Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
- Charlie's French Cinema Nudity Site is updated.
Blue Ice (1992)
Blue Ice is kind of a forgotten spy story from HBO films, starring Michael
Caine, Sean Young, Bob Hoskins, and Ian Holm. It was directed by Russell Mulcahy,
who is probably best known for having helmed the cheesy cult hit Highlander, and
its widely detested sequel Highlander II: the Quickening.
Caine played a retired spy running a jazz club; Young played the oversexed wife
of the American Ambassador. They established an intimate relationship and formed
a bond of trust which prompted her to ask him for a favor on a matter involving
the last guy she had an affair with. Caine then used some old contacts to track
the guy down in a flophouse, but before the men could talk face to face, bodies
started piling up around Caine, including the bodies of some of his friends.
Throughout 95% of the film Caine had no idea what was going on and, frankly,
neither did I, but I know that it involved British Intelligence, renegade
British ex-Intelligence agents, American Intelligence, and Scotland Yard, and a
lack of co-operation between said parties. I'm not sure how Caine fit into the
whole thing, but everyone kept telling him to stay out of it, which really made
no sense because he never wanted to get involved in it in the first place, and
didn't even know what "it" was. In fact, he would ask, "Stay out of what?" He
never did get a very good answer, but everyone seemed to think that he knew
something about something, so he was regularly beaten and tortured for a while
by people trying to persuade him to "talk."
With a couple of his best friends dead and his own life in danger, Caine finally
decided to fight back, and started evening up the body count. His pursuit led
him to ... well, does it matter? It's difficult to feel rewarded by the answer
when the film never really explains the question.
Despite the top stars, Blue Ice is a weak "Who knows? Who cares?" story which
was produced by HBO films back when they weren't the top drawer organization
that they are today. Unlike most HBO DVDs, this one is a miserable, color-faded
full screen transfer with no features of any kind.
Oh, well, so the film isn't a world-beater, but it does have a good cast and
offers a few moments of entertainment:
- The pianist/singer at Caine's club is played by the legendary Bobby
Short, and he does snippets of several numbers. That's either a great treat
if you're into his sound, or a complete time-waster if you're not.
- Sean Young does a rarely-seen nude scene, mostly from the rear,
although a wayward breast does fly by for a second her and a frame there.
She also shows off her long, shapely legs in several short and tight skirts.
- The denouement is a pretty creative chase scene through the London
docks, which involves some odd cargo-hauling vehicles, and which ends with
quite an entertaining shoot-out between Ian Holm and Michael Caine. Holm is
carrying an automatic rifle when he is hooked by a cargo crane, but he is
uninjured, so as he spins wildly in mid-air, he continues to unload round
after round in Caine's general direction until Caine finally gets off a
fatal shot with his pistol.
- Bob Hoskins provides some good moments and a couple of laughs playing
his usual role as the tough, seedy, working class guy who is really kind of
nice. I guess Hoskins is sorta like the older, British version of John
Oh, yeah. The title ...
According to the script, Blue Ice is what falls from the blue sky when jet
airliners unload the waste material accumulated in their toilets. What does that
have to do with this movie? Beats the shit out of me.
IMDb describes it thus:
Billy Zane plays Jack, a wealthy Texas businessman who takes a trip
with his trophy wife, Jennifer (Kelly Brook) in a private yacht in the
South Seas. Things go wrong however, when the yacht sinks. Jennifer and
Manuel, the hired help, find their way to a deserted tropical island.
Together, they set up a little paradise and explore their sexual desires.
It is not long until Jack washes up onto the same beach. He is alive and
thus complicates the situation on the island. Jealousies and conflicts
escalate and these three people have to survive not only the elements but
also themselves as tensions become deadly.
The film's distribution has been problematical, and rumors circulated
that Zane did everything he could to block its release after he and Brook
became a real-life couple. Something about nude scenes! Anyway, the film
is available now somewhere, and you know that means it will make the
rounds on the internet immediately. This is a big deal, because Brook was
chosen by FHM magazine as the sexiest woman on this or any other planet.
Coincidentally, Dann also did Blue Ice. Here are his thoughts and his
As you watch 1992's spy
thriller Blue Ice, what goes through your mind most is "been there, seen
that". No, not the actual movie, but the plot elements. Seems like every one of
the plot elements has shown up in some older film. That doesn't make the movie
bad, just highly predictable.
A former British spy who now owns a bar becomes involved with a beautiful
American woman who turns out to be the wife of the American Ambassador. As he
struggles to deal with the fact that he's in love with a married woman, a favor
he does for her turns ugly when people start turning up dead. Suddenly, he finds
himself dealing with a bunch of spooks that suspect him of espionage.
The movie is well done, the cast good, there's a fair car chase, and you
won't hate it. You'll just feel you've seen it all before.
The Crimson Ghost
'Caps and comments by Hankster, who also did Sean Young, albeit in a different
Today we take the Time Machine back to 1987 for the cold war thriller "No Way Out"
- in my
opinion a really good movie.
