TV Round-Up

Shockingly, there was no nudity from any of the usual Sunday night sources. Even True Blood was flesh-free!


Flash Fire

1981 or 1982 (opinions vary, as Dalton would say)

aka "A Dangerous Summer"

Another from my grade-Z DVD collection. If you threw 100 DVDs in a pile at random and this happened to be one of them, it would almost certainly be the worst, unless you accidentally included a third generation bootleg copy of Manos: the Hands of Fate.

First, the quality of the DVD is abysmal. It looks like the work of an amateur attempt to convert VHS to DVD, and even that is a kind appraisal, because I have converted many VHS tapes and none of them came out this bad.

Second, even if the source had been remastered by the technical team of James Fucking Cameron, it would still be a dogshit movie. Only the leads seem to be professional actors, and the editing in the second half is utterly incomprehensible. Some scenes appear to end in the middle, other crucial scenes appear to be missing, and other scenes don't seem to belong in the film at all. There are all sorts of continuity errors, including the dreaded day/night flips. It's nearly impossible to figure out what is supposed to be happening, and the key plot lines don't seem to get resolved at the end.

The plot involves an arson scheme. Two partners build a hotel. One is a legitimate architect/contractor who sees the hotel as a dream project, but the other is simply looking to over-insure the hotel, burn it down, and collect the long green. The insurance company is not convinced. Blah, blah, blah. The evil partner, the master schemer, seemed to get away completely scot-free at the end, adding to the general frustration of watching this film. Were they planning a sequel? Talk about optimism.

It's rated 3.0 at IMDb, which is low, but not low enough to make the all-time Bottom 100 at IMDb. That high a score must be just out of pity for poor old James Mason, who somehow ended up in this chaotic mess as the insurance investigator. I scored the film 1/10, because there are no lower scores. The director of this film, Quentin Masters, also did The Stud, the Joan Collins film based on a novel written by Joan's sister, Jackie. That film is rated even lower at IMDb than this one. Whatever happened to Mr. Masters? based on his IMDb credits, he seems to have left the industry at age 38, about a year after directing Flash Fire. Or perhaps he wisely changed his name, assumed a new identity, and started over.

Again we use Tuna's old caps as thumbnails.

Wendy Hughes, the best thing about the film, was killed off early when she started to "know too much."



Kim Deacon provided gratuitous nudity in a minor role

some other naked chick got caught in a fire (no thumbnails)


  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.




First  Name Carmen


Maruschka Detmers, 640x480. See below.



Feeling Sexy


Feeling Sexy is a 45 minute short film from 1999 about Vicki (Susie Porter), an artist who falls for and marries Greg (Tamblyn Lord), but two kids down the track and the relationship is feeling stale. When Vicki takes an art teacher's job (for adults), she spies one of her students and falls head over lust for him and they begin an affair. She thinks that this will reignite her own spark, but it doesn't and she tells all to her husband who becomes distrusting of her. So, it is up to Vicki to find a way around the problems they are having and reignite the passion they once had and she does this in her own unique way. Interesting little film brought to life by the always great Susie Porter (of The Monkey's Mask, Welcome To Woop Woop and pretty much every show on Australian TV at the moment) who pretty much owns this film. The character of Vicki has a great vibe about her (even when she does wrong), and her never give up attitude leads to an interesting ending.

Susie Porter film clips. Collages below


Film Clips

Indira Varma in Canterbury Tales, 2003. See below.

Catherine Spaak in Il gatto a nove code (1971) in 1080p. See below.


Supermodel Joan Smalls

Lindsay Soleil in The Chameleon, 2010


Sunny Mabry in Mad Men, season three

Nico in Striptease, 1963