"L. A. Story"
L. A. Story (1991) was also written by Steve Martin, and followed Roxanne. It is a comic homage to LA and a romantic comedy which worked for me on both levels. Martin is a comedy TV weatherman. He tapes a weekend forecast in advance figuring the LA weather never changes, and a freak rainstorm costs him his job. Meanwhile, he discovers that his girlfriend has been sleeping with his agent for three years, then meets Sarah Jessica Parker who is much younger than him and has an affair. Enter the true love of his life (and his then real life wife), Victoria Tennant. My own time spent in LA probably added to my enjoyment of the film. I grew up to the same weather report nearly every morning: "Night and early morning low clouds and scattered fog giving way to hazy sunshine by mid-morning. The high today will be 72, with an overnight low of 64. Light to moderate eye irritation."
The film is packed with jokes, some of them very subtle. In an early scene Martin gets up, gets in his car, and drives three houses to his girlfriend's house. It would be easy to miss the first time through, but it is true. Nobody walks in LA. They have a park for stationary bicycles. Martin waits in line at an ATM. There is a second line of robbers. After Martin gets his cash, a robber approaches and says,"Hi, I'm Bruce, and I'll be your robber tonight."
Martin to his girl friend: "I could never be a woman. If I were, I would do nothing but sit at home all day playing with my breasts."
Martin to his girl friend: "That's exactly like licking a shag carpet." (about a health food drink which later kills the plant Martin pours it into).
Martin to group: "When I see a painting like this I get emotionally erect."
Martin to SanDeE*: "Sandy, your breasts feel weird."
SanDeE*: "Oh, that's because their real."
The DVD transfer is very good. I would have liked to see a commentary from Martin, but the making of featurette and production notes almost made up for it. Nudity is provided by Cheryl Baker, who is in a changing room with the door ajar. Parker shows a lot of cleavage and some pokies. IMDb readers have this at 6.8 of 10. This, and another Steve Martin film, Mixed Nuts, are among my favorite romantic comedies. This may say more about the way I am bent than the quality of the film. C+.
Sarah Jessica Parker
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Sweet November (2001):
November" is a remake of a 1968 movie with Anthony Newley and
Sandy Dennis, which I've never seen, primarily because of a medically
unexplained allergy to both Anthony Newley and Sandy Dennis. Or maybe
I have seen it, but I seem not to have any memories of the entire year
of 1968, a condition which I believe to be related to the ingestion of
preventative glaucoma medication.
Look, let me be
honest here. I don't like weepy-ass dyin' woman movies, and I don't
like "kooky woman brings new dimension to the life of uptight
asshole" movies. I've never seen one of either that I could
stand, and this is both, so watching it was an excruciatingly painful
experience, and I spent a lot of time talking back to the TV, and
occasionally throwing things at it.
Back in college, I
once beat a guy senseless just because he liked "The Sterile
Cuckoo". He was a great guy, a good friend, and if he had
survived the beating he probably would have discovered a cure for
cancer or overpopulation, but there are some things a man just has to
do. I couldn't allow somebody with kooky-woman-likin' genes
to breed, could I? The police investigated, and at first declared it a
great tragedy, but when I told them the reason, they ended up giving
me one of those special Mayor's awards for cleaning up the city. They
covered it up in the press by saying the guy was a war criminal, and I
had brought him to justice.
Which, in a sense, was true.
Well this movie IS
"The Sterile Cuckoo", cross-bred with "Love
Story", and then overlaid with
the offbeat friends from "Four Weddings and a Funeral".
I am not kidding when I say it has ALL of the following:
1. a cute puppy who softens the heart of a real scrooge.
2. a bravely dyin' woman.
3. a kooky woman who brings new life to an uptight guy with a Type-A
4. a wide-eyed little boy desperate for an adult man to be his
5. the de rigueur zany but compassionate transvestite
Honest to God, they got every one of those in the same movie. The
only item missing from the "flagrant appeals for sympathy" is Nazis.
Thankfully, Charlize Theron did not defeat any Nazis at any time
during the course of this film, but I'm sure that is only because
the writer never thought to make the evil Frank Langella character a
former SS officer. He was certainly one-dimensional and arrogant
Bubba, unless you
have a predilection for this kind of stuff, this is a bad as it gets.
It is just about as blatantly insincere and contrived as a syrupy
Hollywood chick-flick can be.
And yet, I have mixed feelings about
the movie. It is so obviously churned out by the Hollywood assembly
line as a mass-manufactured product, yet it does throw its heart in
the right place. It is not mean or violent, and its only message is
that we should love more, and bring the people we love closer to us.
