Crystal Fairy


Gaby Hoffmann played the little girl in Uncle Buck. She's no longer a little kid, as you might guess since that film was made in the eighties and John Candy died nearly 20 years ago. In fact, Gaby is in her 30s now. So what has she been doing the past two decades? Well, she has been working, but you've probably not heard of anything she has been in, excepting possibly 13, an action film with Jason Statham and Mickey Rourke, which I had already forgotten until I looked Gaby up on IMDb. It won't take me long to forget Crystal Fairy, either. It looks like a refugee from the 1960s-70s school of hippie films. The only reason I spent any time on it is that Gaby is completely naked for more than five minutes of the film's running time.

I'd review the film, but I only watched a little bit more than five minutes of it.

 ... something about an obnoxious American (Michael Cera) wandering around Chile looking for some kind of magical cactus with untold hallucinogenic powers.

The quality of the lighting and cinematography is about at the same level as the Rob Lowe sex tape, and the dialogue seemed to be mostly improvised. The actual script, if there was one, could probably have fit on a 3x5 index card. From the little I watched, the entire film could have been a five-minute short, except it was padded out with scenes of people acting stoned, people taking drugs, people doing random things, and a naked Gaby walking aimlessly around Chile. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) There seems to be a strong possibility that those magical hallucinogenic drugs were found, not by the characters in the film, but by the people making it.


Candice Bergen film festival

I can't really tell you why, but I just happened to notice that I own a copy of both films in which Candice flashed any naughty bits, so I figured I may as well rip the nude scenes.

Soldier Blue


Soldier Blue is the grade-b version of Little Big Man. (Those links go to my original reviews, which are two of my better ones, if you care about such things.)

Candice only showed part of her butt in this clip, but it was a genuinely sexy minute of her soft bottom bouncing up and down while she was tied up in a horse-drawn wagon and an actor almost had his nose in her ass. The stills below don;t give you the flavor of the scene. You have to watch the clip.

In this other clip, Candice flashed her pubes for maybe a second. In this case, the stills are better than the clip because everything happens too quickly to notice the flash of surprisingly dark hair.

Night Full of Rain


The full name of this film is "The end of the world, in our usual bed, on a night full of rain." In my original review, I called it

a typical example of 1970s European arthouse fare, filled with usual excesses of that genre: disjointed narrative, people reciting political speeches for dialogue, bad dubbing, interminable close-ups of faces, people speaking as a Greek chorus, socialist politics, characters without names, and so forth. It includes everything required for an SCTV parody of an art film, with the possible exception of a dream populated by evil dwarves.

There is one redeeming aspect to the film: in this film clip, Candice gives us the only clear shot of her breasts that we would see in her career. Her breasts were small (the guy in bed with her even mentions that fact), but she looks great, and that nipple looks oh-so-tempting standing up the way it does.

  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.


Wrong Turn 2



Crystal Lowe

, Volume 2


Brainscan's comments:

"The disk called Volume 2 has with the thinnest of plot lines.  Eastern European nude models and pornstars living in a post-apocalyptic world that looks a helluva lot like any part of Europe that used to house the Red Army run around naked, get lots of exercise and shoot off guns at no one and nothing in particular.

Among these women - and the reason I got this disk in the first place - is Lucie Haluzik (here she uses the name Victoria Roberts).  Spaz has sent in collages of her from a couple of Czechsploitation films.  She had been Czech Hefmate of the month once upon a time and has since moved onto much harder things.  She and Hana Black (who used the name Zabrina Aamir in this disk) give new meaning to the term, gynocam."

Hereeeeee's Hana ...

Much more to come from this disk


"Underbelly: Squizzy"


Gracie Gilbert

Uncredited fan dancer

This week's theme: Sharks... the terrorists of the sea.

Ghost Shark

(2013 TV movie)

SyFy was hoping this movie would ride on the waves of the surprise hit movie Sharkando but it's missing one key feature... a sharknado.

Mackenzie Rosman: sexy in bikini, cleavage.

Sloane Coe: very sexy in bikini, partial nude taking bath.

Angela Meredith Furst: partial boob after bikini tanked yanked off
 (blurred out on SyFy).

Brooke Hurring: very sexy in bikini.

Chelsea Bruland: stuntbabe very sexy ar bikini carwash.

Jersey Shore Shark Attack

 (2012 TV movie)
This movie should have had the actual cast of Jersey Shore as chummed bait.
Laura Harrison: nice crotch shot while topless in panties.

Swamp Shark

(2011 TV movie)

Afer eating all those gators a cajun would love to stir fry a shark.

unknown: partial boob.

"Under the Dome"

episode: "Let the Games Begin" (s1e10)

Natalie Zea: Ms. Chokesondicks is wearing a bra
(but her tits are still down to her knees)

Jolene Purdy: very nice tubby cleavage.

GhostWatcher 2

 (2005 video)

Cassie Doherty: one-timer is topless providing the only nudity in this sequel.

Seregon O'Dassey: cleavage and panties in dance so outrageous Billy Ray Cyrus would have pulled her trust fund.

BONUS: More Seregon O'Dassey. The b-movie queen is also a nudie model.

Last but not least...

Lucie Haluzik.

e: Brainscan's comments on Actiongirls. While Lucie Haluzik did graduate to harder porn (see below) after doing some Czechsploitation films, according to the czechsploitation webmaster at, she left the business a few years ago when she got pregnant after getting married.

TV/Film clips

Sarah Butler in The Stranger Within (2013)

Estella Warren, also in The Stranger Within. Are we ever going to get a good look at those jumbo jacks? She took off her top this time, but kept her back to the camera.

Adriana Ugarte in Combustion (2013) in 1080p

Jessica Morris in Senior Skip Day (2008) in 720p

Dita de Leon, also in Senior Skip Day

Cristiana Capotondi and Faju in Volevo solo dormirle addosso (2004)

Alberta Watson in The Sweet Hereafter (1997) in 1080p

Camille Keaton, of I Spit on Your Grave fame, in an obscure film called Tragic Ceremony (1972)


Robin Wright's butt in Adore (2013)

Ming-Na Wen in One-Night Stand (1997)