* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

* White asterisk: expanded format.

* Blue asterisk: not mine.

No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.








Goya's Ghosts



Goya's Ghosts (2006), AKA Los Fantasmas de Goya, takes place during 15 years in the life of the Spanish painter Francisco Goya. It was directed by Milos Forman, who helmed such noteworthy projects as Amadeus, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Man on the Moon, The People vs. Larry Flint, Valmont, Ragtime, Hair, etc.

This is the part where I give would normally a concise summary of the story. The only problem is that I just watched it, and am not sure what the story is. I am not the only reviewer with that problem. Goya has been turning out etching prints that contain imagery that the Holy Office (the Inquisition) finds potentially demonic, but a monk (Javier Bardem) convinces them that Goya is merely showing the evils in Spain, and is actually a proponent of the church. The monk also persuades the Office to give him control over the Inquisition to bring back the "old ways."  Bardem trains his henchmen to be especially wary of anyone reading French literature, and anyone who might be a Jew.

Goya, if you will excuse a trite saying, is fat, dumb and happy. Not only is he getting lucrative portrait and mural work from the church and the king and queen of Spain, but his etching prints are selling briskly, and he has a beautiful muse (Natalie Portman) in the person of a lovely young daughter of a wealthy merchant. Trouble arises when Inez (Portman) refuses pork in a public house, suggesting that she might be Jewish. She is summoned by the Inquisition, put to the question (tortured until she confesses), and left to rot in the dungeon, where she is raped and impregnated by Bardem. Her father decides to put Bardem to the question, and gets him to sign a confession that he is the illegitimate offspring of an ape and a monkey. Nice move, but he doesn't get his daughter back, although he does manage to disgrace Bardem.

15 years later, when the French invade Spain, Bardem shows up as a French prosecutor, accompanied by a wife and family. Inez is let out of the dungeon, and comes to Goya for help in finding her daughter - the result of Bardem's repeated rapes. The daughter, also played by Natalie Portman, is a hooker. It's Goya vs. Bardem until the British invade.

So, this does not seem to be a biopic of Goya, Inez, or the monk played by Bardem, and it's not a history of the inquisition since it shows only the tail end of that wonderful group.  I am not sure what exactly it is meant to be about, but is impressively mounted, and contains enough small themes to overcome the lack of a major one. I will grant that the first half of the film was more engaging than the last, which covered too much ground too quickly, and I would have liked to see someone find redemption, but do not regret the time spent watching it.

IMDb readers say 7.1, with over 2,000 votes. That is completely at odds with the box office, and also with most critics, who admit that it looks great and was well acted and directed, by blame bad writing for what they consider a failure. Roger Ebert seems to be a lone voice of support in awarding three stars.

It is available from on a Russian Superbit DVD which includes English, Russian and Spanish soundtracks and lots of extras. It is a Region-free PAL, and so will play on your computer.


Goya's Ghosts (2006)


Natalie Portman shows buns and partial breasts while being molested by Bardem. Unknowns also show breasts.


Natalie Portman



Some other chicks










Ali Larter shows a little butt crack.


Gina Gershon, just some leg and a "Babe in Bondage" scene with some cleavage.



Joy Bryant lets us see a little tit.


Roxana Zal shows off her breasts.



Dance With The Devil


And a bonus cap, as Jessie Faller is forced to show her boobs during a bank robbery.








Notes and collages

The Big Blue

Rosanna Arquette

This is a film about the friendship between two men who both love ocean diving for very different reasons.

As far as the plot goes Ms. Arquette's character should have been left on the cutting room floor....but since she is there...and looks great... here are some collages.

I have not seen anyone collage the "dolphin pool" scene so I started with that...







Cuentos Cortos

An asthmatic runs a restaurant with his wife. He hires a drifter to finish a room he is working on. What should be a couple of days work starts taking longer since the stranger is not only working on the room but on the wife too, and both plan to cause him an asthma attack to take him out of the way.

(Scoop's note: I guess the postman sometimes rings more than twice. Except for the asthma angle, it's pretty much the same plot.)



Flavia Marco








Morir in San Hilario



San Hilario vivía de su espléndido cementerio y de la habilidad de sus gentes para organizar los entierros más hermosos. La gente viajaba a San Hilario a morirse a gusto. Las prisas y la modernidad casi han dejado al pueblo sin trabajo y es por eso que, ahora, esperan anhelantes la llegada de Germán Cortés. Germán, un nuevo cliente, desea morir en el pueblo y esto permitirá a sus habitantes esmerarse como nunca y, probablemente, remontar el negocio. Todo se complica cuando Germán muere antes de llegar a su destino y, por error, los de San Hilario dan la bienvenida a un prófugo de la justicia. Éste, por esconderse, no deshace el malentendido y asiste, atónito, a la preparación de su entierro.


