Wednesday

Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

Alert from the Mailbox

Scoop,

Callie Thorne had some pretty outstanding bikini shots on tonight's episode of Rescue Me. 

Any chance of putting out an APB?

 

Il Diavolo in Corpo (1986)

I guess I won't have to worry about writing a spoiler for this film, because I have no idea what the ending means.  With most movies that would have been a terrible disappointment, but in this case I didn't take it too hard, because I didn't really get the point of the middle of the movie either.

And the middle was less confusing than the beginning.

It's not that I didn't know what was going on, but rather that I just didn't have any idea why anyone would make a movie in which those things happen.

A high school student forms an attraction to a woman whose window overlooks the school. He follows her. They have some sex. She tells him that she is about to be married to a terrorist who is now on trial. The lad wonders why a terrorist's girlfriend has such a bourgeois apartment, and she replies that the terrorist's mom helped her pick it out. I guess terrorists get wedding presents, too. Makes sense if you think about it. Suppose your kid became a terrorist and then got married. You'd still have to come up with a wedding gift, right? But what? It's not like they register their favorite weapon pattern at a local army surplus store. An apartment seems to be as good as anything, because terrorists always need a hide-out. Anyway, her fiancÚ seems to be a semi-reformed terrorist who has apparently turned states' evidence against his fellow terrorists, and it appears that he may get off scot-free. The woman takes her high school aged lover to the terrorist's trial, where they build many wonderful and loving shared memories while they evaluate the pictorial evidence of innocent people massacred by terrorism.

This turns them on so much that they have some more sex.

The kid is really happy about the sex, but other things confuse him. For example, if he initiated the relationship with the woman when she was a complete stranger, why is she also having sex with his psychiatrist father in his office, or at least trying to. For another example, what's to happen to him when Mr. Hard-as-nails Terrorist gets out of prison and finds out some wimpy high school kid is banging his fiancee? That could get ugly.

In fact, the very thought of all that ugliness turns them on so much that they have sex. 

To avoid repeating myself further, let me cut to the chase and point out that the film contains about twenty minutes of sexual horseplay and nudity.

So it's got that goin' for it.

Not only does the point of the movie escape me, but I don't even understand the special features on this DVD. One of the main features is an interview with two terrorists! I didn't watch it, but I presume they are discussing the accuracy of the film's terrorism portrayal. Or maybe they are just sharing their favorite seafood recipes.

The film is considered memorable, if at all, for the fact that Maruschka Detmers fellated her co-star on camera in real time, marking the first time that a mainstream actress had done that deed in a major release. For that, and for the twenty minutes or so of nudity from the beautiful actress, the film is worth a watch, albeit with a thumb on the fast forward button.

 
Marushka Detmers collages:
Marushka Detmers videos (zipped .wmvs)

The MTV VMA show

One more from Sunday's music extravaganza. This time the see-through comes from the immortal Coco.

 

The Crimson Ghost

Pics of Leslie Lindsay from the movie "Restless Souls" and the series "Beverly Hills Bordello."

Two possible minor points of interest concerning Leslie Lindsay...

1. The Snappy Pappy images of Leslie Lindsay from "Beverly Hills Bordello" in the encyclopedia are actually images of Sage Kirkpatrick.  There is a mistake made in the credits for the series.  Names from one episode were mistakenly credited in another episode by the producers. The episodes in which the mistaken credits appear are "Research," which has the correct credits,  and "Performance," which has the wrong credits.

2. Leslie Lindsay also appears in B movies under the name Leslie Harter and is married to the director Robert Zemeckis.  She also uses the name Leslie Lindsey for a movie called "Sex Files: Pleasure World," a Skinemax version  of "Westworld."
 

 Leslie Lindsay from "Beverly Hills Bordello"

  Leslie Lindsay from the movie "Restless Souls"

Hankster

'Caps and comments by Hankster:

Today we take the Time Machine back to 1993 and Kate Beckinsale in "Uncovered".

The title is appropriate as the lovely Kate uncovers, for what I believe is the only  time in her career, those cute little titties.

