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The Gist and Lawdog

"Sorority house Massacre II" (1990)

Ok class ... can anyone tell me the rules for making a sequel to a slasher film? Now lets not always see the same hands. Ok, Ginger: "Up the body count, up the exposure, up the gore, up the language, don't worry about the plot or acting because the series already has fans." Very good, Ginger. But what makes Sorority house Massacre II a little unusual? Nobody??? Because it is actually a sequel to Slumber Party Massacre and even has flashbacks from that series.

I suspect that it was intended from the beginning as a spoof of the other naked teenaged slasher Massacre films. It has every cliche I can think of. Ouija boards, male/female cop team, shower scene, murder in bath tub, dark and stormy night, bad guy won't die, satanic possession, power failure, phone outage, strippers, red herrings and so on. There are seven mostly or completely naked women in this one. The five girls moving in to a historic slasher house to open a sorority are Gail Harris, Melissa Moore, Stacia Zhivago, Michelle Verran and Dana Bentley. The parts of the anonymous strippers are played by Bridget Carney and Savannah in her attempt to break out of hard-core and go legit.

Is this worth watching? Well, if you like naked young women, and a plot that doesn't really take itself seriously, sure. Just remember, it is grade "B" exploitation. The DVD was just as grainy as Massacre 1.

  • Thumbnails #1
  • Thumbnails #2
  • Thumbnails #3

  • Bridget Carney (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Dana Bently (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Gail Harris (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Group (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
  • Melissa Moore (1, 2, 3)
  • Michelle Verran (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
  • Savannah (1, 2, 3)
  • Stacia Zhivago (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Stone Cold
    Words and pictures from Stone Cold:

    Scoop, what's fresh, yo? Summer in the city is quiet, what with Lo bein' in the canadian Rockies, an' shit. I think she went there to be closer to God. And, more important, closer to where they film beer commercials. I notice that they always focus on only one part of the brewin' process in those. Maybe two. They show the source of the water, and they show people drink beer and get some woman.

    They never show the parts in between, like the smelly-ass breweries in Milwaukee or someplace, and the ugly-ass warehouses in the shady parts of town everywhere. I ain't too sure about the honesty of the result either. I don't see beer bein' guzzled by elegant socialites gettin' some from nymphomaniac rich buffies in sequined gowns, or by pro jocks relaxing after a grueling triple-overtime game. Mostly I see just college crackas giving each other public wedgies, and old fat guys who get into fist fights when they say they can play shortstop better than Ordonez.

    This month's tour of the magazines ain't so lively either.

    Of course, Celebrity Sleuth ( has a bunch of good shit that I ain't never seen, but a lot of it female bodybuilders and weightlifters. If you really into that, I suggest you buy the magazine, because he must have every bare-ass picture ever from women with shoulders wider than a Buick. I kinda skipped over that, since I didn't know any of them, but here's a summary of the rest. The major theme was jocks of all types.

  • Paparazzi shots of Jordan. Some heavy artillery on this sugar.
  • Tennis babe, Anna Kournikova. The required Anna upskirt.
  • Tennis babe, Amelie Mauresmo. Paparazzi pictures of her and her very close girlfriend.

    I know that Venus got to be a better player than Serena. She got enough uglies. Shit, Kournikova never gonna be a great player. She don't look anything like Martina Navratilova or Venus. She look like a little cheerleader prom queen buffy-lookin' sugar. I mean she sweet an' all, an' white folks say she can play, but you gotta ugly up to reach the top. Even Serena got some babe potential draggin' on her tennis future. Put her in the right clothes and she look good enough. But Venus, she got the look of a champ. Unfortunately, the champ is Patrick Ewing.

  • Tennis woman, Venus.