San Hilario's economy once prospered on the basis of a splendid cemetery and the ability of its people to organize the most elaborate funerals. In the old days, people traveled to San Hilario to die in style. Unfortunately, the fast pace of modern life has left the town without any source of income, which is why they await German Cortes with bated breath. German, a new client, wishes to die in the town, so the inhabitants plan to welcome him like no one before.

Everything gets complicated when German dies before arriving and the citizens of San Hilario mistakenly roll out the red carpet for a fugitive from justice. The criminal, sensing a perfect place to hide from the law, does not clear up the misunderstanding and assists the townspeople in the preparations for his interment.

Ana Fernandez











Ode to Joy


The main nudity in the Polish movie Ode to Joy aka Oda do radosci  (2005) is by Barbara Kurzaj

with Malgorzata Burczkowska down to her underwear.




In the Battlefields


In the Battlefields aka Maarek hob (2004) is an Arabic movie set in Lebanon and based on the problems Lebanon is currently having. The side boobage comes from Rawia Elchab.




Out of Line


A bit of cleavage by Jennifer Beals in Out of Line (2001).



Ladies Night


Some nice topless nudity by Ona Grauer in Ladies Night (2005).



We Don't Live Here


Naomi Watts

and Laura Dern are naked but, unfortunately, nothing is visible in We Don't Live Here (2004).





Nicotina (2003) is a Mexican movie. No visible nudity by Marta Belaustegui.




The Bridesmaid


Laura Smet is nicely nude in the French movie The Bridesmaid aka La Demoiselle d'honneur (2004).



Mind Prey


Some pokies by Laura DeCarteret in Mind Prey (1998).



The First Great Train Robbery


No nudity in The First Great Train Robbery (1979) but Lesley-Anne Down looks good when she is only half dressed.



Criminal Law


Plenty of a naked Karen Young in Criminal Law (1988).




Remember Me


No nudity in the Italian movie Remember Me aka Ricordati di me (2003)

but Nicoletta Romanoff,

Laura Morante,

and Maria Chiara Augenti are photogenic.



The House of Yes


No visible nudity in The House of Yes (1997) but Tori Spelling is in her underwear.



Babylon Disease


Babylon Disease aka Babylonsjukan (2004) is a Swedish movie and Nina  Waha is topless.



A Song for Martin


A Song for Martin aka En Sĺng för Martin (2001) is another Swedish movie.

No nudity but Lisa Werlinder

and Viveka Seldahl show a bit of cleavage.


The Still Life

Julian Lamont is an unknown drunken artist who is struggling to deal with the various calamities of his life. When his girlfriend convinces her gallery owner boss to look at his work, the guy convinces Julian to destroy some of his work, calls the wrecked paintings "destructionism", and displays the results in his gallery. Destructionism takes the art world by a storm, and Julian's work becomes a huge hit.

As with many people, Julian is unable to cope with success, especially since he himself thinks destructionism is total bullshit, so he engages in even more destructive behavior while continuing to search himself for the true meaning of art and life. This leads to many talky, draggy moments in the film.

Personally, I found this 2007 film to be boring and self-absorbed, but many people like this kind of thoughtful drama, so this one is strictly buyer beware. In any case, you'll doubtless like the nudity.

About the Kyrie Maezumi collage, which admittedly looks a little strange: The top two rows are scenes from the movie, and with the exception of the first panel, they rotoscoped them to simulate a painted effect, because they are part of a daydream sequence that Julian had while lecturing before an art class. They are blurry and distorted on purpose, for that reason. The bottom two rows are the raw footage of the actual scene as shot, and show this beautiful young woman much better, which is why I included them in the collage

Kyrie Maezumi Angel Boris Holly Fields

More catching up on Marion Cotillard's filmography. Film clips this time from A Private Affair and Toi et Moi
"27 Missing Kisses combines the magic of South American story-telling with the hard-hitting poetry of modern Eastern European cinema." I have no idea what the fuck that means, but I'm sure the author thought it was genius when he wrote it. The key point is that it has some sexy babes, so here are some hard-hitting poetic film clips of Nutsa Kukhianidze and Amaliya Mordvinova
Film clip: Rachel Bella in Jimmy and Judy

Film clip: Anna Mougalis in Strange Crime

Film clip: Leah Cairns in Robson Arms