ICMS

Hello ...   I thought the 1989 film "Mes nuits sont plus belles que vos jours" (aka. My Nights are more beautiful than your Days) was only available on DVD in Japan. Turns out I was wrong and since for about a month there has been a region 1 DVD available.

These clips come from Italian TV however.

Anyway, let's come the point now. Three questions arise regarding this film:  

1. What or who is most memorable in this flick?

2. Why?

3. For how long?

Have you locked in your guesses? Here are the answers:

1. Sophie Marceau

2. She's stark naked.

3. About 12 minutes.

 So here are four clips out of ten. (1, 2, 3, 4) The other six are for tomorrow and the day after.

 That's it for today,

  ICMS


Scoop's note: based upon the tip from ICMS, I ordered the DVD. I received this helpful hint from amazon.com: "Customers who bought DVDs directed by Andrzej Zulawski also bought DVDs by Roman Polanski."

Apart from my natural surprise that those guys "directed DVDs" rather than actual movies, I decided there were two possible conclusions:

Possibility One: Never underestimate Polish loyalty!

Possibility Two: The people buying Zulawski films thought they WERE made by Roman Polanski

Exploitation-fest

Humanoids from the Deep. (This was one of the first films I ever reviewed and it remains one of my better ones! Not that presents much of a challenge. - Review here. It appears that the director only hired women whose first names started with "L.")

Linda Shayne
Lisa Glaser
Lynn Theel

The Boogens. (I've never even heard of this one!)

Rebecca Balding

Slumber Party Massacre

Brinke Stevens
Debra Deliso
Michelle Michaels

Variety

Charlotte Church seems to be the favorite of the paparazzi these days. Here are a few more of her in various bikinis.
Sadie Frost seems to be another target of the paparazzi. For some reason or another, Sadie always starts out fully dressed and always ends up with her clothes falling off.
Maribel Verdu is no stranger to nudity, but she's not showing very much this time, in Lysistrata
One of the most fondly remembered exploitation actresses, Cheryl Rainbeaux Smith, is seen here in Farewell, My Lovely
Movie Reviews

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

 

  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Other Crap
Weekly World News: "OOPS! DRUGSTORE CONFUSES SUPER GLUE WITH HEMORRHOID CREAM!"

Hear the original cast sing the songs from Monty Python's Spamalot

'Housewives' Star Longoria voted the sexiest female TV star of all time. Eva is hot, but "of all time"? I'm still goin' with Barbara Eden among the big TV stars. If I'm allowed to cite minor recurring characters, then I go with Farrah on Harry O, in her pre-Angel days - and I sure do wish they'd get that show on DVD!

:: The trailer for Grandma's Boy ::. Allen Covert film about a video game tester who has to move in with his grandma. Also features cameos from the usual gang of Adam Sandler Players: Kevin Nealon, Rob Schneider, David Spade.

Here's the trailer for Good Night, And Good Luck, Clooney's film about Ed Murrow. This might be good. David Strathairn seems to be pluperfect as Murrow, and I am impressed with what I saw of Clooney's direction.

Do you want to live in a house which is only five feet wide? About $900,000 will get you in there.

Borowitz: SURGEON FAILS TO SEPARATE BRAD AND ANGELINA ... Latest Case of Conjoined Celebrities Baffles Medical Experts

This week's movies (3200 screens): The Transporter 2 - no advance reviews, but probably a predictable commodity filled with adrenaline: wild over-the-top violence, highly improbable events, and physical feats outside the natural laws of the universe. I wouldn't expect the critics to be very enthusiastic, since they didn't even like the first one that much.

This week's movies (1300 screens): The Constant Gardener - 82% positive reviews.

  • It's an international political thriller, which means that the 82% score is meaningless, because with political thrillers critics tend to rate the politics, not the thrills. The high score tells me it is dutifully left-liberal, but reveals nothing either way about the quality of the film. Might be great, might not.

This week's movies (1200 screens). Underclassman - 0% positive reviews. (Only three reviews, but all harsh.)

  • EXAMPLE: "Siega's hackneyed, by-the-books action-comedy exhibits few intelligent thoughts in its dunce cap-deserving head."