  • Old time tennis babe, Maureen Connolly. She died in 1968, but was one of the greats of her time.
  • Old time ice skating babe, Sonja Henie. She also became a movie star.
  • Tennis babe by injection, Ruth Gordon. She really got a lot better lookin' since Rosemary's Baby. She in such good shape now that she datin' Agassi when his other girlfriends ain't lookin'.
  • Olympic swimmer Amy van Dyken.
  • A model. Sleuth say she look like Olympic runner Marion Jones, who ESPN predicts may win five medals at Sydney. The magazine don't say this is marion, just that it look like her.
  • Olympian Liz Weekes. She's an Australian considered the best woman's water polo goalie in the world. I don't think there a lot of sistas in this sport. Gotta admire the goalies, standin' there like that when the horse come charging at you.
  • Tina Jo Bagne. Fitness and musclegirl who still look like a woman. In this case, she look like a woman vampire.

    I got a lot more. I did Celebrity Skin, Vanity Fair, and two issues of Femme Fatales.

    More tomorrow, cracka.

  • Tomcat's Tour of Europe

    The Cat has been hard at work on these European movies, and I've been struggling to play catch-up.

    Here are a few. There is some great material in here.

    "Storia di Piera"

    From our favorite European pervert, Marco Ferreri. The best scene from our point of view is Hanna Schygulla, herself stark naked, stripping Isabelle Huppert on the beach.

  • Schygulla (1, 2)
  • Huppert

    "Mireille Darc film festival"

    Consisting of Mireille in movies spanning 30 years! She did a bare butt shot a couple years ago at age 59. She was born in 1938. In her 30's, she looked magnificent, especially that tuchis. It's hard to tell without the armor, but she doesn't seem to look much like her distant ancestor, Jeanne.

  • Darc in "Friend of my Son" (1997)
  • Darc in "The Tall Blond Man With One Black Shoe" (1972)
  • Darc in "Summit" (1968)
  • Darc in an unknown movie, but the best picture of her!

    "La Visione del Sabba"

  • I don't know anything about this movie, but this is a great nude scene from Beatrice Dalle. (1, 2, 3)
  • Charlie's caps
    More French and Euro beauties from Le Grand Charles, updated today. Check out his update, or just see more of Darc, Dalle, Huppert, and friends.
    Tinna Finnbogadóttir
    (1, 2, 3)
    Comments by Oz:
    I don't what else Tinna has done, if anything, but The Sacred Mound was a pleasant enough film from Iceland. Tinna is twenty years old when a seven year-old relative, Gestur, comes to stay on their small island off the coast of Iceland. He falls in love with her. Understandably so as she runs around starkers quite a bit.

    However, Tinna has a fiance who marries her towards the end of the film. Gestur tries to use some Viking methods to break up the wedding. The Sacred Mound refers to a supposed Viking burial mound at the place where they were living.

    Viveka Davis
    (1, 2)
    Comments by Oz:
    Viveka stars in Home Front or Morgan Stewart's Coming Home. It's very similar to Ferris Bueller's Day Off and, given it was made a a year later, you can understand why. No nudity but Viveka does run around in her underwear after falling into a swimming pool.
    Linette Robinson

    Tara Baxter
    (1, 2, 3)

    Comments by Oz:
    "One Heart Broken Into Song"....Linette Robinson and Tara Baxter are two girls after the one man. Tara is the worldly woman, Linette the virginal.
    Snow Blind
    Sonia Braga
    (1, 2)

    Laura Antonelli

    Patricia Arqutte

    Saffron Burrows

    Comments by Snowblind:
    Here's my latest, I have made a point of spending very little time in front of my computer lately. I have needed a break from the message board for a couple months now, so once I got the chance, I took it in spades. But now for the past couple days I have been trying to regrasp my roots. Going back to the stuff I really enjoyed capping, the road less taken, so to speak.

    Well, I capped "Stigmata" and "Deep Blue Sea" mainly out of shear boredom. But the 2 collages of Sonia Braga is from one of my all time favorite films, "Dona Flor e Seus dois Maridos", Not real great quality (none of the stuff I capped this time is.) I also just 'capped Laura Antonelli in "Malicious" (Malizia) another of my favorite perverse films of the 70's.