It's really hard, even for a scrooge like me, to be completely
mean to anyone with a message so naively gentle in an all too
Note: With this score, I have
tried to distinguish between what I like and what others might like.
The film is false, but you may have some tolerance for that. You
might like "kooky chick and uptight guy" movies. You might even like
weepy-ass dyin' woman movies. If you do, this one has solid production
values, beautiful locales, and capable stars.
Charlize Theron (1,
3). According to Charlize and Keanu, they did a bathtub
sex scene that they were very proud of because it was genuine and
emotional. Unfortunately, it was chopped to get a PG-13 rating, and
there are no deleted scenes on the DVD, so that footage may be lost
forever. The only remaining nudity consists of these three
accidental appearances of Charlize's breasts - each lasting as
little as two frames - therefore pretty much unnoticeable without
The best John Kerry Jokes - Late-Night Comics Joke
About John Kerry
The 100 Best George W. Bush Jokes: 2000-2004
Where on Earth Weird and Dead Stuff:
"A 190 page shopping journey of weird, lovely and dead stuff, from
shrunken heads to cameos, from sharks teeth to opal, ivory,
dichroic glass and amber jewelry, from alien stuff to rocks, from
prehistoric doo-doo to jewelry boxes...prepare for a journey to
all continents and eras... "
Your Vote Matters. Here's how to register. Info for
Weekend Box Office August 27-29, 2004 = Hero wins
the run for the roses. Hero did $18 million,
Anacondas $13 million for the #2 spot. Suspect Zero and Baby
Geniuses 2 did poorly, as expected and probably deserved.
Tony Blair kicks the shit out of the Italian
Three German Olympians in the buff!
- Step aside, Shatner, and listen to
the song stylings of Steven Seagal.
Even if you skip the sample song, you have to see the album cover.
- This subtle headline from the NY Post.
SEX-CRAZED SECRETS OF BADGE-LUST 'BUNNIES'
ad-awards.com __ the finest TV advertising
"Stairway to Heaven", as written by Schubert,
Beethoven, Mahler, Bizet, and Glenn Miller. This
guy did a tremendous job on these variations. Genius!!
John Lautner Architectural Foundation: Chemosphere
Residence. This house is featured prominently in
a rather famous movie.
The Gallery of Natural Arches and Bridges
- Do you have enough bushes in your garden? Add one more with
George W. Bush Yard and Garden Gnomes
BBC's "Outtake TV" - six video clips.
Thirty Great Crapolae Of Our Time
Bjork's new album has no instruments at all.
Roger Ebert gets the whole truth from Vincent Gallo
(Ebert called Gallo's film the worst in the history of the Cannes
Film Festival. And that would be some serious shit, because some
years even the Cannes winners are complete shit.)
Cool astronomy picture today - the complete cycle
of lunation in time-lapse photography
'Gloria' singer Laura Branigan has died. She was
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
NOTE: because of a unique combination of
circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial
bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip
format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a
you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in
the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.
I know this is not especially convenient, but it
allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from
hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some
reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not
play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory
work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this
new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want
to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips
Some interesting variety from
... and one from someone
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
Lust: The Movie was made in 1997, or 1998 or maybe
even 1999. Point is: it was made. Tried to be a
comedy, something like Dream On. Even got an actor
who looks a little like Brian Benben. Made the whole
thing seem like an online fantasy, in the days when
laptops were big and clunky and wireless was still a
fantasy-- but our hero still manages to call up all
forms of moving images while wired to nothing. Well
ahead of the curve, this movie.
Nothing about it is very funny. And the attempts to
render virtual reality as images with a bad halo
'round them is just plain annoying. All would have
been lost had I grabbed this mama for its comedic
value. That was not the case. 'Stead, I got it
because Scorpion capped it a looong time ago and there
was Blake Pickett... who I love as a brunette and
tolerate as a blonde... lolling around in front of the
Now that is something. Blake, who goes by many other
names, was a VJ on the Nashville channel and had some
modelling things going on, so to see her in the
altogether woulda been worth the cost, even if it were
only for a frame a two.
It's not. Blake is teetotally naked for about ten
minutes, with her furry bits on camera for half that
time. Some real closeups, too, but blocked expertly
in that case so that you see the fur but not the
holiest of holies. Oh to see what the cameraman saw.