This week's movies (800 screens) A Sound of Thunder - not enough reviews in yet. The one reviewer who saw this sci-fi time travel story damned it for cheap and obtrusive CGI. It does have an interesting premise and a decent cast: Gandhi, Ed Burns, Catherine McCormack.

The Weekend Warrior's box office predictions for the Labor Day weekend

  • As he sees it, Transporter 2 (wide release - 3200 screens) will take the #1 spot, and Virgin will easily hold on to #2 by putting a lot of distance between itself and The Brothers Grimm. He thinks The Constant Gardener will sneak into the #5 hole despite being on only 1300 screens, and he slots the unheralded Underclassman (1200 screens) into the #8 spot.
  • The other new release, A Sound of Thunder, will appear on 800 screens and is not expected to crack the top ten.

Another marijuana bust for Garfunkel.

  • I'm thinkin' maybe Artie is feelin' a little too fuckin' groovy. I have no problem with the old boy firing up some reefer, but I wish he'd stop doing it while he drives. Stop signs are much more useful to society if drivers actually stop, as opposed to driving through while admiring the sign's shape and colors.

Finally, a Naked Cowgirl has arrived to join the Naked Cowboy in Times Square. "Rejoice! They can play and frolic and live happily ever after. With lots of Naked Cowchildren."

Chicago White Sox hold Mullet Night this Friday. The first 500 patrons sporting a mullet get ridiculed even more than the others.

No celebrity penis update today, but we do have some breaking nipple news: Pamela Anderson says drinking espressos makes her nipples perky.

5 minutes with Shatner. Because you don't know Shat.

So what does Roger Ebert's home theater look like?

Martha's catchphrase revealed. Apparently, she will fire people by saying either "skip out, fluffy" to women or "take a powder, douchebag" to men.

The virtual Louvre in 360 degree panoramas. The images can be rotated horizontally or vertically, or in any diagonal combination, like the human eye itself. Fucking awesome.

Astro Pic o' the Day: " Seen at even slight magnification, Albireo unfolds from a bright single point into a beautiful double star of strikingly different colors. "

Letterman's "Top Ten Ways to Make the U.S. Open More Exciting"

  • Every day, Pat Robertson gets to kill one player
  • Eliminate coverage of matches, just keep camera on Maria Sharapova

The Bloodhound Gang, known for sexual innuendo, released a great song "Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo" (F.U.C.K.). You will probably never see this video on VH1.

Michael Jackson Candy Bar Fails to Attract. One commenter noted that it is, of course, white chocolate


Pat Reeder (comedy-wire.com)

Pat's comments in yellow:


RUBY SLIPPERS FROM "OZ" STOLEN
The "Holy Grail" of movie memorabilia, Judy Garland's ruby slippers from "The Wizard Of Oz," have been stolen from the Judy Garland Museum in Grand Rapids, Michigan.  They are one of four known pairs made for the movie, each valued at $1.5 million.  The thief somehow disabled an elaborate security system and ignored other memorabilia, taking only the shoes.  Their owner, collector Michael Shaw, said when you go to fan conventions, you wouldn't believe how fanatical and obsessed some people are with those shoes.

*  Police described the thief as armed and extremely gay.

 
SCHOOL ALLOWS STUDENTS TO CURSE TEACHERS  (CAREFUL! NOTE SUBJECT!)
The Weavers School in Northamptonshire, England, will allow pupils to swear at teachers. Officials claim it's a way to try to speak to troublesome teens at their own level.  Outraged parents and politicians called it ludicrous, saying it will undermine the teachers' authority.  But officials said teachers will only "tolerate, not condone" being cursed, they will keep a running total of the use of the f-word on the board where all the students can see, and students who say the f-word more than five times per class will be "spoken to" afterward.

*  And the students will reply, "F--- you!"