    Truth is, it is hard to capture all the eroticism in a still frame, so I just stuck with the nudity. Many of the more erotic scenes (mainly groping and the such) don't show any skin, so all you really see is a hand half way up a skirt, and that doesn't really make for an interesting picture.

    I did Arquette in "Stigmata", just cause I really thought she looked awesome in it, but no good exposure. I had to make an .avi of the first bathtub scene and extract the frames in premiere, cause I thought I saw some skin, but when her breasts come up out of the water, they are covered with a flesh toned cloth. And covered well I might add. Once I saw what was going on in the frames, It was easy to see it while rewatching the scene.

    As far as Saffron in Deep Blue Sea, well, the widescreen version was running on The Movie Network, so I thought it might be a good chance to make a couple good grabs, but, my cap software wouldn't recognize it as widescreen, so what I ended up with was a really small picture, and not the best quality.

    Terri Runnels
    (1, 2, 3, 4)
    Great stuff for the Rasslin' Fans! Muscle babes in bikinis from WWF Divas Postcard from the Caribbean. First up, Terri show's off her excellent body, and even throws in a few pokies.
    Lisa Moretti
    (1, 2)
    Excellent phsyique and a see-thru wet t-shirt!
    Stacy Carter
    (1, 2)
    Lot's of bikini action, and even a topless shot in #1.
    Comments by Mongoose:
    I posted some 'caps from "The Big Blue" a while back and at that time I think I talked about what a great flick this is and how much I like Luc Besson's films yada yada yada... Well now I have the "director's cut" with some additional Rosanna Arquette nudity, so here are some more caps. No real "goodies" in this one but she is naked, you just can't see anything. (1)

    This movie is real eye candy with all the gorgeous scenery, especially in the DVD version. As much as I enjoy the movie, I do have some problems with it; for example, the French guy, Jean-Marc Barr, has an American accent (born in Germany by an American father and a French mother (according to the IMDb - I ain't geeky enough to know that on my own)) which is retarded; and also, in this uncut version, the French guy shows his penis, which only upsets me because Rosanna merely showed her tits! I wouldn't think twice about it if Rosanna showed some of her nether region...but damn it, it just throws everything out of balance! The unwritten rule is that the female nudity must be 4 to 5 times greater than any male nudity (which is actually discouraged unless absolutely necessary for...for...well, I can't think of any good reason for including male nudity). Here are those tits I was talking about.. (2)

    A sex scene where Rosanna shows those goddess breasts. Unfortunately it's a dark scene and lit with that shitty blue light that makes vidcaps look like crap. They are Rosanna's tits tho... (3)

    Oh yeah, Jean Reno is awesome as usual!

    and ...
    Tanya Roberts
    (1, 2)
    Excellent 'caps by Scorpion from "Deep Down". Tanya was a favorite of mine growing up. Probably had something to do with her scantily clad roles in "Beastmaster", and "Sheena". But I know longer think of her as a sexy babe wearing animal skins...instead I absolutely adore her as the ditzy mom on "That 70's Show".
    Lisa Rhoden More goods on display from "Deep Down".
    Valerie Kaprisky A very nice assortment of images from "Breathless".
    Kylie Minogue
    (1, 2, 3)
    Topless vidcaps of Kylie from 1989's "The Delinquents".
    Milena Miconi
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
    8 great topless scans of the sexy Italian babe. I had never heard of her before today, but I'm glad I did!
    The Funnies by Number 6
    XXX Snowman action! Free to good home
    Coon Dog Ouch!
    Software humor Revenge of the nerds!
    More Funnies
    New Barbies!

    Finally a Barbie you can relate to! At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic...

    1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

    2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with hand-held fan and tiny tissues.

    3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

    4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two muumuus with tummy-support panels are included.

    5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

    6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle,from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.

    7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheer-leader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

    8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."

    9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.

    10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

    11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.

    Click Here!