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"Last Man Standing" (1996)

Last Man Standing (1996) is based on Akira Kurosawa's Yojimbo (as was Fist Full of Dollars), and is all style and no substance. Bruce Willis is a gang "shooter" on his way to Mexico to hide out, when he stops off in Jerico, a small Texas border town. Jerico looks like the old west, and is mostly a ghost town. Two rival gangs from Chicago, one Italian and the other Irish, have set up shop to smuggle booze from Mexico to supply the Chicago bosses. A war between them has chased out all of the residents, and Willis arrives during an uneasy truce. He decides their is money to be made playing both sides against each other. Willis only has one weakness -- a soft spot for women.

The film is dripping with atmosphere. Exteriors are all full of dust, and interiors are dark and shadowed. There is a decided sepia tone tint to the entire film. Willis gave a strong performance, but there was simply not enough plot for a film here. Karina Lombard shows her breasts briefly in a very dark scene. She reinforces my opinion that Tahitian women are stunning. Berardinelli is the most generous at 2 1/2 stars, with Ebert awarding 1, and Maltin between at 2 stars. IMDB readers say 5.5/10. The film was a financial disaster, with Worldwide gross at $33,200,000, against a budget of $67,000,000.00. C-

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  • Karina Lombard (1, 2, 3, 4)

    "The Gauntlet" (1977)

    The Gauntlet (1977) is directed by and stars Clint Eastwood as a Phoenix detective sent to Las Vegas to escort Gas Mally back to testify. First surprise, Gus is a woman (Sondra Locke). Second surprise, there is a betting line, and the odds are over 100 to 1 that she will not live to testify. Eastwood realizes that he was picked because the police commissioner never thought he could do the job. The two of them battle the mob, the police, and a biker gang, and eventually run a Phoenix police gauntlet of in a bus.

    Eastwood's character is none too bright, closer to the end than the beginning of his police career, and has a drinking problem. Locke is bright and street wise, and not initially impressed by Eastwood. About half way through, she finds things to admire about Clint, and saves his life by seducing some bikers into raping her rather than beating on Clint. All we see are her breasts in this scene. She also shows breasts from the side getting ready for a bath in a hotel room. Scoring this one is not easy. Maltin says 2 /12 stars, IMDB readers say 5.9/10. These reflect the overall quality of the movie. Using our "crossover appeal" letter grade, it is a C, a solid genre effort. However, I thoroughly enjoyed the film as great escapism with some suspense.

    Locke lived with Eastwood from 1977 to 1990, and co-starred with him in six films.

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  • Sondra Locke (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Marathon Man (1976) suffers from a lackluster plot and several useless scenes, but has some great performers, some excellent visuals, and some great scenes which make it worth a watch. The extra documentaries on the DVD make it very much worth a rental.

    • Marthe Keller (1, 2)

    Something Wild (1986) is a pre-Lambs film from Jonathan Demme, featuring Melanie Griffith and Jeff Daniels. It's an odd comedy, because it contains a lot of genuine dramatic tension in which the protagonists appear to be in serious trouble, and it drops the comedy to become a completely serious film in which we think Daniels or Melanie may be in trouble way over their heads, and there's no comic relief to tell us everything is OK. Odd movie. Pretty good, but all the mood changes make it kind of irritating to watch, because you relax into a certain mode - then it blows you away.

    • Melanie Griffith (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    To the Limit (1995) is the "other" dramatic role from that noted tragedian, Lady Anna Nicole Smith. We did Skyscraper yesterday. This time Lady Smith is a CIA agent. (Cough!) Read the review!

    I think you all know what American Pie 2 is

    Graphic Response
  • Lexa Doig, the star of the popular syndicated sci-fi series "Andromeda", in topless love scenes with Superman from the movie "No Alibi".

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

  • Sasquatch
    "From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money" (1999) is the first of two straight-to video "sequels" to the Tarentino/Rodriguez movie, but once you get passed the title, that's about where any real connection ends. Tarentino and Rodriguez are credited as executive producers, but I think that was more of a contractual requirement for the use of the franchise name.

    Here what stays the same...

  • The Titty Twister (set design, and Razor Charlie behind the bar only)
  • A black car from the 60's
  • The fact that there are vampires
  • Thousands of bullets

    That's pretty much it.

