Niagara Motel (2005):
This is another one of those self-reviewing movies. Well,
actually, the premise of the film could result in a very good
movie or a very bad one: a slice-of-life dramedy about eight
down-and-outers who take up temporary residence in a sleazy
low-rent motel in Niagara Falls, Canada.
OK, maybe it leans toward the sucky side of the street, but
good movies have been made with worse concepts.
What is self-reviewing, however is the DVD box.
"Tragedy waltzes with comedy in an intense dance of life. The
characters are all in personal crisis. They are adrift, as in a
fishbowl, where we can observe them thrashing, struggling, and
fighting for their lives."
Ah, the dance of life! There was a time when I was young and
vital, and I could dance the dance of life, but then tragedy
struck. I developed an unnatural fear of life-dances, and could no
longer bear to perform in them, or even to watch them, so this
film was personally painful for me. Many doctors say this
condition is a corollary of my allergy to tone-poems. I don't want
to talk about it, however, because this condition is a personal tragedy for
me. Throughout all my childhood, I was groomed to be a tone poet,
as Mozart was groomed to compose music, and then the allergy
struck. Many people say I might have been the Lord Byron of tone
poetry. Coupling that with my title of Lord of the Dance of Life,
I could have been the first-ever double lord.
Alas and alackaday! It was not to be.
I must say, though, that even in my youthful life-dancing
prime, I had a hard time dancing and thrashing at the same time.
And what is the deal with a film which stars Caroline Dhavernas
as an aspiring porn star and keeps her clothes on? That's just not
The film does have one thing to do a life-dance about: Anna
Friel flashes her breasts in one scene, and shows most of her bum
in in another.
Here's the zipped .wmv.
Here are the collages:
Assorted Video Clips:
Here's the last of the clips from Roman Polanski's Bitter Moon. (Movie
House page.) Crappy movie, but very hot!
clips zipped together of Emmanuelle Seigner (Polanski's
wife) doing more naughty things.
An oldie but goodie. A rarely-seen clip of
Judy Davis stark naked in On My Own.
(Zipped .avi) This film
was nominated for many awards by the Aussie academy, but has never
been issued on DVD in Regions 1 and 2. I suppose it's not on DVD
in Australia either, because this was done by our former
contributor "Aussie", and is obviously from a video tape. The
quality is not great, but it is better than the alternative, which
Barbara Crampton and Leslie Winston in The Prince of Bel-Air
(Zipped .avi). Sample capture below. See Tuna's complete uncoverage and a brief review in the back issues, May 15, 2005.
URL says it all:
(And a good thing the URL says it all, because I can't read a
word of it)
Jetliner pilot locked out of cockpit after
The first three minutes of The Covenant
- In 1692, in the Ipswich Colony of
Massachusetts, five families with untold power formed a
covenant of silence. One family, lusting for more, was
banished - their bloodline disappearing without a trace. Until
now. Directed by Renny Harlin and written by J.S. Cardone,
"The Covenant" tells the story of the Sons of Ipswich, four
young students at the elite Spenser Academy who are bound by
their sacred ancestry. As descendants of the original families
who settled in Ipswich Colony in the 1600's, the boys have all
been born with special powers. When the body of a dead student
is discovered after a party, secrets begin to unravel which
threaten to break the covenant of silence that has protected
their families for hundreds of years.
The trailer for Curse of the Golden Flower
- "In the spirit of such landmark Asian
films as Akira Kurosawa's 'Ran' from Japan and Zhang Yimou's
own 'Hero' and 'House of Flying Daggers,' 'Curse of the Golden
Flower' promises to be Zhang Yimou's most colorful and biggest
production to date, fusing high drama and romantic intrigue
with the best of contemporary martial arts. The plot concerns
the volatile balance of power between the King (Chow Yun Fat)
and the Queen (Gong Li) and his three sons, which entails
betrayal, deceit and passion, pitting the King against Queen
and father against sons. The glorious canvas includes many of
the creative team behind 'Hero' and 'House of Flying Daggers':
cinematographer Zhao Xiading (Oscar nominated for 'House of
Flying Daggers'), production designer Huo Tingxiao, action
director Tony Ching Siu-Tung, sound designer Tao Jing and
producers Bill Kong and Zhang Wei Ping. The music is composed
by Shigeru Umebayashi ('Hero, '2046,' 'In the Mood for Love')
and the costume designer is Yee Chung Man ('So Close')."
The trailer for Broken Bridges, a drama
starring C&W singer Toby Keith
- "A country music singer falls from
the spotlight and returns to his hometown where he is reunited
with his childhood sweetheart, and also meets his 16-year-old
daughter for the first time."
