other three people? None of them are frequent IMDb contributors. They wrote comments on a total of 2, 3, and 5 movies respectively, with all of those totals including this movie.

    The arithmetic score distribution looks suspicious as well. There were no 3s, 4s, or 5s awarded to this film at all - just low scores and high ones. IMDB's score filter did a good enough job at figuring out the ballot-stuffing. Although the raw score results in a mean of 7.5, the adjusted score is 4.6, right about where it should be.

    2. Claire Forlani

    Sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of two similar women - Claire Forlani and Kate Beckinsale. Two English actresses who can and often do play Americans without any difficulty. Two soft-spoken, willowy actresses of ethereal beauty. Two women who play younger than their physical age. Forlani is 31, and was 29 when she played a college girl in this film. Beckinsale is 30, was 29 when she played a grad student in Laurel Canyon. Beckinsale is now one of the hottest properties in Hollywood. And Forlani?

    Well ...

    Here's the full story on Forlani's role in Going Greek:

    1. The film was made for a total budget of $198,000, including salaries and everything else.

    2. Forlani's tiny role merited 20th billing. Obviously, she must have worked for scale.

    3. Worst of all, her lines can be found only in the deleted scenes. She may appear somewhere on camera in the final cut of the film, but I didn't notice her at all until I watched the deleted footage.

    There's her career. She gets a very minor role in a very minor film, and her very few lines get cut. I guess I'm not the most perceptive guy in the world, and I have nothing against Beckinsale, but I have no idea why Forlani's career is lagging so far behind that of her very comparable countrywoman.


    A Man Apart (2003)

    This film was excoriated by the critics. 9% positive reviews, with an average of one star in the UK. Those scores are misleading. It is not an altogether bad movie. It is simply not a good one. Ebert and Berardinelli both pegged it fairly, awarding two and two and a half stars respectively. It's kind of a waste of 36 million dollars, but you can watch it without much flinching.

    Vin Diesel plays a former street tough who has become a DEA agent. In the opening action, he finally corners the kingpin he's been chasing for seven years. The champagne hasn't even gone flat from the victory celebration when the drug rackets are taken over by a new kingpin, the mysterious, unseen El Diablo. El is not a nice man, and he sends his cruelest hit men to shoot up Vin's house, killing the Vin-man's wife in the process. As you might imagine, Vin is really not pleased with this at all, and he manages to screw up a major bust by losing his temper and beating a dealer to death. Vin is supposed to be undercover at the time, but the dealer brags about how they killed a cop's wife and Vin loses it. The bust is blown, three cops are killed, and the Big DEA Kahuna takes away Vin's badge.

    As usual in these films, Vin then decides to take justice into his own hands, and it comes down to one man against all of Latin America. So it goes. The Spanish speakers never had a chance.

    The film actually looks quite good. It had a distinct atmosphere, as it should for 30+ million dollars. The action sequences, however, have some real problems.

    1. In the bust that Vin screws up, and then later in the final confrontation, it is not possible for the audience to follow the action. There are people everywhere firing at other people or covering other people, and it is not possible to determine which of the people are with Vin and which are against him. When they reported that three cops died in that shoot-out, I was surprised, because I thought only baddies had fallen. Obviously, there were other cops on the scene, but I didn't know who they were or even whether they were there.
    2. In the opening scene, the DEA guys are complaining about having to go into a situation unarmed, but every single one of them seemed to have a firearm. I didn't get it at all.





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    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response
    A great find by Graphic!
    • Lysette Anthony, the UK actress topless and gettin' it on with Harry Hamlin in scenes from "Save Me" (1993). These 'caps are from a DVD version not available in the US!

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.


    Here are a few extra collages we missed from Brainscans's brief history of Heffer/Pet Screen Nudity....

    • Katie Lohmann baring breasts and bush in scenes from "Sex Court".

    • Linn Thomas in "Temptation". Breasts, bum and lesbo lovin'. (1, 2, 3)

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    "Going Greek"
    There was no new ground broken in this 2001 Animal House rip-off, but it has some very funny bits. A freshman is forced to pledge the wildest fraternity on campus in order for his cousin to also get in. Eventually, he begins to like it.

    Worth watching for some very funny gags, and some nice nudity.

    Mr. Nude Celeb
    Mr. Nude Celeb takes a very thorough look at everyone's favorite, "Showgirls".

    Naomi Watts
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

    The gorgeous UK actress (and star of last year's surprise box office hit "The Ring") topless and gettin' it on with Laura Harring in scenes from the David Lynch movie "Mulholland Dr." (2001).

    Christina Applegate,
    Gwyneth Paltrow
    Kelly Preston
    (1, 2, 3)

    Scorpion takes a look at the Gwyneth Paltrow comedy "View from the Top" (2003). Applegate shows the most skin and looks fantastic in a bikini. Paltrow and Preston show some cleavage.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    More Doobie! - Over the weekend, thousands of bikers gathered in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, for Harley-Davidson's 100th birthday celebration. It included a concert with Tim McGraw, Kid Rock, the Doobie Brothers and a surprise headliner: Elton John. Elton got a mixed reaction. One woman who left after his first song said she didn't think he was the best choice for a biker event.

  • But he was wearing a pink patent leather biker jacket!
  • Elton thought they'd like him because they were all dressed just like his cabana boy.
  • He didn't play "Funeral For A Friend"...No sense giving them any ideas.

    They'd Smoke Anything - is already embarrassing contestants in the upcoming "Survivor" series by digging up their old college-age Internet postings. They report that one young man posted messages to drug newsgroups asking if he could buy LSD through the mail. And a young California woman asked where she could get a coke bong and where she could buy crystal meth in L.A., and offered to create a website to promote a "National Methamphetamine Week." CBS declined to comment on the revelations.

  • The executives were too coked up to talk about it...And the producer was out getting drunk.
  • I'm betting on that girl to win...She NEVER sleeps!
  • On the other hand, if they hadn't fried their brains on drugs, they never would've applied to be on "Survivor."
  • These people are lucky just to have survived college.

    Great Name For A Rock Band - The Wireless Flash reports that North Carolina Reverend Paul Scott is raising hellfire over rapper Nelly's new energy drink, "Pimp Juice." Scott said the drink, touted as a great mixer with vodka, encourages drinking and glamorizes the pimp lifestyle. He said, "We should be building a nation of strong black leaders, not a nation of super-energized, drunk pimps."

  • But the "Super-Energized Drunk Pimps" really should have their own comic book.
  • Pimps shouldn't get drunk: they'll fall off their platform shoes.
  • I don't even want to KNOW what they squeeze "Pimp Juice" from.