Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


  • Charlie's French Cinema Nudity Site is updated.


Blue Ice (1992)

Blue Ice is kind of a forgotten spy story from HBO films, starring Michael Caine, Sean Young, Bob Hoskins, and Ian Holm. It was directed by Russell Mulcahy, who is probably best known for having helmed the cheesy cult hit Highlander, and its widely detested sequel Highlander II: the Quickening.

Caine played a retired spy running a jazz club; Young played the oversexed wife of the American Ambassador. They established an intimate relationship and formed a bond of trust which prompted her to ask him for a favor on a matter involving the last guy she had an affair with. Caine then used some old contacts to track the guy down in a flophouse, but before the men could talk face to face, bodies started piling up around Caine, including the bodies of some of his friends.

Throughout 95% of the film Caine had no idea what was going on and, frankly, neither did I, but I know that it involved British Intelligence, renegade British ex-Intelligence agents, American Intelligence, and Scotland Yard, and a lack of co-operation between said parties. I'm not sure how Caine fit into the whole thing, but everyone kept telling him to stay out of it, which really made no sense because he never wanted to get involved in it in the first place, and didn't even know what "it" was. In fact, he would ask, "Stay out of what?" He never did get a very good answer, but everyone seemed to think that he knew something about something, so he was regularly beaten and tortured for a while by people trying to persuade him to "talk."

With a couple of his best friends dead and his own life in danger, Caine finally decided to fight back, and started evening up the body count. His pursuit led him to ... well, does it matter? It's difficult to feel rewarded by the answer when the film never really explains the question.

Despite the top stars, Blue Ice is a weak "Who knows? Who cares?" story which was produced by HBO films back when they weren't the top drawer organization that they are today. Unlike most HBO DVDs, this one is a miserable, color-faded full screen transfer with no features of any kind.

Oh, well, so the film isn't a world-beater, but it does have a good cast and offers a few moments of entertainment:

  • The pianist/singer at Caine's club is played by the legendary Bobby Short, and he does snippets of several numbers. That's either a great treat if you're into his sound, or a complete time-waster if you're not.
  • Sean Young does a rarely-seen nude scene,  mostly from the rear, although a wayward breast does fly by for a second her and a frame there. She also shows off her long, shapely legs in several short and tight skirts.
  • The denouement is a pretty creative chase scene through the London docks, which involves some odd cargo-hauling vehicles, and which ends with quite an entertaining shoot-out between Ian Holm and Michael Caine. Holm is carrying an automatic rifle when he is hooked by a cargo crane, but he is uninjured, so as he spins wildly in mid-air, he continues to unload round after round in Caine's general direction until Caine finally gets off a fatal shot with his pistol.
  • Bob Hoskins provides some good moments and a couple of laughs playing his usual role as the tough, seedy, working class guy who is really kind of nice. I guess Hoskins is sorta like the older, British version of John Leguizamo.

Oh, yeah. The title ...

According to the script, Blue Ice is what falls from the blue sky when jet airliners unload the waste material accumulated in their toilets. What does that have to do with this movie? Beats the shit out of me.

Sean Young

Three (2004)

IMDb describes it thus:

Billy Zane plays Jack, a wealthy Texas businessman who takes a trip with his trophy wife, Jennifer (Kelly Brook) in a private yacht in the South Seas. Things go wrong however, when the yacht sinks. Jennifer and Manuel, the hired help, find their way to a deserted tropical island. Together, they set up a little paradise and explore their sexual desires. It is not long until Jack washes up onto the same beach. He is alive and thus complicates the situation on the island. Jealousies and conflicts escalate and these three people have to survive not only the elements but also themselves as tensions become deadly.

The film's distribution has been problematical, and rumors circulated that Zane did everything he could to block its release after he and Brook became a real-life couple. Something about nude scenes! Anyway, the film is available now somewhere, and you know that means it will make the rounds on the internet immediately. This is a big deal, because Brook was chosen by FHM magazine as the sexiest woman on this or any other planet.

Kelly Brook

Coincidentally, Dann also did Blue Ice. Here are his thoughts and his collage

As you watch 1992's spy thriller Blue Ice, what goes through your mind most is "been there, seen that". No, not the actual movie, but the plot elements. Seems like every one of the plot elements has shown up in some older film. That doesn't make the movie bad, just highly predictable.

A former British spy who now owns a bar becomes involved with a beautiful American woman who turns out to be the wife of the American Ambassador. As he struggles to deal with the fact that he's in love with a married woman, a favor he does for her turns ugly when people start turning up dead. Suddenly, he finds himself dealing with a bunch of spooks that suspect him of espionage.

The movie is well done, the cast good, there's a fair car chase, and you won't hate it. You'll just feel you've seen it all before.

The Crimson Ghost

"Vinyl Dolls."