Actor Glenn Ford dies at age 90
Hurricane Katrina Anniversary: President
Bush Trumpets Miraculous Transformation of Devastated Gulf Coast
into Fabulous Real Estate Opportunities
I never thought Travolta would be the
first scientologist out of the closet.
Don't Get Excited, Captain Travolta Greets
All Of His Passengers This Way
The Lord's way of telling you that you have
too much money? You sell booze for a living and turn down Tara
Reid's liquor business.
A "training video" for Microsoft UK
In Week Before Labor Day, Pointless
'Filler' Columns Abound ... Lazy
Columnists Pad Out Stories by Quoting Experts, Experts Say
A slice of life - photos made in the Moscow
Jim Carrey managed to find the only woman
in the world who makes sillier faces than he does.
Filmthreat.com has an interesting article
on Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains
- In addition to the other points they
mention, this cult film also represents the first of many nude
appearances for the delightful Diane Lane. She was 16 at the
time. Hey, it was the 80s!
Four movie clips from Jackass: Number Two
Ahmadinejad Challenges Bush to Arm
The Weekend Warrior's box office
predictions for the Labor Day Weekend
- He does not think that any of the new
films have enough muscle to wrest the scepter from The
President's Remarks to Evangelical
Pharmacists Association Lamenting FDA Approval of "Plan B" Slut
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
Neji-shiki is a surrealist film from near the end of director Teruo Ishii's
career, based on a manga by Yoshiharu Tsuge. A comic artist has run out of
ideas, then money. He finds a live-in job for his wife as a cook. He later
discovers that she is carrying condoms that are not intended for him. He is
living with a male friend who would like sex with him. When his wife announces
she is pregnant, he attempts suicide. Failing that, he goes on a road trip.
First, he runs into a servant in a restaurant who wants to trade sexual favors
for a pair of red shoes. When he is unwilling, he watches as some ruffian
mauls her nipple. If she can stand ten minutes, she gets the shoes.
He gets disgusted, and heads back to Tokyo, but heads back the next year.
The girl doesn't recognize him. He misses the last train for the night and
ends up in a cheap hotel, where he sleeps with the owner's daughter. Then he
sees a naked woman, but wants nothing to do with her. Finally, he goes to the
beach to dig clams, is bitten by a jelly fish, and things get strange. He is
looking for a doctor, but nobody will direct him to one, so he boards a train
driven backwards by someone in a cat mask. He finally approaches an old woman,
who he decides is a candy heiress and also his mother. She gives him
directions to a female gynecologist, with whom he has sex. Then she operates
on him with a monkey wrench, and installs a valve in his arm. She cautions him
not to close the valve because it will stop the flow of blood ...
... so he closes it.
The box sports a quote from Quentin Tarantino praising Ishii, and the
trailer has a similar quote from John Woo. The film is, evidently, highly
regarded, but I simply didn't get it. Lots of flesh is always good, but I
didn't understand the lead character (Tadanobu Asano) any better at the end
than the beginning. This is probably a C+, but is not one I will rewatch, or
even consider again after posting these comments.
IMDb readers say 6.4 with only a few votes.
We have a nipple from Tsugumi,
the woman who was trying to win the red shoes ...
... breasts and buns from Mutsumi
... breasts from Kaoru Mizuki ...
... and breasts from several unknowns. One of the women
is from a long scene with the woman who tries unsuccessfully to seduce
him, the others come from a red-tinted surrealist opening.
Famed attention whore Paris Hilton attending a party at the Playboy
The actress who fell out of her dress on Emmy night was
Lucy Liu in Lucky Number Slevin
Jennifer Miller in Lucky Number Slevin
Sarah Pacelli in Sunday's episode of Deadwood
Nadine Riess in Three Below
Pat's comments in yellow...
On this day in 1979, President Jimmy Carter was attacked by a rabbit while
canoeing in Plains, Georgia.
* He could've whacked it with a paddle, but instead, he
asked for a U.N.
resolution condemning it.
Father Gabriele Amorth, Pope Benedict XVI's official exorcist, told Vatican
radio that Adolph Hitler and Joseph Stalin were possessed by the Devil. He said
you could tell by their behavior and actions, and that not only people, but
groups and entire populations can be possessed by demons. Recently-released
Vatican documents from World War II showed that Pope Pius XII tried to do an
exorcism on Hitler from a long distance, but Amorth said it did no good because
long distance exorcisms rarely work.
* They're only slightly more effective than U.N.