TOPLESS VIRGINS DANCE FOR KING
Monday, over 50,000 topless teenage virgins wearing nothing but beaded miniskirts danced in front of the 37-year-old King of Swaziland, in hopes he would pick them to be his 13th wife.  Critics say the ceremony, which he's held annually since 1999, is an embarrassment to the country and encourages teenage sex.  But the participants didn't let the nay-sayers ruin their romantic dreams.  One 16-year-old dancing virgin said, "I want to live a nice life, have money, be rich, have a BMW and cellphone. "

*  See?  No matter where you go in the world, all 16-year-olds are basically the same.
*  This is exactly how R. Kelly finds dates.




CHILDSIZE ROBOT CAN RUN YOUR HOUSE
Next month, Mitsubishi-Heavy Industries of Japan will introduce a three-foot-tall, child-shaped humanoid robot, the first robot with communications ability for home use.  The "Wakamaru" can recognize 10,000 words and up to 10 people's faces and talk to them.  It can remind you of your schedule, give you wake-up calls, and even work as a house sitter, monitoring the house for burglars and calling the police or ambulances if needed.  The cost is $14,300 (US).

*  Michael Jackson has ordered 20 of them.

 
STARVING DOESN'T MAKE YOU LIVE LONGER
Two researchers from UCLA and the University of California Irvine report that starving yourself won't help you live a lot longer.  Some studies showed that restricting calories made mice and worms live 50 percent longer than normal, and there are already groups of people cutting their calorie intake by one-third in hopes of living to 120.  However, the researchers say in humans, there are too many other complicated factors, and their mathematical models show that starving yourself would extend lifespan by only 7 percent at most.

*  And you'd be hungry 100 percent of the time.
*  It's just a few years, but it'll seem like fifty years.
*  Ironically, you'd spend every extra minute wishing you were dead.
*  Presenting The Immortal Teri Hatcher!


TOILET COLLEGE TO OPEN IN OCTOBER
The #1 School - In October, Singapore's World Toilet Organization will open the first Toilet College.  Channel NewsAsia reports that 30 students from a cleaning company be trained in restroom cleaning skills, from repairing leaky taps to removing urine salt build-up.  They plan to add courses on restroom architecture and design next year.  A spokesman said when the students graduate, they'll be ready to take care of the entire toilet.

*  So they'll have the same job prospects as a liberal arts major.
*  But then, they hit sort of a career plateau.
*  It's a steady career, and it pays 50 cents an hour.

DIRTIEST PLACE NAMES IN THE UK 
And I Thought Flushing Meadows Was Bad - Rob Bailey and Ed Hurts's new book "Rude Britain" explains the origins of the 100 rudest town and street names in the UK.  For instance, "Spital-in-the-Street" is old English for "Hospital on the Road."  Some other places in the top 100: Jeffries Passage, Brown Willy, Booty Lane, Mudchute, Honeypot Lane, Juggs Close, Little Bushey Lane, Hooker Road, Prickwillow, Old Sodom Lane, East Breast, Dicks Mount, Crapstone, Ogle Close, Pant, Feltwell, Mincing Lane, North Piddle, Upper Thong, Lower Swell, Lickers Lane, Hill O' Many Stanes, Happy Bottom, Feltham Close, Grope Lane, The Knob, Menlove Avenue, Pant-y-Felin Road, Titty Ho, Wetwang, Scratchy Bottom, Lickey End, Spanker Lane, Beaver Close, Back Passage, Fingringhoe, Muffs, Sandy Balls, and at #1, the town of Cocks.

*  The ancestral home of Tommy Lee.
*  This is why no village in England can keep a street sign for more than two days.
*  The Hill O' Many Stanes is where Bill Clinton used to take dates for picnics during his Oxford days.


STARS TO RELEASE CDs UNDER FAKE NAMES
In an attempt to thwart music pirates, early review copies of new CDs by Paul McCartney, Faith Hill, Alanis Morissette and Depeche Mode will be shipped under pseudonyms.  They will be labeled, respectively, as CDs by Pete Mitchell, Fern Holloday, Arthur Moore and Black Swarm.  Publicists admit the plan is not flawless: for instance, critics might ignore the CDs because they don't realize, say, that "Pete Mitchell" is really Paul McCartney.

*  Another flaw: the record pirates now know all the fake names.
 

Tuna

Currently on disability. If you'd like to get in touch with him, his email address is tuna@scoopy.com

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