The movie features Sean Young and we see her first in the back of a limo with Kevin Costner getting
it on, some fondling and a little nip.
Then in a hallway
she removes her mink coat wearing nothing underneath.
Next an unknown topless dancer with a really nice
Here is the last batch of clips of
Sophie Marceau's erotic romp with Jacques Dutronc in "Mes nuits
sont plus belles que vos jours".
Jacques is a very well known
actor/singer in France and is usually always smoking a big cigar.
In these clips however he seems to have put in a box, but Sophie
is smokin' as always.
Here are clips 8-10 out of ten. (zipped .avis) (8,
Tom is back after a long layoff. Here are his comments and video ...
Here is the first contribution. It is a hard to find
penetration scene with Laura Gemser. The only one I've ever seen!
I don't know whether those xxx-closeups are really Gemser, but
it's definitely some naughty stuff, and it is worked right into the
edit of the film and soundtrack, for what that's worth.
|Marvin is the kingpin of Scandinavian nudity since Honte retired. Here
is Ane Dahl Torp in a Norwegian TV series
"Svarte penger, hvite
løgner" (Black money, white lies)
|Mr Skin captures Valerie Donzelli in
Here are the latest movie reviews
available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
A trailer from An Unfinished Life .
- A pair of grizzled old farm hands (Robert Redford and
Morgan Freeman) find their lives interrupted by a woman from
the past (J-Lo).
See 50 Cent in the latest trailer for 'Get Rich or Die Tryin','
a dramatic chronicle of his rise from gangster to gangsta.
Fats Domino Apparently Rescued by Boat
Peter Jackson discusses film piracy.
Space scientists say their discoveries about Saturn's moon
Enceladus are stunning, if just a little baffling.
Slideshow: 'Us Weekly' picks the ten worst-dressed and ten
best-dressed. (I'm pretty sure they just picked famous names
at random. #2 on the best-dressed list is Jessica Simpson!)
The Straight Dope: Do you weigh more or less after you fart?
Should New Orleans be rebuilt, or should the reconstruction
efforts concentrate on restoring only the historical and
business areas while relocating most habitation to someplace
hospitable to human life?
A tremendous slideshow - hundreds, maybe thousands, of hurricane
One of the highlights of Penn and Teller's Bullshit - people
unknowingly evaluate the merits of tap water from a garden hose,
including "Agua de Culo" (asswater)
Elizabeth 2 - Shakespearian Bugaloo?
Venice Film Festival kicks off day two with Clooney's Murrow
Dave Barry's Blog: HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR HUMVEE NOW?
The trailer for The War Within
- "Written and directed by first time filmmaker Joseph
Castelo, 'The War Within' is the story of Hassan, (Ayad Akhtar
in his debut performance), a Pakistani engineering student in
Paris who is mistakenly apprehended for terrorist activities
and forcibly interrogated by U.S. intelligence services. So
shaken by the experience, he vows revenge and joins a
terrorist cell based in New York City with plans to begin the
ground war in the United States. On the morning the attack is
due to take place, all members of the cell are arrested except
Hassan and one other member. With no alternative and nowhere
else to turn, Hassan must rely on the hospitality of his
former best friend Sayeed, who is living the American dream
with his family in New Jersey. Lying to his friend about why
he is in the US, Sayeed helps Hassan get a job driving a
livery cab which furnishes Hassan with the money he needs to
start manufacturing explosives in the hope of achieving a
smaller but still effective act of terror. With each day that
passes, we witness Hassan's religious beliefs as they clash
headlong with his feelings for Sayeed's sister Duri, Sayeed,
and the rest of the family. What unfolds is a profound human
and political drama as we explore Hassan's motives as he
struggles to carry out his mission."
A new "behind the scenes" featurette about Terrence Malick's
latest, The New World. (About the founding of Jamestown
R-rated comedies give Hollywood a smile.
Man Finds Venomous Centipede Behind TV. It was said to be
the most flesh-crawling creature behind TV since Aaron Spelling.
Isn't that amazing?
Ron Popeil sells his company (Ronco).
- He's the guy who invented and sold the Vegomatic, the
Pocket Fisherman, and Mr Microphone.
- It must be the first time a major enterprise has been sold
with an infomercial.
- The price? Not 60 million, not even 55 million, but only
Snoop Joins 50 In Suing Philly Car Dealer Rapper seeking
cashizzle for misappropriation of imagizzle
Letterman's "Top Ten Ways Osama Bin Laden Can Boost His
The Straight Dope: Why do we call it the "bathroom," even when
it has no tub?
Urban Legends Reference Pages: Various rumors about the effect
of Hurricane Katrina on gasoline supplies and prices.
Two clips from A Sound of Thunder, a sci-fi time travel
flick starring Gandhi and Catherine McCormack.
Pat Reeder (comedy-wire.com)
Pat's comments in yellow:
NASA INVENTS "ROBOT LUNAR PENGUIN"
NASA announced that it is developing a robotic lunar penguin to land on the
south pole of the moon and search for ice. The penguin-shaped robot is three
feet tall, able to negotiate rough surfaces, and can "hop" by igniting small
propulsion engines. They showed a prototype which they said could hop
six-tenths of a mile on the moon.