And that's not all. Lust: The Movie has a complete
lineup of late 90's B movie gals. We got your Tane
McClure, your Gabriella Hall, your Tamara Landry, your
Monique Parent and best of all, we got your Kim
Dawson. Gabriella's is a single B performance,
Tane's a double B, but the others: triple B all the
This movie is also something of a lesson in
robohooterness. Gabriella and Kim are naturals. And
why not? Or rather, why mess with perfection? The
others are surgically enhanced, with varying degrees
of obviousness to it all. But none of them is
laughable. In fact, Tamara is a walking advertisement
for her own plastic and reconstructive dude, because
if your gonna have it done, you might as well look
like Tamara when it's all over. So it's not the
augmentation, per se, that pisses me off: it's the
descent into the ridiculous that some gals take. In
this movie, ridiculous is avoided.
But I digress. Lust: The Movie is in no danger of
being remembered for it's wit or style. If you're
after funny or compelling or intriguing, look
elsewhere. if'n you're after hooters and bums and a
whole lot o' bush, however; this is the place for you.
My only complaint is that the movie appears to come
only in the ancient form of storage, called videotape.
This one cries out for a first-rate DVD.
The exposure run-down:
Blake Pickett: Nine collages. Hooters in 1, 2, 4 and
6. Bum in 5. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge in 3 and 6-9;
you just gotta see 7 & 8.
Gabriella Hall: a single collage of her all-natural
hooties. She plays a virtual lap-dancer.
Kim Dawson: her own, all-natural mighty-fine's in all
four collages, with some fur showing in 1 and 2.
Monique Parent plays a secretary, seduced by a
one-foot-tall guy who plays a piano (a foot-long
pianist, ya see) and settles for our hero before his
boss finds them and fires him. I think. It was all
so confusing. Full-frontal in collages 1 and 2,
single frame of her mini in 3 and Monique all dolled
up in leather with handcuffs in 4.
- Monique Parent
Tamara Landry also plays a virtual lapdancer. Full
frontal in collage 1, hooters and bum in 2, hooters
only in 3.
And last up is Tane McClure. Robohooters in all 3. A
bit o' bum in the last.
'Caps and comments by Spaz:
Bliss: episode Three
The final installment of season two.
This episode is about a threesome but unfortunately not two girls and a guy. It would have been better if it
was called "Four" and included her sister Tamara Podemski (who showed skin in Johnny
Hunger: episode Skin Deep
From the Smoke, Mirrors and Paranoia DVD collection.
"Mambo Italiano" (2003)
Comedy about being Italian and gay.
Newfie actress and comedian Mary Walsh (This Hour Has
22 Minutes) was dreadfully miscast as a Sicilian mother.
No male or female nudity.
"Ginger Snaps II: Unleashed" (2004)
Sequel to Ginger Snaps but with Katharine Isabelle in a only a small
role leaving Emily Perkins to carry the movie. The highlight/lowlight
is a dream sequence with all the female inmates masturbating
(hands in pants only). No nudity except for Emily Perkins
sitting nude on toilet showing partial breasts.
"Criminal Instinct: The Wandering Soul Murders"
Third installment in the Joanne Kilborn series
starring Wendy Crewson. For sweater fans only.
"It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time" (1975)
Early John Candy comedy with Isaac "Chef" Hayes.
Some cuts have more nudity of Ann Marie Sten.
Canadian scoopsters may remember her as
the Canadian socialite who scored big by marrying a famous
banker only to have earlier nude modeling photographs
surface showing her full frontal.
"Terminal Invasion" (2002)
Sci-fi thriller which seems to take place
on the set of the old tv series Wings
with Star Trek DS9's Chase Masterson playing
a babe helicopter pilot.
The highlight of the movie is at the
x-ray scanner when Sarah Lafleur's nipples
quickly stood to attention through her thick sweater.
"Dead Silent" (1999)
Dreadful Rob Lowe thriller. He should have stuck to home movies.
Cleaning up my hard drive....
|'Caps and comments by Figgiscaps:
Judge for yourself. Possible Neve toplessness. It's from a flash-trailer, so the quality is stone-age, looks like the good old nucscans.
|The young actress looking fantastic in a bikini (1-6) showing cleavage (#8) and wearing very tight pants (#7 and #9) in scenes from one of our new favorite comedies, "Eurotrip" (2004). Click here for the Scoopy.com review.
|Señor Skin 'caps of the former model turned actress showing brief breast views in scenes from the direct-to-vid Eric Roberts movie, "The Flying Dutchman" aka "Frozen in Fear" (2001).