Alert from the Mailbox

Scoop,

Callie Thorne had some pretty outstanding bikini shots on tonight's episode of Rescue Me. 

Any chance of putting out an APB?

Il Diavolo in Corpo (1986)

I guess I won't have to worry about writing a spoiler for this film, because I have no idea what the ending means.  With most movies that would have been a terrible disappointment, but in this case I didn't take it too hard, because I didn't really get the point of the middle of the movie either.

And the middle was less confusing than the beginning.

It's not that I didn't know what was going on, but rather that I just didn't have any idea why anyone would make a movie in which those things happen.

A high school student forms an attraction to a woman whose window overlooks the school. He follows her. They have some sex. She tells him that she is about to be married to a terrorist who is now on trial. The lad wonders why a terrorist's girlfriend has such a bourgeois apartment, and she replies that the terrorist's mom helped her pick it out. I guess terrorists get wedding presents, too. Makes sense if you think about it. Suppose your kid became a terrorist and then got married. You'd still have to come up with a wedding gift, right? But what? It's not like they register their favorite weapon pattern at a local army surplus store. An apartment seems to be as good as anything, because terrorists always need a hide-out. Anyway, her fiancé seems to be a semi-reformed terrorist who has apparently turned states' evidence against his fellow terrorists, and it appears that he may get off scot-free. The woman takes her high school aged lover to the terrorist's trial, where they build many wonderful and loving shared memories while they evaluate the pictorial evidence of innocent people massacred by terrorism.

This turns them on so much that they have some more sex.

The kid is really happy about the sex, but other things confuse him. For example, if he initiated the relationship with the woman when she was a complete stranger, why is she also having sex with his psychiatrist father in his office, or at least trying to. For another example, what's to happen to him when Mr. Hard-as-nails Terrorist gets out of prison and finds out some wimpy high school kid is banging his fiancee? That could get ugly.

In fact, the very thought of all that ugliness turns them on so much that they have sex. 

To avoid repeating myself further, let me cut to the chase and point out that the film contains about twenty minutes of sexual horseplay and nudity.

So it's got that goin' for it.

Not only does the point of the movie escape me, but I don't even understand the special features on this DVD. One of the main features is an interview with two terrorists! I didn't watch it, but I presume they are discussing the accuracy of the film's terrorism portrayal. Or maybe they are just sharing their favorite seafood recipes.

The film is considered memorable, if at all, for the fact that Maruschka Detmers fellated her co-star on camera in real time, marking the first time that a mainstream actress had done that deed in a major release. For that, and for the twenty minutes or so of nudity from the beautiful actress, the film is worth a watch, albeit with a thumb on the fast forward button.

 

Marushka Detmers collages:

Marushka Detmers videos (zipped .wmvs) Frontal and rear nudity. Detmers strips off for her lover/shrink Detmers sips on the Slurpee Straw d'Amour More frontal nudity. Detmers looking gorgeous in the "key" scene.

The MTV VMA show

One more from Sunday's music extravaganza. This time the see-through comes from the immortal Coco.

Today we take the Time Machine back to 1993 and Kate Beckinsale in "Uncovered".

The title is appropriate as the lovely Kate uncovers, for what I believe is the only  time in her career, those cute little titties.

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Pat's comments in yellow:


RUBY SLIPPERS FROM "OZ" STOLEN
The "Holy Grail" of movie memorabilia, Judy Garland's ruby slippers from "The Wizard Of Oz," have been stolen from the Judy Garland Museum in Grand Rapids, Michigan.  They are one of four known pairs made for the movie, each valued at $1.5 million.  The thief somehow disabled an elaborate security system and ignored other memorabilia, taking only the shoes.  Their owner, collector Michael Shaw, said when you go to fan conventions, you wouldn't believe how fanatical and obsessed some people are with those shoes.

*  Police described the thief as armed and extremely gay.

 
SCHOOL ALLOWS STUDENTS TO CURSE TEACHERS  (CAREFUL! NOTE SUBJECT!)
The Weavers School in Northamptonshire, England, will allow pupils to swear at teachers. Officials claim it's a way to try to speak to troublesome teens at their own level.  Outraged parents and politicians called it ludicrous, saying it will undermine the teachers' authority.  But officials said teachers will only "tolerate, not condone" being cursed, they will keep a running total of the use of the f-word on the board where all the students can see, and students who say the f-word more than five times per class will be "spoken to" afterward.