    The story itself is not a sequel. I'd say it's either an alternate version, or a prequel. Robert Patrick rounds up a gang of thugs to rob a bank in Mexico. Naturally this particular bank happens to be the branch near the Titty Twister, the strip club home of our Vampires (where the girls are not naked by the way).

    The lead thug ends up running into some vamps, gets attacked, fires a few hundred rounds of ammo, and ends up becoming a vamp himself before meeting up with Robert Patrick and the gang.

    Without any planning, they head off to the bank (at least they do mention this). Slowly while cracking the safe, all of the other thugs are turned into vampires, except for Patrick. Next thing ya know, 8,000 of Mexico's finest and some Texas Rangers show up, and more bullets start to fly.

    Since the bullets don't kill vampires, they of course go outside after emptying the vault (yes, the bank robbery was at night) and start a feeding frenzy. All of the sudden, the world's fastest sunrise takes place! What's that you say...the end?


    Just when you thought all of the vampire cliches were all used up they threw us a curve! Yup, you guessed it...immediately after the world's fastest sunrise, is the world's longest total solar eclipse! I kid you not. How long you ask? Well, if the story timeline were consistent, it was over 2 hours long. In actual minutes on the DVD clock...about 15. For the purpose of the plot...long enough for the vamps to kill 8,000 Federales, and long enough for the two human survivors (Robert Patrick and the head Texas Ranger) to kill the vamps.

    Written and directed by Scott Spiegel, who is probably best known for writing "Evil Dead II" (1987). He's also associated with several other Sam Raimi projects, and that would explain much of the camera work in this film (and the cameo by B movie hero, Bruce Campbell). Unfortunately where Raimi's eye offers a unique look at the action in a scene. This guy just has a point of view shot on almost everything. It's like late talk shows during the mid 90's on crack!

    Everything has a POV cam. Including:

  • The hood of the car-cam
  • The oscillating fan-cam
  • The radiator cam
  • The brim of the cowboy hat-cam
  • The bottom of the glass-cam
  • The vampires flying as bats-cam
  • The shower head-cam
  • The inside of the mouth as the vampires bite-cam

    And so on. There are of course multiple other obscure and annoying angles too. Basically they said "Hey let's put the camera like this! Now let's put it like this!", etc. Further proving the point: "just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should".

    In addition to the annoying camera angles, Spiegel rips off the shower scene from "Psycho", except the attack is by a killer bat, not by Bates. Paying homage to Hitchcock is one thing, but this was ridiculous. Spiegel also made a failed attempt to copy Tarentino. There is one scene that had some funny dialogue...The thugs engage in some Tarentino-esque witty banter about porno-movies that was rather entertaining. Let me clarify was entertaining the first time, but not the other 2-3 times.

    But enough of that....let's get to the goods!

    The nudity is from former bunny Maria Checa who plays the much too hot for a bordertown no-tell-motel prostitute. For a former pin up babe in a very long nude scene, there were hardly any goodies. This of course defies one of the Scoopian Unities of film making...if you show violence or have language that will give you an R rating already...then the tits are free! Show 'em! Show a lot of 'em! It can only make the movie better! Especially if you're going straight-to-video!

    Maria does show some excellent rear views getting out of bed. During the shower scene, eventually there is a breast peak or two. (Some better than others, and getting both breasts in focus in the same frame was just about impossible.)

    The DVD transfer is quite nice, and this was a well photographed movie. So today's quality...much better than my usual! However, the white background of the web browser will drown out the images a tad.


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  • Maria Checa
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)

  • and ...
    Josie Maran
    (1, 2, 3)

    As Scoop would say...Two words: and they're both "hubba". Good lord is this woman hot! Thanks to Bobdfish for these scans of Josie from the October issue of FHM UK. All can say with my mouth hanging open is this....She's topless

    Nell McAndrew
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Great scans of the former Lara Croft by Maileo. She's topless in all but link #3, and shows a bit of bum in #2.

    Xenia Seeberg Another look at Xenia's recent nudity from "Lexx". This version of the shower scene shows the most breast exposure so far.

    The Funnies by Number 6
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