* It could get to the breeding ground in 10 minutes!
* It's not very functional, but it's SO CUTE!!
* They plan to fund the entire space program through "Robot Lunar Penguin"
toys, merchandise and movie deals.
MEN NOT GOING EXTINCT
Good news for men: they're not going extinct. Some scientists have theorized
that since the Y chromosome that makes men has lost so many genes over
evolutionary time, it might disappear in 10 million years. But a researcher at
Cambridge University found that while the male chromosome had eroded quite a bit
over 300 million years, to a "dinky" chromosome with only 27 genes, there are no
signs of any further erosion during the past six million years, so it's "doing a
pretty good job of maintaining itself."
* Six million years ago, it patched itself up with duct tape.
* 300 million years ago, it had genes for sharing feelings, but it dumped all
that useless stuff.
ROBERT BLAKE JURY POOL NOT IMPARTIAL
Jury selection got off to a rough start Wednesday in the Robert Blake civil
trial in Burbank, in which relatives of his late wife are suing him for her
wrongful death despite his acquittal. Jurors kept being dismissed after they
slammed the lawsuit as double jeopardy. One man was especially blunt with
plaintiffs' lawyer Eric Dubin, saying he had a "highly-tuned (BS) detector, and
it's been going off big-time since you started" talking. Dubin asked, "Have you
ever hated a lawyer as much as me?" The man said, "No." He was dismissed.
* Dubin figured he was a liar: it's impossible for anyone
to honestly say which lawyer he hates the most.
* At this rate, it could take months to find twelve brain-dead morons.
* These people can't be on a jury; they know too much about the law.
MAN THREATENED BY HIS CELL PHONE COMPANY
Kevin Harding of Carlisle, England, switched his cell phone service to Royal
Mail because they promised a lower rate to call his girlfriend in America. But
when his bill reached $1,100 (US), he got a letter on Royal Mail
stationery warning him that "failure to pay will result in you being
hospitalized," and if you thought the London bombings were bad, "that is nothing
compared to what will happen to you." It ended by saying they'd warned him
verbally and "will carry out our promise." The company denied sending the
letter and launched an investigation to see if it was sent by a disgruntled
* If it was, who will have the guts to FIRE that
* Actually, Harding WAS hospitalized...He had a heart attack when he saw the
* See, who says radical Islamic fundamentalists can't find jobs in Britain?
GIANT CENTIPEDE FOUND BEHIND TV
Aaron Balick of London heard a rustling behind his TV and lifted some papers,
expecting to see a mouse. Instead, he found a Scolopendra gigantea: a
9-inch-long, giant venomous centipede from South America. He trapped it in a
plastic box and took it the Natural History Museum, where an entomologist said
he was "staggered" when "Aaron produced this beast from his bag." He assumes it
arrived in a shipment of fruit.
* Where it laid its millions of eggs...
* Think about that next time you reach into a pile of bananas.
* I always suspected that creepy, venomous beasts were behind TV.
GIANT TOMATO FIGHT PAINTS TOWN RED
Wednesday, tens of thousands of people descended on Bunol, Spain, to hurl 100
tons of plum tomatoes at each other in the annual "Tomatina" festival, a
town-wide food fight. Some locals disapprove of the event, which leaves the
town knee-deep in tomato puree, with one woman calling the participants
"degenerates." But one young man from San Diego did consider the moral issue of
wasting so much food. He said, "We were just talking about (famine in Africa).
We thought we should get some garlic, make pizza and send it off."
* Those must've been hard tomatoes: they caused brain
* I'm sure the Africans would love to have a pizza with a manhole cover for a
* They should throw something nobody eats, like Brussels sprouts.
* This is a favorite event for supermodels, because they get to toss their food
without even swallowing it.
BORE TO RUN: ACADEMIC CONFERENCE ON SPRINGSTEEN
Monmouth University in West Long Beach, New Jersey, will host the first academic
conference on Bruce Springsteen. The organizer said
Springsteen's ruminations on patriotism and the common man make him a worthy
subject for deep analysis. Over 150 papers by academics nationwide will be
presented, ranging from local thinkers' theories that "Bruce Made it Cool to be
from New Jersey" and "Springsteen is to New Jersey as Santa Claus is to the
North Pole" to "The Boss and the Bible" and "A Marxist Perspective on 'Darkness
on the Edge of Town.'"
* The Marxist perspective is that he downloaded it free off the Internet.
* The Santa Claus of New Jersey is actually Joe Piscopo: you only see him about
once a year, begging for change.
University of Washington scientists announced that they have deciphered
the DNA of the chimpanzee, and it's 96 to 99 percent identical to humans,
depending on how the comparison is made
whether it's compared to Eva Longoria or Robin Williams
Currently on disability. If you'd like to get in touch with him, his email
address is firstname.lastname@example.org
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