*  And the students will reply, "F--- you!"




TOPLESS VIRGINS DANCE FOR KING
Monday, over 50,000 topless teenage virgins wearing nothing but beaded miniskirts danced in front of the 37-year-old King of Swaziland, in hopes he would pick them to be his 13th wife.  Critics say the ceremony, which he's held annually since 1999, is an embarrassment to the country and encourages teenage sex.  But the participants didn't let the nay-sayers ruin their romantic dreams.  One 16-year-old dancing virgin said, "I want to live a nice life, have money, be rich, have a BMW and cellphone. "

*  See?  No matter where you go in the world, all 16-year-olds are basically the same.
*  This is exactly how R. Kelly finds dates.




CHILDSIZE ROBOT CAN RUN YOUR HOUSE
Next month, Mitsubishi-Heavy Industries of Japan will introduce a three-foot-tall, child-shaped humanoid robot, the first robot with communications ability for home use.  The "Wakamaru" can recognize 10,000 words and up to 10 people's faces and talk to them.  It can remind you of your schedule, give you wake-up calls, and even work as a house sitter, monitoring the house for burglars and calling the police or ambulances if needed.  The cost is $14,300 (US).

*  Michael Jackson has ordered 20 of them.

 
STARVING DOESN'T MAKE YOU LIVE LONGER
Two researchers from UCLA and the University of California Irvine report that starving yourself won't help you live a lot longer.  Some studies showed that restricting calories made mice and worms live 50 percent longer than normal, and there are already groups of people cutting their calorie intake by one-third in hopes of living to 120.  However, the researchers say in humans, there are too many other complicated factors, and their mathematical models show that starving yourself would extend lifespan by only 7 percent at most.

*  And you'd be hungry 100 percent of the time.
*  It's just a few years, but it'll seem like fifty years.
*  Ironically, you'd spend every extra minute wishing you were dead.
*  Presenting The Immortal Teri Hatcher!

TOILET COLLEGE TO OPEN IN OCTOBER
The #1 School - In October, Singapore's World Toilet Organization will open the first Toilet College.  Channel NewsAsia reports that 30 students from a cleaning company be trained in restroom cleaning skills, from repairing leaky taps to removing urine salt build-up.  They plan to add courses on restroom architecture and design next year.  A spokesman said when the students graduate, they'll be ready to take care of the entire toilet.

*  So they'll have the same job prospects as a liberal arts major.
*  But then, they hit sort of a career plateau.
*  It's a steady career, and it pays 50 cents an hour.

DIRTIEST PLACE NAMES IN THE UK 
And I Thought Flushing Meadows Was Bad - Rob Bailey and Ed Hurts's new book "Rude Britain" explains the origins of the 100 rudest town and street names in the UK.  For instance, "Spital-in-the-Street" is old English for "Hospital on the Road."  Some other places in the top 100: Jeffries Passage, Brown Willy, Booty Lane, Mudchute, Honeypot Lane, Juggs Close, Little Bushey Lane, Hooker Road, Prickwillow, Old Sodom Lane, East Breast, Dicks Mount, Crapstone, Ogle Close, Pant, Feltwell, Mincing Lane, North Piddle, Upper Thong, Lower Swell, Lickers Lane, Hill O' Many Stanes, Happy Bottom, Feltham Close, Grope Lane, The Knob, Menlove Avenue, Pant-y-Felin Road, Titty Ho, Wetwang, Scratchy Bottom, Lickey End, Spanker Lane, Beaver Close, Back Passage, Fingringhoe, Muffs, Sandy Balls, and at #1, the town of Cocks.

*  The ancestral home of Tommy Lee.
*  This is why no village in England can keep a street sign for more than two days.
*  The Hill O' Many Stanes is where Bill Clinton used to take dates for picnics during his Oxford days.


STARS TO RELEASE CDs UNDER FAKE NAMES
In an attempt to thwart music pirates, early review copies of new CDs by Paul McCartney, Faith Hill, Alanis Morissette and Depeche Mode will be shipped under pseudonyms.  They will be labeled, respectively, as CDs by Pete Mitchell, Fern Holloday, Arthur Moore and Black Swarm.  Publicists admit the plan is not flawless: for instance, critics might ignore the CDs because they don't realize, say, that "Pete Mitchell" is really Paul McCartney.

*  Another flaw: the record pirates now know all the fake names.
 

Currently on disability. If you'd like to get in touch with him, his email address is tuna@scoopy.com

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