Jezebelle Bond

Beverly Lynne

Ander Page

Tiffany Shepis


'Caps and comments by Hankster, who also did Sean Young, albeit in a different film:

Today we take the Time Machine back to 1987 for the cold war thriller "No Way Out" - in my opinion a really good movie.      

The movie features Sean Young and we see her first in the back of a limo with Kevin Costner getting it on, some fondling and a little nip.
 Then in a hallway she removes her mink coat wearing nothing underneath.
 Next an unknown topless dancer with a really nice set.  


Hello ...

Here is the last batch of clips of Sophie Marceau's erotic romp with Jacques Dutronc in "Mes nuits sont plus belles que vos jours".

 Jacques is a very well known actor/singer in France and is usually always smoking a big cigar. In these clips however he seems to have put in a box, but Sophie is smokin' as always.

 Here are clips 8-10 out of ten. (zipped .avis) (8, 9, 10)

Tom's Caps

Tom is back after a long layoff. Here are his comments and video ...

Dear Scoopy,

Here is the first contribution. It is a hard to find real penetration scene with Laura Gemser. The only one I've ever seen! (zipped .avi)

Scoop's note:

I don't know whether those xxx-closeups are really Gemser, but it's definitely some naughty stuff, and it is worked right into the edit of the film and soundtrack, for what that's worth.


Marvin is the kingpin of Scandinavian nudity since Honte retired. Here is Ane Dahl Torp in a Norwegian TV series "Svarte penger, hvite løgner" (Black money, white lies)
Mr Skin captures Valerie Donzelli in Frédérique amoureuse
Movie Reviews


Here are the latest movie reviews available at


  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Other Crap
A trailer from An Unfinished Life .
  • A pair of grizzled old farm hands (Robert Redford and Morgan Freeman) find their lives interrupted by a woman from the past (J-Lo).

See 50 Cent in the latest trailer for 'Get Rich or Die Tryin',' a dramatic chronicle of his rise from gangster to gangsta.

Fats Domino Apparently Rescued by Boat

Peter Jackson discusses film piracy.

Space scientists say their discoveries about Saturn's moon Enceladus are stunning, if just a little baffling.

Slideshow: 'Us Weekly' picks the ten worst-dressed and ten best-dressed. (I'm pretty sure they just picked famous names at random. #2 on the best-dressed list is Jessica Simpson!)

The Straight Dope: Do you weigh more or less after you fart?

Should New Orleans be rebuilt, or should the reconstruction efforts concentrate on restoring only the historical and business areas while relocating most habitation to someplace hospitable to human life?

A tremendous slideshow - hundreds, maybe thousands, of hurricane pictures

One of the highlights of Penn and Teller's Bullshit - people unknowingly evaluate the merits of tap water from a garden hose, including "Agua de Culo" (asswater)

Elizabeth 2 - Shakespearian Bugaloo?

Venice Film Festival kicks off day two with Clooney's Murrow movie


The trailer for The War Within

  • "Written and directed by first time filmmaker Joseph Castelo, 'The War Within' is the story of Hassan, (Ayad Akhtar in his debut performance), a Pakistani engineering student in Paris who is mistakenly apprehended for terrorist activities and forcibly interrogated by U.S. intelligence services. So shaken by the experience, he vows revenge and joins a terrorist cell based in New York City with plans to begin the ground war in the United States. On the morning the attack is due to take place, all members of the cell are arrested except Hassan and one other member. With no alternative and nowhere else to turn, Hassan must rely on the hospitality of his former best friend Sayeed, who is living the American dream with his family in New Jersey. Lying to his friend about why he is in the US, Sayeed helps Hassan get a job driving a livery cab which furnishes Hassan with the money he needs to start manufacturing explosives in the hope of achieving a smaller but still effective act of terror. With each day that passes, we witness Hassan's religious beliefs as they clash headlong with his feelings for Sayeed's sister Duri, Sayeed, and the rest of the family. What unfolds is a profound human and political drama as we explore Hassan's motives as he struggles to carry out his mission."

A new "behind the scenes" featurette about Terrence Malick's latest, The New World. (About the founding of Jamestown colony.)

R-rated comedies give Hollywood a smile.

Man Finds Venomous Centipede Behind TV. It was said to be the most flesh-crawling creature behind TV since Aaron Spelling.

Isn't that amazing? Ron Popeil sells his company (Ronco).

  • He's the guy who invented and sold the Vegomatic, the Pocket Fisherman, and Mr Microphone.
  • It must be the first time a major enterprise has been sold with an infomercial.
  • The price? Not 60 million, not even 55 million, but only $54,999,999.99!

Snoop Joins 50 In Suing Philly Car Dealer Rapper seeking cashizzle for misappropriation of imagizzle

Letterman's "Top Ten Ways Osama Bin Laden Can Boost His Popularity"

The Straight Dope: Why do we call it the "bathroom," even when it has no tub?

Urban Legends Reference Pages: Various rumors about the effect of Hurricane Katrina on gasoline supplies and prices.

Two clips from A Sound of Thunder, a sci-fi time travel flick starring Gandhi and Catherine McCormack.

Pat Reeder (

Pat's comments in yellow:

NASA announced that it is developing a robotic lunar penguin to land on the south pole of the moon and search for ice.  The penguin-shaped robot is three feet tall, able to negotiate rough surfaces, and can "hop" by igniting small propulsion engines.  They showed a prototype which they said could hop six-tenths of a mile on the moon.

*  It could get to the breeding ground in 10 minutes!
*  It's not very functional, but it's SO CUTE!!
*  They plan to fund the entire space program through "Robot Lunar Penguin"  toys, merchandise and movie deals.

Good news for men: they're not going extinct.  Some scientists have theorized that since the Y chromosome that makes men has lost so many genes over evolutionary time, it might disappear in 10 million years.  But a researcher at Cambridge University found that while the male chromosome had eroded quite a bit over 300 million years, to a "dinky" chromosome with only 27 genes, there are no signs of any further erosion during the past six million years, so it's "doing a pretty good job of maintaining itself."

*  Six million years ago, it patched itself up with duct tape.
*  300 million years ago, it had genes for sharing feelings, but it dumped all that useless stuff.

Jury selection got off to a rough start Wednesday in the Robert Blake civil trial in Burbank, in which relatives of his late wife are suing him for her wrongful death despite his acquittal.  Jurors kept being dismissed after they slammed the lawsuit as double jeopardy.  One man was especially blunt with plaintiffs' lawyer Eric Dubin, saying he had a "highly-tuned (BS) detector, and it's been going off big-time since you started" talking.  Dubin asked, "Have you ever hated a lawyer as much as me?"  The man said, "No."  He was dismissed.

*  Dubin figured he was a liar: it's impossible for anyone to honestly say which lawyer he hates the most.
*  At this rate, it could take months to find twelve brain-dead morons.
*  These people can't be on a jury; they know too much about the law.

Kevin Harding of Carlisle, England, switched his cell phone service to Royal Mail because they promised a lower rate to call his girlfriend in America.  But when his bill reached $1,100 (US), he got a  letter on Royal Mail stationery warning him that "failure to pay will result in you being hospitalized," and if you thought the London bombings were bad, "that is nothing compared to what will happen to you."  It ended by saying they'd warned him verbally and "will carry out our promise."  The company denied sending the letter and launched an investigation to see if it was sent by a disgruntled employee.

*  If it was, who will have the guts to FIRE that disgruntled employee?
*  Actually, Harding WAS hospitalized...He had a heart attack when he saw the bill.
*  See, who says radical Islamic fundamentalists can't find jobs in Britain?

Aaron Balick of London heard a rustling behind his TV and lifted some papers, expecting to see a mouse.  Instead, he found a Scolopendra gigantea: a 9-inch-long, giant venomous centipede from South America.  He trapped it in a plastic box and took it the Natural History Museum, where an entomologist said he was "staggered" when "Aaron produced this beast from his bag."  He assumes it arrived in a shipment of fruit.

*  Where it laid its millions of eggs...
*  Think about that next time you reach into a pile of bananas.
*  I always suspected that creepy, venomous beasts were behind TV.

Wednesday, tens of thousands of people descended on Bunol, Spain, to hurl 100 tons of plum tomatoes at each other in the annual "Tomatina" festival, a town-wide food fight.  Some locals disapprove of the event, which leaves the town knee-deep in tomato puree, with one woman calling the participants "degenerates."  But one young man from San Diego did consider the moral issue of wasting so much food.  He said, "We were just talking about (famine in Africa).  We thought we should get some garlic, make pizza and send it off."

*  Those must've been hard tomatoes: they caused brain damage.
*  I'm sure the Africans would love to have a pizza with a manhole cover for a crust.
*  They should throw something nobody eats, like Brussels sprouts.
*  This is a favorite event for supermodels, because they get to toss their food without even swallowing it.

Monmouth University in West Long Beach, New Jersey, will host the first academic conference on Bruce Springsteen.  The organizer said
Springsteen's ruminations on patriotism and the common man make him a worthy subject for deep analysis.  Over 150 papers by academics nationwide will be presented, ranging from local thinkers' theories that "Bruce Made it Cool to be from New Jersey" and "Springsteen is to New Jersey as Santa Claus is to the North Pole" to "The Boss and the Bible" and "A Marxist Perspective on 'Darkness
on the Edge of Town.'"

*  The Marxist perspective is that he downloaded it free off the Internet.
*  The Santa Claus of New Jersey is actually Joe Piscopo: you only see him about once a year, begging for change.

University of Washington scientists announced that they have deciphered
the DNA of the chimpanzee, and it's 96 to 99 percent identical to humans,
depending on how the comparison is made

... Like, whether it's compared to Eva Longoria or Robin Williams


Currently on disability. If you'd like to get in touch with him, his email address is

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